Deciding to have more children...what goes into your decision?

[Sha]

My baby is just about 3 months but I''m already thinking about this. I''d love to have one more (when I was younger I wanted 3 but I''ve settled for 2 now) I had a wonderful pregnancy and love having my little girl so far, tiring as it has been! I would like if she had a sibling to grow up with too. DH may need some convincing, though...he loves his daughter but is happy with just one child. Anyway, if we did have another, I''d like to try in the next 6 months to a year, God willing. I''ll be 34 this year and DH will be 42, so age would definitely play a role the decision to TTC again.

Just curious about how other PS mommies feel. Do you feel as though your family is complete? If not, when would you like to add to your family, and what plays into that decision?

 

[jewelz617]

My husband and I have an almost 2 year old. There are times when I want more and I get that new baby nostalgia. But I think I tend to romanticize how unbelievably stressful that time was. It was wonderful having our girl, but it put a strain on our sex life, our finances, our whole life in general. She enriches our lives so much, but we both are in agreement that we''re probably done.

I''m not 100% about it, but I think I could be happy with just her. I want to travel, I want to further my education. I kind of like the way things are now... but we''ll see!

 

[Kaleigh]

I'm at the other end of the spectrum as we are empty nesters.

I knew I wanted my kids close together, lord willing. My Mom had lots of MC's so my brother by the time I arrived was 6 years older than me. We never really grew up together, but were super close despite that.

Today is his birthday, he would have been 55 today.

I have been thinking of him all day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEDDY!!!!

I wanted my kids close in age. But had no clue if that would happen for me, since my Mom had so many problems.

When we TTC'd for the first, it happened right away. DD was born.

I did lose a baby when she was 7 months old... That was hard. But got pregnant soon afterwards and had my DS!!!

You do what's best for you, what you can afford.

For me??

I wanted to give my kids what I wished I had.

Meaning a sibling to grow up with, to be close to, to share all the ins and outs of life...

I was very close to my brother, but we never grew up together.

Although my kids are in different colleges, they talk all the time and are very close.

And when they were little, it made me smile to see them be best of friends.

I grew up as an only child. Even though I had a sibling, but he was never home, and moved away at 16. He was a talented kid and made it big in the entertainment industry.

I think there is something soooo awesome about having a sibling. It's a great bond...

Not to say being an only child is a bad thing. I was one, basically, but know that I missed a lot by being sooo much younger than my brother.

HTH.

 

[E B]

I wasn''t happy as an only child. All of my friends with siblings seem to be such great friends as adults (and many were friends as children), and I want my son to have what I didn''t. Sure, there''s a chance our kids will hate each other, but I think the chances are greater that they''ll have each other for support.

My husband only wants two, but I told him not to close the door on a third so soon. I think I''d be happy with only two as well, but you never know.

 

[ponder]

My LO is 8 months old and we are TTC. My RE did not have much hope for last month, but this month looks better. We knew that we wanted two and we wanted them close together. DH wanted to start TTC at 2 months.

I am 30 and DH is 35 and we have been married for 9 years. We waited until we were ready and afford for me to stay home if I chose to do so. We just knew that it was time for us to jump into the next chapter of our lives and we are loving every minute of it. Also, its important to me to have more than one child. I feel that the best gift you can ever give your child is a sibling.

On the more practical side, my health insurance is $1300.00 a month. Once we have the next kid we can try and find something cheaper that does not cover maternity.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 2/16/2010 8:30:41 PM
Author: ponder
My LO is 8 months old and we are TTC. My RE did not have much hope for last month, but this month looks better. We knew that we wanted two and we wanted them close together. DH wanted to start TTC at 2 months.

I am 30 and DH is 35 and we have been married for 9 years. We waited until we were ready and afford for me to stay home if I chose to do so. We just knew that it was time for us to jump into the next chapter of our lives and we are loving every minute of it. Also, its important to me to have more than one child. I feel that the best gift you can ever give your child is a sibling.


On the more practical side, my health insurance is $1300.00 a month. Once we have the next kid we can try and find something cheaper that does not cover maternity.

I definitely understand your reasons for wanting more children. For me personally (and this is just me offering a different perspective), I feel the best gift I can give my daughter is my 100% best attention and care as a stay at home mom and a life of opportunities we might not have been able to provide had we been financially stressed to the max with other children.

