If your daughter (or son) wanted to be in a pageant...

[fisherofmengirly]

Would you allow it?

We were just flipping through the channels on TV and "Toddlers and Tiaras" was on TLC, and just watching the show for 10 minutes totally freaked me out.

But on the other hand, if a child *wanted* to do the pageants, that would be one thing. I don''t understand forcing it when children don''t enjoy it.

And I don''t understand the "glitz" thing.... caked on make up on a toddler is so nutty to me.


Anyway, the part that crushed me was watching this mother tell her daughter that she had more flaws than a tan could cover up. Really? Is that what parents want to teach their children, that they''re not good enough, no matter what they do? And that the physical aspect of a person is the most important?..... Sad.

I know this is a show, and we have a friend who does pageants with her toddler and the baby does well and enjoys it.... but her mother would never force the child to do them, her daughter looks like a little girl and not a shrunken 21 year old, and her she would never tell her daughter she was overly-flawed.

So, would you let your kid do a pageant? Would you have limitations to how far they could go?

 

[Bella_mezzo]

DH and I have watched Toddlers and Tiaras and I embarrassed to say. It is hilarious in a totally tragic way, but we both emphatically agree, He$% no, ours kids will never do pagents. It seems like such over sexualizing of kids, so much pressure, and so much focus on appearances.

 

[Bliss]

I loved that show!!!! Fascinating. I had to stop watching it after a while because some of the kids seemed so exploited. There were some girls who really did have talent, though. But too many of the moms in the show were cruel to their kids and showed poor sportsmanship when their kids lost. I guess they chose just those types of moms for TV drama, but it was hard to watch.

I don''t think I''d encourage my daughter to compete in pageants. If she wants to compete in public speaking, then great - there''s the debate team! If she wants to compete in physical fitness, great - there are a variety of sports. Same for music, dance and etc. There are other ways to get scholarships. I just don''t like the idea of competing in beauty. I think it sets a girl up for insecurity because you''re putting too high a value on something that is fleeting. Plus, all that makeup, the wigs, fake teeth and tans on little girls? I think it sends a strange message to the kids. They aren''t beautiful unless they are someone completely fake. Anyway, physical beauty changes and eventually fades. Why tie her inner self worth to something like that? Inner beauty, however, is a growing investment and I''d encourage that in spades.

 

[elrohwen]

I don't think I would let my kid do it - I would try to get her interested in dance and theater over pageants. My dislike for them might be because I'm from the north and they're not very common here, but the whole world just doesn't sit right with me. I wouldn't be able to get into it and pageants require a lot of parent participation.

eta: I will admit to watching the pageant shows on tv! "Little Miss Perfect", on WE I think, is another one.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I could never let my child(ren) be in a pageant -that show makes me nauseous and yet when it''s on, I can''t seem to look away... creepy

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I really don''t know. My gut says no but truthfully I don''t know anything about the pageant world. If she was old enough to express an interest and I felt like it would benefit her I guess I would. At the first sign of trouble she would be out.

 

[jas]

Date: 5/18/2010 9:06:25 PM
Author: elrohwen
I don''t think I would let my kid do it - I would try to get her interested in dance and theater over pageants. My dislike for them might be because I''m from the north and they''re not very common here, but the whole world just doesn''t sit right with me. I wouldn''t be able to get into it and pageants require a lot of parent participation.

This, exactly. Performance? Yes. Dance? Yes. Sports? Heck, yes. Speech, debate, 4-H, Law Club, Amnesty International, ceramics, journalism, heck Young Republicans/Democrats. I might even consider letting little Jas model (consider, but probably not approve)

No pageants.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yes I''d allow it, but not as a child. A tween or teen, yes but a toddler? No. I was in a pageant in the 8th grade and it was a great experience. I didn''t win or even place, but it taught me a lot about being confident and poised during high stress, one on one interactions like interviews. I only did one and I think I''d allow my child to participate in one if s/he wanted to. However, they''re really expensive so I''d probably also use this as an opportunity to teach the value of the dollar (chores to pay for pageant costs, etc) while praying that they don''t love it and want to go on to do others.

 

[yssie]

I don't have kids, but I don't think it's something I would ever be comfortable allowing a younger child to do. Ditto PPs - 12, 15, I'd still be uncomfortable but I'd support her if she wanted to try it... 3/4/5? No way! Not until they understand what it's all really about, and appreciate that there's more to it than looking pretty. That show scared me the two times I watched it... FI was horrified.


But, I recognise that TV paints things the way they want us to see them. Pageants are not the norm where I live or where I grew up, so that "culture" is a very new idea for me, and I know nothing about it beyond the show and couple of hours of frantic googling afterward. I think, even if she did want to try it, I'd be hoping she decided she preferred dance/sports/whatever instead the entire time!

 

[megumic]

that show is like a train wreck -- you just can''t not watch.

