PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[cdt1101]

Robbie - I feel you girl...I''m not angry really, but I do feel very upset about going back to work. I totally don''t think it''s fair to Lex that we had him just to have strangers be w/ him more than mommy and daddy. But I honestly didn''t anticipate feeling this way AT ALL when we decided to TTC. And I''m 30 already (DH 36), so I just didn''t want to wait any longer. Our situation is a little different in that I "could" stay home, but it would mean not being able to buy a house anytime soon (we own a condo, but it''s not in a good school district/neighborhood at all, so we want out..also we only have 2 bedrooms). It would also mean not having much, if any disposable income right now. For us, right now anyway, we want to move and save some more before we''d be comfortable w/ me staying home. The current plan is for me stay home when number 2 comes along. I feel like you in that I just wouldn''t feel comfortable having 2 and going back to work.

It''s so weird though, since where I live ALL of my friends work and have at least 2 kids. Cost of living is super high, so that plays a role (but salaries are bigger too). I''ve just been really surprised w/ how content I feel being a SAHM the past 6 months. I have ZERO desire to return to work, and I''m interested to see how I feel once I go back in 1 1/2 weeks. Right now I fear that I will become angry/resentful for not being able to stay home (right now).

Mgal also mentioned daycare w/ 2...it''s freakin INSANE!!! We are paying $1,100/month for Lex and if we had 2, they''d offer 10% off of the lower tuition (since it goes down as they get older). So we''d easily be paying $2,000/month if we had 2! And this place isn''t even the most expensive we seen..not even close. Our 1 choice was $1,700/month...we just couldn''t justify the cost...unless they were going to make our baby Einstein or something

It''s insane. But like I said ALL of my friends do it, and don''t feel guilty about it....that I know of.

The thing I keep trying to tell myself is that I''m going to back to work "for Lex." Purely from a financial standpoint, but that''s important too (although not most important obviously)..if that makes sense??

Sorry about all the rambling, I hope you come to terms w/ your situation. We can vent together soon

Hang in there and HUGS!!

 

[MustangGal]

cdt - WOW, day care is expensive in your area! I''m paying about $550 a month for a certified SAHM to watch him. A center here goes for about $800 a month. I went back to work FT when Kyle was 8 weeks old, and I don''t feel angry or resentful. It is nice to have "me" time and adult conversations. I also live close to work/day care, so I don''t waste time commuting that could be spent with the baby. I drop off at 7am and DH picks up at 3:30pm, so while he does spend a large amount of time at day care, it could be worse.


So question for all you moms... I just found out that my company offers a really good tuition reimbursement program, so I could basically earn an MBA for free. Would I be crazy to go back to school now? My mom said this would be the time, before we have soccer games and homework to deal with. It would be internet based, one class at a time, and take 2 years. And even if I stopped in the middle, the company would pay for all classes I finish with a passing grade. I didn''t really think I would continue on to get a Masters, but the thought is tempting. Kyle goes to bed at 7:30pm each night, so I could do my homework after he goes to bed, and not have to steal time away from him to do it.

 

[Mrs]

hi all! CIO Update: Last night was night # 2 for us (even though I did kinda cheat the first night and gave her the boob for a minute or two.) and she did much better than I thought she would. She cried herself to sleep according to DH who put her to bed since I wasn't home. She woke at 12:15 and cried off and on for 30 minutes but her cries were never very loud. She woke again at 2:15 when I (stupidly) tried to soothe her without the boob but quickly learned that I was just making her more upset. She cried pretty hard but was back asleep in 15 min. She woke again at 5:15 and babbled angrily for a while. I went in there to check on her at 5:35 since she was quiet and I thought she was back asleep but she was awake and since she saw me I went ahead and fed her. She ate well and fell back asleep at the breast. She slept until 7:15 when I went in there to wake her and she seemed well rested and happy! So she cried just over an hour in total and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be!! Yay! Here's hoping tonight's even better!

DD, thanks for your thoughts on gaging! Like Hunter, Sage wasn't eating as well during the day as she should and she wasn't all that hungry at 7 before so I'm hoping this improves her day time eating. I totally hear you about missing the night time feedings. As much as I want to sleep through the night, I too really enjoyed the closeness we shared in those night time feedings when there were no distractions, just the two of us snuggled up together... re: trying for #2. When I lost my job, I thought we should just get pregnant ASAP but I still haven't gotten my cycle back and now we're thinking it would be best for us to wait a little longer. Ideally (if I get one of the two jobs I've been interviewing for) we will start TTC when Sage is about 18 mos. We'll see.

Pandora Thanks for your comments about BLW.

Mela, great pics!! Too funny!

Blen, I'm sorry to hear George is sick!

