Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future babies?

[blondebunny]

So.. another crazy subject... MIL is a midwife...yes lucky me I dont mind it because its nice to know i would be in good hands... BUT MIL really wanted another child, particularly a girl..and only had my hubby....so fast forward to now... and any time there is a mention of a baby... its not her grandchild its her granddaughter.... nope didnt hear me wrong... she introduced me to someone who trained her 20 yrs ago and said yes i am getting a granddaughter in 2 years... Ive told her recently that I didnt want to talk about it being a girl or boy because i just didnt think it was right... but seriously how can i get it out of her head that she needs to understand that it puts me in an awkward situation when all she talks about is her granddaughter... like what if i give her all boys ya know.. is she gonna be pissed? i asked her what would happen if it was a boy and her response was how many kids will you have till you get a girl...no joke...but then she said she would be fine she knows how to take care of a boy...but u know she is going to be upset. I mean she still mentions all the time how she should have a 15yr old girl that is a cheerleader right now and that she doesnt...

I am thinking of approaching it like this... "I am a believer that if you constantly want something you are going to get the opposite"..so if we constantly hope that we are going to get a girl...we will get a boy...and i dont want to get overly excited about having a girl to then not be as excited because its a boy...And then just tell her maybe how it upsets me because i feel like if I dont give her her granddaughter that i am a failure then and stuff along those lines...and just tell her I dont want people to get the wrong idea about her either then because she introduces me and then tells them im giving her a granddaughter when im not...and tell her i really just want her to talk about her grandchild from now on... We have a pretty honest relationship, I have started to become more honest with her about stuff because living in a house with her for the next 2 years (with my hubby home every 4 months for a month) that i dont want things to become fake or anything. Also, hubby and i picked out names for our future little ones and told her and FIL..and told her NOT to tell anyone...and what does she do... she tells this lady that she introduced to me and says that i am giving her her granddaughter so and so... i was like wtf... so of course i must mention that to her... we had to choose names because MIL wouldnt stop giving us name ideas that we hated so we picked names that we loved so she would stop because she was like being pushy on names we absolutely hated...

Do y'all think my way of approaching it would work? Any suggestions? lol We dont plan to start trying for about a year though so its a little premature but it could be sooner..but i figured if i talked to her now, she could maybe nip it in the bud so when i do get pregnant she isnt all telling everyone i am having a girl when im not lol or that she hopes its a girl... i used to hope i would have a girl first but i actually want a boy now... mostly because of personal reasons..but kinda in-spite of her because she wont stop talking about a girl lol

OH and one last question... would you let your MIL be your midwife, considering she is with the best practice in our area and she has been doing it for the last 20 years and is actually trained like a doctor and knows more than any other midwife normally does and handles really high risk patients? I mean i have talked to her about it and she is kinda set on wanting to deliver her first grandchild because i guess its like a huge deal and alot of midwives do... i mean i know i would be in amazing hands and she actually knows about all of my health problems i have (back problems, and some other health problems) so i feel like it might be better... but i still feel kinda weird with her being down there..but i know she would end up in the room anyways and told her i refuse to end up having a c-section and she is really good about making sure her patients do not end up that route...

Okay sorry so long its late and my mind is racing I swear i have the craziest situations sometimes...

 

[kelpie]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I would say that her constant discussion of a granddaughter upsets you because she's clearly indicating a grandson would be less appreciated, and while you've discussed having children, you can't count them before they've hatched. Sometimes I think my MIL sees me as a pair of walking talking ovaries. I think I'd be happy to have her be my midwife, she'd probably want to be there anyway so she'll be there and be doing something truly helpful and remarkable.

ETA- I realized I ignored the actual question in the headline. I don't think my parent's did but I was the third when they had one of each. People do get really excited in my family when boys are born because it's like a 10 to 1 ratio. My MIL who has two boys has said, "You better have boys because I don't know what to do with girls!". As if I had any control....

