What was the most stressful part of your wedding planning?

[recordaras]

Even though I've been engaged for only a month, deciding on the venue was not fun at all! I guess the fact that our wedding is semi-destination doesn't help: we live in MA, and the wedding will be in VT, so it's about a 4 hour drive one way. It's close enough to feel that you can't make a decision without looking around first, and yet far enough for the drive to be exhausting.

To make a long story short, I had fallen in love with a venue way before we even got engaged, but when we got there and looked around it just felt wrong to not have other options, and that led to googling till 2 am, outrageous quotes ($300 per person without alcohol for an intimate Sunday wedding??), numerous places that looked amazing on the website and yet we didn't even get out of the car when we got there (I'm looking at you, inn with the ceremony lawn abutting the parking area). I was in tears more often than I'd like to admit. Nothing was going right, none of the options were even remotely worth considering, and with 10 months left before the wedding the type A in me was freaking out.

So then I took a break from it all, just forced myself to stop thinking about it for a couple of days, after which we sat down, talked with my fiance and decided to go with our initial choice. And when we finally booked our venue it felt like such a relief!!! I'm hoping that it will all be downhill from there, and now I can spend my energy on fun things, like flowers, cakes and dresses.

What was the most stressful part of planning for you?

And this is our venue, a beautiful Vanderbilt mansion on Lake Champlain with amazing farm-to-table food from their own gardens :

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Beautiful venue!!

And honestly? It's all been stressful to me. The biggest stressor was off the bat for us -- deciding between eloping just the two of us, or doing the big white wedding with family/friends. We sat on it and went back and forth for the first 5 months of our engagement. in that time, we looked at lots of options, priced things out, and did some soul searching.

The first big relief came after we decide to elope, told everyone, and everyone was fine with it. Booking our day and choosing the place made it feel more real and easier.

But then I tend to be the type of person to fixate on one thing until it's done and that causes me stress even if it shouldn't. Finding the dress was stressful for me. Shoes were a nightmare. FI's suit ended up being a color that was first choice (we wanted 3 piece light gray and they simply didn't exist in a price point we were comfortable with or in a size that fits his tall frame) so we ended up with charcoal gray (which looks great and worked out for the better). Choosing vendors (photographer, hair/makeup) was stressful. Our elopement is semi-destination too (6 hours from where we live) so we get no trials, etc. Budget was stressful for me because I'm uber practical and conscious of spending even though we've come in under what we budgeted, it was on my mind the whole time.

And only 1 week to go! We got engaged in December, made our elopement reservations at the end of May, and will marry on 10/30. And now, of course, I'm stressing about things I can't control (like the weather!), and how my hair/makeup is going to look since I didn't get a trial. I'm trying to just relax and enjoy the last week,though!

Don't let me freak you out by the way...I know others who have LOVED planning, and most aspects of it, I'm just not the wedding planning kind.

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

But then I tend to be the type of person to fixate on one thing until it's done and that causes me stress even if it shouldn't.

I think we might have something in common. I believe this is called Type A, and it certainly doesn't make things any easier! This weekend I realized that I had just spent several hours agonizing over where to do my hair and makeup on the day of (complete with researching every single filtered yelp review there is) - but the wedding is 10 months out! So yeah, I'm one to dig much deeper than is probably necessary (or healthy), and I guess I'm in for some more stress ahead - I've already gone back about 30 years in the historic weather data for our date trying to figure out the probability of rain...
I am trying to let go as much as possible, and outsource some parts that I don't particularly care about (guest shuttle, hotels, etc.) to my fiance. He had some pretty strong feelings about getting something nicer than a 14 passenger van for the guest shuttle, and I figure he can knock himself out trying to find a 26 passenger bus for under $300.

I think with this little time to go, you should certainly just relax and pamper yourself! Have a spa weekend, take a long bath with some Champagne (hey, you came under budget - is that not something to celebrate??), kick back and enjoy the last week of your life as a "single" woman. At this point who even cares if something doesn't go according to plan?

