shape
carat
color
clarity

She asked me to be a Bridesmaid?!

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

~*Snow*~

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
233
Hi all!

This is goes out to all you etiquette pros out there.

A girl i used to be friends with in High School, a good 6 years ago, and who i haven''t seen in over 2 years, recently e-mailed me and told he she got engaged and i replyed with congrats all around
36.gif
. NOW she''s gone ahead and e-mailed me again and asked me to be her bridesmaid. Lets get some facts out there

1) i live 10 hours from my home town
2) i would have to take time off to go to her wedding, is my vacation stime really worth it? (No)
3) i haven''t seen her in 2 years, and maybe talk to her 2-3 a year since
4) i asked around back home and found out she doesn''t really have have friends, which is why she asked me.

So I never replied to her e-mail, saying i would or wouldn''t be her bridesmaid, rude i know, but i was just in such a shock and really i didn''t think much of it after i recieved with the madness of the holidays and what not. Now today she''s gone and sent me photo''s of the dresses she''s picked out, the colour and where i can find them in the city where i''m now living...

How do poiltely decline? She clearly took my congrats as a indication that i was willing to be in her wedding party, but in reality i hardly know her anymore...

Oh My!
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
5,471
OK, you have to put an end to this RIGHT NOW! I''d e-mail her and politely say that while you''re extremely honoured to have been asked, given your personal circumstances at the moment (don''t elaborate), you don''t feel that you can accept. Wish her all the VERY best with her planning and then say something really sweet about her and what she meant to you in high school. Be totally sincere and warm and also VERY firm.

DO IT NOW!!!!
6.gif
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
"I''m sorry. I can''t."


and soon.



poor thing, and poor you too!
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
Date: 1/7/2008 2:55:52 PM
Author: Independent Gal
OK, you have to put an end to this RIGHT NOW! I''d e-mail her and politely say that while you''re extremely honoured to have been asked, given your personal circumstances at the moment (don''t elaborate), you don''t feel that you can accept. Wish her all the VERY best with her planning and then say something really sweet about her and what she meant to you in high school. Be totally sincere and warm and also VERY firm.


DO IT NOW!!!!
6.gif

I agree-and do it asap!
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
Date: 1/7/2008 3:05:21 PM
Author: bee*

Date: 1/7/2008 2:55:52 PM
Author: Independent Gal
OK, you have to put an end to this RIGHT NOW! I''d e-mail her and politely say that while you''re extremely honoured to have been asked, given your personal circumstances at the moment (don''t elaborate), you don''t feel that you can accept. Wish her all the VERY best with her planning and then say something really sweet about her and what she meant to you in high school. Be totally sincere and warm and also VERY firm.


DO IT NOW!!!!
6.gif

I agree-and do it asap!
Double ditto. It will really be in your best interest and hers if you decline her offer. You''d come to resent spending so much time and money to take part in her wedding since she''s not all that important to you, and then she''d probably end up regretting asking you in the first place because of it. Wash your hands of this issue RIGHT NOW. Good luck!
 

Angel7

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2005
Messages
1,997
Date: 1/7/2008 2:55:52 PM
Author: Independent Gal
OK, you have to put an end to this RIGHT NOW! I''d e-mail her and politely say that while you''re extremely honoured to have been asked, given your personal circumstances at the moment (don''t elaborate), you don''t feel that you can accept. Wish her all the VERY best with her planning and then say something really sweet about her and what she meant to you in high school. Be totally sincere and warm and also VERY firm.

DO IT NOW!!!!
6.gif

GREAT advice! God what an akward situation, sorry you have to be put in it! Good luck. Keep us posted!
 

~*Snow*~

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
233
Thank you All...
I guess there is no proper way to say "I''m really happy for you but don''t want to be your bridesmaid" other then try and sugar coat it.
So awkward e-mail it is...
I was just so blind sided by this!

Okay time to go compose the dreaded e-mail.. i guess i knew i was going to have to do this all along. I''m just hoping she''s not a bridezillia just yet!
11.gif
 

Neveah

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 19, 2007
Messages
301
Declining by email; awkward, YES, but does anyone else think it is extremely tacky (besides all reasons you listed) that she asked you to BE her bridesmaid in an EMAIL???????
 

surfgirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 5, 2007
Messages
4,438
Neveah, it doesn''t matter at this point...She needs to get out of it NOW.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 1/7/2008 4:53:41 PM
Author: Neveah
Declining by email; awkward, YES, but does anyone else think it is extremely tacky (besides all reasons you listed) that she asked you to BE her bridesmaid in an EMAIL???????
That''s why even though it would be even more awkward, I would decline by phone. But only if you can stick with your guns and not be swayed into doing this.
 

hopefulheidi

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 10, 2005
Messages
335
I agree that this puts you in an awkward position and you''ve gotta do what you''ve gotta do but at the same time I feel really bad for this bride to be.