I'm with you that focusing so much on it (or ANY future bio children) will only bring heartache or make the opposite happen.

 

[fieryred33143]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I wouldn't say anything actually. IIRC, you are living with them. There is NO point in making the situation awkward when you aren't pregnant or TTC right now. Plus, she sounds like someone who really adores her family. She's treating you like a daughter and was really excited to have you move in. I may be wrong but I bet all of this granddaughter talk is just smoke and she'll love her grandson(s) if it turns out that way.

As for the midwife thing, there's no way I would have asked my MIL to be my midwife. I didn't even want her in the room even though she insisted that she will be there. I wasn't having that at all.

FWIW, my in-laws really wanted a granddaughter for the same reason. They had 2 boys and lost a daughter in early 3rd tri so they really wanted me to have a girl. I made a joke once that if I had a boy, she better not buy him pink dresses. She just joked back and said that would just mean I'd have to get started on #2 right away (and now after all that granddaughter talk she's asking me to "make" her a grandson :/ )

 

[fieryred33143]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Just wanted to add a little more clarification on MIL there during labor: I firmly believe that during labor, everyone in the room that isn't part of the staff should be there for you. That means people interested in your comfort, yor focus, your happiness. If there is someone there that is only interested in the baby, it is very stressful. My MIL, as mean as it sounds, couldn't have cared less about me in that moment. She was just really, really excited about meeting her grandchild. She hung out in the room beforehand and during my contractions where I couldn't even open my eyes, she asked FI if he wanted to go get something to eat. Whereas my mom and FI were holding my hand, rubbing my head, and telling me when it would be over.

So if your MIL can realistically be in the room for you and separate herself as grandma until the baby arrives then I think it's fine. If not, well it depends on how you feel about it.

 

[Pandora II]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Wow, sounds like Henry VIII in reverse - do you get beheaded for having a boy?

I would just let MIL get on with it, but maybe gently remind her that lots of people have problems getting pregnant in the first place and with all the things that can go wrong she should just hope for a grandchild and a healthy one at that.

I would no way want any relative in the labour room with me - we only told my parents when I went into labour and only then because he is an MD and I might need his support - via telephone - which in the end I was grateful for. I certainly wouldn't want them at the business end - plus if something goes wrong do you really want to blame/sue your MIL?

My hospital only allows 2 named people in the labour room at all and there are strict visiting hours and a max of 2 people visiting in postnatal at any one time. My labour did not go to plan, I very nearly died and spent several days in ICU during which time ONLY the father of the baby is allowed to visit, so no-one else saw the baby till she was 4 days old.

I don't get why you say you would 'refuse a caesarian'... when it comes to the moment you don't really have an option and all you will want is both of you safe and healthy. Caesarians aren't the worst thing in the world - and vaginal births aren't aways that great... I could barely sit down the first 2 weeks due to the pain of the episiotomy (I've had major spinal surgery and it was nothing compared with this) and it can seriously screw with your pelvic floor muscles and leave you with an intimate relationship with Depends...

To answer the original question, my parents didn't really care - they had 2 other grandkids already (one of each) - but my mother hoped I'd have a girl as she thought it would be nice for me. I did have a preference for a girl so I was very happy.

 

[february2003bride]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Yes, my inlaws wanted only boys because it's the Indian culture. BIL had the first grandbaby and it was a girl. MIL and FIL love her of course, but never reacted to any news from BIL about his wife's pregnancy or the birth. When DH told FIL that I was pregnant with a boy and their first grandson, they tried to become overly involved and cared very much about what name we picked (which was a huge fight between us and them). We then had another boy 21 months after DS was born, and the inlaws showed major favoritism. BIL's middle child was a boy and then his third was a girl. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and only when DH adopted her did they try to get to know her, but they do treat her differently from their biological grandchildren.

FIL still openly says that our DS#1 is his favorite grandchild even though he sees DS about 8 days out of the year when they are in the states and lives with BIL's family for 5+ months. DH and I would love to adopt a baby girl from India. Maybe someday...

