Ring Bearer dilemma...

[whenharrymetsally]

Do any of you ladies have any advice for me? Please??

FI's sister has a 3 year old son and who is the only young/toddler in our immediate family. As soon as we announced our engagement, FSIL immediately assumed that he would be our ring bearer. The problem is this. FSIL is um...lets say..'extremely difficult to get along with' and is very manipulative. If she doesn't get her way..she will let you know she is not happy and make nasty remarks. An additional problem. Another issue i'm having is that she openly breastfeeds him anywhere and everywhere we go. Please do not get me wrong. I truly believe breastfeeding is a wonderful natural thing and do not have any issues with it, but most of the time, mothers will perhaps turn to the side or place a little blanket over their shoulder or make some effort not to completely expose themselves in public or even use the 'mother's room' when doing so. Um...my FSIL will "whip out the breast" not caring who sees, where we are or who as at the table. Her son will actually run up to her and lift her shirt! She has done this in front of her father, her brother, her sister's boy friend, at family dinners, christmas (at the dinner table!!) and basically everybody in her family has openly seen her breasts!! (frankly..i'm sick of them) I am having nightmares and know that she will do this at my ceremony!! Can you imagine wedding pictures with my FSIL breastfeeding?? Oh god.. I was hoping that by the age of THREE he would be off breastmilk or even just a nighttime...but um...doesn't look like it will happen anytime soon. I really want to tell them that we are not having ring bearers or flower girls and hope she will get the message, but the family keeps brining it up that he will be our ring bearer? Am I overreacting? HELP!!! Ooh..i forgot to mention...he is not exactly the most well behaved either. He is very spoiled and extremely demanding. He screams at the top of his lungs if he doesn't get what he wants.

Please...if i am overreacting..tell me.....but this is killing me!!!

 

[Independent Gal]

Ooooh boy. Not sure what else to say.

 

[Haven]

Eeeek. Well, my etiquette books say children over the age of four should be asked to participate in the wedding, so according to Emily Post he is not quite old enough. If you aren''t having any other little guys in the wedding then it should be easy to explain that you won''t be requiring your nephew''s services. Stick to your guns, you don''t need any extra breasts, er, I mean hassles, on your wedding day.

 

[sumbride]

Wow... how distracting would that be to have the Ring Bearer breastfed DURING the ceremony! Wow.

Where are you having the ceremony? any chance the "venue" could "forbid" small children involved in the ceremony? If he''s still being breastfed my instinct is he''s probably too young to participate on his own.

 

[door knob solitaire]

You have until September 13, 2008? Buy the kid a truck load of sippy cups. Crazy straws and chocolate milk. "Big boys drink this!"

Well, it may work...

Or you could try: Haven''t you heard the latest... is really large wide brimmed hats on the ring bearers. It is bad luck for him to remove it at anytime during the wedding.

Seriously IT IS YOUR WEDDING. All you have to say is we are having no children participate and you can add the phrase or attend if YOU desire.

If you get any slack, just remind them if they want to fund the affair they can also orchestrate it anyway they choose. Stand up and get your point made, spend your time anguishing over things YOU DON''T HAVE control over.

DKS

I think you are galant and trying to respect her, you do so by your apprehension to just tell her I DON''T WANT YOUR MAMMORIES WHIPPED OUT AT MY WEDDING. I know that would be a faux pax, but it shouldn''t be!! I am on your side.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 9/16/2007 11:03:11 AM
Author: door knob solitaire
You have until September 13, 2008? Buy the kid a truck load of sippy cups. Crazy straws and chocolate milk. ''Big boys drink this!''

Well, it may work...

Or you could try: Haven''t you heard the latest... is really large wide brimmed hats on the ring bearers. It is bad luck for him to remove it at anytime during the wedding.

Seriously IT IS YOUR WEDDING. All you have to say is we are having no children participate and you can add the phrase or attend if YOU desire.

If you get any slack, just remind them if they want to fund the affair they can also orchestrate it anyway they choose. Stand up and get your point made, spend your time anguishing over things YOU DON''T HAVE control over.

DKS

I think you are galant and trying to respect her, you do so by your apprehension to just tell her I DON''T WANT YOUR MAMMORIES WHIPPED OUT AT MY WEDDING. I know that would be a faux pax, but it shouldn''t be!! I am on your side.

What she said.