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

HAH! Indeed! We are Type A control freaks which {sadly} makes wedding planning more stressful than fun. I hope it's different for you, though! It's crazy, but things that seem as easy as booking hair/makeup still consumed hours of researching reviews, etc. It's someone you're trusting to make up your wedding look after all! One that will be captured in photos and you don't get a do over for! It's totally important. And lots of them book many many months in advance of the wedding so you can't even put them off! Gah.

And I hear you on weather averages. We picked a time that has rarely ever rained and is consistently in the mid 60s. Yeah...right now forecasts are showing an unseasonably warm 78 for our day with a 20% chance of rain. Screw history -- reality sometimes has other plans and weather is simply something you can never really plan for. My sister got married in September and despite an 85% chance of rain, we didn't get a drop all day. It was hot and humid as HELL outside, but no rain. You just never know.

It's absolutely a great idea too outsource things you truly don't care about in terms of outcome. One less thing to worry about is always a good thing.

We are definitely planning on some relaxation! I have a {less fun} spa appointment on Saturday to get my legs and underarms waxed for the wedding. Monday is fun spa day with manicure and pedicure. After the waxing appointment, we're going to our favorite gourmet deli for lunch and have Fall date plans of carving our pumpkin and watching my all time favorite, Hocus Pocus. I'm looking forward to our last weekend as fiance's! This time next week, we'll be married!

I've become so accustomed to posting here in BWW that I'm sure I'll be hanging around and posting away even after the wedding! Make sure and check out the "getting lost in stupid stuff" thread, started by a fellow Type A'er years ago for posting randomness throughout the planning process. We have a few active brides posting in there daily! Make sure to join the Brides in Waiting list with your wedding date, too!

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

I will certainly check out that thread! I actually did, but then saw the long lists of stuff that has yet to happen and panicked, lol. Although it's nice to have somebody understand: I was talking to our florist yesterday, and since we have a very small flower budget ($500), she said that it might be a good idea to have somebody pick up the flowers for us in the morning and save on the $100+ delivery fee. BUT I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE TO PICK UP THE FLOWERS!!! The sole thought makes me cringe - I can just picture my fiance's dad throwing them in the back of the car without securing them, and having everything damaged in transit... There are certain things that I can only do myself, or trust the vendor with *sigh*.
Oh, and when the coordinator at our venue says to just drop off the decor and favors the day before so they can set up for us? No, probably not going to happen either. Shuttles, on the other hand? I honestly don't care. As a guest I happen to believe that any shuttle is better than no shuttle, and if the fiance wants to dig deeper than that he is welcome to. We'll always have the less expensive option as a backup plan.

And your weekend sounds like so much fun! I on the one hand can't wait for the wedding day, but on the other kind of want to stretch the time a little to be able to do all the prep work and not lose my sanity. Good thing we still have 10 months ahead!

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Don't let the to-do lists frighten you! Everyone's list is different. But it helps to chat it out with others!

I TOTALLY understand the not wanting to let go, but in some cases, you just have to, for your own sanity. There isn't anybody you trust? A good friend? Mom? I wouldn't have {most} guys pick up/secure flowers either! Hah!

Having time to plan can be both a blessing and a curse. Just take it one project at a time!

Thanks for your sweet words! We're looking forward to our weekend.

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

My mom would probably be the only person I'd be able to trust with that kind of help, but they will be flying in from Europe for the wedding, and I wouldn't want to burden her with driving around in a foreign country running errands for me while dealing with jet lag. But we're having a 5pm ceremony, which means if we get everything set up in the am (or at least before noon), it would still give me enough time to get back to the hotel, unwind and get hair/makeup done. But we'll see!

Off to read the thread - I actually happen to think that you learn the most from reading about people's real experiences and all the issues they face during planning. In all honesty, if I hadn't started preparing for all this well before we got engaged (we decided we'd get married and even set an approximate date at least 6 months before the actual engagement), I think I'd be losing my mind right now! So much to take in. So thank you for sharing all of this!!