What if your MIL was in the delivery room with you during hte labor part and then left when you started to push? I would only include her if she's going to be a positive and calm prescense in the delivery room.

 

[packrat]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

My parents didn't really *prefer*, but our family (both sides) has either all girls, or girl then boy. Not always, but most of the time. So, we just "knew" I would have a girl first. I dated a guy who told me point blank that if we had a baby and it was a girl he wouldn't love it, and work w/a woman whose husband wanted boys so bad she had to "prepare" him when the ultrasounds said girl. My MIL never really specified either way, but we didn't and still don't have a good relationship at all. With London, I don't think he even called her to tell her where we were until the baby was born, and Trapper was a repeat C-section, and I don't think he told her the day we'd planned for his birth until he was here either.

If I had a good relationship w/my MIL I would want here there but not as a Midwife, as a MIL. I wouldn't want my husband or mom to be pushed to the side and her to take over, and I wouldn't want to be worried about her concentrating on hoping it's a girl and then looking for disappointment on her face if it was a boy.

The C-section thing, that was my biggest fear, and I was adamant that I not have one. I'm petrified of surgery and the thought of an epidural gave me panic attacks. I had no choice in the matter. My body refused to cooperate and dilate, and London had big ole shoulders that lodged in the birth canal. Sometimes there are things that can be done and sometimes not. I was in the sometimes not category. I refused the first few times it was brought up. Dr. came in and said she'd let me wait it out as long as I wanted-but if the baby's heart beat started to get funny, there was no choice. I decided to just get it done-no way was I going to take the chance of something happening to hurt the baby. Went fine but wasn't the most fun part of my life. However, the repeat section for Trapper was a total dream.

Sometimes you gotta just play the hand your dealt and roll w/it.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

My mum REALLY wanted me to have a girl. and so did I. I convinced myself that i was having a boy and my mum agreed. Neither of us thought we would be so lucky as to have a girl. In the operating room I thought i heard the OB say the word 'girl', he had to repeat it a couple of times before it sunk in and i have never seen my mum be so excited and show such true emotion as that moment. She was jumping up and down in her gum boots and scubs saying 'yes yes yes!!'

As far as your MIL going around telling everyone that you are going to give her a girl, i would start counteracting it with something along the lines that it is her son who will decide if its a boy or girl so maybe she should start hassling him about it instead because it isn't your department, (nicely of course!) I wouldn't say anything about it seriously though, since you are not even trying for another year and you do have to live with her.

As far as her being your midwife, i personally wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. I mean, you are not really comfortable living with her, imagine having her there and one of the most intimate/ stressful times in your life? I would be worried that she wouldn't be able seperate her emotions if she was there in a professional capacity.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I did go the midwife route and ended up with a c/s. My son got stuck and I pushed for 3.5 hours while he was stuck the whole time. My midwife told me if it weren't for modern medicine, I would have died. It's wrong for someone to promise you that you won't end up having a c/s. That alone would turn me off to having that person treat me. I'd say that my insurance doesn't cover a midwife.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

How about avoiding the drama altogether and not find out the gender of your future child? I really do not understand why people get so worked up about the gender of the baby - it's not like you have any control over it.

As far as having my MIL be there while in labor and delivery; that would be a big no. My MIL is a nurse and had six children herself, but when I was in labor with my son I wasn't there to entertain anyone. Once I started pushing everyone except DH, my mom and necessary medical staff were kicked out of my room. I'm pregnant with my second now and I'm planning on doing the same with this delivery as well.

Further, if you will actually have a high-risk pregnancy then I would suggest that you put a midwife on the backburner until you meet with an OB and see if you need to be referred to a high-risk doctor. There can be a lot of risks involved and it's something that you need to make an informed decision about. That's not to say that you shouldn't use a midwife, but just to make sure that you will have proper medical supervision during your pregnancy, delivery and also post-partum.

