Baby shower for second child?

[MustangGal]

So my SIL is pregnant with baby #2. I''ve heard showers are a bit of a no-no for child #2, since presumably you already have everything (and she did keep it all). So, should I ask her if she wants another shower? Or just wait and see if she mentions anything? She hosted a pretty over-the-top shower for me this year, so I''m trying to figure out if I should return the favor...

For reference, DH has had 2 cousins with 2-3 babies. 1 cousin turned down the offer of a shower for #2, the other cousin had a shower for all 3 babies. (all 5 of those were boys)

 

[TravelingGal]

What''s the difference in age between the two babies? Some people I know have had big deal showers for all their kids. I think it''s kind of lame, but whatever. I have heard of "Baby Sprinkles" instead of showers which are much more low key and the gifts usually are something like diapers or smaller token.

 

[Burk]

My personal opinion is that a 2nd shower is not necessary. It''s basically asking for another gift from someone who probably was at your first shower and purchased a gift. What about something to "honor" her and the baby but maybe more low key like a luncheon? You could keep it smaller and maybe all go in on one gift and the lunch? If the kids are close together maybe a double stroller? If the baby is a different sex maybe some clothes?

 

[Burk]

Ahhhh... Tgal beat me to it!! I agree!!

 

[phoenixgirl]

Hmmm. I wouldn''t expect a second shower, but it''s probably best to ask her if you could throw her one. Will she find out the sex? If it''s different, you could throw a "bring boy (or girl) clothes" shower. Even if they''re the same, she may want to pick out new decor for the nursery or something like that. I''m sure that most friends and family invited to a second shower would not buy the same type of big gift the second time around.

It just seems like if you don''t ask and she was expecting one (or at least wanting the option to decline), then you could offend her.

 

[Ara Ann]

Don''t most people buy a gift for the new baby, once it''s born? Especially if the second baby is the opposite sex of baby #1. A second full shower would be a bit much, IMO.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 12/18/2009 1:15:59 PM
Author: Ara Ann
Don't most people buy a gift for the new baby, once it's born? Especially if the second baby is the opposite sex of baby #1. A second full shower would be a bit much, IMO.

ditto. If you want to do something nice maybe throw a surprise dinner/lunch. That way she can celebrate her new baby with her friends w/o a formal shower. That is what I have done in the past. Also for one her children were very close in age and we knew she needed a double stroller. We all chipped in $20 or so and someone was in charge of getting a GC. We also brought our favorite children's book to give to her new baby. In that case I did not giver her another gift when her baby was born. With the second I think one is more than enough.

 

[neatfreak]

I agree with TGal. A "sprinkle" or ladies lunch is much more appropriate IMO. Unless the 2nd child is FAR FAR behind the first one.

 

[jcrow]

i''ve heard of a dishes + diaper shower for a second child. people bring diapers and food for them to freeze and eat later after the birth.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m going to go with a cultural answer here. In the Hispanic culture it is very common to have 5 baby showers if you have 5 children. Baby showers are often treated as family gatherings so it isn''t uncommon to have one for each baby. I''m very used to it.

I wouldn''t wait for her to ask if you are wanting to throw her a shower. It would be weird if she came out and asked for you to give her one. I think that if in your circle a second shower is a no-no then maybe you should just do as the other ladies mentioned, a sprinkle.

FWIW, I have never heard of or been to a "sprinkle" or a meet the baby party.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Unless there is a large age gap in age, I think a second shower is innappropriate. When my younger son was born, my MIL gave me a double Peg Perego stroller (one that I really wanted!) and some of my friends gave small gifts, like a few onsies or a blanket. None of it was solicitated via another shower.

One thing though is that if the first shower was very tiny, maybe then a second would be okay. There were about 40 guests at my shower, so I had enough items, such as blankets, to last through 10 kids.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 12/18/2009 1:49:18 PM
Author: fiery
I''m going to go with a cultural answer here. In the Hispanic culture it is very common to have 5 baby showers if you have 5 children. Baby showers are often treated as family gatherings so it isn''t uncommon to have one for each baby. I''m very used to it.

Ditto this. Where I live, it is dominately hispanic, so it''s pretty common. I have only been to a few, though, and they usually only do the shower if the next baby is a different gender or more than 4 years apart in age.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

For survey purposes, I am aware of the old rule but have never blinked twice if someone wants to throw a shower for each new baby. If anything, I always thought the old rule was unfair-- what, the *firstborn* is to be celebrated, and the successive babies are just spare heirs? These second borns are second-class citizens and should deal with stained hand-me-down clothes, and be happy with it? (How... grumpy!)


