Wedding Band Etiquette (refusing an heirloom?)
- Thread starter galeteia
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february2003bride
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2005
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- 3,551
I was just given my Grandmother''s wedding ring (74 years old!) and love it to bits. I would be completely miffed if my DH acted the way you are over your FI''s Grandfather''s ring.
Regarding your FI not loving the idea of wearing a wedding band; he may surprise himself. I know a lot of guys who HATED the thought of wearing a ring and the second their wives slipped that ring on during their wedding ceremony that sucker wasn''t coming off! So, your FI may feel different after the marriage ceremony.
Regarding your FI not loving the idea of wearing a wedding band; he may surprise himself. I know a lot of guys who HATED the thought of wearing a ring and the second their wives slipped that ring on during their wedding ceremony that sucker wasn''t coming off! So, your FI may feel different after the marriage ceremony.
galeteia
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 9, 2006
- Messages
- 1,794
You know, I was offered my grandmother's ring to use as my e-ring, and while I totally love the idea of heirlooms and treat them like the precious, irreplacable treasures they are, it was important to my FF that he be solely responsible for the e-ring and that it be acquired from his resources alone. Accepting my grandmother's ring would have denied him the chance to provide me with an e-ring, which is a sentiment I don't understand but I accept that it's the way he wants it.
I got to choose what it would look like (round stone, yellow gold, tapered shank, 6 prong) because he does not care about jewellery and has no opinions on how it should look, but he gets to find it/have it made and pays for it entirely out of his own pocket, and proposes where and when he chooses.
I offered to help him with the finances since we'll have a joint account and he's a student but he's made it clear that the e-ring is his domain. I respect that, because it's important to him. I may scratch my head over it with my girlfriends, but it's his call and I'm not going to fight him on something he feels so strongly about.
So before people get any more enthusiastic in their denounciations and start jumping all over me for being disrespectful towards heirlooms and mercilessly controlling my poor FF and demanding that he do things my way all the time, I'm going to point out that our relationship is a two-way street and for things he feels very strongly about I compromise on and vice versa. He feels strongly that the e-ring is his deal, I respect that. If I feel strongly about the w-bands, because he does not feel strongly about them, in this instance it will probably go my way. But that is a decision we will make as a couple.
The misrepresentation of the situation is my fault; I interpreted "this would be cool" as "wearing THIS ring will make me hate wearing a w-band less" instead of "free ring! Score!". I wrote my OP under the impression that he was more excited about his g-granfather's ring for its history instead of it's price (Free) because that's what I got from his very brief email.
I was having a bit of a spaz because I couldn't talk to him about it as I work nights, and was feeling a bit like a hamster in a jar.
However, it turns out I misinterpreted what he meant and I clarified that we'd talked and I understand the situation better. I have clarified the situation so people can understand that he's not attached to the sentimentallity of the ring, he's attracted to the price. Apparently I'm still a controlling ogre, though, and that's beginning to nettle me a little. Maybe it's the thin skin from PMS.
Thanks for the helpful suggestions everyone, and your outside perspectives. Posting runs the risk of either leaving huge holes (like him not wearing the ring after we're married, not sure where that came from) or writing a huge block of text that people don't want to read (like still believing he's not wearing the ring after marriage, even after I corrected that).
I am going to make an effort to phrase things a bit more gently when responding things written by distressed posters because I've been reminded how easy it is to feel hurt by criticism when you're already in a vulnerable state. I usually go for blunt responses and forget how easily they can be interpreted as attacks.
I'm done work for the night and happy to be finishing my last week; I'm feeling quite worn out at the moment by all the frantic activity going on. International imigration is cluster*bleep*.
Take care everyone.
I got to choose what it would look like (round stone, yellow gold, tapered shank, 6 prong) because he does not care about jewellery and has no opinions on how it should look, but he gets to find it/have it made and pays for it entirely out of his own pocket, and proposes where and when he chooses.
I offered to help him with the finances since we'll have a joint account and he's a student but he's made it clear that the e-ring is his domain. I respect that, because it's important to him. I may scratch my head over it with my girlfriends, but it's his call and I'm not going to fight him on something he feels so strongly about.
So before people get any more enthusiastic in their denounciations and start jumping all over me for being disrespectful towards heirlooms and mercilessly controlling my poor FF and demanding that he do things my way all the time, I'm going to point out that our relationship is a two-way street and for things he feels very strongly about I compromise on and vice versa. He feels strongly that the e-ring is his deal, I respect that. If I feel strongly about the w-bands, because he does not feel strongly about them, in this instance it will probably go my way. But that is a decision we will make as a couple.
The misrepresentation of the situation is my fault; I interpreted "this would be cool" as "wearing THIS ring will make me hate wearing a w-band less" instead of "free ring! Score!". I wrote my OP under the impression that he was more excited about his g-granfather's ring for its history instead of it's price (Free) because that's what I got from his very brief email.
I was having a bit of a spaz because I couldn't talk to him about it as I work nights, and was feeling a bit like a hamster in a jar.
However, it turns out I misinterpreted what he meant and I clarified that we'd talked and I understand the situation better. I have clarified the situation so people can understand that he's not attached to the sentimentallity of the ring, he's attracted to the price. Apparently I'm still a controlling ogre, though, and that's beginning to nettle me a little. Maybe it's the thin skin from PMS.
Thanks for the helpful suggestions everyone, and your outside perspectives. Posting runs the risk of either leaving huge holes (like him not wearing the ring after we're married, not sure where that came from) or writing a huge block of text that people don't want to read (like still believing he's not wearing the ring after marriage, even after I corrected that).
I am going to make an effort to phrase things a bit more gently when responding things written by distressed posters because I've been reminded how easy it is to feel hurt by criticism when you're already in a vulnerable state. I usually go for blunt responses and forget how easily they can be interpreted as attacks.
I'm done work for the night and happy to be finishing my last week; I'm feeling quite worn out at the moment by all the frantic activity going on. International imigration is cluster*bleep*.
Take care everyone.
Hm. If I read your post correctly, he was not excited about the idea of a new wedding band or wearing jewelry at all, but now he''s excited about this heirloom ring. I think that''s great that it makes him happy! Isn''t that what should matter, since it will be on HIS finger?
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