 

[Haven]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

If our parents prefer a particular gender we'll never know about it because in our religious culture the superstition persists that you invite bad luck if you so much as mention the baby's name before he or she is born. So, while we get very excited when a loved one is pregnant, we don't have showers or buy *anything* for the baby until after he or she is born, let alone discuss whether we want a boy or a girl.

That being said, if I were in your position I would consider a couple things before I said anything to her:
- What are the odds that she will actually stop her behavior?
- Even if she will stop this behavior, is this a battle worth waging?

It sounds like you aren't even trying to get pregnant right now, so it strikes me as really strange that she's even discussing anything right now. If I were you and I decided to say something to her, I'd try to make it sound like a really heartfelt plea more than anything else--something like "Mom, I'm really touched that you are so excited about our future baby, and I can't wait to share all of that with you. But, talking about a granddaughter now, so long before we're even trying and before we know if it's a boy or a girl, makes me kind of sad. I want you to love our child, no matter if we have a boy or a girl."

Good luck. She sounds a like a lot to handle.

As for the midwife situation, I would not want her to be my midwife. She already sounds a bit overbearing, so I'd want to draw a firm boundary line with her: She is my MIL, someone else is my midwife. I'd be particularly concerned that she would become overly invested in decisions we make about the birth and how to handle the pregnancy, and that ultimately that over-involvement would bleed into our parenting choices once the baby arrives. That's not to say she won't voice her opinion anyway about your parenting choices, but if she is also your midwife I'd be concerned that would make her even more inclined to be overbearing once the baby arrives, as well.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

i refuse to end up having a c-section and she is really good about making sure her patients do not end up that route...

pardon me, but seriously???

you cannot "REFUSE" to have a c-section if that's the safest way for your child to enter the world.

sheesh!

 

[Mara]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

yup my Mom was convinced we were having a girl and was disappointed when she heard J was a boy. but of course eventually she came around and she adores him. it didn't bother me at all--she was free to wish what she wanted but it obviously changed nothing.

as for the midwife Q... if she is the best in the business, maybe, but surely she can recommend you to a colleague or someone else she'd trust.

ditto the others re: a c/s. you can say you really don't want to go that route and make your wishes known, but in the end it will really depend on the kind of labor and birth you have and there's absolutely NO way to know what that will be. i am glad we didn't have to go the c/s route, but J was stuck very low in the birth canal for 1.5 hours, and they monitored him the whole time, if at any point his heartbeat slowed or stopped i have no doubt things would have been different.

the best thing i can say is don't have really extreme expectations one way or the other--know you may have to go with the flow--and things may happen you are not keen on.

 

[KimberlyH]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I think you need to stop all baby talk with your MIL. Let her know you'll be happy with either gender, that her words concern you and that it's best not to count your X chromosomes before they're hatched.

As for being your midwife, I'd say no based on what you say about her. Tell her you want her there as family when the baby is born, not working, so she can be in the moment with you.

 

[steph72276]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

With my first, I didn't care what we had. We had a baby boy. With my second, I really thought I wanted to have a girl, just to have the experience of both, but we had another boy. Now, having him here I couldn't imagine it any other way.

As far as the midwife situation goes, I agree with MC that it would be a huge red flag to me if she told you she can prevent people from having c sections. Of course nobody really wants to go that route, but sometimes it is medically necessary for the health of the baby and/or the mother and you really can't "refuse" to have one unless you want to have a possibly tragic outcome.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

As far as the midwife situation goes, I agree with MC that it would be a huge red flag to me if she told you she can prevent people from having c sections. Of course nobody really wants to go that route, but sometimes it is medically necessary for the health of the baby and/or the mother and you really can't "refuse" to have one unless you want to have a possibly tragic outcome.

Biiiiiig yes. Anyone who says something like this is lying. And a c-section is not the end of world, lots of us have to do it in order to have healthy babies. And I don't know about you, but the health of my baby was first and foremost!