 

[Indylady]

Not as a child. As a teen or young adult, sure. Those things are pretty expensive though.

If the pageant was truly "kid oriented," then sure; what I mean by this is that if it truly was about putting on a pretty dress and doing a talent, then ok. I participated in talent shows as kid, and I don''t remember anything negative about those experiences.

I watched an episode today that featured one girl that was very under-ly-made up, wore glasses, and didn''t have a talent besides twirling around in a circle. And, that''s what a pageant for 7 year olds should look like in my opinion. A little silly, a lot of fun, low pressure.

The pageants on that show are wayyy too "grown up" for girls that young. The "pageant" part doesn''t bother me; its the spray tan, caked make up, fake teeth, the seriousness, and the feeling that these girls are trying to dress just like Miss America when they''re 7 years old.

 

[oddoneout]

They scare me so no.

 

[Clio]

"Toddlers and Tiaras" features glitz pageants, which are pretty horrifying. Natural pageants are more low key, but still I don''t think I''d let my kids do it.

 

[E B]

No. They cost a fortune, and for what?

There are plenty of other great hobbies or activities for my children to pursue, hobbies that don't focus on how one looks in a tacky, bejeweled gown or bathing suit.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

As the pageants get older their "prizes" are usually scholarships.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

if the obsessive toddlers and tiaras moms and kids put the kind of energy they put into pageants into studying and researching other scholarship options they''d probably win the noble prize AND find a better way to get a free ride to school...just sayin...

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Not in a million years.
I''m guessing that somewhere along the line, someone makes money out of these events, and no one is going to use my child to make money. So no to pageants and modelling.

 

[Haven]

I''m from the north, so I must admit that I''ve never really understood pageants because they''re just not done much around here.

That being said, I think they''re icky. I don''t think I''d be able to play well with the other parents because they seem a bit intense. And I don''t like all that emphasis that is put on appearances, and it would probably make me cry to see my small child dolled up to look like a Barbie Doll. I think the whole pageant world would just clash with my own values so violently that it would be a painful experience for all involved. And, I''d get sh*t from my mother about it for the rest of my life.

So, I suppose that''s a "no."

 

[monarch64]

I don''t really see the point of the whole pageant circuit Little Miss Sunshine nonsense, but if my child was interested in something like that to showcase his or her talent or maybe just as an outlet for their competitive nature I would support that.

I do agree that there is something spectacularly unhealthy about "beauty pageants" in terms of the emphasis on appearance and the typical standard of beauty to which these contestants mold themselves. When I was little, I had to have a few stitches on my knee from a fall. My mother said to me "well, now you can never be Miss America because they don''t have scars." She was being facetious at the time but I took that SO SERIOUSLY. In my pre-teen years she also told me about her pageant wins and she was always amazed that at 12 years old I was fitting into her size 2 or 4 dresses she wore when she was 25. My favorite was when she measured my waist when I was about 13 and said "OMG, my waist was 26" when I was 25, yours is already 26" and you''re only 13!!" I spent the summer between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college in intensive outpatient therapy for an eating disorder--go figure.

It is the attitude of the parent(s) which determines the child''s attitude towards these things, imo. I wouldn''t hold my child back necessarily, but I think it is something that should definitely be approached with caution and monitored closely.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

They''re not common in the west, so the whole thing is just very alien to me...

But to answer the Fishie''s question, nope- I''d try to discourage it.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 5/19/2010 10:46:41 AM
Author: Bella_mezzo
if the obsessive toddlers and tiaras moms and kids put the kind of energy they put into pageants into studying and researching other scholarship options they''d probably win the noble prize AND find a better way to get a free ride to school...just sayin...

Bingo!

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/19/2010 11:36:30 AM
Author: Haven
I'm from the north, so I must admit that I've never really understood pageants because they're just not done much around here.

That being said, I think they're icky. I don't think I'd be able to play well with the other parents because they seem a bit intense. And I don't like all that emphasis that is put on appearances, and it would probably make me cry to see my small child dolled up to look like a Barbie Doll. I think the whole pageant world would just clash with my own values so violently that it would be a painful experience for all involved. And, I'd get sh*t from my mother about it for the rest of my life.


So, I suppose that's a 'no.'

Ditto this.

I have seen glimpses of that show before and I won't deny that I sort of felt a bit sick about it. And it was apparent so much of it was about the MOTHER'S (or in some cases FATHER'S) - not the kids. A kid would be in absolute tears and pouting about having to practice a dance routine with mother insisting she loves it...??? What? Or a child upset she lost...but I bet she was more upset at her mothers reaction she lost than she would have been otherwise. I just would not get along with mothers like that.

Okay, and I will say I think the girls look creepy. I know there are natural pageants out there too....but even they have their own culture. I am thinking here of the unappreciated creative dance in Little Miss Sunshine!