BTW, most folks are shocked to hear that the old rule-- big deal for the first, nada for the second-- also applies for weddings! If you research it, you''ll see that old time tradition in the western world is that only the first child to get married (traditionally the oldest) gets a big wedding, and it *IS* for the parents of the bride to repay THEIR social obligations. Second and third born (etc.) would not be given large weddings and would traditionally discretely marry with only immediate family only present or elope; no big receptions, no big white dress, no bridesmaids, nothing!

If you look at it that way, the idea of not throwing a party to celebrate successive offspring''s arrival seems rather dour, unfair, and even a little unloving.

(Wow, I guess that turned into a rant! LOL)

 

[steph72276]

Well, I am having baby number 2 right now and I'm not having another shower. My aunt offered to throw me one, but I told her I would be uncomfortable with one, but that is mainly because I don't love being the center of attention at these things. I have been to and helped throw a second baby shower though, so I don't really think there's anything wrong with it, I just personally didn't want one. I have a pretty large gap (5 years) in between mine and we got rid of a lot of stuff, but our friends/family have already been so generous with gifts and between that and what we just went out and bought, we have all the necessities.

ETA: I did overhear a mother talking about her 4th baby and the baby shower she was having and thought that was a little over the top, but I didn't realize it may have been a cultural thing. I do feel in a way that every baby deserves to be celebrated, but maybe in just a low key kind of way.

 

[MustangGal]

I''m also of the opinion that a second shower would be too much, and kinda sticking your hand out for more freebies. She''s not due until mid-June, and told MIL that she''s not going to find out the sex this time (I don''t think she''s the type to wait though...) Her son is 3, so there''s a bit of a gap, but I do know that she kept everything, including ALL his clothes.

She really doesn''t have many friends, so the shower would be mostly DH''s family (she''s an only child, so doesn''t have many relatives on her side). I actually didn''t attend her last shower

, one of her college friends did that one for her, and I live a state away and couldn''t make it. Most of DH''s side live 45 minutes from where she is, so a casual luncheon wouldn''t really work, eventhough I love that idea.

But, she LOVES being the center of attention, is whining, complaining, and basking in the glory of her pregnancy, and another shower would "feed the monster".

Maybe I''ll just buy her a case of diapers and be done with it

.

 

[D&T]

I have heard of baby showers for #2 ONLY if baby #2 is a different sex than the first.

 

[MustangGal]

Date: 12/18/2009 4:19:37 PM
Author: D&T
I have heard of baby showers for #2 ONLY if baby #2 is a different sex than the first.

That''s my feeling on it too... I''ll see if she mentions anything when I see her over x-mas.

 

[purrfectpear]

I see them as gift grabby.

I like the idea of an informal ladies lunch with her closest friends just to celebrate the upcoming baby, or a meet the baby luncheon afterwards. I''m sure several people may bring gifts or cards, but it should not be billed as a shower (where gifts are expected) IMO.

 

[swingirl]

I had a small family shower for baby #2. Was really glad to get a new car seat because our 3 year old was still using hers. I didn't need any big items but a few new boy outfits and boy-themed items were very nice to receive. But I mostly enjoyed getting together with my female family members and the girl talk. Everyone loves to talk about their children and experiences and what better time than a baby shower.

Of course, I have a great family that all get along and we gather for birthdays, graduations, holidays, and sometimes for no good reason other than we haven't seen each other in a while. So mine shower was more about people than gifts.

 

[ljmorgan]

I won''t be having a shower for my second child, but that is my personal preference. When my mother started discussing showers for this little one and I told her that I did not want one, she was sorely disappointed! In my family showers are viewed as a celebration of the baby -- the point is not to set up a mother with everything that they need, even though friends and family can be generous and do so. I would certainly not judge anyone for having multiple showers -- it''s a celebration of the baby on the way!

 

[KimberlyH]

I like the idea of a meet-and-greet-the-baby for #2 as it''s nice celebrate every birth but a second shower seems a bit of a gift grab. For what it''s worth, I think most people would bring a gift to that sort of event too.

 

[MonkeyPie]

I don''t see the big deal I guess - what do you do if someone throws you a shower, say no or just not go? If someone REALLY wanted to throw me a second shower (and it wasn''t a surprise one), I would just say that I don''t need anything but I would love for everyone to get together with me. If they bring gifts, so what? Why should only the first baby get the "special" gifts with monograms and such? All my babies will just as special as the first, but I don''t think I''m being greedy by thinking so.

 

[vespergirl]

I''m expecting my second boy now, and my first is 3. I do not want or need another shower. I have a friend who had her second baby earlier this year (her older child was 2 and a half) and she wanted a shower. I did not want to plan a shower for her second child (I thought her best friend could do it if she really wanted one), because they already had everything that they needed - I was just planning to give her a gift when the baby was born. It did turn out that they were having a girl instead of a boy the second time around, so her best friend decided to just have a "girls night out" where 5 of us took her out to dinner and bought some baby girl outfits. I thought that was an appropriate celebration.