I hope he feels better soon!

ctd, I'm glad day care is working out!! That's great even if it is expensive! We were paying even more for Sage when I went back to work. I was in a similar situation as you - didn't have to go back but wanted to in order to be able to afford a house, etc, It was hard to go back but I'm glad I did even if it was just for a short time before I lost my job. I told myself I would give it 3 months in order to give working full time a real shot. Perhaps you could do the same and if you find you want to be home after that, then at least you'll be able to make an informed decision.

robbie, It stinks that you're feeling so angry right now but it's totally understandable. I only worked full time for a month when Sage was 3 to 4 months old and I remember feeling the same way. I had NO time for the baby, no time for DH, and no time for myself. I felt like all I ever did when I was home was wash bottles and pump parts and do laundry and it made me feel really resentful... (Writing that down makes me wonder why I'm thinking about going back to work...) I hope things get better for you soon. And I hope you're able to go on that trip! Having a vacation to look forward to might make you feel better.

Mgal, I'm glad Kyle is back to sleeping until 6!

Hoping you're all well!
Mrs

 

[fieryred33143]

Robbie

I know how you feel. Before I even thought about having a baby, I told myself that I never, ever want to be a SAHM for various reasons. One, I busted my insanely large behind in HS and college to get to my career and I didn''t want to give that up. And two, while my mom was very fortunate with a husband that respected the amount of work it takes to be a fulltime mom in my circle that is not the norm. Most of the men expected their wives to be a full time mommy, cook, maid, and wife. No thank you.

But then I had Sophia and I would give any and everything to stay home with her. Don''t get me wrong I am very grateful that I have a job and a good one at that. But missing out on all of her little discoveries and milestones while I sit in an office is heartbreaking. I missed out on her first laugh while MIL proudly told me that she "dies of laughter" everyday. I was thrilled when I saw her discover her feet only to find she had been doing it for days. I also have a love/hate relationship with everything that MIL is teaching her. On one hand she''s learning. On the other hand I''m not the one showing her new things.

I also have an irrational fear that when I pick her up she won''t want to go with me. She''s such an easy baby and LOVES everyone. I''m scared she''ll reject me.

It also doesn''t help that flex hours doesn''t exist with my company. You are required to be there between 8:30 and 9 but there is an unspoken rule that you do not leave before 6pm. And I sometimes have to work until 9 waiting to talk to our singapore office. And then there''s the internal battle of wanting to bf but having a demanding job. I have pumped on the road in my car, in empty conferences, in bathroom stalls standing up with my bag hanging on the door (totally gross btw). It''s worth the sacrifice for Sophia but just not manageable anymore.

The guilt is overwhelming but I just try to cherish the moments I do have with her. At night I sometimes touch her little toes or bring her face against mine just so that I can soak in how tiny she is now. And I try ("try") to just remember that even though she has reached a milestone with everyone else the first time she does it for me is the first time in my mind.

Anyway, sorry for the book lol. I just really know how you feel.

 

[Dreamer_D]

re 2 kids and working

I love my job and don''t really want to stay home long term, nor would it be feasable financially since right now I make about 50% more than DH and we own a house is a *very* expensive city. Childcare costs ~$1000 for an infant, but for a 3 year old it is about 700, so when we have two kids in daycare it will be $1700, and that will only be for a couple of years, then Hunter will be in school. We will make it work because that short-term sacrifice is well worth the joy of children.

I am definitely sad about leaving Hunter in daycare though. I would prefer to work more like part time. And in my job, because there is not a set schedule, I will probably not work at 100% capacity when the kids are young. I know I will only be working part time hours this winter. My publication record is really good and I have collaborations going on with colleagues elsewhere that have kept things coming while I was on leave, and I have some things planned for the period between mat leaves, so I think even working at less than 100% capacity I should still be able to get tenure. They also stop the tenure clock when you are on maternity leave, so that helps.

But in the end I think of having a family as a long term thing... yes working means less time with my toddlers. But it means a happy mom, and a good role model. And I will be a parent who is overjoyed to see her kids and can''t wait to spend time with them, which I think will be better for them than having a mom who is a little frazzled and needs a break -- and thats what I would be like if I were a SAHM.

Pandora Most of the reason to have them closer together for me is my age, I would prefer to have all my kids by 35 and we want the option of having 3 if we want -- but also my job. I will be taking another mat leave pre-tenure and I think it is better to do it earlier than later. Funny that knowing what you know now you *don''t* want to do it again. I figure knowing what I know now -- that the infant stage is over so quickly, that newborns are easy (feed, change, repeat), that they *will* sleep through the night -- having a second will be a piece of cake

At least from a psychological pov. I do think it is a heck of a lot more work though! But being experienced makes me think it is easier because everything isn''t so dramatic, new, and unknown.

robbie Well I think that I might also feel angry in your shoes, having to do something I didnt want to do. It sucks! But you really only have two options: Change how you view your situation, somehow, and find peace; or change the situation. Sometimes there are solutions to situations if you are willing to let go of some things that you have assumed are a given or necessity. Blen and her DH moved in with fmaily. I think if I really didn''t want to work then we would downsize our home to a small condo and make it work; lots of families in New York, Paris, London live in very small spaces. So perhaps there are things you can change to have the lifestyle you want. Perhaps you can change jobs, maybe the housework doesn''t need to get done

... anyways, I am not saying it is simple or easy, but there is no point in living life feeling angry or resentful. Change is possible, even when it seems difficult.

