How would you feel if...?

[LtlFirecracker]

So, I am officially having my I wished I would have eloped moment. I am going to throw this senorio out. I am a bit emotional and need to cool down, but I would love to get some prospective on this.

5 years ago my best friend from college gets engaged to her high school sweetheart. She is in grad school and he works at a home improvement store. They throw an extravagant wedding they cannot afford. I am one of her BM''s. At the time I a 4th year med student, and poor. She asks me to cover all the basic expenses (dress, shoes, hair/makup) plus I have to travel across country, rent a car, and get a hotel room, and give her her "gift of cash" to fund the wedding. I am sweating it finically and cannot afford it, but I make it work and keep my mouth shut for the entire year of planning, because I figured, I signed up for this not knowing the costs, and I was not there to add stress. She was my friend and I was there to help her make her day special.

So now it is my turn. She is a post doc and husband is an unemployed and a stay at home dad. They had an infant and one on the way. So I go out of my way to find a decent maternity dress for her that would not require a ton of alterations. I tell her she can wear her own shoes, she will need to help with hair and make-up, but I would cover half. Last week, she wrote an very (to keep it clean) witchy mass e-mail to the group complaining about how horrible the dresses are. The other girls have confirmed they are not bad at all. Today she calls me and drops out due to costs. She tells me she never knew it would cost this much to be a BM. She than states it is straining her and her husband to much, and she took a vow to him and that she has to put him first. She told me I will be taking the same vow and will understand. After realizing I was about to say something I would forever regret, I told her it is best we get off the phone now.

So of course I am angry, and emotional, and I am sure my head will clear in a few days. If you were in this, would you feel like there is a double standard? Or would you feel bad that she is in such a bad situation and get over it and not let this harm the friendship?

 

[ilovesparkles]

Knowing myself, I would feel terribly hurt, how could she attitude, and feel like it is completely a double standard. Then I would schedule an appointment with my shrink, much sooner than the one that is coming up next month! And pray that she can help me through this. Because I have no words of wisdom for you. That just sucks! I am sure some other much wiser PS ladies will roam around here and give you some advice. But I wanted to offer my sympathies. (and her email just made the case against her worse I guess, seeing as how she wasn''t apologetic in the least!)

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I'd be way more upset by the attitude and the, "I'm sure you'll understand once you have a husband" BS than the fact that she can't afford it and needs to pull out. If I were in the same situation, I'd be understanding and sympathetic of her situation but majorly ticked off at the way she handled it.

eta - is she really your friend, or did you just ask her to stand out of obligation?

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

My constructive advice to you is to NOT talk about this girl to your mutual friends. Keep it classy and don''t let the drama infect your wedding... we''ll take care of all the petty comments and disbelief here on pricescope.

1. She didn''t know how much it would cost to be a bridesmaid? Funny... was she blind during the entire time she got married and picked out things for you to spend your money on?

2. She thinks the dress is ugly? What cotton candy chiffon hot mess did she make you wear? Perhaps she could just take the dress you wore for her wedding and have it altered, 27 dresses style!

3. I''m sure you couldn''t possibly understand about the committment one makes to another in wedding vows. After you say "I do" you can turn to her, and hit your forehead to your palm, exclaiming, "duh! I so get how this vow gives me the right to be a self-centered, self-righteous witch!"

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:05:33 AM
Author: ilovesparkles
Knowing myself, I would feel terribly hurt, how could she attitude, and feel like it is completely a double standard. Then I would schedule an appointment with my shrink, much sooner than the one that is coming up next month! And pray that she can help me through this. Because I have no words of wisdom for you. That just sucks! I am sure some other much wiser PS ladies will roam around here and give you some advice. But I wanted to offer my sympathies. (and her email just made the case against her worse I guess, seeing as how she wasn''t apologetic in the least!)

It helps, you make me feel like I am not over-reacting by how upset I am.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:09:24 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
I''d be way more upset by the attitude and the, ''I''m sure you''ll understand once you have a husband'' BS than the fact that she can''t afford it and needs to pull out. If I were in the same situation, I''d be understanding and sympathetic of her situation but majorly ticked off at the way she handled it.


eta - is she really your friend, or did you just ask her to stand out of obligation?

