Newborn or Toddler stage - which is harder?

[Sha]

I was talking with a friend of mine last night - she has two children, ages 4 and 2. While I was talking to her there was a lot of shrieking and general commotion in the background - my friend had to keep on interrupting our convo to say "A****, stop hitting your sister!" or "B*****, if I have to come over there..." etc etc. Turns out the 4-yr old boy was using his 2 yr old sister as a 'horsie' as was trying to whip her to make her go faster.

While ilstening, i was like, "Woaaahhh...this is what I have to look forward to, eh?"

So I asked her if she thought the toddler years were the worst...she said "Nah, it may sound bad now, but at least they're in bed by 8". She said 1-yr olds are more difficult because they can't yet say what they want or need. But above all, she thinks the newborn stage (0-3 months) is the most demanding.

Do you agree in general? (I know it also depends on the child, circumstances, etc)

I would love to think I'm going through the most difficult part of the 'child years' now...

(I know adolescence is a whole other story).

 

[ellaila]

Hmmm, tough question! My twins are two years old (26 months), and I have to say that this age ROCKS. It is sooo much better than even just a few months ago. I would say for me, 15-23 months(ish) was the worst so far. I remember moms in my twins group that have older kids (like 4-5 years old) saying that 12-18 months was the *hardest* phase because the babies really want to communicate with you but just aren't able to do it yet. So it's just constant frustration for everyone. I agree (though my time-frame was off by a few months)!

The newborn phase is hard too, of course. But I think that's just more a matter of getting used to this new little person(s), lack of sleep, etc. So while it's hard, I don't think it's necessarily a bad phase - just an adjustment phase. Then again, the newborn phase was two years ago for me, so I'm probably remembering it differently than it really was when I was living it!

I've also heard from many people that the odd years are worse than the evens. So even though you always hear about the terrible twos, the threes are supposedly even worse! I think that whatever year is your big transitional year - potty training, moving from cribs to big kid beds, starting daycare or preschool, etc. - will be a rough year. That's just a lot of change for a little one to keep up with, you know?

Curious what other people have to say ...

 

[vespergirl]

I definitely think that toddlers are MUCH harder than newborns. My favorite baby age is what I call "the larval stage" when they just stay where you put them, and eat and sleep a lot. Once they start crawling, it''s all over

Seriously, though, my son was a good sleeper, even as a baby, so even when I had to get up to feed him a couple of times a night, he was basically in his nursery between 7 pm - 7 am, and I would just go in to feed him, then he fell right back to sleep on his own. He also never cried unless he needed something, so he was a really great baby, and he took a lot of naps. He also loved riding in his stroller, and was perfectly happy being pushed around for hours.

The ages between 13 months (when he started walking) to age 2 and a half were hellacious (he just loved to get into stuff - like unpotting all the houseplants with his bare hands). Then I had a brief break of a perfectly sweet, sensible little boy for about 6 months. Now he''s 3, and suddenly we''re getting into tantrums. He never had tantrums before, but all of a sudden, it''s several times a day. Thank god he''s in preschool 2 days a week.

When my son was about 2, two of my best friends had babies, and they were acting like having an infant was the hardest thing in the world. One friend asked me, "please tell me it gets better when she gets older" and I just laughed and told her that''s when the real fun would begin

 

[lknvrb4]

From about 1-3 is the worst. My 13 month old is into everything and just starting to throw tantrums. He can''t communicate without screaming. LOL I think after that they try to find their independence and sometimes that can be a challenge. I would take the newborn stage any day since they can''t go anywhere. LOL

 

[mrssalvo]

for me, toddlers, hands down. around 13 months (or once they really start walking) until about 3. They are just into everything and have to be watched like hawks. They have no idea what they do can cause detriment to themselves. Way more stressful to me than the newborn stage.

 

[MustangGal]

We''re just hitting the toddler stage, and while I may not be sleep deprived, it IS more exhausting running around after them, picking everything up, and making sure they aren''t eating things they shound''t be (this morning it was a pencil

). He''s also starting on trantrum-ish behaviour. Yeah, a baby that doesn''t go anywhere and if it cries you pick it up and feed it seems soooo much easier now!

 

[Jas12]

The newborn stage is hard simply because of fatigue and round the clock maintenance. But in terms of parenting it has nothing on the toddler stage IMO (and i have an easy toddler!!). Toddlers do go to bed at night and give their parents a break, but thank goodness, b/c they test limits each hour, they run, they get into mischief, they fall, get sick, find their independence and can''t communicate etc.
I find it demanding but also SO fun. They are just amazing to watch at this stage, and so that makes the work worth it.