 

[Chewbacca]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

The most stressful part of my wedding planning (so far) was securing the venue too. Three months out from the wedding, I did NOT want to leave it any longer!

Other than that, I've been enjoying myself. I've miraculously managed to secure all of my first-choice vendors (thank you weird wedding date!), and I've not felt burnt out yet.

In saying that, I've barely begun any of my DIY's.

I'm glad to have some Type A's around to keep me on track. I'm always wondering if I'm actually incredibly behind, and just don't realise it!

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

My mom would probably be the only person I'd be able to trust with that kind of help, but they will be flying in from Europe for the wedding, and I wouldn't want to burden her with driving around in a foreign country running errands for me while dealing with jet lag. But we're having a 5pm ceremony, which means if we get everything set up in the am (or at least before noon), it would still give me enough time to get back to the hotel, unwind and get hair/makeup done. But we'll see!

Off to read the thread - I actually happen to think that you learn the most from reading about people's real experiences and all the issues they face during planning. In all honesty, if I hadn't started preparing for all this well before we got engaged (we decided we'd get married and even set an approximate date at least 6 months before the actual engagement), I think I'd be losing my mind right now! So much to take in. So thank you for sharing all of this!!

Ahh...I see. That is a lot to ask. I hope you enjoy the thread! I agree that reading other people's real experiences is definitely helpful. I can't wait to watch how everything unfolds for you!

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

The most stressful part of my wedding planning (so far) was securing the venue too. Three months out from the wedding, I did NOT want to leave it any longer!

Other than that, I've been enjoying myself. I've miraculously managed to secure all of my first-choice vendors (thank you weird wedding date!), and I've not felt burnt out yet.

In saying that, I've barely begun any of my DIY's.

I'm glad to have some Type A's around to keep me on track. I'm always wondering if I'm actually incredibly behind, and just don't realise it!

I wish I had your attitude Chewy! I keep freaking out about everything. I wish I just was more go with the flow! Ahh!

 

[gem_anemone]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

RSVP's - by a thousand miles. Guests have expectations of being invited with their flavor of the week, extra family members, kids etc that you don't know, or don't bother to respond at all. It's all really annoying. It gets emotional for the couple too because when guests have bad manners about RSVPing it makes the couple feel like the guests don't care about their wedding.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

RSVP's - by a thousand miles. Guests have expectations of being invited with their flavor of the week, extra family members, kids etc that you don't know, or don't bother to respond at all. It's all really annoying. It gets emotional for the couple too because when guests have bad manners about RSVPing it makes the couple feel like the guests don't care about their wedding.

This was a big one!

 

[TooPatient]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

My mom would probably be the only person I'd be able to trust with that kind of help, but they will be flying in from Europe for the wedding, and I wouldn't want to burden her with driving around in a foreign country running errands for me while dealing with jet lag. But we're having a 5pm ceremony, which means if we get everything set up in the am (or at least before noon), it would still give me enough time to get back to the hotel, unwind and get hair/makeup done. But we'll see!

Off to read the thread - I actually happen to think that you learn the most from reading about people's real experiences and all the issues they face during planning. In all honesty, if I hadn't started preparing for all this well before we got engaged (we decided we'd get married and even set an approximate date at least 6 months before the actual engagement), I think I'd be losing my mind right now! So much to take in. So thank you for sharing all of this!!

It is an awesome thread!

I didn't have anyone around to help me plan so everything came down to what I wanted and discussions on the thread (with a little input from DH!).

The biggest help for me in planning was reading the "getting lost" thread and others back through BWW as ladies got married. I've been lurking/posting here for years and got lots of great ideas (or things to avoid!) from the ladies who have been around here sharing.
(which, btw, is a major part of why I've posted so many details of the planning process here -- I want to make sure that all the ladies who come here later (or may already be lurking) can learn from the good things and bad things I had to go through. If we all post, there will be lots of experiences to make life just a bit easier for others!)