3 of my BM''s are friends from college, they are the girls who I have really stayed close to over the years. But this girl and the other 2 girls are from different parts of my college life. She is wicked smart (well at least she is book smart) and we met in a genetics class where I was struggling, and she pulled me out of it, and I got an A. We have very similar personalities, but have chosen very different paths. Me and my FI feel that careers need to be a balance of doing what you love and living the life you want. She feels that you do what you love no matter what. While I didn''t put her up their out of obligation, I think the different paths we have chosen have really shown and affected how we feel about these things.

 

[4ever]

I think she sounds like a very self centered person. Your feelings are absolutely justified.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:17:25 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
My constructive advice to you is to NOT talk about this girl to your mutual friends. Keep it classy and don''t let the drama infect your wedding... we''ll take care of all the petty comments and disbelief here on pricescope.

1. She didn''t know how much it would cost to be a bridesmaid? Funny... was she blind during the entire time she got married and picked out things for you to spend your money on?


2. She thinks the dress is ugly? What cotton candy chiffon hot mess did she make you wear? Perhaps she could just take the dress you wore for her wedding and have it altered, 27 dresses style!


3. I''m sure you couldn''t possibly understand about the committment one makes to another in wedding vows. After you say ''I do'' you can turn to her, and hit your forehead to your palm, exclaiming, ''duh! I so get how this vow gives me the right to be a self-centered, self-righteous witch!''

Point 1 - that is what P***&& me off to know end. The fact she was throwing a wedding she had to go into debt for and threw every expense she could onto us, and didn''t even know what she was asking us to do. It is just now I am realizing she had no idea how much we spent or how much I was struggling. It is like she is the only one who is allowed to be struggling with money.

Point 2 - The dress she made wear was was not HORRIBLE, but it was a baby blue polyester dress that would not work anywhere except a wedding. The shoes annoyed me more, she made us all match, and no one could see them! I am putting them in simple silhouettes dresses. I gave them a choice of 7 different strapless dresses and they get to choose. The other girls have told me they are not all flattering, but since I am not making them match, it is easy to find one cute dress in the group. My original plan was priscilla of boston dresses, but the color was wrong. These are much cuter, and I know my FI''s sister (who is beautiful, but is tall hand has a challenge with clothes) is ecstatic she found something.

Point 3 - This comes to our different in how we think about things. Me and my FI feel it is very important to have our own lives and maintain our friendships. We are actually going to have a joint account, and than 2 personal accounts. If I want to be a BM, it comes from my personal account (i.e. less jewelry for me). Now I realize they are probably not in the position to do that, but the point is that if you don''t make your friends a priority, you might not have any.

I like making all the "petty" comments on here, this is going to keep me out of trouble.

 

[Haven]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:31:14 AM
Author: 4ever
I think she sounds like a very self centered person. Your feelings are absolutely justified.

Ditto.

I''m so sorry she''s doing this. I say it''s best to just focus on your FI and your upcoming wedding, and cut this toxic person out of your life right now.

That may sound harsh, but I feel life is too short to give up your precious time to people like this.

Big hugs.

 

[slg47]

I would be really upset. You are completely justified in feeling this way. Maybe try to talk to her and tell her what you are feeling? If she doesn''t want to be a BM would that ruin the wedding, or would you be ok with that? I hope this works out and I''m sorry you have to deal with this

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:36:38 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/11/2010 12:31:14 AM

Author: 4ever

I think she sounds like a very self centered person. Your feelings are absolutely justified.

Ditto.


I''m so sorry she''s doing this. I say it''s best to just focus on your FI and your upcoming wedding, and cut this toxic person out of your life right now.


That may sound harsh, but I feel life is too short to give up your precious time to people like this.


Big hugs.

Thanks.

That was my initial thought, is that she is self centered. My Matron of Honor agreed and told me she had to end a friendship with a BM (also from our college group so I knew her) for similar reasons. My other BM told me to give it a few days and that maybe I could see past this. That is kind of why I started this tread (and also to vent).

My feelings are that this has forever damaged the friendship and I have better people in my life to be there for me on my big day.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:36:37 AM
Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 5/11/2010 12:17:25 AM

Author: Guilty Pleasure

My constructive advice to you is to NOT talk about this girl to your mutual friends. Keep it classy and don''t let the drama infect your wedding... we''ll take care of all the petty comments and disbelief here on pricescope.