 

[Pandora II]

Daisy''s only 8.5 months, but is horribly mobile - and FAST with it. I can''t turn my back for a second and she''s into everything and eating anything she can get her hands on - this morning it was a cardamon pod... mmmmm

. I''m hoping that the older toddlers know not to try and eat electric cables, but panicking that she''ll then be able to open things and cupboards that she can''t manage yet...

Newborn is grim because you''re convinced you are doing it all wrong and you have been subjected to the no-sleep regime. I think the easiest phase is just before they get mobile - you''re not so sleep deprieved, the baby is smiling and making noises and is fairly inter-active.

My sister has a 3 year-old and a 5 year-old and I do think my life is going to be easier with just the one!

 

[LitigatorChick]

Prior to Miller turning 1 1/2 or 2 was really hard. Communication impossible, crying, poor sleeping. Since 2, he has been a dream!! (Oh and my ex has been gone too - that might have helped

).

Seriously, me, my sister, and my mom have discussed this, and we all agree life is wayyyyy better after 2.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 10:42:19 AM
Author: Pandora II
Daisy''s only 8.5 months, but is horribly mobile - and FAST with it. I can''t turn my back for a second and she''s into everything and eating anything she can get her hands on - this morning it was a cardamon pod... mmmmm

. I''m hoping that the older toddlers know not to try and eat electric cables, but panicking that she''ll then be able to open things and cupboards that she can''t manage yet...

Newborn is grim because you''re convinced you are doing it all wrong and you have been subjected to the no-sleep regime. I think the easiest phase is just before they get mobile - you''re not so sleep deprieved, the baby is smiling and making noises and is fairly inter-active.

My sister has a 3 year-old and a 5 year-old and I do think my life is going to be easier with just the one!

Ditto to a couple of points above.

First, with two kids, I think it just an entirely different ballgame. I think handling one toddler is draining, but doable. 2 young kids would be a recipe for me to tear my hair out and I think I would be beyond exhausted. Even with "good" kids, you''re just constantly playing referee (from what I can see anyway).

The hands down easiest phase for me what between 3-9 months for me. Amelia starting sleeping 12 hours early, so once that happened, everything was groovy. If I were really to narrow it down, it was months 7-9, as she stopped spitting/vomiting up at 7 months. Those two months were bliss and so easy (the only thing that sucked was solid feedings, as she''s never been into food). She started army crawling at 9 months, full crawling at a year, so she was slow.

Because her mobile skills came late, I think it was actually easier. Developmentally she was further along and we were able to train her young to understand what we didn''t want her to get into (and she''s generally a good kid). For that reason toddlerhood so far as been awesome...I am enjoying it SO much. As Jas says, it''s more demanding, but to me it''s FAR easier than what I consider the early stages before they were getting good sleep. I HATED months 1-3. First six weeks to be exact. NOTHING I have encountered so far was more difficult, depressing, and despairing than those early months.

I think it all depends on a good mix of nature/nuture. Amelia never put things in her mouth (even food, but that''s another story). Obviously I didn''t teach her that, but it made things a lot easier in that I don''t have to worry as much about her shoving icky things in her mouth (although I still keep an eye on her because you never know when she''s going to change her mind and start). Teaching boundaries at an early age has helped in our case too. Therefore I can say, so far, the second year has been a joy.

There''s no definitive answer to this, as you can see. It really depends on the kid.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This is tough b/c I think they are hard in different ways. Newborn was really difficult for me b/c I had a rough recovery and T did not sleep through the night until she was 6 months old. That was a looooong 6 months. I found the first few months very isolating. Then around 18 months the tantrums started. My girl has a phd in tantrum throwing. She is excellent. Things are getting easier now that she is 27 months. She is still a tough kid to raise but she is starting to understand punishment which helps. Timeouts have REALLY helped restore my sanity. Also I think I am growing along with her so I have learned to let go of a lot. I think there is no clear cut answer. Obviously have 2 children is more difficult than one. Obviously the child''s personality factors in. Also outside circumstances affect you as a mother. If I had to vote I would say the first 4-5 months were the most difficult for me.

 

[waxing lyrical]

DD2 was a difficult/high maintenance baby. I had serious PPD with her. I really did not like that period with her, and that makes me sad. She *still* is difficult a lot of the time at age 3. She''s sweet, empathetic, nurturing, sensitive, caring, but sometimes she''s too sensitive and will breakdown crying or shrieking when something doesn''t go her way or when she and her sister are in a squabble. When she screams and wails it''s like nails on a chalkboard. It''s beyond aggravating.