Don't let the "to do" lists scare you!
Once you start one of your own and can mark things off as you go, it can be a great planning resource. The lists did get a bit overwhelming sometimes, but if Audball hadn't posted her list I would have forgotten to get a marriage license!

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Don't let the "to do" lists scare you!
Once you start one of your own and can mark things off as you go, it can be a great planning resource. The lists did get a bit overwhelming sometimes, but if Audball hadn't posted her list I would have forgotten to get a marriage license!

Hahah! I'm glad I could help!

 

[TooPatient]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Don't let the "to do" lists scare you!
Once you start one of your own and can mark things off as you go, it can be a great planning resource. The lists did get a bit overwhelming sometimes, but if Audball hadn't posted her list I would have forgotten to get a marriage license!

Hahah! I'm glad I could help!

Poor DH!

He said "Wait! You need a license for that!?!"

Funny guy!
He's been married before so you'd think he would have known

 

[audball]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Poor DH!

He said "Wait! You need a license for that!?!"

Funny guy!
He's been married before so you'd think he would have known

Hah, indeed! It's been one of the more stressful things (to me) because we're not going to be in town until the day before and if anything goes wrong, we may not get it! I'm sure it'll be fine, it's just another stressor with a destination wedding. Double, triple check you have all the necessary documentation (or, if possible) make time for a separate trip to get it taken care of ahead of time!

 

[maple2012]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

No stress really so far. I've been enjoying everything! Haven't started on the Save the Dates which will be a small DIY project but I plan to do those during the Thanksgiving holiday.

I did have a day when I broke down trying to decide if I wanted a small 40 person wedding or a larger 100 person wedding.... that's probably the most I went back and forth on but ultimately decided 100 because it seemed very important to my parents and family.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Okay, I've got a little time so figured I'd go into more detail:


Waiting for RSVPs was hard! The date we asked for replies by came and went with only a couple of replies. I had to send an e-mail to everyone (I just realized I forgot to make sure the invitations said dinner was vegetarian. Hope you can join us!). That got a few replies. Had to follow up with more e-mails and phone calls. I had people less than two weeks out from the wedding "not sure" if they would be there or not -- but they'd try!

The family drama was at least as bad.
We wanted something small (okay, in part to avoid having to invite those I don't want around) so I had complaining from the start that various family weren't invited. One of the big ones I heard about (endlessly!) was my two little cousins - both are under the age of 10 and not very interested in physical activity or long meals. Um.... we got married at a winery. The activities on site are long meals with wine, wine tasting, sitting around sipping wine, and hiking 900 feet down the cliff.
Then the drama of my deciding to not invite my mother's ex-husband (not my father) because he and I have never gotten along (hmmm -- verbal and emotional abuse? I wonder why?). It went downhill from there.

Planning everything without any of the "traditional helpers" was no fun. My mother and I are barely on speaking terms (even now) and she has never had an interest in helping me anyway. Same with the rest of my family. They think it was snobby of me to have a wedding like we did. They thought that I should be happy with a potluck lunch/dinner in Grandma & Grandpa's backyard. They even suggested a pre-wedding weed pulling party to get the yard ready
Okay.... I don't have anything against backyard weddings. They can be super beautiful and personal. It just isn't what I wanted. (among other things because the stress of having people over would have been hard on Grandma!)
Dress shopping alone or with DH was sad.
Going to get my nails done alone was sad. (yay for friend surprising me!)

Time, energy and money was tough.
None of this would have been a problem but DH has some ugly health thing going on and had to take a leave from work for awhile. Thanks to insurance people being slow, he hasn't been paid since July...

So.... Yeah.
The detail stuff was easy. Set up & clean up easy


Anyway...
You can see why it is I've been posting EVERYTHING around here. The ladies here are amazing at helping or sending virtual hugs or whatever is needed! They really have been the family I don't have IRL

 

[SB621]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Oh I looked at that place for my wedding! I love that Vanderbuilt mansion. We ended up going with a beautiful inn in southern NH instead. VT was just a little too far away since his family was from NY and mine from MD.