I had some amazing friends in high school and we all drifted apart when we went to college. I tried a few times to pick up where we left off on our friendships but it never quite took. Projecting my feelings a bit here, I can only imagine that this high school friend of yours might possibly miss your friendship and feel bad for the fact that you''ve drifted apart and she''s hoping that asking you to be a bridesmaid might be what it takes to rekindle your relationship? She may be thinking that you shared so many good times together in high school that she''d want to share this one with you as well.

I tried putting myself in her position, imagining that I had sent the that email to my friend Amy whom I really do miss and who I would love to get back in touch with (speaking of which, I think I''ll try emailing her again right now!) and I can say I wouldn''t be too surprised if she declined, but I''d still invite her anyways with the hopes she could make it. How sad that this girl has only old friendships to rely on when creating her bridal party (not that her lack of alternative bridesmaids should be any of your concern).

So ultimately my response is totally useless but I guess your post struck a cord with me since I''ve truly missed the big gang of friends I had around me in high school. It''s not quite as easy to make friends as a grown up; wish I hadn''t taken mine for granted.

~Heidi
 

snlee

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 6, 2004
Messages
5,891
I agree that you have to tell her you can''t ASAP.
 

gtn

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
748
Date: 1/7/2008 3:30:18 PM
Author: Haven
Date: 1/7/2008 3:05:21 PM

Author: bee*


Date: 1/7/2008 2:55:52 PM

Author: Independent Gal

OK, you have to put an end to this RIGHT NOW! I''d e-mail her and politely say that while you''re extremely honoured to have been asked, given your personal circumstances at the moment (don''t elaborate), you don''t feel that you can accept. Wish her all the VERY best with her planning and then say something really sweet about her and what she meant to you in high school. Be totally sincere and warm and also VERY firm.



DO IT NOW!!!!
6.gif


I agree-and do it asap!

Double ditto. It will really be in your best interest and hers if you decline her offer. You''d come to resent spending so much time and money to take part in her wedding since she''s not all that important to you, and then she''d probably end up regretting asking you in the first place because of it. Wash your hands of this issue RIGHT NOW. Good luck!



Triple ditto!

I know it is in bad form to reply to such a request via email (or course she also did a faux pas,) but I think that it might be easier for both of you to do it this way. I can''t help but feel bad for her. Maybe hopefulheidi is right in saying that your friend is reaching out to you. It reminds me of that episode of Friend when Joey asks Chandler to call a college friend to get an audition for Joey. Chandler''s friend mentioned how rude it was to ask a favor of her without at least inviting her out to coffee or something... Sorry for the tangent, I will stop now
 

AmyBride

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jan 4, 2008
Messages
37
I agree with everyone else, and I don''t think an e-mail response is necessarily a bad idea, as it gives you the opportunity to say what you need to say exactly the way you want to say it. Perhaps you can also apologize for not reponding to her invitation sooner.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 14, 2006
Messages
12,169
Date: 1/8/2008 1:47:08 AM
Author: AmyBride
I agree with everyone else, and I don''t think an e-mail response is necessarily a bad idea, as it gives you the opportunity to say what you need to say exactly the way you want to say it. Perhaps you can also apologize for not reponding to her invitation sooner.

I think an email would be ok in this situation too as the actual question was asked by email too. Best of luck.
 

~*Snow*~

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 18, 2007
Messages
233

Hi all!


Thanks for the replies! The awkward reply e-mail has been sent, no response as of yet.


As for the faux pas of asking by e-mail, that wasn''t really a big issue with me, with the dependence we all have on e-mail and internet i can understand it would be easy, while i personally wouldn''t do it, i can see how some may think it''s appropriate. That and she probably doesn''t have my phone number.

40.gif


The thing that bugs/ed be the most is to just assume i would want to be your bridesmaid! Yes i'' m happy for you and yes we were friends 6 years ago, but unfortunately you are not worth me taking time off work and spending X amount of money on.. sounds so blunt and hard but ultimately the truth..

And that is the major reason behind having my sister as my only attendant. no drama, no hunting for "friends" no asking people to spend money on a day that important to me, not so much to them. plan and simple.
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community Get 3 HCA Results
Top