DD1 was a pretty easy baby once her reflux was under control. She was also a fairly easy toddler. She can definitely test my patience now. She''s 5. They can be little hellions when they''re playing, er, fighting. I think it just depends on the child. I SO hope DS2 stays an easy baby.

 

[luvinlife]

Date: 2/3/2010 12:29:37 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
This is tough b/c I think they are hard in different ways. Newborn was really difficult for me b/c I had a rough recovery and T did not sleep through the night until she was 6 months old. That was a looooong 6 months. I found the first few months very isolating. Then around 18 months the tantrums started. My girl has a phd in tantrum throwing. She is excellent. Things are getting easier now that she is 27 months. She is still a tough kid to raise but she is starting to understand punishment which helps. Timeouts have REALLY helped restore my sanity. Also I think I am growing along with her so I have learned to let go of a lot. I think there is no clear cut answer. Obviously have 2 children is more difficult than one. Obviously the child''s personality factors in. Also outside circumstances affect you as a mother. If I had to vote I would say the first 4-5 months were the most difficult for me.

Tacori-

It''s hard to believe that angelic looking princess throws tantrums.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 2/3/2010 1:35:30 PM
Author: luvinlife

Date: 2/3/2010 12:29:37 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

This is tough b/c I think they are hard in different ways. Newborn was really difficult for me b/c I had a rough recovery and T did not sleep through the night until she was 6 months old. That was a looooong 6 months. I found the first few months very isolating. Then around 18 months the tantrums started. My girl has a phd in tantrum throwing. She is excellent. Things are getting easier now that she is 27 months. She is still a tough kid to raise but she is starting to understand punishment which helps. Timeouts have REALLY helped restore my sanity. Also I think I am growing along with her so I have learned to let go of a lot. I think there is no clear cut answer. Obviously have 2 children is more difficult than one. Obviously the child''s personality factors in. Also outside circumstances affect you as a mother. If I had to vote I would say the first 4-5 months were the most difficult for me.

Tacori-


It''s hard to believe that angelic looking princess throws tantrums.

I SWEAR I am not lying!

A few PSers can back me up. She is a very independent, sassy, stubborn little girl!

 

[upgrade]

Toddlers are WAY harder! I''m on my second one now (and my older one is 6 so it''s not like I''m chasing 2 toddlers) and for me, hands down, from the time they start walking until about age 3 is brutal. They''re into everything, they''re frighteningly mobile and they don''t yet have the comprehension to understand why they can''t climb the dining table and swing from the light fixture (no joke- I caught mine trying to do just that!) or flush their big brother''s toy cars down the toilet. They''re exhausting at this stage... full of energy and curiosity and without a good healthy dose of fear yet!

My youngest is especially difficult because added to all the usual toddler fun is the fact that he still wakes up multiple times a night so I have sleep deprivation too.

Newborns are tiring, especially the first because getting used to sleep deprivation is SO hard. I adore the baby stage and I love preschool age and beyond. The toddler years are the price I have to pay to have the reward of those other fabulous, totally worth every clogged toilet and broken lamp years.

 

[Maisie]

I agree that toddlers are harder! They realise they can annoy you and they do it with great relish! They can run fast too! And kick!

I loved the baby stage but only when I looked back on it from the toddler stage! I remember being exhausted and nervous when my babies were small. Nothing is like having a speedy toddler who is into everything. You have to have eyes up your rear end!

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 2/3/2010 1:40:00 PM
Author: upgrade
Toddlers are WAY harder! I''m on my second one now (and my older one is 6 so it''s not like I''m chasing 2 toddlers) and for me, hands down, from the time they start walking until about age 3 is brutal. They''re into everything, they''re frighteningly mobile and they don''t yet have the comprehension to understand why they can''t climb the dining table and swing from the light fixture (no joke- I caught mine trying to do just that!) or flush their big brother''s toy cars down the toilet. They''re exhausting at this stage... full of energy and curiosity and without a good healthy dose of fear yet!

My youngest is especially difficult because added to all the usual toddler fun is the fact that he still wakes up multiple times a night so I have sleep deprivation too.

Newborns are tiring, especially the first because getting used to sleep deprivation is SO hard. I adore the baby stage and I love preschool age and beyond. The toddler years are the price I have to pay to have the reward of those other fabulous, totally worth every clogged toilet and broken lamp years.

