shape
carat
color
clarity

Would you consider this rude?

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Hi ladies. So this is silly, but I want to know if I am right in feeling slighted. All my friends don''t seem to get it or see anything wrong.
I want to college with this girl and her FI. I was more friendly with her FI, she and I were not what I would call frenemies, but not exactly close. She is very close to a horrible ex of mine who was abusive and just not good. So she is getting married and we have exchanged wedding chit chat and ideas. She is well aware of the fact that I am engaged and what my FI''s name is and what not. So I get my wedding invitation- it is addressed to just me. No ''and guest'' and no FI. I asked some other people- they were invited with a +1 so I know its not a budget thing. Their reaction was ''well they knew you can''t come anyway so what does it matter?" In my opinion because I cannot come (I live in Europe- wedding is in Chicago) wouldn''t it have made more sense to include my FI? Plus I am engaged! I have an entire wedding planned- it is not like I am not in a serious relationship.
I guess I mostly wanted to vent since none of peers ''got it.'' Also I usually send a gift when I can''t go to something, but in this case can I make an exception? Additionally- the big question is whether or not I invite them to mine? I joke that I just want to invite the groom since he is the one I am friends with- so ladies, thoughts? I am justified to feel a little annoyed and want to only send them the plunger that they registered for?
31.gif
 

kama_s

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
3,617
Hmmm...I probably would think it''s rude. Have they ever met your FI? In anycase, I would send my regrets with either just a card or a very small gift from their registry and I wouldn''t invite them to your wedding either.
 

LilyKat

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Messages
835
It's definitely weird, and at least thoughtless, even if she didn't intend it to actually be rude (though she might have).

You absolutely don't need to send a gift. I have a real problem with the idea that invitation = gift - you should only send one if you truly want to. Send a card with good wishes and leave it at that. I'd continue to be friendly to her, but wouldn't invite her to my wedding unless I had a particular reason for wanting her there.

ETA: With her being close to your horrible ex, do you think she might secretly side with him and have a problem with your fiance which she hasn't expressed?
 

Luckyeshe

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 8, 2009
Messages
4,150
I think you have the right to feel a little miffed. But don''t really think too much about it since you have so much more important things to do like planning your wedding which she''s not going to be invited to
31.gif
. I kinda agree with inviting her hubby, but that''s just the meanie in me kicking in. Anyways, don''t worry about sending her a gift. Just send her a card. Just because you get an invitation doesn''t mean you should be sending a gift.
 

cocolaw

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
1,370
that''s certainly rude! you have a right to be annoyed. if they actually registered for a plunger then that sounds like the perfect gift
31.gif
 

Lilac

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
1,926
I think I would be annoyed too. It''s possible it was an oversight or just simply a mistake, or it''s possible she did it on purpose. Either way, you''re not crazy to be annoyed (as many of us have agreed we would be too), but I wouldn''t dwell on it for too long - she''s not worth it
2.gif
 

Camille

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
452
Date: 8/1/2009 5:05:30 PM
Author:sba771
Hi ladies. So this is silly, but I want to know if I am right in feeling slighted. All my friends don't seem to get it or see anything wrong.
I want to college with this girl and her FI. I was more friendly with her FI, she and I were not what I would call frenemies, but not exactly close. She is very close to a horrible ex of mine who was abusive and just not good. So she is getting married and we have exchanged wedding chit chat and ideas. She is well aware of the fact that I am engaged and what my FI's name is and what not. So I get my wedding invitation- it is addressed to just me. No 'and guest' and no FI. I asked some other people- they were invited with a +1 so I know its not a budget thing. Their reaction was 'well they knew you can't come anyway so what does it matter?' In my opinion because I cannot come (I live in Europe- wedding is in Chicago) wouldn't it have made more sense to include my FI? Plus I am engaged! I have an entire wedding planned- it is not like I am not in a serious relationship.
I guess I mostly wanted to vent since none of peers 'got it.' Also I usually send a gift when I can't go to something, but in this case can I make an exception? Additionally- the big question is whether or not I invite them to mine? I joke that I just want to invite the groom since he is the one I am friends with- so ladies, thoughts? I am justified to feel a little annoyed and want to only send them the plunger that they registered for?
31.gif
Inviting an EX is not a great idea imho, no bride needs weddng gossip so please forgive me, ADD to that, not being respectful to your FI even if he says OK.......it isn't. I personally wouldn't like to invite FI's Ex either.
14.gif

It's possible that Girl is very, very close to your Ex and shows no interest/respect for your current relationship.
I'd stay polite at all costs, send a card or gift and keep it to that. Abusive people get worst w/o treatment.
 

charbie

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 16, 2008
Messages
2,512
IMHO- we aren''t sending out invites to people "just cause"- if we know they for sure will not be there, we''ve probably talked about it and they understand the circumstances. she is sending this invite maybe just to seem that they aren''t rude, when it went in a totally different direction. either that or they wanted a gift. i''d send the plunger if its worth it, otherwise a card will do.