 

[cdt1101]

Mgal - yeah, it is expensive, but so is everything else where we live...it''s a rat race and I really don''t like it, but DH has a really good job and our family is in the state, although 2 hours away. RE: MBA, I say do it now. I have friends w/ toddlers and young school age kids and now w/ all the activities they''d never be able to do...too much running around w/ the kids (for their school/sport activities).

Mrs - The schedule you had when working is what i''m afraid of! My DH works really long hours, plus he works in the city so his commute is longer than mine (waiting for trains and such). So I really have no choice but to do everything myself during the week. I''m overwhelmed by my schedule and I haven''t even started yet! I don''t know...I guess I should see how it goes before I feel so negative about going back to work. My DH has said to give it 6 months and then see if I "really" can''t make it work for a couple of years. I know I shouldn''t be so whiny and childish about it, but it''s hard. It did help seeing Lex so fascinated w/ the other babies at daycare. He''s a really social baby in general so I think he gets bored w/ just me at home anyway

Fiery - your post made me cry

They are little for such a short time, that''s why I''d rather suck it up and sacrifice now, but DH feels the opposite (more work when older, so stay home then...I don''t know). Lex has been waking up this week 1 time a night and I secretly don''t mind since I cuddle w/ him for awhile, he''s not very cuddly normally, but in the middle of the night he is...love it! How''s it going w/ your MIL?

Dreamer - I was sad about daycare too, but we have no choice since we don''t have family close enough to help. But Lex seemed to do really well on Monday and I feel at ease when I''m there (when I was just looking as well as when I dropped him off). I was a mess all morning Monday (crying), but once I got there I was fine. So for me, my "gut" is telling me he''s going to be just fine there! Not as good as mommy of course, but I have no doubt he''ll thrive.

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

Blen, thank you for the lovely compliment. I enjoy helping people because 1) I really love new moms and babies and it thrills me to see a new mom realize that she *can* do mothering very well, and 2) I had no one to turn to with my first and I wish someone would have been there with some help and encouragement.

I hope your little guy feels better soon!

MustangGal, if you can do it, go back to school! I don''t think you will ever regret it. Even if you did have to juggle soccer games and homework at the same time, I would encourage it because I think the end result is good for everyone. Kids need to see their moms doing their own thing -- it''s a great example for them.

Fiery, I understand how you feel. It''s hard to be a working mom and miss out on some of your baby''s firsts. One thing that I think is good for day care providers to do is NOT tell the parent if their child has done something new that day. Let the child do it for the parent another time.

I can assure you that no matter how much your MIL might teach Sophia, NO ONE will ever take your place. I had the same fear, not with a grandparent, but with my older kids'' stepmom. I thought, "Well, now they have her so they don''t even need me." I found out that it''s not true. Their lives have been enriched by having their stepmom and her family love them and my relationship with them hasn''t changed. If your child has many people to love her, she''s a very lucky girl.

I think the most important thing in the decision to stay home or keep working is whether Mom is happy and fulfilled. I stayed home for 4 years with my 4th child and had a great time, but I also felt like I was stagnating. Now I have to work because SO and I must contribute to the care and feeding of 8 -- almost 9 -- kids.

I am extremely lucky to work for a company that is very family oriented. Everyone there understands if I have to take time off to do something for the kids. I work at home most of the time, and am planning to only take a week of maternity leave because I can keep the baby home while I work (and SO works at home so he can help). When I was pumping for my 3 year old, I had an office with a door and no one ever bothered me. I also went to day care every day at lunch to nurse him. My co-workers know that after February when I travel to train customers I will be telling them that I need to take 30 minute breaks in the morning and afternoon plus have a private office to use to pump. It''s hard to find a job where this is totally acceptable, so I don''t plan to leave the company any time soon!

 

[Pandora II]

Just wanted to say that my heart breaks for all you guys who have to go back to work so quickly - I''m only just starting to feel okay with the idea of getting a babysitter once in a while now and D is 6 months.

I never ever believed that I would like to be a SAHM, but I actually love being with her and don''t miss work at all - although work was a lot less ''work'' IYKWIM...

Due to all the legal crap I don''t have a job to go back to and I haven''t a hope of getting anything in the same sector (very incestuous world where there are no secrets) so I''m going to think about something new and part-time in the Spring. Hopefully in the jewellery or design arenas. We could just about afford for me not to work, but it would be very tight. Our apartment is only 700 sq ft and two bedrooms and yet our mortgage looks like someone''s phone number

(Another reason for not having another kid), but with DH''s job we have to live near the centre - he gets home around midnight 2 or 3 nights a week because of work events and that isn''t feasible if we lived in the suburbs.