I''m already getting my first taste of this (not quite walking but he''s a very fast crawler), and I can tell that the coming months are going to be much more difficult than the last ten months have been.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 2/3/2010 10:06:00 AM
Author: Jas12
The newborn stage is hard simply because of fatigue and round the clock maintenance. But in terms of parenting it has nothing on the toddler stage IMO (and i have an easy toddler!!). Toddlers do go to bed at night and give their parents a break, but thank goodness, b/c they test limits each hour, they run, they get into mischief, they fall, get sick, find their independence and can''t communicate etc.

I find it demanding but also SO fun. They are just amazing to watch at this stage, and so that makes the work worth it.

Well said!

Infants are more demanding and "harder" because you don''t know what the heck you are doing and have to deal with hormones.

But toddlers keep you running and running and running. I am much more tired at the end of the day now that my twins are 14mos. And I have pretty easy kids too.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 2:47:21 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 2/3/2010 10:06:00 AM
Author: Jas12
The newborn stage is hard simply because of fatigue and round the clock maintenance. But in terms of parenting it has nothing on the toddler stage IMO (and i have an easy toddler!!). Toddlers do go to bed at night and give their parents a break, but thank goodness, b/c they test limits each hour, they run, they get into mischief, they fall, get sick, find their independence and can''t communicate etc.

I find it demanding but also SO fun. They are just amazing to watch at this stage, and so that makes the work worth it.

Well said!

Infants are more demanding and ''harder'' because you don''t know what the heck you are doing and have to deal with hormones.

But toddlers keep you running and running and running. I am much more tired at the end of the day now that my twins are 14mos. And I have pretty easy kids too.

For awhile, I was drinking nightly (a glass of wine) after putting Amelia to bed...until I realized I was drinking nightly.

 

[iluvcarats]

I''d say the toddler stage is much harder. Especially if you have a dare devil. My goal at that time was trying to keep DS from killing himself

The sleep deprivation at the beginning is hard, but my DD brought that with her into toddlerhood

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I am finding that it gets easier every day, to be honest!

The first few months were great, because DH and I were both on leave. When he went back to work, I found it hard being at home all day with a baby and one that didn''t nap for long periods at that. I was going out of my mind with sleep deprivation, I''m just not able to function when I''m tired like that. I know some people cope with it much better, but in that regard I was an utter failure. I was miserable with tiredness and heading towards depression (I experienced that in my early 20s and I know the warning signs for me). All that said, I had an easy baby. She didn''t cry a lot, she was happy to play with toys and entertain herself and she was smiley, cuddly and fun. It was just the tiredness that blighted it for me.

Now she''s 20 months, I am much, much happier. The challenges are different but I''m not anything like as tired, so I''m better equipped to deal with them with patience and a bit of empathy lol. Almost my earliest memory is of throwing a tantrum, aged about 2 I think. I can actually still remember the frustration and anger. So I know how she feels when we have the occasional meltdown.

She''s pretty good at communicating what she wants / needs and understands simple boundaries (no, don''t touch etc). She''s amenable and generally wants to please us, so it''s much easier to look after her as she gets older. I look forward to spending time hanging out with her, I like taking her out to new places and most times, it''s fun to take her shopping, on errands etc. She''s a rewarding little person, very affectionate. She did pull the wallpaper off in a corner of my house recently, though...

I might see it very differently when she''s a little older

but at the moment, it''s all good.

Jen

 

[curlygirl]

I would have to say the toddler stage is probably harder--specifically for me it was 18-24 months. They really start to push the boundaries and try to assert themselves and it's a constant power struggle. Sadly, a toddler's will is very strong and when they test their exhausted/worked all day/TOFTS mother, there are a lot more battles than the infant stage!!! Admittedly, I absolutely LOVE the newborn phase and wish it lasted a little longer. That's not to say that it's not fun and exciting to watch the toddlers learning and communicating and "getting it" but it's definitely a challenge. And yes, 2 toddlers makes it twice as difficult but wine definitely helps (TGal)!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 5:35:06 PM
Author: curlygirl
I would have to say the toddler stage is probably harder. They really start to push the boundaries and try to assert themselves and it''s a constant power struggle. Sadly, a toddler''s will is very strong and when they test their exhausted/worked all day/TOFTS mother, there are a lot more battles than the infant stage!!! Admittedly, I absolutely LOVE the newborn phase and wish it lasted a little longer. That''s not to say that it''s not fun and exciting to watch the toddlers learning and communicating and ''getting it'' but it''s definitely a challenge. And yes, 2 toddlers makes it twice as difficult but wine definitely helps (TGal)!!

You know Curly, I am really not into the idea of the PS playdate that is currently being bantered around. However, I would think that a WINE date with the PS moms (and no kids) is tempting for sure!