It's just not a message, or culture, I would want my young child to be involved in. As a woman who struggled with a serious eating disorder as a teenager I do not want any child of mine to be willingly subjected to something that puts appearance on this sort of pedestal...and sends a message that they need to make-upped, managed and modeled to be declared as beautiful.

So, I echo that it would clash to much with my own values. And I would encourage activities that put a lot less emphasis on the appearance of their still-growing body.

If as a teenager or young adult she wanted to give it a try and was as aware as she could be of her choice....then I would support her....but I also would not disguise my concerns and I would be keeping an eye on the situation.

 

[ChinaCat]

Those shows are INSANE. I saw a clip on The Soup where one JUDGE said the following, with a totally straight face (I am paraphrasing):

"We do have rules about what they can and can't wear. For instance, no thongs. Because you have to have a perfect figure to pull off a thong and not many of these girls do."

SERIOUSLY??? How about no thongs on a child PERIOD?

To answer your question honestly:

Probably not because 1) I find them creepy and 2) I have a boy.

But assuming I had a girl, and assuming she WANTED to? I still lean towards no. I hope that I raise a child in such a way that she would not WANT to be a part of something like that. But what I've learned in the short time I've been a mom, is never say never.

I mean, when I was a girl, my goal in life was to either be a Solid Gold dancer OR a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. The hair. The glamour. The gold shoes. The white boots. My little girl self was dazzled. My parents were horrified, but you also have to be careful about crushing a little kid's dream. So they let me take dance lessons and hoped I would grow out of it. I did. Sort of. Somedays I do wish Solid Gold was still on, and I could be out there spinning on the floor, with my waist-length hair flying behind me, instead of stuck at a desk and arguing with people that just like to argue.

Btw, I find the new Miss America (Miss Michigan) gorgeous. Halle Berry, Diane Sawyer, Candice Bergen, Vanessa Williams were all in pageants. They did all right for themselves.

But I still find them beyond creepy for little girls. So no when little, but when a teen-ager (say after 16), I guess I would let her make her own decision about it.

ETA: Plus that means I would have to spend my weekends going to these things. So a big NO from me.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/19/2010 10:58:43 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Not in a million years.
I''m guessing that somewhere along the line, someone makes money out of these events, and no one is going to use my child to make money. So no to pageants and modelling.

Ditto - I''ll even go as far as to say not in a million and one years.

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

No. I would redirect him or her to something like acting or dancing or something else that focussed on a skill or talent rather than appearance.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Those little girls have more makeup on than hookers!

There is NO way, if I had a daughter, she would be in a pageant. I wouldn't care if she wanted to or not. My kids (boys) want to do a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I let them! Jas mentioned 4-H. . .my son recently decided he wants to join and show *chickens*. Uh, yeah. lol If he wants to join and show our cat, I'd be okay with that. . .can't imagine that lasting very long though They do play sports and pick their own. I'm fine with that. Soccer and flag/tag football are fine.

 

[Jas12]

No, never.

I see no value in them, just so much potential to harm.

 

[soocool]

A friend of DD''s (not a close friend) mom is president of the Miss Hemisphere ( http://www.misshemisphere.org/index2.html) beauty pageants. She has been doing this for quite some time, being a beauty pageant winner herself. Her daughter has been in the business for a few years too along with her younger cousin and her cousin''s father (the mom''s brother). The girl ( 18 now) has even appeared on one of the Toddler''s and Tiara''s show as a pageant coach.

I once had a conversation with the mom about parents making the kids do the pageants and her reply was that the parents do it to secure a sound financial future for their kids. Some go on to modeling, acting and once they get older are eligible for college scholarships. Parents put out big bucks just for entrance fees, along with everything that goes along with being in a pageant and a few even sell their services at the pageant to help subsidize their child''s participation. DD''s friend makes good money being a pageant coach and she has no aspirations of going to college because apparently her mom''s company rakes in huge bucks.

 

[Pandora II]

We don''t really have them in the UK - but we all oggle the documentaries that they have about yours!

I think pageants are pretty gruesome and I don''t like the over-sexualisation of very young girls. Plus the mothers seem ghastly...

We will send Daisy for dance and drama lessons - hooray, I get some ''me-time''

- and I''ve been stopped a few times by people asking if I want her to model.

I''m planning on submitting her for one of the very serious kids model agencies here in London, but not until her separation anxiety is under control. I did a lot of modelling when I was younger and enjoyed it - I also know how the industry functions and feel I can ensure that she''s not exploited. She''s a very extroverted child who enjoys being photographed so I don''t think I''d be forcing her into it. Any money she earns will go into her Trust Fund or be used to finance private school fees, and the minute she didn''t want to do it we would stop.

 

[partgypsy]

Even if one of my daughters wanted to do it I''d say no.