Why am I expected to plan a bridal shower?

[Diamond Confused]

A friend of mine is getting married in July. The bride asked me to be in her wedding party but I told her I won''t be able to go to her wedding b/c my FIs parents are renewing their vows in Hawaii so I''ll be out of town.

Anyway... her MOH is in the process of planning her bachelorette party. For some reason she has been cc''ing me on all her planning related emails and has been asking me for ideas. Today I got a text message from her saying that I need to let her know if I''m planning the bridal shower otherwise she''ll have to do it herself. I''m not really sure why she got it in her head that I''d be planning anything. I don''t want to be a bad friend but I''m not in the position to host parties and the MOH knows it. I am in school full time and my FI pays all my expenses so it''s not like I am going to ask him for money to host a bridal party! Not to mention, finals are coming up and I''m planning my own wedding. Free time is something I just don''t have right now. The way she worded the text made me so angry.

How should I reply? And also, am I supposed to help plan this stuff?

 

[Rhea]

Maybe the MOH knows that you''re close enough to the bride that you were asked to be in the bridal party and is just trying include you. You''re not expected to plan the parties though so I''d just let her know that you''re unable to.

 

[Sabine]

It sounds like a miscommunication has happened somewhere. I''d contact the bride right away to see what she thinks. If she is just as confused as to why the MOH would expect you to plan the shower, then contact the MOH and let her know what''s going on.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/26/2009 9:02:39 AM
Author: Sabine
It sounds like a miscommunication has happened somewhere. I''d contact the bride right away to see what she thinks. If she is just as confused as to why the MOH would expect you to plan the shower, then contact the MOH and let her know what''s going on.

ditto. It definitely seems like the MOH just wasn''t told what''s happening. I''d say it to the bride or MOH that you''re not going.

 

[Clairitek]

I was asked to be MOH in a friend''s wedding this coming August but I will be out of town for my cousin''s wedding in another country (and also on my honeymoon) so I can''t participate. I am still planning her shower and bachelorette party with the bridesmaids. She has since selected an alternate MOH but I am still taking the reins for the planning of these other parties. Partly because I want to still contribute to her wedding somehow and this is really the only way.

Perhaps your friend is assuming that even though you can''t be there on the day that you want to take part in her wedding somehow and has told the MOH this.

 

[mrscushion]

I think you should call up the MOH herself and clear things up with her. Some sort of misunderstanding must have happened. Say that you wish you could host the bridal shower to participate in your friend''s wedding, but that you really can''t, for the financial reasons you stated.

Depending on how close this friend is to you, you may want to offer to help out with the showers / activities by donating time rather than money.

 

[doodle]

Date: 4/26/2009 2:44:00 PM
Author: mscushion
I think you should call up the MOH herself and clear things up with her. Some sort of misunderstanding must have happened. Say that you wish you could host the bridal shower to participate in your friend''s wedding, but that you really can''t, for the financial reasons you stated.


Depending on how close this friend is to you, you may want to offer to help out with the showers / activities by donating time rather than money.

100% agreed. I''d contact the MOH before the bride anyway because chances are this bride has enough on her plate, and I''d be afraid of making her feel like all her friends were trying to pawn the party-throwing off on someone else, which could possibly hurt her feelings. Talk to the MOH and explain your financial difficulties with hosting a party but say that you''d be more than happy to help her in other ways if she needs it (provided, of course, that you''d be willing to offer time or creative input or whatever non-financial help she needed).