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 2/3/2010 5:37:19 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/3/2010 5:35:06 PM
Author: curlygirl
I would have to say the toddler stage is probably harder. They really start to push the boundaries and try to assert themselves and it''s a constant power struggle. Sadly, a toddler''s will is very strong and when they test their exhausted/worked all day/TOFTS mother, there are a lot more battles than the infant stage!!! Admittedly, I absolutely LOVE the newborn phase and wish it lasted a little longer. That''s not to say that it''s not fun and exciting to watch the toddlers learning and communicating and ''getting it'' but it''s definitely a challenge. And yes, 2 toddlers makes it twice as difficult but wine definitely helps (TGal)!!

You know Curly, I am really not into the idea of the PS playdate that is currently being bantered around. However, I would think that a WINE date with the PS moms (and no kids) is tempting for sure!

TGal, count me in for the wine date for sure!!! Moms ONLY!

 

[Kaleigh]

The toddler stage for sure. Although the newborn stage is hard at first, no sleep etc... But the toddlers, once they are mobile and have a will of their own?? Using the word NO!!! It''s a whole different senario.

Ask me about teenagers....

Now that''s tough!!!

 

[softly softly]

I have to agree with those who said the newborn stage - while sometimes grim whilst you are in it, seems an oasis of calm once you find yourself in the trenches with your toddler.

And yes it definitely is harder in some respects when you have two to deal with. My kids are 18 months apart and I found the first two years (18mths to 2.5 for the eldest and 0 - 2 for the youngest) the hardest in terms of dealing with them both together. I often felt exhausted and overwhelmed, especially when they would both decide they only wanted me. I remember watching my MIL walk out the door one day when my son refused to go with her, laden with two clinging children feeling like I was drowning in their needs. But I got through it and now they are 5 and almost 4 things are far easier and I love how close they are. Now they are able to dress, feed and toilet themselves my life feels vastly transformed.

However I will say that 3 is hands down my least favorite age so far. But what a magical transformation 4 was and hopefully will be!

I think the key thing is how your expectations and outlook adjusts as you go along with your kids. I remember thinking how lucky I was to have such a sweet, compliant child with my first then he turned two and everything changed. It was so much easier with his sister who is a far more spirited child because there was no shock to the system when she started becoming more vocal with her opinions. As far as the background noise level goes, you may just find that like your friend whose children were causing such a ruckus in the background that you get used to it. Or are forced to get used to it as in my experience, some kids are simply incapable of using their 'inside voice' consistently

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 2/3/2010 5:59:49 PM
Author: Kaleigh
The toddler stage for sure. Although the newborn stage is hard at first, no sleep etc... But the toddlers, once they are mobile and have a will of their own?? Using the word NO!!! It''s a whole different senario.

Ask me about teenagers....

Now that''s tough!!!

No, I refuse to think about it.

And Curly, we may need to make it a hard liquor date in, oh, about 10 years.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/3/2010 6:23:02 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 2/3/2010 5:59:49 PM
Author: Kaleigh
The toddler stage for sure. Although the newborn stage is hard at first, no sleep etc... But the toddlers, once they are mobile and have a will of their own?? Using the word NO!!! It''s a whole different senario.

Ask me about teenagers....

Now that''s tough!!!

No, I refuse to think about it.

And Curly, we may need to make it a hard liquor date in, oh, about 10 years.

HA!!! I will say, the biggest thing that helped me, was having open communication. NOT that I love to hear all that they tell me, but at least they felt comfortable in telling me stuff...
By the time you guys have teenagers, I will be in my PS approved rocking chair!!!!

And by then it''s gonna be worse!!!

I think being a parent today is much harder than when our parents raised us..... etc....

 

[miraclesrule]

Toddler stage is the most challenging by far. Having said that, it is also some of the most adorable and endearing stages as they discover and learn and explore. I have always thought that is was a good thing they are so adorable at that stage, otherwise one would be tempted to eat their young.

 

[steph72276]

With my first, by FAR the newborn stage was the most challenging. But he had severe acid reflux and would scream at the top of his lungs for hours and hours on end until we got him on medication. That coupled with sleep deprivation, my DH having to work very long hours, not getting out of the house much, not having time for showers some days really took a toll on me. I really enjoyed the toddler stage as we were able to get out and go to playdates, storytime, etc. and he was able to communicate his needs to me.

So far, my little one is only a week old but he is super calm and content, so if this continues, I''m sure the toddler stage will be more challenging. So, I guess it really just depends on the child.