I personally would not want any family treating me, no matter who they were. Feelings get involved and I think it could really become a problem. Plus a lot of places won't even allow it, because it is a conflict of interests.

Since you aren't even TTC right now, I think it best to just ignore her comments. Because that's all they are, is words. And if you are still living with her, then it will definitely be better if you just keep your mouth shut for now.

 

[fieryred33143]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I took that comment about the c-sections differently. I took it to mean that BB thinks regular OBs do c-sections as a faster/easier/more convenient route (for the OB) and that a midwife wouldn't allow that. It's not unlike some midwives to put it in your head that OBs are the bad guys who will perform unnecessary surgeries.

I agree that it's a red flag to hear someone say they'll "prevent" surgeries. You can't prevent what's right for the baby.

I think it's more appropriate to say that midwives prevent unnecessary inductions which is the reason I'm going the midwife route next time since I was induced out of convenience.

 

[qtiekiki]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

The inlaws preferred a boy, although they never said anything. We knew it because they are very traditional, and boys are desired traditionally in our culture. My parents didn't have a preference. We had our daughter first, and the inlaws didn't show any disappointments. It's probably because they figure that we'll have more kids, so they still have a chance of getting a grandson. With our second, I kept the gender from everyone. So everyone thought we were having another girl. It was funny and annoying at the same time; annoyed that people thought I would be too "ashamed" or something to admit that I am having a girl, but funny that they were all going to be surprised.

In your situation, I would probably just jokingly say "or grandson" aftershout MIL says "she is going to have my granddaughter". I really dont think she'll love a grandson less. It's kind of hard not to love a squishy newborn. I wouldn't have a talk with her about worrying about her not loving a grandson right now since it's all speculations. Maybe once you are pregnant, you can have that convo.

I wouldn't want my MIL to be my midwife, just too much emotions involved. I also assumed blondebunny meant that she wants to avoid c/s if possible, not refuse when there's no other options.

I don't know about other OBs, but my OB doesn't like doing c/s because it's a lot more work for him. With vaginally births, he just has to come by and check on his patients' progress and be there when his patients are ready to push.

 

[Puppmom]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I'm not sure I would say anything. Before addressing a situation, I always ask myself if the confrontation is going to make a difference. If it's not, why bother? I don't always follow my own advice because sometimes it's just good to get things off your chest.

My parents and ILs didn't prefer any gender as far as we know. However, I happen to know that I was my parent's attempt for a boy...My parents had a baby girl every 4 years and I was the 3rd. Then, 14 months later, my brother was born. Two years later, my parents split up. I once asked my mom why she had another child with my dad if things were so rocky and she said she wanted a boy so she figured she would try one last time. I read between the lines and my mom eventually fessed up. I'm glad they did it b/c I can't imagine life without my brother!

On the midwife thing, I would not use MIL but I'm SUPER modest. As far as her insisting to be in the room when your baby is born, be sure you only have the people there that you want there. For me, people could *insist* all they wanted but they weren't coming in!

 

[Bliss]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

For us, everyone wanted a girl! MIL and FIL have never had a daughter, which they always lament - so they were hoping for a little girl. Don't get me started on my mom. She was chanting GIRL GIRL GIRL with her imaginary pink pom poms before I was even pregnant! DH and I were kind of hoping for a boy first so he could be the protective older brother. But in my heart, I have wanted a baby girl all of my life - from the time I rocked my first baby doll to sleep as a little girl myself. DH is terrified he's going to be so in love with a little girl that he's going to be a mushy softie for life. He said his heart is going to break every day when he has to go to work! How cute is that? And already he is suspicious of BOY BABIES because one day they will grow up and marry his little girl! So funny.