 

[havernell]

I agree with the others. Just state plainly that you and your FI have decided that you don''t want to have any ringbearers/flowergirls in the wedding- just your adult wedding party. Don''t try to give a reason, because sounds like FSIL will just argue against any reason you give. Your joint decision that this is your vision of the day is reason enough. Also, have your FI break the news, not you. It''s his family, he should be the one to "deal" with them.

If your FSIL as an ADULT gets upset by this, then it is her problem, not yours.

Also, if she decide to breast feed in the middle of your ceremony, she will look like the inappropriate one, not you. So, I wouldn''t worry too much about it. Plus, I''m sure your photographer will have enough sense to not capture THAT moment on film!!

Good luck with it!!

 

[iheartscience]

I''m with everyone else-stick to your guns and have your fiance tell his sister you''re not having a ring bearer, but thanks so much for offering up little Mr. Breastfed Until Middle School''s services. Hahaha-yikes! And I''ll keep my fingers crossed she doesn''t whip out her breasts at your wedding!

 

[sera]

OH
MY
GOODNESS
!

I can't stand it when women just whip out the boob with no modesty! OY! And at the age of THREE?!?! That is sooo udderly unnecessary *snickers*

When she brings up her son being a ringbearer again, I would be very direct and say, "We are not having a ringbearer." If she has a problem with it, too bad for her- it's your wedding! And perhaps any remarks she makes only her son will hear cuz who wants to sit at a table with a mom breastfeeding her 3-year-old?!

I would also warn the photographer to avoid that non-photo-opp!

 

[Anastasia]

Date: 9/16/2007 11:03:11 AM
Author: door knob solitaire

I think you are galant and trying to respect her, you do so by your apprehension to just tell her I DON''T WANT YOUR MAMMORIES WHIPPED OUT AT MY WEDDING. I know that would be a faux pax, but it shouldn''t be!! I am on your side.

This made me laugh out loud!! I''m not sure it''s a faux pas to say that - I think it''s a faux pas to whip out your breast and feed your THREE YEAR OLD! I too am a believer in breast feeding - I breast fed three children for gosh sakes, but it is not hard to be subtle!

There is no way she should decide that her son will be a ring bearer for you. It is a privelege to be asked, not something you demand. It is your right to have no children in your wedding, or at your wedding for that matter. I had eight nieces and nephews when I got married. The oldest three (who were eight, and long off the breast thank you very much!) were in the wedding. The younger 5, were not in the wedding, or invited to the wedding. They all came to the church, but then went off with babysitters. My siblings, all mature adults, had no problem with this.

Bottom line - your wedding your decisions!

Good luck with this one.

 

[luckystar112]

Wow....three years old?
Am I completely out of line to be grossed out and think that you FSIL is a weirdo with a capital W?
Granted, I don''t have any children yet, but I figure if a child has all their teeth and can CHEW SOLID FOOD it''s probably time for a transition. And in public?! I think I would be extremely uncomfortable if I ever saw a 3 year old nursing. I might even throw up in my mouth a little.
The mental image I have of a three year old running up to his mom and lifting her shirt is just......wrong. lol. Reminds me of that old SNL skit (or was it "in living color") where the mom and her grown son are still attached by the umbilical cord.
Seperation anxiety much???




I hope I didn''t offend anyone, but I really don''t understand why a 3 year old would still need to breastfeed. Maybe this is more common than I think? My friend has a one year old that she''s trying to get on the bottle permanently, and she told me that it''s been hard for her emotionally because she feels like her baby doesn''t need her anymore. But three years?!!?

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Thank you ladies!! Thank you for your support! I was really beginning to think that was I just being overly sensitive and overreacting to the situation. I guess it doesn''t help that my FSIL is extremely jealous and is always making nasty remarks. She gets mad when FI buys me anything and practically demands that he buy her something too? Very strange....

Um...ya...most of my g/fs..if not all but one or two are married with at least 2 children. i have never ever seen anybody breastfeed as um..''freely'' as she does..nor have they breastfed that long! I have a very close g/f that is a maternity nurse for the BC Womens Hospital and has mentioned that perhpas there are other underlying reasons. Regardless...as some of you have mentioned..i do believe once the child can run, walk and speak full sentences...it has already passed the time for breastfeeding!

Thank you again for your support...it means alot to me...and i think i will just say we don''t plan on having any ring bearers or flower girls. This way i can try to keep the peace and perhaps avoid a situation where i could potentially turn into a bridezilla! hahah..