I have siblings and love them dearly, but have to consider every aspect and what is best for us as an entire family unit. And for us that probably doesn't include another baby. I was the only girl my parents had. I had 2 brothers who were born 18 months apart. They and I did not become close until we were all well out of high school. So even though I was not an only child I never had that super close sibling connection growing up.

Some people are only able to have one child, if they are able to conceive at all... that doesn't mean they are depriving their child. For us, the best gift is being loving, devoted and involved parents.

 

[qtiekiki]

I always wanted at least 2 and at most 4 kids, and DH wanted just 2 (a girl, and then a boy - in this particular order). So for us, it was never a question. It probably have to do with the fact that I am one of three girls and the age gaps between us are 2 years and 18 months, and can''t image DD not having a sibling. And I think DH wanted a girl and then a boy b/c his oldest sister used to take him to movies and stuffs, and he is closest to her even though their age gap is the largest.

I wanted a 2 years age gap between my kids. Since it took us over a year of not preventing to conceive DD, I told DH that we need to TTC earlier for our second kid. We started TTCing when DD was 7 months, and ended up getting pregnant after two months of not preventing. So now we have a daugther and a son, and they are 18 months apart. And we kind of feel like our family is complete. We are not closing the door on a third kid yet, but it won''t be for a few years before we even think about another kid.

 

[mrssalvo]

I was an only child until my parents divorced and remarried and i got step siblings. I hated it and always knew I wanted at least 2, but probably 3 and i have 3.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

DH and I both grew up with an older sibling about 3 years apart. My mom later had another child when I was 13, but I''m not going to consider him in this. We both really liked the family dynamic of two siblings, but we also both grew up in single parent homes. We have no idea how it''s going to go with kids. We could find that "sweet spot" with just one child or we may decide to try for another. I can say with confidence that two is my limit though. In all honestly though a big factor in the 1 or 2 kid debate is money. As it stands now we couldn''t afford to have two kids in day care so we could both work and we couldn''t afford to have me stay at home and live off of just DH''s salary. He''d have to get a $50k-$60k/year raise to make that happen (to cover the loss of my salary and insurance). So for now we''re having one, we''re going to see how it goes and perhaps when the little one is in school and out of day care we''ll consider another one.

 

[Puppmom]

I agree with PinkAsscher that you have to be careful not to over-romanticize it. It was honestly hard for DH and I to decide to have another. We have a teenager (can you say birth control?!) so the notion that this baby in my belly will someday be a teenager is a bit intimidating sometimes.

For us the decision will probably come down to money and how well we handle life with one LO around...that remains to be seen!

 

[janinegirly]

I think it''s a good point to not overromanticize. Also do not rush--18 mo''s apart is not much!

For us I am in the same boat in that I would like 1 more (we have a 16 mo old) and DH is thinking that''s it. For him his age is a factor (older than your DH). He feels he wouldn''t be able to give as much and would be a dad to a dependent child the rest of his life more or less! I feel it''s perfectly manageable and want my LO to have a sibling, but I would need DH to be 100% or else I don''t think it would be right. So bottom line is we are going to keep talking about it (and listening to the other). I personally think 3 years is a nice space in between and I''m also considering my work plans (ie would take time off if there is another one). Still right now it looks more likely there will be only one.

In terms of your questions--just keep having open conversations with your DH. And depending on what your DH''s concerns are, show him some real life examples of how it works. But it also means listening to him and realizing he has some valid points too...sometimes all we can see is a little baby with the chubby legs and it can cloud reason (that''s how it is for me at least!).

 

[MustangGal]

I''m 30, DH 31, and we have a 1 year old. I''m one of 5 children and DH is one of 3, so we did both grow up with siblings. Yet neither of us are really close to any of them. I think I''m done with our son, but DH wants one more. We did decide before TTC that we would not want more than 3 years between kids. My siblings were 4 years on each side of me, so we never went to the same school, and didn''t have the same interests. My mom also has a good theory, not having 2 in diapers at the same time. So IF we did it again, we would start TTC when DS is 2.