Hey ho... I suppose what really irritates me is that we worked for so many years to afford to have a house and enough money to give our child the best start in life, and yet my tax £££s are going towards allowing a load of layabouts to breed like rabbits and have the state support them in every way possible. Until last year we lived in a flat we owned on a welfare project and our next-door neighbour had 3 kids with different men, spent all day yelling at them and getting drunk, the police raided on a regular basis and she''d never done a days work in her life - and she lived FOR FREE in an exact same house that we were paying through the nose for. Grrrrrrr.... oh, and she gets free childcare because they are ''disadvantaged''

 

[Sabine]

Is it crazy that I think I might not want another baby? Dh thinks it is, but he keeps saying it''s because he doesn''t want Jacks to be an only child, and I tell him there''s a difference between that and wanting another baby. It''s weird, I really loved being pregnant and will actually be sad to not experience that again, and I''ve loved being with Jacks these months, but I just don''t know if I want to do it again. Dh and I also talk about adoption as another option as well.

So are there any "big" toys that are fun around this age other than the jumperoo/exersaucer?

My mil told me to start thinking what Jacks would want for christmas, and she wants to get him something big. We need an umbrella stroller and a convertible car seat, but I have a feeling she won''t be happy unless she gets him something fun.

As for working...I love being at home with Jacks, but I miss having a job as part of my identity, and being a SAHM is actually a lot harder than I thought. It''s exhausting, yet not really mentally stimulating, but I love being home, but I resent not getting out of the house without the baby, etc. With my dh''s job and the fact that he might be deployed starting next year I''m sure I''ll stay home until Jacks starts school, and I know how lucky I am to be able to, but I''m also a bit jealous of those of you who have jobs you love that you went back to.

 

[cdt1101]

RockPaper - you are a rockstar!!! Seriously, all of those kiddos, one on the way, and you work! That's unbelievable!

definitely agree w/ you re: "mommy being fulfilled." That's what I worry about because I've felt very content/fulfilled since being at home. I'm worried when I go back to work I'm going to be frenzied and b*tchy

At lot of my worry is because I never liked my job to begin w/, so adding wanting to be home w/ my son, I just think I'm setting myself up for disappointment. But I'm "trying" to be positive! Not going so well

Sabine - No not weird! My BFF is just like you, she has a son and is absolutely done (he's a year old). She had a REALLY difficult pregnancy (incompetent cervix) and then her son was born premmie. He had TERRIBLE reflux, as well as a couple of other medical issues that required minor surgery to fix. She just doesn't want to go thru that ever again. I honestly can't say I blame her. And she says the same thing to people who say things like "oh he needs a sibling" (not a reason to have another!). Luckily though her DH is fine w/ just one

ETA - Ebree - Henry is seriously GORG!!! He's just so cute! And I hear you on the (!) on crawling! But Lex seriously WILL NOT STAY STILL for even a minute, so we knew he'd find a way to start moving early!

 

[E B]

Lysser- I'm sorry about your MIL. Just one more day until you're back to your (immediate) fam. That little man of yours is such a doll.

mela- Henry's got all the teething signs that Romeo's experiencing, but no sign of teeth. They've got to pop up eventually, right? How funny that you caught spit-up on camera! He's so cute. Fingers crossed your friend's bean stays stuck- she's in my thoughts.

Blen- Poor George.

I hope he feels better soon.

dreamer- We were planning on TTC #2 around H's 2nd birthday, but a friend was just raving about a 2.5 year age difference between kids, so maybe a bit earlier? We'll see what feels right.

cdt- Yay for crawling (!) and for an easy transition into daycare.

Robbie- I can absolutely see why you're frustrated. I hope your DH finds a better paying job or you find a different, more manageable solution so you can spend more time with Des. Hugs.

Mrs- I'm glad last night was better, and hope tonight goes smoothly too.

Sabine- I'm also curious about other 'big boy' toys. Right now, we alternate between the jumper and the playmat, but they won't be that entertaining for long. As for #2, you've got some time to think it over. Maybe adoption will be the right fit, or maybe just one is what's best for your family.

Henry is five months tomorrow. Time is flying. Where did my tiny, sleepy infant go? Good thing this stage keeps me busy, or else I'd have time to think about my baby fever and how it wouldn't be so bad if we were 'surprised' with another little one soon. But no, I must remember my swollen, stress-ball feet and the aches and pains of pregnancy. Being able to sleep on my back or walk up and down the stairs easily is pretty nice, and I'd like to hold onto that a little longer.

Since I won't have time to post one of his five month photos tomorrow, here's one I took yesterday of my little guy. My heart.

 

[MustangGal]

Sabine - is Jacks close to sitting up at all? We got Kyle an activity table once he started sitting, we just left the legs off and put it on the floor to start. He LOVED it. We have this one, but I know there's other versions out there http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2293345. And I'm with you with only having one. I had the easiest pregnancy ever (bad delivery though), but still have no interest in doing it again. DH keeps saying he needs a sibling, but I think he'll be fine as an only. He has plenty of kids at day care to play/share/learn with.

 

[E B]

Mustang- That table looks fun! I''ll keep it in mind for when H is sitting/standing.

cdt- Thank you so much! I think H will be an early mover too. He tries so hard to crawl while on his tummy but just isn''t there yet. I hope he figures it out early because he''s already frustrated.