When we told everyone, there were elated screams and parents jumping up and down like those black and white Elvis concerts where the women faint and scream in histrionics. It was pretty cute and funny! But I have to say, it was also stressful because I did NOT want the sex of our baby to be any kind of disappointment for anyone. This is a very wanted and loved baby and I wanted everyone to celebrate it, not be disappointed because the baby was a boy. Now, of course... everyone wants a boy next. Geez! I would be happy as pie to have a house full of girls, though!!!

I'm sorry your MIL is putting so much pressure on you! Sometimes they forget that we're very sensitive to it. They should just be insanely happy to get a baby at all! Geez! It's a huge huge miracle to have a healthy baby and who cares if it's a boy or a girl? We, on the other hand, also forget that they're just acting out their deepest desires and dreams... and whether it is a boy or a girl, they will still get googly eyed and be super grandma or grandpa. Boy or girl, a baby is a powerfully cute thing - and sure to win over any in law!!!! I was most worried about my mom, to be honest. She had her heart set on a little girl - but I know she would have been in love with a baby boy as well. Babies are babies and once you meet them, all of that other stuff melts away. Hopefully!

ETA: One thing you could do every time your MIL says GIRL is to say, "Tell DH since it'll be his swimmers that decide! Make sure you tell him to coach his girl swimmers or else the boys will win the race!!!" Hopefully that will make her blush to think about her son's swimmers and also take the pressure off of you! If DH is standing anywhere within hearing distance, he will surely tell her to cut it out! LOL If any of our in laws dares to pressure us about having a boy next, I'm going to point to DH's groin and say, "Don't tell me, tell his swimmers!" Heehee. I doubt they will, but I've got it ready just in case!

 

[steph72276]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

bhahaha, I love your response Bliss!!!

 

[Bliss]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

bhahaha, I love your response Bliss!!!

Fl Steph! Heehee! Another thing blondebunny, if you DARE, is to nod and start enthusiastically discussing the Dr. Shettles method and how he recommends missionary position to skew the odds of having a girl... and throw in how you'll be sure to avoid "doggie style" intercourse because he says that results in more boys... make sure you frown and confide how concerned you are because it's DH's favorite position and... I'm sure she will stop you right there and NEVER ask you again about having girls!!! But only if you dare!

 

[vespergirl]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

All of our parents wanted a girl, because there are so few girls born in both of our families. Now with my two boys, there are still only grandsons, no granddaughters. I always wanted two boys and preferred not having a girl, so I was really the only one that was pleased when we found out our second was another boy. Even DH, who was very excited that our first was a boy, was visibly disappointed when our second wasn't a girl, because he thought it would be fun to have one of each.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Wow, there is so much dysfunction out there! I don't recall anyone, including my husband, expressing a gender preference. Seems beyond ridiculous to even discuss.

As for your MIL being a midwife, my OB put it perfectly when he told me "MILs do not BELONG in the delivery room." Seeing how you already have a strained relationship with her I am not sure why you would consider having your mother as your midwife, and why you are even worrying about this before you are even pregnant. Many professions find duel relationships unethical. It would be unethical for my doctor to be related to me, wouldn't it be the same for a midwife?

I think *most* women do not want a c-section (though in many countries it is desired) but life is unpredictable and when it comes to YOUR life/heath and the life/heath of your baby, I don't think most mature, responsible, selfless women would out right refuse one.

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Wow, there is so much dysfunction out there! I don't recall anyone, including my husband, expressing a gender preference. Seems beyond ridiculous to even discuss.

As for your MIL being a midwife, my OB put it perfectly when he told me "MILs do not BELONG in the delivery room." Seeing how you already have a strained relationship with her I am not sure why you would consider having your mother as your midwife, and why you are even worrying about this before you are even pregnant. Many professions find duel relationships unethical. It would be unethical for my doctor to be related to me, wouldn't it be the same for a midwife?

I think *most* women do not want a c-section (though in many countries it is desired) but life is unpredictable and when it comes to YOUR life/heath and the life/heath of your baby, I don't think most mature, responsible, selfless women would out right refuse one.