My best friend has asked me about having a shower, and I keep telling her that I definitely don''t want one. I saved everything from my first son, and the only thing that I will need to buy is a sit & stand stroller. I really don''t want any extra baby stuff cluttering my house - we''re already drowing in kid stuff!

 

[gailrmv]

If I have a second baby, I''d love to have a get together with my friends but I wouldn''t expect gifts. Honestly I wouldnt have cared if they didnt bring gifts to my baby shower for my first baby either - I''m OK with being center of attention, but feel self conscious opening gifts in front of people. It was all about spending the time with friends more than the gifts anyway!

 

[choyoyo]

Date: 12/18/2009 3:44:12 PM
Author: MustangGal
I'm also of the opinion that a second shower would be too much, and kinda sticking your hand out for more freebies. She's not due until mid-June, and told MIL that she's not going to find out the sex this time (I don't think she's the type to wait though...) Her son is 3, so there's a bit of a gap, but I do know that she kept everything, including ALL his clothes.


She really doesn't have many friends, so the shower would be mostly DH's family (she's an only child, so doesn't have many relatives on her side). I actually didn't attend her last shower

, one of her college friends did that one for her, and I live a state away and couldn't make it. Most of DH's side live 45 minutes from where she is, so a casual luncheon wouldn't really work, eventhough I love that idea.


But, she LOVES being the center of attention, is whining, complaining, and basking in the glory of her pregnancy, and another shower would 'feed the monster'.


Maybe I'll just buy her a case of diapers and be done with it

.

Hmm, MustangGal, I feel like you are being a bit negative right now, when there doesn't seem to be cause... I mean, she hasn't even asked for a shower, has she? And presumably YOU are the one contemplating throwing another shower for her, yet in the next breath put down second baby showers as present grabby and your SIL. So don't throw one if you feel that way...

Forgive me if I am misinterpreting.

I DO think that an informal lunch out sounds like a great idea!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 12/18/2009 3:44:12 PM
Author: MustangGal
She really doesn''t have many friends, so the shower would be mostly DH''s family (she''s an only child, so doesn''t have many relatives on her side). I actually didn''t attend her last shower

, one of her college friends did that one for her, and I live a state away and couldn''t make it. Most of DH''s side live 45 minutes from where she is, so a casual luncheon wouldn''t really work, eventhough I love that idea.

I agree with what a lot of the ladies have said regarding an informal lunch or something. Though I honestly don''t understand why people living 45 minutes away makes that idea not feasible? I mean, I lived 45 min away from work for years. Our closest friends are 30 min away while others are almost an hour. Sometimes it''s a pain in the butt to drive out there, but for something as important as a new baby, 45 minutes is nothing! I would re-think the luncheon idea, especially because you like it. I don''t think any of the family members would really decline because they had to drive 45 min (especially since they can carpool)

 

[janinegirly]

great thread and I''ve always been curious about this. My own mother told me to not have a shower the first time b/c she thought it was kind of selfish...I overruled her on that! I really appreciated every gift I received from my shower and used each item!

As for #2 though, I agree it should be scaled down and really only a "shower" if it''s a different sex. Only family or a small circle.

I was going to suggest you ask her, but by the sounds of it she''s a bit of a attention grabber so you may want to make the preemptive move of doing a family luncheon to celebrate the pending arrival and let people bring gifts as they please. Since she gave you a big shower you will likely have to reciprocate somehow.

good luck!

 

[Mara]

for a baby in the family i''d be buying gifts anyway cuz i just love baby stuff. if you feel like a full on ''shower'' is not necessary then i''d agree with the luncheon or even like a ''tea time'' or something. there can be a diff in products within 3 years for baby, maybe not so much in clothes but more like baby products and the like..there are always so many new ''developments'' in products it seems. i know not everyone is a fan of the whole registry thing because it seems like asking for something, but i am always of the mindset that if you don''t register, then you just end up with a bunch of random stuff.

also i wouldn''t ask her, if you WANT to do a shower or a luncheon, then you should. she might feel obligated to say no if you ask when she might really appreciate even just a lunch or something with friends.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Besides clothes what do you need differently for newborn boys than girls (or other way around)? I get having a shower if there is many, many years between them and the mom threw out/donated/sold everything but I don''t get the different sex thing.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 12/19/2009 8:03:15 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Besides clothes what do you need differently for newborn boys than girls (or other way around)? I get having a shower if there is many, many years between them and the mom threw out/donated/sold everything but I don''t get the different sex thing.

My first thought is bedding, maybe a new carseat, especially if the old one got really beat up or happens to be pink for a girl.