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

CDT, seriously, it''s not that big of a deal because we have a rather interesting family arrangement. I guess we''re a prime example of the modern family.

SO and I live together with our 3 year old and of course, the baby is due in January.

My next 3 kids up are 9, 14 and 16. They go back and forth between our place and their dad and stepmom''s place which is about 1 mile away. The 4 of us get along pretty well, so we work together to manage the kids. It''s nice when the schedule gets hairy, like on Thursday nights when the 9 year old has gymnastics and the 14 year old has piano lessons, so I handle gymnastics and SM handles piano. We alternate taking the 16 year old to her riding lessons on Saturday mornings. My ex and SM are even the emergency contacts for our 3 year old at day care.

My 20 year old is out of the house. He decided to move to Texas so he''s living and working there.

SO''s 3 kids are not a factor at this point, unfortunately. Their mom still harbors a lot of anger over the divorce and has worked for years to alienate the kids from SO and his family. His older kids are 20, 15 and 13, and we haven''t seen or talked to them now in at least 6 months. After a very long drawn out -- and expensive -- battle for visitation, the judge decided not to order any due to the kids'' ages. It''s very hard for SO because he essentially lost his kids because his ex is immature. Our involvement with them consists of sending the child support each month.

So, see, it''s not that difficult because I don''t have 8 kids all up in my business all of the time. If that were the case, I''d go to work to escape the incessant questions. LOL!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Claire was up another 4 ounces in 3 days at her appointment yesterday, 8 lb. 5 oz. total (and 5 ounces over her birthweight). The pediatrician said we could stop all the extra madness and just use formula if Claire seemed inconsolable and we didn''t have any expressed milk. I''m still going to pump to keep up my supply and to have extra milk on hand for convenience. So that is very good news. Plus my mom is here to help since last week was so hard, so we are really getting a nice refreshing break. DH slept all night last night without interruption, and I slept from 11 to 5:30 with one middle of the night pumping session while Mom fed Claire a bottle. And Claire would have slept past the 5:30 and 8:30 a.m. feedings but I don''t want to push my luck . . . one 4 hour stretch is a nice change at the moment! And DH and I are going on a dinner date tomorrow!

Robbie, I''m sorry things are hard right now. I know going back to work is going to be hard for me too. I hope you can get a break in the near future to regroup and that in the long run you can find a balance that works for you.

LittleLysser, thanks for getting back to me. Your skinny little dude sounds very healthy, and we''re definitely have lots of poopy and pee-filled diapers over here, so I think all is well. And yikes on your MIL! How hard is it to be a sane MIL? Does anyone have one? I certainly don''t.

Fiery, sorry about your supply being down.

I do think the Fenugreek is helping, but every time I pee, I''m like, huh, what is that?

Re daycare, we''re going to be paying $270 a week, right about the $1100 (or more) a month. That does include diapers and the price is less for older children. Honestly I always thought I''d stay home, but the month we found out we were pregnant was the worst financially in DH''s career (as a financial adviser he works only on commission), and then I was offered the AP classes at my school, and it just seemed like the safest thing to commit to teaching for another year. We''ll just have to see how it goes.

We went to the daycare to pay our deposit and pick up our paperwork today. They must have given those kids valium before we got there because there wasn''t an unhappy child anywhere. That did put my mind at ease a bit.

So DH is getting me a push/anniversary present, and I''ve chosen a YG tension or faux tension set RHR with a small, 0.25 or a little bigger, stone. So DH is having a wax made by a jeweler acquaintance and the jeweler sent him the GIA cert of the stone, which DH sent to me. It scores a 3.7 on the HCA, definitely not a traditionally "ideal" cut (59.5 depth, 61 table, 32.5 crown, 41.4 pavilion). I don''t know how much of a big deal to make about this as, yes, it''s a tiny stone, and it''s a present, and I know my DH was bummed when I said it sounded ok but not as great as possible. So he suggested I call the jeweler and tell him what I want (I''m sure he''d be really thrilled to hear me rattle of a bunch of, "If the crown angle is this, then I want a stone with this pavilion angle . . ."), and I said maybe the jeweler could just provide us with a few more options to choose from? So we''ll see. The stone hasn''t been called in yet, so on one hand I can''t rule it out without seeing it, but on the other hand the jeweler''s report that it must be a good stone because, get this, it has no culet and a medium girdle is also not valid without seeing the stone in person. So we''ll see where we end up.

 

[phoenixgirl]

OK, diamond problem solved . . . of the three choices, we had a 4 something HCA, a 6 something (eek), and a 1.1. Easy choice!

 

[neatfreak]

Phoenix SO GLAD about Claire''s weight!!! And of course your push present too!

Big Boy toys Some things my kiddos have been loving the past number of months are activity tables and push/ride on toys. Now they can stand up on them and push them-but until now they just liked pushing them around and climbing on them. So those are good options for x-mas presents for the babies that are a little younger than my guys. HTH!