Now my reasons for only wanting one: we both have to work FT, there''s no getting around that, so I would feel guilty about not having much time for 2 kids. We also can''t afford daycare for 2 at this point. I feel like I can handle how things are now, we still have time for ourselves, and I feel like I still have an identity other than being a mommy. I saw my mom give herself up to her children, and I know for some people that is enriching and what they want from life, but it''s not me. I want to be able to travel as a family, afford a few luxeries (and our income is much less than most around here), and give my one kid a good life, rather and struggling to give 2 kids an OK life.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 2/17/2010 10:45:46 AM
Author: MustangGal
I''m 30, DH 31, and we have a 1 year old. I''m one of 5 children and DH is one of 3, so we did both grow up with siblings. Yet neither of us are really close to any of them. I think I''m done with our son, but DH wants one more. We did decide before TTC that we would not want more than 3 years between kids. My siblings were 4 years on each side of me, so we never went to the same school, and didn''t have the same interests. My mom also has a good theory, not having 2 in diapers at the same time. So IF we did it again, we would start TTC when DS is 2.


Now my reasons for only wanting one: we both have to work FT, there''s no getting around that, so I would feel guilty about not having much time for 2 kids. We also can''t afford daycare for 2 at this point. I feel like I can handle how things are now, we still have time for ourselves, and I feel like I still have an identity other than being a mommy. I saw my mom give herself up to her children, and I know for some people that is enriching and what they want from life, but it''s not me. I want to be able to travel as a family, afford a few luxeries (and our income is much less than most around here), and give my one kid a good life, rather and struggling to give 2 kids an OK life.

This is a huge part of our probably only having one.

 

[TravelingGal]

I''m leaning toward one because I don''t think I''m capable of properly taking care of two.

 

[Mandarine]

I wanted 3, DH wanted 2....

So, if we would have had a singleton and then the twins, I would have had my 3!...but since we had the twins first, DH is saying he''s done

I go back and forth...but I think if he''s done then I''m done too (I thinkw e would both need to be 100% in agreement if we decided to have more)

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

You never know what life brings to the table; I had one and feel lucky. After three miscarriages, there wasn''t any more.

cheers--Sharon

 

[dreamer_dachsie]

We have a one year old son now. I feel much like EBree. I was an only child in a single parent family with no cousins. Despite my mom''s best efforts and my close relationship with my grandparents, it was a lonely childhood at times. So I want more than one child not just for my kids, but for *me*. I want to be a part of a big bustling family. DH is one of three and has 14 cousins, so the other side of the spectrum from me, and he wants what he had. We will have two for sure (knock wood) and will see how we feel about three when the time comes.

I think about the finances sometimes for sure, it would be easier with one no doubt about it. We can afford two in daycare, but we won''t have lots of luxuries and trips etc when they are young, and little spending money. But then I think... we are talking about a *person* here. A little being who will probably be a lot like our son. Or maybe completely different but no less amazing to me. How can I say that a larger house or a trip to Europe is more important or will bring me more joy that knowing and raising another child? I can''t. And DH and I think of that whenever we worry about finances. Obviously, this is no judgement of others decisions, I am just conveying the thoughts I have when I think about it.

We are trying to time number two around my job and some other things. I would like to be in my new job for at least 1.5 years before I take leave, I''d like to give birth at the start of a new school year, so around september, because it is better for my teaching and for getting the new kid into the same daycare as Hunter, and we want him to be around 30 months when the second is born, which means getting pg a little before his second birthday. So it looks like October will be GO month! Hopefully it won''t take too long!

I don''t kow if I will make it to then, though. I think about getting pregnant a lot these days and I am not on the pill. It would be too easy to just throw caution to the wind!

 

[Rachel9]

We planned for one had two.... definitely complete.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m leaning a lot towards being one and done but I feel really bad. I was an only child for 7 years but I was surrounded by cousins. I had two cousins that I was very close to and were like my sisters (one was 3 days older than me, the other 2 weeks older than both of us) so we did everything together.

My DD has no cousins in this area and probably won''t for a very long time. FI''s cousins are no where near settling down much less having children. I have second cousins that are scattered throughout NY and Central FL so she has them but won''t see them often at all.

FI''s brother is also 7 years older than FI and older than all of the cousins. He never hung out with any of them so he''s very much the black sheep of the family, only making special appearances during holidays. I don''t want DD to feel this way if she ends up with no cousins.