1. She didn''t know how much it would cost to be a bridesmaid? Funny... was she blind during the entire time she got married and picked out things for you to spend your money on?



2. She thinks the dress is ugly? What cotton candy chiffon hot mess did she make you wear? Perhaps she could just take the dress you wore for her wedding and have it altered, 27 dresses style!



3. I''m sure you couldn''t possibly understand about the committment one makes to another in wedding vows. After you say ''I do'' you can turn to her, and hit your forehead to your palm, exclaiming, ''duh! I so get how this vow gives me the right to be a self-centered, self-righteous witch!''

Point 1 - that is what P***&& me off to know end. The fact she was throwing a wedding she had to go into debt for and threw every expense she could onto us, and didn''t even know what she was asking us to do. It is just now I am realizing she had no idea how much we spent or how much I was struggling. It is like she is the only one who is allowed to be struggling with money.


Point 2 - The dress she made wear was was not HORRIBLE, but it was a baby blue polyester dress that would not work anywhere except a wedding. The shoes annoyed me more, she made us all match, and no one could see them! I am putting them in simple silhouettes dresses. I gave them a choice of 7 different strapless dresses and they get to choose. The other girls have told me they are not all flattering, but since I am not making them match, it is easy to find one cute dress in the group. My original plan was priscilla of boston dresses, but the color was wrong. These are much cuter, and I know my FI''s sister (who is beautiful, but is tall hand has a challenge with clothes) is ecstatic she found something.


Point 3 - This comes to our different in how we think about things. Me and my FI feel it is very important to have our own lives and maintain our friendships. We are actually going to have a joint account, and than 2 personal accounts. If I want to be a BM, it comes from my personal account (i.e. less jewelry for me). Now I realize they are probably not in the position to do that, but the point is that if you don''t make your friends a priority, you might not have any.


I like making all the ''petty'' comments on here, this is going to keep me out of trouble.

I have to call BS on that... the dress and shoes she picked had price tags on them when she picked them. She arranged your cookie cutter hair style and makeup session. She negotiated the hotel block rate, and even if she did not, she knows a hotel room and plane ride aren''t free... I think she just has selective memory. That being said, it was your right to choose whether or not you could accept the costs, and it''s her right now to assess he situation and decide that she can''t afford to be a bridesmaid when she has two children and a SAHD to support. I totally understand life changing and her not being able to afford it. I cannot excuse her TACKY behavior though and her assertion that you just can''t understand now since you don''t have a family and her implication that your choices are extravagant or above the normal cost of being a bridesmaid, considering what she wanted you to spend for her.

 

[mrscushion]

I think you''re right to be annoyed, and that you should stop investing in this friendship, as I don''t think this is a person that cares very much about her friends.

That said, I don''t think you should be too upset. Not because I think you''re overreacting, just because it''s not worth it. What''s in the past is in the past -- as you said, she probably didn''t realize back then how much it all cost (or how ugly her dresses were in comparison to yours), and you probably should have spoken up about not not being able to afford 100% of the costs, just in the interest of your own finances. Now that she''s in the same boat, perhaps she realizes it... or perhaps not. In any case, reminding her is not going to help the situation. She doesn''t sound like a very classy person, so in a way, good for both of you she''s out of the wedding.

 

[turboflgrl]

I would tell her that the "strain" she is experiencing has also been put on you and in that case, you will be dropping her as a friend just as easy as she dropped out of being a bridesmaid. She sounds utterly self centered and pathetic. I know it's hard to see right now but why on earth would you want to associate with someone like this? Ask yourself - what does this person bring to my life that is 100% positive now (not before when she helped you with a grade)?

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I have to call BS on that... the dress and shoes she picked had price tags on them when she picked them. She arranged your cookie cutter hair style and makeup session. She negotiated the hotel block rate, and even if she did not, she knows a hotel room and plane ride aren't free... I think she just has selective memory. That being said, it was your right to choose whether or not you could accept the costs, and it's her right now to assess he situation and decide that she can't afford to be a bridesmaid when she has two children and a SAHD to support. I totally understand life changing and her not being able to afford it. I cannot excuse her TACKY behavior though and her assertion that you just can't understand now since you don't have a family and her implication that your choices are extravagant or above the normal cost of being a bridesmaid, considering what she wanted you to spend for her.