a friend of mine invited me to her wedding last year in dec sans FI. i had been engaged since june, and she had met my FI. another girl from our "circle" also was engaged and her FI was also not invited. i could see that she didn''t want to invited everyone''s SO, but what, am i going to invite her to my wedding and now not include her DH? of course not. SO is one thing, FI is something else. i went to her wedding, but it was kind of awkward, especially when she asked how FI was doing and how wedding planning was going.
 

ckrickett

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 26, 2008
Messages
5,346
I would think it is rude, and I would be annoyed. Not something I would bring to light tho. I would just shrug it off.
 

honey22

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 28, 2007
Messages
4,458
Just so I understand it, you are upset as your FI didn''t receive an invite to their wedding? I don''t think you have a right to be mad at her, whether she has a budget for it or not, maybe she doesn''t want people she doesn''t know at her wedding? Or she is trying to keep it small and intimate? Who knows, but if you don''t want to go without FI, then just decline the invite and problem solved.
 

sba771

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 1, 2008
Messages
887
Hi Ladies. Thanks for input. It was one of those things that you know its silly to even give a second thought to, yet it creeps in.

Lilykat- your ETA was what was kind of in the back of my mind. Even if FI and I were both invited and lived in Chicago, I would not have gone to this wedding in order to avoid any sort of drama.

Lucky and Coco- I am glad I am not the only one whose ''meanie'' side sometimes kicks in. I know we would never act on it, but for a minute its fun to think of it.

Lilac- you are right she is not worth it- once their wedding is done, I am going to defriend on facebook and be done with all this petty college nonsense. (I want to see the pictures first though)

Camille- Just to clarify so you didn''t think I was looking for drama. By ''them'' I meant the bride and groom. I would never invite any EX nor do I keep in contact with any of them, in fact the evil has no way of getting in touch with me thanks to wonderful internet privacy settings.
1.gif


So I am going to just shrug it off now, I just wanted to confirm I wasn''t entirely crazy that their actions were a little questionable. It is stupid, but sometimes the little things can get to a person. I think when its closer to their wedding I will just send a donation card and wish them well. Thanks ladies!
 

cindygenit

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2009
Messages
1,668
Good that you''re shrugging it off!

Personally i wouldn''t take offence that she did that. It is common decency to invite a guest''s partner but she might want to keep the wedding personal and only very close friends and family are invited.
 

Amanda.Rx

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2008
Messages
903
If you guys had chit chatted about wedding plans mutually, I think it''s rude that she didn''t include your FI and expect you to travel to the US alone. On the other hand- maybe she was trying to be nice and at least send you an invite as a gesture??? It''s hard to know what she was thinking (or not thinking)when she had invites addressed.

I think it would be appropriate (or at least nice) to send her something small from the registry. There''s nothing that says you have to invite her to your wedding, unless you want to invite her husband. Then, it would be appropriate to invite her too.
 

Camille

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
452
Camille- Just to clarify so you didn't think I was looking for drama. By 'them' I meant the bride and groom. I would never invite any EX nor do I keep in contact with any of them, in fact the evil has no way of getting in touch with me thanks to wonderful internet privacy settings.
1.gif


So I am going to just shrug it off now, I just wanted to confirm I wasn't entirely crazy that their actions were a little questionable. It is stupid, but sometimes the little things can get to a person. I think when its closer to their wedding I will just send a donation card and wish them well. Thanks ladies!
Glad to hear you're keeping it 'polite' and simple
19.gif

If I thought you were looking for drama, I'd said so
41.gif
my concern was with the 'friend' bride being so close to evil, if she's that close
to him you bet he's getting some info/wedding details from her you know?. Just my .02
 

ficklefaye

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 12, 2008
Messages
1,179
hi sba, i thought i''d share my similar story, but i hope it doesnt turn out too long

i went to college with bob and one day he calls me to tell me he is engaged, the funny part was my FI and i got engaged at around the same time, he''s met FI many times, but i''d only met his fiancee once before

fast forward to his invitations (we delayed ours until this year so he got married first), and i receive one just for me, no FI, i was just shocked because not only did we get engaged at the same time, but he''s met FI on many occasions, at this point, i had been to many weddings sans FI, and it''s just not fun having everyone ask where FI is

well i understand that people need to stick to budgets, but here''s the worse part, he didn''t invite our other friend''s FI and they were getting married the week after them, when she asked bob why our FIs weren''t invited, he said, oh i''m only inviting couples who are engaged or married, uh HELLO?!! we both were engaged! we both decided to just go to the ceremony with a gift and skip the reception entirely. that''s where the cost would have been.

so now that my wedding is right around the corner, i chose not to invite them. i know at this point, he feels guilty for what he did, but i haven''t seen him since his wedding and i don''t want to spend the money on them that they weren''t willing to spend on us, that was our decision
3.gif
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top