His brother is not planning on having children and he is almost 40. I have two brothers both of which are no where near having children, one may adopt and the other may not have any children at all.

So not only is it possible that she will be the only child, it''s also possible she may not have any little cousins to hang out with and that makes me sad.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Dh and I feel complete. He''s 38 and I''m 37. We have two boys in elementary school. I do not think I could handle the additional work a third child brings. With two kids, not only am I keeping after them by feeding and cleaning up, I''m also PT referee making sure they''re getting along, doing their homework without goofing off, as well.

Also, I want to be able to have a good retirement fund and be able to help the kids with college. I like that with two kids we can afford to feed them many organic foods and buy them nice clothes, PLUS, have enough funds to save for our future. With a third child, we would be making significant financial sacrifices and I do not want to do that!

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2010 12:18:12 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

I think about the finances sometimes for sure, it would be easier with one no doubt about it. We can afford two in daycare, but we won't have lots of luxuries and trips etc when they are young, and little spending money. But then I think... we are talking about a *person* here. A little being who will probably be a lot like our son. Or maybe completely different but no less amazing to me. How can I say that a larger house or a trip to Europe is more important or will bring me more joy that knowing and raising another child? I can't. And DH and I think of that whenever we worry about finances. Obviously, this is no judgement of others decisions, I am just conveying the thoughts I have when I think about it.

I feel the same way!

When to try for #2? We discussed pros and cons of different options a few nights ago after some friends of ours visited- they have two boys who are 15 months apart, and they're happy with the spacing. We'd have to get pregnant now to have similar spacing, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I feel like I was pregnant just yesterday.

We'll probably start "not preventing" this fall.

 

[ljmorgan]

I always wanted 2 to 3 children -- husband says 2. I had my first child last April but she was stillborn, and now I am 23 weeks preggo with kiddo number 2 who is due in June. My husband and I now know that we will definitely try to have a third. I would like for them to be close together but I am exhausted -- I am already having 2 kids in 14 months (likely 13 months since this kid will likely be at least one month early.)

With our next child we''ll likely do IVF for genetic reasons so that is certainly a factor for us. Insurance will not cover the procedure since we don''t suffer from infertility, so we will be paying out of pocket. My husband and I have stashed away money for years for savings, retirement, etc. so we feel mentally ready for children. My husband is an engineer and I''m a computer scientist and we''ve always sort of been the yuppie type -- I never saw myself with two children by the age of 26 for sure! And already thinking about a third...

There are so many factors that go into deciding how many children to have. Some people prefer a bigger family feel, while others prefer a more comfortable lifestyle with a smaller family -- there''s definitely no right or wrong answer no matter how many folks try to claim a moral high ground. I personally want more than one child because I did enjoy having a sibling and enjoy our larger gettogethers with extended family. I''d like the same for my children!

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 2/17/2010 12:50:34 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/17/2010 12:18:12 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie

I think about the finances sometimes for sure, it would be easier with one no doubt about it. We can afford two in daycare, but we won''t have lots of luxuries and trips etc when they are young, and little spending money. But then I think... we are talking about a *person* here. A little being who will probably be a lot like our son. Or maybe completely different but no less amazing to me. How can I say that a larger house or a trip to Europe is more important or will bring me more joy that knowing and raising another child? I can''t. And DH and I think of that whenever we worry about finances. Obviously, this is no judgement of others decisions, I am just conveying the thoughts I have when I think about it.

I feel the same way!

I agree!

I always wanted 2 children and now that I have them, I feel like my family is complete. In my ideal world, I wanted to try for the 2nd one when #1 was a year old. Fate (and Jagermeister shots on New Year''s Eve

) had different plans for me and I got pregnant when my first was only 8 months old. I can''t even express the anxiety that I went through after finding out I was pregnant again so quickly after the first one--they would only be 17 months apart. The older one was still a baby and I was going to bring another baby into our world. But once again, fate has a way of making things work and now that they are almost 3 and 16 months old, I wouldn''t have it any other way. It was definitely tough in the beginning but I''m sure it''s tough whenever you add another baby into the mix. But now, things are going really well, the girls are very close, they play together and entertain each other and it really warms my heart when I see them hanging out and being sisters. Do we struggle? Well, we''re definitely not taking trips or doing anything extravagant as husband and wife right now but it''s totally worth it because we are giving our children some really amazing experiences that bring us a great deal of pleasure as well. And I don''t think I''ve done either child a disservice by giving them a sibling. I''m sure we would have been fine with just one and she would have turned out great but I would have felt like something was missing if we didn''t have a 2nd one. Fortunately, DH feels the same way and we are making it work for our family.