Anyhow for me it was really getting a date and then booking the venue, once that was over I felt a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Everything after that I felt was easier or at least I didn't turn into bridezilla over it. Goodluck and enjoy wedding planning!

 

[madelise]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Right now? The $ part. And the family part/figuring out guests.
I keep thinking back to when I was just a receptionist making $10/hour…. I worked that job for nearly 6 years. All I can picture is "This wedding will cost about 3 years' worth of take-home pay-- HALF the time I worked there and slaved my butt off getting ready in the dark!!"


Money gives me anxiety. Crazy crazy anxiety.

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Thanks so much for sharing all your stressful experiences! I can now prepare for some of the pitfalls.
In our case the guest list is definitely going to be a difficult one - especially the "no, your monster 3 year old who throws plates and pours juice on me at every family gathering while you sit and watch with a dreamy smile is not invited" part, but then again I'd rather do that than have the whole evening ruined for both us and the guests...

And I'm sure there will be some surprises along the way as well. Just yesterday we had an argument with my fiance over something pretty ridiculous - turns out he doesn't feel comfortable having a registry at all (he feels that that's similar to forcing guests to buy you things), while I see it as a courtesy (as a guest I LOVE registries - I'm very practical and would very much prefer to buy something people actually need). Turns out we both have pretty strong feelings about this, who would have thought!

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Right now? The $ part. And the family part/figuring out guests.
I keep thinking back to when I was just a receptionist making $10/hour…. I worked that job for nearly 6 years. All I can picture is "This wedding will cost about 3 years' worth of take-home pay-- HALF the time I worked there and slaved my butt off getting ready in the dark!!"


Money gives me anxiety. Crazy crazy anxiety.

Oh no! That would make me crazy as well... We're having a somewhat affordable wedding (we're aiming to keep it under $7K), and it's still a little painful to think that it will only be one day! In all honesty in the beginning I was more than ready to elope, but I'm an only child and I know that for my parents (who live on a different continent) it would really mean a lot to be able to spend this day with me.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Thanks so much for sharing all your stressful experiences! I can now prepare for some of the pitfalls.
In our case the guest list is definitely going to be a difficult one - especially the "no, your monster 3 year old who throws plates and pours juice on me at every family gathering while you sit and watch with a dreamy smile is not invited" part, but then again I'd rather do that than have the whole evening ruined for both us and the guests...

And I'm sure there will be some surprises along the way as well. Just yesterday we had an argument with my fiance over something pretty ridiculous - turns out he doesn't feel comfortable having a registry at all (he feels that that's similar to forcing guests to buy you things), while I see it as a courtesy (as a guest I LOVE registries - I'm very practical and would very much prefer to buy something people actually need). Turns out we both have pretty strong feelings about this, who would have thought!

There have been some discussions about registries over the last year or so on PS. I think one was in Hangout and a few around here too?

I did NOT want to do a registry and then reading through the conversations here found that a lot of people see it as a rude grab for money if you don't have one. Who would have guessed!?!

We ended up doing a small registry at a couple of different places. I was careful to include bunches of $5-20 items and then some in the $20-50 range and a couple in the $50-100 range. We did NOT advertise the registry to guests. I only told people who asked.


Oh yeah -- DH and I each had strong feelings about some of the craziest things! That is another fun but challenging part of planning!

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

I did NOT want to do a registry and then reading through the conversations here found that a lot of people see it as a rude grab for money if you don't have one. Who would have guessed!?!

Oh wow! I never thought of it that way... Ha, I'll just have to find those threads and forward them to my fiance then. But in all honesty, I think that for the average person who goes to one wedding every couple of years, these unwritten rules (no registry = must give money, only the people listed on the envelope are invited etc. etc. etc.) aren't really that clear.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

I did NOT want to do a registry and then reading through the conversations here found that a lot of people see it as a rude grab for money if you don't have one. Who would have guessed!?!