 

[MustangGal]

Here''s a newer pic, Kyle on his rocking cow. He can''t dismount from it yet, and he''s started trick riding (standing up and only holding on with 1 hand).

Another good big kid toy are the ball poppers, that shoot a plastic ball up, and then it rolls through a twisty slide back down to the bottom. Kyle plays with one at day care and laughs every time a ball pops up.

 

[AmberWaves]

Hi Mommies, quick question for you since I''ll be joining the ranks here Tuesday at the latest:

I''ve worked at my job (as a bookkeeper) for ten years now. I am one of five employees, three of whom are related (husband and wife, and wife''s brother), and one who comes in one day a month. I used to baby-sit for their children who are now 19 and 16. Even when I began here I would watch them. It''s a very family friendly environment, and I''m alone in the office a majority of the time (say, 7am-10am and throughout the day). It''s a small family owned company and very quiet, usually the only noise is the phone ringing once every few hours or so. They have told me to go ahead and bring the baby in when I''m done with mat leave. Do you think this is feasible? We have private rooms, I can bring in her pack n play, I have a refrigerator and can take off whenever I need to. Otherwise my mom can watch her at our home, but I''d prefer to stay with her. I usually leave around 3/3:30, four PM at the latest, but I can take any breaks I want or leave early.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:21:49 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Hi Mommies, quick question for you since I''ll be joining the ranks here Tuesday at the latest:

I''ve worked at my job (as a bookkeeper) for ten years now. I am one of five employees, three of whom are related (husband and wife, and wife''s brother), and one who comes in one day a month. I used to baby-sit for their children who are now 19 and 16. Even when I began here I would watch them. It''s a very family friendly environment, and I''m alone in the office a majority of the time (say, 7am-10am and throughout the day). It''s a small family owned company and very quiet, usually the only noise is the phone ringing once every few hours or so. They have told me to go ahead and bring the baby in when I''m done with mat leave. Do you think this is feasible? We have private rooms, I can bring in her pack n play, I have a refrigerator and can take off whenever I need to. Otherwise my mom can watch her at our home, but I''d prefer to stay with her. I usually leave around 3/3:30, four PM at the latest, but I can take any breaks I want or leave early.

Amber, how long is mat leave? Right now, I''m thinking that is not the best idea.

 

[AmberWaves]

Tgal, I'm taking six weeks paid and I'm going to see how I feel after that. They are willing to give me whatever time I want, which is good. I should also mention, people don't come into our office. It's in a building, but customers are all via telephone and email. Even the mailman doesn't come in here. One of my co-workers has compromised immunity problems and it's a very sterile place, not that it matters much.

ETA: Also private bathrooms and the ability to take off as needed. Closer to pediatrician and the hospital, as well.

 

[Mrs]

Hi mamas!

CIO update: night three went really well! She went to bed a little late (at with very little protest which was awesome. She used to go down without a peep but she has cried herself to sleep most nights for the last couple of weeks so it was great! Life is so much better when she can put herself to sleep without a fight! She woke once at 10:30 and cried for about 10 or 15 minutes. She didn't wake again until 5:30 when she cried on and off again for 30 minutes and she finally woke up for the day around 7. She wasn't as happy this morning as I had hoped she would be but she seemed fine and was was HUNGRY. I think it's amazing how babies learn things so quickly - for example: I'm sure she was up at 5:30 today because that is when I fed her yesterday and the day before. I didn't feed her then today so I'm hoping she learns to sleep straight through to 7. We'll see. In any case, I'm feeling very relieved that sleep training has been easier than I thought it would be.

Mgal, If you are motivated to go back to school, I think you should go for it! ETA GREAT Pic!!

fiery, I'm so sorry to hear about the guilt you feel. SHe is YOUR little girl through and through and will ALWAYS know that - don't worry about that. My mom was always working and traveling a bunch when I was very small. We had a live in nanny and she says we (my twin and I) always knew she was our mommy and we always wanted to be with her above every one else even though she wasn't home with us that much.

rockpaper, it's great to hear about your experience working and raising a family! Thanks for sharing!

Pandora, I remember how expensive living in London is (thats where you are, right?). I lived there for a year when I was at UCL for a year abroad. It stinks. But I'm glad to hear how much you are enjoying being home with Daisy! and that's exciting that you may go into jewelry!

Sabine, Sage loves her musical table as well and they're on sale now at wallmart for only $19! - I guess the price doesn't matter though since your MIL wants to get it. I agree with you that being a SAHM is much harder than one would think. Like you, I'm focused on the positive though - we are so fortunate to be able to be home with our little ones right now even if it is difficult sometimes!

Ebree, great pic! what a cutie! Yay for 5 months!

phoenix, so glad to hear things are better for you now! I hope you have a great date tonight!

hi everyone else!

 

[Mrs]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:30:38 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Tgal, I''m taking six weeks paid and I''m going to see how I feel after that. They are willing to give me whatever time I want, which is good. I should also mention, people don''t come into our office. It''s in a building, but customers are all via telephone and email. Even the mailman doesn''t come in here. One of my co-workers has compromised immunity problems and it''s a very sterile place, not that it matters much.