 

[somethingshiny]

The only thing that goes into my decision is this: "Do I feel like my family is complete?"

I''m having a healthy pregnancy with our 2nd and even though we originally wanted 4 kids, I feel like this child will complete our family.

If you''re not done, you know you''re not done.

I''m assuming that same goes for if you ARE done.

 

[snlee]

I've always wanted to have at least 2 kids. DH wanted 3 but now (after having DS) he is thinking 2. We're not closing the door on 3 yet. We'll wait and see if our family feels complete with 2. I've always wanted my kids to be close in age. I thought that 2-3 years is a good age gap. After having DS I didn't think I'd be ready to be pregnant again anytime soon - I had a hard pregnancy with PTL and bedrest and the newborn stage was rough! 3 years apart looked good. But as DS approached 1 and become more of a toddler and not a baby, DH and I both wanted to have another one sooner rather than later. We started TTC baby #2 when DS was 1. DS is almost 17 months now and we're expecting baby #2! Our kids with be almost exactly 2 years apart.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Well, I never wanted any, so one is fine by me!

That sounds flippant - what I really mean is that children never featured in my life plans; up to the point we decided to TTC it had just seemed like something other people do.

I don''t want to raise more than one child, and while I absolutely loved the newborn stage, on balance, it isn''t enough to make me want another. I''ve been conflicted on this, because I longed for another baby a few months back. Every thing was weighed against it in practical and emotional terms, but I wanted one. I think I''ve realised that however many children I had, be it one or ten, I would still always want to be the mother of a newborn (assuming generous paternity leave, that is haha).

So, the dynamic of our little family works well. Amelia and I bonded pretty much instantly (I worried about that a lot when I was pregnant and would do again, I think) and DH and Amelia bonded very strongly too. We have the resources and energy to give her everything we want her to have. I worry that I would resent a second child who took anything from her. As well as loving her, we also like her a lot, if you see what I mean. We aren''t keen to do anything that would fundamentally change our family. Also, DH is very indifferent to the idea of having a son, so he isn''t keen to have another, just in case.

I was an only child and although I had cousins, they live in the US. However, our families spent alternate summers here together and in NYC together. Now the cousins have babies, we''re planning on resurrecting that tradition if we can, so our (only) children have a family connection with their own generation.

 

[Pandora II]

Eughhh, my mind is still in circles on this one.

With both DH and I being one of 4 kids, there will be stacks of cousins for Daisy and neither of us are super-close with our siblings (none of them on either side were in our wedding party) although it''s nice to see them every now and then.

I do feel that I''m kind of ''wrong'' for just having an only child and I don''t know why I feel this.

A lot of our decision will come down to money. With one child we can afford to give her everything, but with two we would struggle with the basics. Daycare in central London starts at around £1,200 a month ($1,900

) for ONE child. Affording a three-bedroom apartment would also be extremely difficult.

Add to that... I loathed being pregnant, the birth was a nightmare, the early months weren''t much fun either. Plus, I took a gamble and had Daisy whilst taking a lot of meds. She was born opiate-dependant and had to be weaned off with morphine. Fortunately everything was fine and she''s very healthy and hitting all her milestones early, but although it would be unusual, there is always a risk especially as I would be 42 at that point and do I want to play roulette? I''m not someone who could cope with a special needs child.

We will make a final decision when Daisy starts school in 2014, but I''m 89% sure it will just be one. (It does make me sad though thinking that I might never have another warm little person cuddled up to me and nursing in bed at night

)

 

[Sha]

Date: 2/17/2010 6:30:07 PM
Author: Pandora II

Eughhh, my mind is still in circles on this one.

With both DH and I being one of 4 kids, there will be stacks of cousins for Daisy and neither of us are super-close with our siblings (none of them on either side were in our wedding party) although it''s nice to see them every now and then.