Oh wow! I never thought of it that way... Ha, I'll just have to find those threads and forward them to my fiance then. But in all honesty, I think that for the average person who goes to one wedding every couple of years, these unwritten rules (no registry = must give money, only the people listed on the envelope are invited etc. etc. etc.) aren't really that clear.

We don't go to weddings often so it had never even crossed my mind. I was always of the belief that you shouldn't hand someone a list and essentially say "buy something for me" so I did the best I could to just not bring the subject up. It was the conversations around here that had me second guessing that!
I figured that if we had a couple of small registries, we could tell the people who asked directly and just not go there with anyone who didn't.

I don't want anyone to think I'm rude! Getting gifts was never on my mind. So I guess we sort of had a registry but didn't?


The odd "unwritten rules" are so... odd!
I got a copy of Emily Post's wedding etiquette at Half Price Books for something like $7 -- money well spent!

 

[maple2012]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Wait I take it back, there is one stressful part.... MONEY. I thought I could do a Napa wedding for under 15k. Not including my engagement ring or wedding bands, I am up to 40k. And keep in mind I'm doing a buffet style dinner... not a sit down plated dinner.

My family and his family are helping out 8k combined but that's till 32k for me to pay.

 

[madelise]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Wait I take it back, there is one stressful part.... MONEY. I thought I could do a Napa wedding for under 15k. Not including my engagement ring or wedding bands, I am up to 40k. And keep in mind I'm doing a buffet style dinner... not a sit down plated dinner.

My family and his family are helping out 8k combined but that's till 32k for me to pay.

Yeahhhhh… good ol' CA.
I really had to dig and research to find good "deals" for myself.
Esp. since we're paying ourselves (I'm a grad student and am not working, so really, I'm not contributing much) and we have to host two wedding events.

I could've sworn I remembered that you're eloping though, no? Why is it that much for an elopement? Are you including flight costs? I think 15K is totally doable. How many guests do you have? My budget is 10K for our wedding ceremony and reception for 50 in Los Angeles, another very high-priced area in CA.

 

[maple2012]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

I was contemplating it for a bit. But as romantic as I think eloping sounds, it would be impossible in my situation. The idea of a larger wedding really makes my mom and family happy so... larger wedding it is! My mom isn't doing very well health wise and this is a joy I want to give her. I also like the idea of seeing my aunts, uncles, and cousins whom I haven't seen since I moved away to Chicago 6 years ago. It took me a while to come around but I'm really excited about having them all present now. I'm now inviting 130 and expecting 75-80 to show?

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

Okay, I've got a little time so figured I'd go into more detail:


Waiting for RSVPs was hard! The date we asked for replies by came and went with only a couple of replies. I had to send an e-mail to everyone (I just realized I forgot to make sure the invitations said dinner was vegetarian. Hope you can join us!). That got a few replies. Had to follow up with more e-mails and phone calls. I had people less than two weeks out from the wedding "not sure" if they would be there or not -- but they'd try!

The family drama was at least as bad.
We wanted something small (okay, in part to avoid having to invite those I don't want around) so I had complaining from the start that various family weren't invited. One of the big ones I heard about (endlessly!) was my two little cousins - both are under the age of 10 and not very interested in physical activity or long meals. Um.... we got married at a winery. The activities on site are long meals with wine, wine tasting, sitting around sipping wine, and hiking 900 feet down the cliff.
Then the drama of my deciding to not invite my mother's ex-husband (not my father) because he and I have never gotten along (hmmm -- verbal and emotional abuse? I wonder why?). It went downhill from there.

Planning everything without any of the "traditional helpers" was no fun. My mother and I are barely on speaking terms (even now) and she has never had an interest in helping me anyway. Same with the rest of my family. They think it was snobby of me to have a wedding like we did. They thought that I should be happy with a potluck lunch/dinner in Grandma & Grandpa's backyard. They even suggested a pre-wedding weed pulling party to get the yard ready
Okay.... I don't have anything against backyard weddings. They can be super beautiful and personal. It just isn't what I wanted. (among other things because the stress of having people over would have been hard on Grandma!)
Dress shopping alone or with DH was sad.
Going to get my nails done alone was sad. (yay for friend surprising me!)