ETA: Also private bathrooms and the ability to take off as needed. Closer to pediatrician and the hospital, as well.

Amber, I think you will still be exhausted at 6 weeks. I was still struggling with BFing at that point (though it did get better around then) and the idea of having to get dressed and presentable, much less productive at that point would have overwhelmed me. Is there any way you could play it by ear? Will they need to hire a temp in your absence?

we look forward to having you join our mommy-ranks!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:37:39 PM
Author: Mrs

Date: 11/19/2009 12:30:38 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Tgal, I''m taking six weeks paid and I''m going to see how I feel after that. They are willing to give me whatever time I want, which is good. I should also mention, people don''t come into our office. It''s in a building, but customers are all via telephone and email. Even the mailman doesn''t come in here. One of my co-workers has compromised immunity problems and it''s a very sterile place, not that it matters much.


ETA: Also private bathrooms and the ability to take off as needed. Closer to pediatrician and the hospital, as well.

Amber, I think you will still be exhausted at 6 weeks. I was still struggling with BFing at that point (though it did get better around then) and the idea of having to get dressed and presentable, much less productive at that point would have overwhelmed me. Is there any way you could play it by ear? Will they need to hire a temp in your absence?

we look forward to having you join our mommy-ranks!

DITTO!!! If you don''t *have* to go back to work then, try to take 12 weeks without worrying about working.

I am a very good multi tasker and Hunter amuses himself very well, but I could not have taken him to work. Babies just demand a lot of attention, and if Piper is colicy or cries a lot just for the heck of it

then it really wouldn''t work. Plus I think you simply won''t *want* to work! Getting dressed in the morning is a big ordeal

let alone all the other things you would need to do!

Why don''t you play it by ear? At 6 weeks if you feel good enough to work, then try taking her in with you. If it works out, great. If not, then call it off. Or do you need to decide and tell your work right away?

 

[AmberWaves]

Mrs., they wouldn't need to hire a temp, but they're thinking about it because they seem to think what I do is complicated. Ha, that's very funny to me. I wish I could work from home, but we only have one set of books and all billing is done internally. I'm sure they wouldn't mind letting me play it by ear, they've already mentioned me changing up the hours I work so I can come in later and leave earlier. As I said before, it's a family company, and their own babies spent their days here post-birth as well. Also, I don't really need to be too presentable since they are the only ones who see me when I come in, they frequently come from tennis matches and the gym, wearing whatever they threw on that morning, unshowered. I'm pretty lucky. Thanks for the advice, too!

Thanks, Dreamer! Also, I should mention that I WILL have to go back eventually as we can't live on DH's salary alone. So it's either take her with me or have my slightly unreliable mom watch her. I suppose I could try to not work some days in exchange for other days.

 

[Blenheim]

I just browsed b/c I''m pretty sure George is going to wake up anytime.

Ebree - OMG he is gorgeous.

PG - glad to hear about the weight gain and getting to stop that crazy schedule! And have fun with that push present.

Amber - I''m not sure what the best answer is. Babies are just so much work, and I''d have a really hard time getting much done if George was there. Plus, if you''re expected to be on the phone at all, they sometimes choose that time to have a meltdown. You could always start off taking her to the office though and try to figure out something else if it''s not really working. 6 weeks is not enough time IMO, but I made it work. If I could have swung it financially I would have taken 12.

Robbie - I wasn''t angry per se, but was unhappy that I didn''t get to see G more than I did. And I hated my job, which compounded it. However, I also didn''t have to compete with family. What helped me most was having a plan for getting out of the situation we were in. I''m going to agree with DD - if you want to change your circumstances enough, try to abandon preconceived notions you have for what makes sense. For us it was quitting our jobs and moving in with my in-laws until we find something here, which seemed CRAZY when it first crossed our minds.

Bebe #2: This one''s just so difficult. If DH had a stable job right now and if I knew what I was doing with my life (school? back to work?) we could theoretically start not not trying in about two months (as I want good milk supply until he''s 1 year old, and it often dips around 12 weeks or so into pregnancy). But if I go back to work we need to make sure that I get maternity leave, and if I go back to school it would be best if the universe would allow us to have a child at the beginning of a summer break. I want another one though. And then another.

Daycare was $1500/mo for infants full-time. I''m not sure what it is in this area. We could have found something for more like $900-1200 (depending if we chose the city where I was working or the city where we lived), but the more expensive option was just wonderful and highly recommended by multiple friends and was NAEYC certified, which we felt was worth paying extra for.


George has to have nebulizer treatments a few times a day for right now that he HATES (takes two to hold him down), but his rattly breathing is really starting to sound better. He''s also going through a major separation anxiety phase. He also just figured out army crawling a few days ago so the separation anxiety is pretty normal developmentallly, but damn it''s hard to deal with. He acts as if I''m trying to murder him if I just put him down a foot away from me to make myself a meal, or if I hand him off to a family member. I don''t think that the move and sickness is really helping with this, plus I can feel two front teeth lurking underneath his gums and he''ll occasionally start shrieking and then shove something in his mouth and start chomping then seem to feel better. Everyone who sees him seems to say, "Oh, 7 months is such a great age!" and I''m just like, really?