I do feel that I''m kind of ''wrong'' for just having an only child and I don''t know why I feel this.

A lot of our decision will come down to money. With one child we can afford to give her everything, but with two we would struggle with the basics. Daycare in central London starts at around £1,200 a month ($1,900

) for ONE child. Affording a three-bedroom apartment would also be extremely difficult.

Add to that... I loathed being pregnant, the birth was a nightmare, the early months weren''t much fun either. Plus, I took a gamble and had Daisy whilst taking a lot of meds. She was born opiate-dependant and had to be weaned off with morphine. Fortunately everything was fine and she''s very healthy and hitting all her milestones early, but although it would be unusual, there is always a risk especially as I would be 42 at that point and do I want to play roulette? I''m not someone who could cope with a special needs child.

We will make a final decision when Daisy starts school in 2014, but I''m 89% sure it will just be one. (It does make me sad though thinking that I might never have another warm little person cuddled up to me and nursing in bed at night

)

Yikezoids!!!

I can see why that would be a factor.

US PS''ers - How expensive is daycare in the States?

Fortunately, daycare is cheap where I''m from - Government daycare is just $5 US a week, and private daycare is around $10-$30 USD per week. That''s all including meals.

Interesting reading everyone''s comments/thoughts.... I''m typing one-handed right now but will be back later!

 

[soocool]

I was 36 when DD was born (she''s 17 now). I did not want to chase another toddler when I was perimenopausal so we decided if I did not get pregnant a year after having DD we were not going to try anymore and be happy with one.

A lot of my friends are childless and are in their 50s.

Quite a few have just one, like me and are happy about it (some were "oops" because the husbands supposedly were snipped)

One of my friends has 4 children, 17, 15, 14, and 13. (1st 3 are girls and the youngest is a boy). They are very close and the oldest (DD''s best friend) and her sisters hang out with my DD. Unfortunately, the parents split almost 2 years ago and the kids are having a real problem with this and are fighting among themselves by taking sides when it comes to the parents.

A family in my neighborhood has 13 children. I know the youngest is 10 and the oldest is in 30. The father is a thoracic surgeon and drives a 2 seater sports car while the mom drives a Caravan. They have a 7 bedroom home. (Just thought I''d throw that in) All kids are tight!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/17/2010 2:05:02 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Well, I never wanted any, so one is fine by me!

That sounds flippant - what I really mean is that children never featured in my life plans; up to the point we decided to TTC it had just seemed like something other people do.

I don't want to raise more than one child, and while I absolutely loved the newborn stage, on balance, it isn't enough to make me want another. I've been conflicted on this, because I longed for another baby a few months back. Every thing was weighed against it in practical and emotional terms, but I wanted one. I think I've realised that however many children I had, be it one or ten, I would still always want to be the mother of a newborn (assuming generous paternity leave, that is haha).

So, the dynamic of our little family works well. Amelia and I bonded pretty much instantly (I worried about that a lot when I was pregnant and would do again, I think) and DH and Amelia bonded very strongly too. We have the resources and energy to give her everything we want her to have. I worry that I would resent a second child who took anything from her. As well as loving her, we also like her a lot, if you see what I mean. We aren't keen to do anything that would fundamentally change our family. Also, DH is very indifferent to the idea of having a son, so he isn't keen to have another, just in case.

I was an only child and although I had cousins, they live in the US. However, our families spent alternate summers here together and in NYC together. Now the cousins have babies, we're planning on resurrecting that tradition if we can, so our (only) children have a family connection with their own generation.

I don't have kids, so I'm kind of an interloper here, but I just wanted to say how much your post resonated with me! It fits exactly what what I imagine will happen for me and DH knowing our life, wishes, and personalities. Of course, I may totally change my mind and want 5 kids, but as I'm not that keen to get started any time in the next 5+ years, I doubt that will be the case. I've really never pictured myself as a mommy I guess, but know that I want to have a kid someday.

And for reference, I was happy being an only child (didn't have any cousins or neighborhood kids around either). I think our circumstances growing up make a big difference - if you weren't a happy only child, you're not going to want your kid to be one, etc. DH was very happy having a sister and he is kind of leaning toward 2 kids, but also can't imagine when we'd ever get around to it