Time, energy and money was tough.
None of this would have been a problem but DH has some ugly health thing going on and had to take a leave from work for awhile. Thanks to insurance people being slow, he hasn't been paid since July...

So.... Yeah.
The detail stuff was easy. Set up & clean up easy


Anyway...
You can see why it is I've been posting EVERYTHING around here. The ladies here are amazing at helping or sending virtual hugs or whatever is needed! They really have been the family I don't have IRL

THIS is hitting really close to home, thank you for such an honest and open post TP!!! Tons and tons and TONS of virtual hugs your way!!!

I am dealing with too much family drama to the point where I am afraid to ask my mom or sister for input. My sister is going through a divorce which has my mom reeling for some reason, and who is now COMPLETELY anti-marriage. I don't blame her since her marriage has not been full of love, her parents' marriage was a disaster, and her in-laws are compete PITAs for her. And then my sister's divorce became the icing on the cake. One in every four encounters with my mom has been a "I don't know why you want to get married, there is nothing wrong with an independent lifestyle where you don't have to worry about what anyone else is doing and you can do whatever you want." So in essence, I have no traditional helpers either. My MOH is my sister going through the divorce and I really think she is having a more difficult time dealing with the divorce than she lets up. And that is a whole drama in and of itself between her and my parents. Two of my BMs: my younger sister and my bestest friend are busy with school and are just totally off the radar (my bestest friend also just got engaged herself), although my sister does try to help and gives me encouragement and support about my decisions and helping deal with my mom. One is my best friend in school who has been really the only support and present person for the wedding. And my fifth lives in CA who is FI's best friend who is also off the radar. I try not to think too much about it because it makes me a little sad, but I'm also trying to keep the wedding as simple as possible so I don't need to call in the forces. FI has been the best part of this whole thing, and he's so understanding of what's been going on and has been doing a lot for the wedding.

I am dreading the invitations because of more family drama and with the friends we're inviting and younger cousins involved, I'm sure I'll get a lot of the requests for +1s.

And money is always stressful. Plus constant reminders from my grumpy mother about how FI doesn't make enough and to not spend any loan money on the wedding just adds more cortisol circulating through the blood.

Despite all the negatives though, I am trying to stay positive and having FI is really really awesome for that. In the end I know this is for him and I, and so I'm working hard not to sweat the stupid stuff that comes with everything as mentioned above.

 

[recordaras]

Re: What was the most stressful part of your wedding plannin

In all honesty I think there comes a time when you need to block all the negative people out for the sake of your own sanity. It's definitely a shame that it's not all love and support from your family, but then again it's only in the movies where everything goes smoothly.
I know I learned that lesson early on - I had a couple of friends and acquaintances that would ask about our plans only to criticize and make me doubt everything, and even though most of them were coming from a good place I certainly don't need that extra drama. So I just stopped sharing. "How's the planning going" - "Great! How have you been doing?" usually does it for me, and if they try to push I reply something vague like "We haven't started looking into it yet".

After the initial stress of venue choice and after I figured that out the whole planning process has really become so much more enjoyable!

Same thing with invites - as a host you get to send those out, and then everything else is out of your hands. Somebody wants to create drama? Well, they can knock themselves out, while you politely decline to participate.

Honestly, the best and most wise peace of advice that I ever received was from a friend who was much older than I was. She said she had a really rough first trimester when she was pregnant, was in and out of the hospital and on top of that was constantly in tears due to family members that were stressing her out even more. And then at some point it dawned on her that it all didn't matter. And even though this was family, for her sake and for the sake of her future child she would have to tune all of these people out, even if it meant avoiding certain people completely and seeming like a "terrible person". After that she was able to finally find some time to focus on HER needs, relax and be serene and happy. Her advice was to not wait till pregnancy, but to adapt that mindset early on and save yourself a lot of unnecessary drama.