Anyone dealing (or dealt) with LD marriage??

[april diamonds]

Hi Everyone,

I normally just hang out on the BIW board as I got engaged this past July 4th and jumped straight into wedding planning full on for our wedding next year in May. But a certain situation has come up and I''m looking for insight from other ladies in my same position.

Well FI and I have been dating for about 6 years, ever since sophmore year in college. We are so excited to be getting married and starting a life together! BUT...I got a fantastic offer from my job to move me overseas (currently it would be for a 2 year assignment, longer if I choose to stay!) FI would be here in the US. We''ve both thought about moving overseas for our jobs in the long term (and we both lived oversease when we were younger for many years) so the idea is not crazy to us. But FI wouldn''t be ablel to come with me as he is going to business school. Chances are we might have done LD anyway, if ended up going to business school nowhere near any of my company''s offices, but now it will be awhole different kind of LD. Very LD I guess.

Anyway I would love to hear from anyone who is doing this/has done it/will be doing it - people tell me I''m not the first to do it so I shouldn''t worry but I haven''t actually MET anyone who''s done it. Would love to hear how other people dealt with it!

Thanks!

 

[onedrop]

I haven''t had a LD marriage, so I can''t comment on that. But there is this discussion going on over in Hangout. Some of have posted experiences with LD marriages. Hope this helps!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Could he take a leave of absence or do an "independent study" for his program?

 

[april diamonds]

Thanks, Onedrop - will check it out!

HH - yeah we are looking into that but we don''t think the country I''m going to be in will provide a lot of good opportunities. But countries nearby will, so he''ll definitly be looking into those. so instead of being halfway around the world from each other we can be only a 3-5 hr plane ride away.

 

[Elmorton]

We''re doing an LD marriage right now...but with much less distance and shorter intervals. Shortly after DH and I started dating, we went back to school and were 4 hrs apart. When I went to grad school, he found his first job only an hour away. Then I graduated in May, we got married in June, and FINALLY we lived in the same town, same place, with the same roof over our heads! Joke is on us...DH accepted a new job last month, 3 hrs away, and since I teach, I couldn''t abandon my job mid-semester - I''m living with a friend until finals. I make the 3 hour drive every Friday and back again on Sunday night. But...it''s only for 6 weeks. I can''t express my frustration in words - I somehow imagined that "I do" ended with "get to see you every day!" I''m tough enough to handle the next month and a half, and I could probably handle a whole semester like this...

...but longer than that? Cross the ocean? No way.

That said, people are programmed differently and need different things from their relationships. As much as I''d love to think I''m independent, I rely a lot on my spouse. We have excellent communication due to our years of LD, so that''s not an issue, but what I crave is sitting on the couch, reading a book and just knowing he''s next to me...that''s also what I value most in our time together since we''ve been apart for so long. But what do you value in your relationship? Conversation? Adventure? Emotional support? These are things that can be very much alive in an LD marriage. There ARE a lot of people out there who do LD marriages and make them work, and I think it depends on the variables already present in your marriage/relationship. You''ve been together for twice as long as DH and I have - I''m guessing you know a lot about how much you depend on each other and the kinds of support your provide eachother with. What''s your gut reaction? When DH got the job offer, my heart dropped, but I also knew we could handle just a month or two. Likewise, when I read your post, I had an immediate reaction, too. I know it''s cheesy, but I think this is one of those things that only you know you and your partner and what you both can handle.