I did. But they came at me with the scapel anyway. Easy to do since I had an epi and couldn't run away. All part of their evil master plan............

 

[steph72276]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Wow, there is so much dysfunction out there! I don't recall anyone, including my husband, expressing a gender preference. Seems beyond ridiculous to even discuss.

As for your MIL being a midwife, my OB put it perfectly when he told me "MILs do not BELONG in the delivery room." Seeing how you already have a strained relationship with her I am not sure why you would consider having your mother as your midwife, and why you are even worrying about this before you are even pregnant. Many professions find duel relationships unethical. It would be unethical for my doctor to be related to me, wouldn't it be the same for a midwife?

I think *most* women do not want a c-section (though in many countries it is desired) but life is unpredictable and when it comes to YOUR life/heath and the life/heath of your baby, I don't think most mature, responsible, selfless women would out right refuse one.

I did. But they came at me with the scapel anyway. Easy to do since I had an epi and couldn't run away. All part of their evil master plan............

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

I would tell my MIL to let is rest and go bother her son because he is responsible for gender anyways.

And I would NOT have my MIL as my midwife. She is too invested in the situation and would not be able to make a cool rational decision in the heat of the moment.

 

[swimmer]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

Just wanted to add a little more clarification on MIL there during labor: I firmly believe that during labor, everyone in the room that isn't part of the staff should be there for you. That means people interested in your comfort, yor focus, your happiness. If there is someone there that is only interested in the baby, it is very stressful. My MIL, as mean as it sounds, couldn't have cared less about me in that moment. She was just really, really excited about meeting her grandchild. She hung out in the room beforehand and during my contractions where I couldn't even open my eyes, she asked FI if he wanted to go get something to eat. Whereas my mom and FI were holding my hand, rubbing my head, and telling me when it would be over.

So if your MIL can realistically be in the room for you and separate herself as grandma until the baby arrives then I think it's fine. If not, well it depends on how you feel about it.

Amen. I don't really think that it is possible for a person to do that separation. You are simply the vessel that will be carrying her grandbaby. A very important vessel, but the priority would not be on you no matter how professional she is. Like my MIL who would make me dinner, drive an hour to our place, then watch me eat it while talking about how she was "feeding her grandbaby." Sorta creepy really, but I was starving so went with it.

However her partners would be on the top of their game for their colleague's relation no?

 

[MonkeyPie]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

My parents and IL's adore Micah, but they wanted a girl on both sides because we have nothing but boys in the family! I did, too, because I have always dreamed of a baby girl, but maybe next time - I wouldn't trade Micah for the world, he's my ideal baby

 

[natalina]

Re: Did/Do your parents prefer a gender with your future bab

My parents could not have cared less if we had a boy or girl. It's all about a healthy baby. My brother and his wife are due to have their second child next month (their little girl is 5). We were all secretly hoping just the tiniest bit for a boy because otherwise our family name will be gone, although we really just want a healthy baby. Turns out his little boy will be born Oct.28th via a scheduled c-section. The really fun part is that my bro doesn't know the sex yet- he wants to be surprised- but his wife told all of us!

The thought of having my MIL even IN the room, let alone DELIVERING the baby skeeves me out. No possible way would I even have considered that. Don't get me wrong, we get along fine and I know she would mean well, but there is just too much going on at that moment that I would not want her privy to. When our daughter was born, it was just DH and I with the nurse & doctor, and that's the way it will be next time, too.

As for the c-section comment, I just have to echo everyone that has said it is not reasonable to say you would "refuse" to have a c-section. Or what? Let something tragic happen to your baby if a vaginal delivery became problematic? Come on, that's ridiculous. When you are in the situation yourself, you will see that your ONLY concern is a healthy outcome for baby (and you).

It seems really early to be talking about any of this with your MIL anyway. Why not just tell her (in a semi-joking way) that you are just trying to enjoy being newlyweds and that she needs to lay off all the babytalk?