 

[MustangGal]

Amber - you can always give it a try and see how it goes. Maybe future partial days where the baby goes in for a while, then your mom takes her for a while? I went back at 8 weeks PP, and it wasn''t too bad. But I also had a good sleeper, he was doing 7 hours at that point, which makes you feel much more human! My mom actually ran a childrens consignment shop when I was an infant and took me to work every day. She had a crib in the back, and I''d play with the toys in the store

.

Mrs - I hope tomororw goes even better for CIO!

blen - Kyle did the clingy stage too, he cried every morning for 2 weeks when I dropped him off at day care. It made me start wondering if there was a problem! He''ll still panic some times if he''s the only one in a room. Good lukc with your decision on work/school. Have fun with crawling! You don''t realize how quickly floors get dirty until the baby crawls across them with white socks on

And I''m turning the in the paperwork to start my MBA next February! Since the tuition will basically be free, I might as well give it a try. The classes are 8 weeks, and I''m only going to do one at a time. I hope I don''t go batty, but it''ll be great to have it completed!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/19/2009 12:52:13 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

Date: 11/19/2009 12:37:39 PM
Author: Mrs

Date: 11/19/2009 12:30:38 PM
Author: AmberWaves
Tgal, I''m taking six weeks paid and I''m going to see how I feel after that. They are willing to give me whatever time I want, which is good. I should also mention, people don''t come into our office. It''s in a building, but customers are all via telephone and email. Even the mailman doesn''t come in here. One of my co-workers has compromised immunity problems and it''s a very sterile place, not that it matters much.


ETA: Also private bathrooms and the ability to take off as needed. Closer to pediatrician and the hospital, as well.

Amber, I think you will still be exhausted at 6 weeks. I was still struggling with BFing at that point (though it did get better around then) and the idea of having to get dressed and presentable, much less productive at that point would have overwhelmed me. Is there any way you could play it by ear? Will they need to hire a temp in your absence?

we look forward to having you join our mommy-ranks!

DITTO!!! If you don''t *have* to go back to work then, try to take 12 weeks without worrying about working.

I am a very good multi tasker and Hunter amuses himself very well, but I could not have taken him to work. Babies just demand a lot of attention, and if Piper is colicy or cries a lot just for the heck of it

then it really wouldn''t work. Plus I think you simply won''t *want* to work! Getting dressed in the morning is a big ordeal

let alone all the other things you would need to do!

Why don''t you play it by ear? At 6 weeks if you feel good enough to work, then try taking her in with you. If it works out, great. If not, then call it off. Or do you need to decide and tell your work right away?

Amber, I vote to have your mom watch the baby, and you can take her with you if for whatever reason your mom can''t make it that day. Not only is it going to be tough for you to multitask with a baby around, but it is not fair to your employer because you are going to be far less productive trying to take care of a baby at work and get your job done.

 

[mela lu]

super quick pop-in....
my BFF got her betas back - they doubled as they should!!!! Looks like she'll have another in July 2010!
Now she needs girls names. anyone want to play? (I should post in Preggo thread). She wants a classic name thats not too common. On the table right now is Alana. Her DD is Taylor. any suggestions?

Pheonix - good to hear about claire's weight gain!!

ebree - gorgeous pic

amber - i vote: take 12 weeks, then get mom to watch her. lol
bye for now

 

[phoenixgirl]

I have my six week checkup with the ob-gyn on Monday (oddly, since that is only 4.5 weeks), and I'm going to ask about BC. Is anyone BFing and on one of those BCPs that supposedly won't affect your milk supply? Did anyone switch to a barrier method? I've always been on the pill, but it was definitely eye-opening and a nice break to be off it while we were TTC. You forget how nice it is to let your body do its own thing. But honestly I find the idea of using some kind of insert when the moment is right type of method pretty scary (just in the sense that I'll probably insert it wrong and then get pregnant before we're ready -- funny how when you don't want to get pregnant, you always believe that you will without effort, yet when you want to, it usually doesn't happen right away!). But with the recent difficulty BFing, I also don't want to mess with my body unnecessarily and throw anything off balance.

Amber, my sister is going back to work before she has to but on a modified schedule for the first month. She's a minister and she didn't feel she could miss the upcoming season. I, on the other hand, am taking as much of my time as I can; Claire will be about 15 weeks old when I go back. The director of the daycare was obviously fishing to see if we'd take our spot earlier than expected, and I was like, "Are you mad, woman? I'm not going back to work until I absolutely have to!" (Well, actually I was really nice about it, just played a little oblivious, since it was so hard to get into this daycare to begin with.) I think you have to do whatever seems the least stressful to you, but you might find that your concern about work lessens once the baby is here. It sounds like either way you have a very flexible position with an understanding company, so that's good!

MG, wow, congrats on starting your MBA. Should be fun!