You are right, I signed up to be a BM for her. And I will fully come out and say it. We have both had issues with saying things the wrong way (one of the bad ways we are alike). However, in the last 2-3 years, I have realized that I need to work on that flaw if I want to be a better friend, better person, and be more successful at work. I don't think she has learned it is not all about book smarts. If we were in this scenario 2 years ago, I would have gone off on her on the phone and said some really stupid stuff.

I think she has selective memory too, or, she was so busy focusing on what she had to spend she didn't really give us a thought.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 5/11/2010 2:17:11 AM
Author: mscushion
I think you''re right to be annoyed, and that you should stop investing in this friendship, as I don''t think this is a person that cares very much about her friends.


That said, I don''t think you should be too upset. Not because I think you''re overreacting, just because it''s not worth it. What''s in the past is in the past -- as you said, she probably didn''t realize back then how much it all cost (or how ugly her dresses were in comparison to yours), and you probably should have spoken up about not not being able to afford 100% of the costs, just in the interest of your own finances. Now that she''s in the same boat, perhaps she realizes it... or perhaps not. In any case, reminding her is not going to help the situation. She doesn''t sound like a very classy person, so in a way, good for both of you she''s out of the wedding.

My Matron of Honor said something similar. She is the one who lost a friendship from her wedding. She said it is better this happen now than for the BM to throw a fit on the wedding day (which is what happened to her). She is right. My head is already a little clearer, despite the fact I am super tired (I wish she would have realized we have a 2 hour time difference before she called!)

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Date: 5/11/2010 2:39:19 AM
Author: turboflgrl
I would tell her that the ''strain'' she is experiencing has also been put on you and in that case, you will be dropping her as a friend just as easy as she dropped out of being a bridesmaid. She sounds utterly self centered and pathetic. I know it''s hard to see right now but why on earth would you want to associate with someone like this? Ask yourself - what does this person bring to my life that is 100% positive now (not before when she helped you with a grade)?

She did more than help me with a grade, that is just how me met. She is self centered. That is what I have come to realize about her through all this. I think this the the first time she has been in a position where she could show her true colors.

 

[Porridge]

Hugs...it sucks when friendships change like that, it can''t feel good. Ya know what, I think you should just brush this one off and not react at all. I think she''s being supremely selfish and am rather astounded at her double standards. But I think the worst thing would be to get into any kind of "well, I was broke for your wedding", squabbling over whose dress is worse etc...she''s being petty, and you''re better than that. She wants to drop out? Great, let her off, less drama for you, you''ll all have a blast and she''ll regret acting like such a cow. Wish her well and move on.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:53:25 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

Date: 5/11/2010 12:36:37 AM

Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 5/11/2010 12:17:25 AM



Author: Guilty Pleasure



My constructive advice to you is to NOT talk about this girl to your mutual friends. Keep it classy and don''t let the drama infect your wedding... we''ll take care of all the petty comments and disbelief here on pricescope.

1. She didn''t know how much it would cost to be a bridesmaid? Funny... was she blind during the entire time she got married and picked out things for you to spend your money on?







2. She thinks the dress is ugly? What cotton candy chiffon hot mess did she make you wear? Perhaps she could just take the dress you wore for her wedding and have it altered, 27 dresses style!







3. I''m sure you couldn''t possibly understand about the committment one makes to another in wedding vows. After you say ''I do'' you can turn to her, and hit your forehead to your palm, exclaiming, ''duh! I so get how this vow gives me the right to be a self-centered, self-righteous witch!''

Point 1 - that is what P***&& me off to know end. The fact she was throwing a wedding she had to go into debt for and threw every expense she could onto us, and didn''t even know what she was asking us to do. It is just now I am realizing she had no idea how much we spent or how much I was struggling. It is like she is the only one who is allowed to be struggling with money.





Point 2 - The dress she made wear was was not HORRIBLE, but it was a baby blue polyester dress that would not work anywhere except a wedding. The shoes annoyed me more, she made us all match, and no one could see them! I am putting them in simple silhouettes dresses. I gave them a choice of 7 different strapless dresses and they get to choose. The other girls have told me they are not all flattering, but since I am not making them match, it is easy to find one cute dress in the group. My original plan was priscilla of boston dresses, but the color was wrong. These are much cuter, and I know my FI''s sister (who is beautiful, but is tall hand has a challenge with clothes) is ecstatic she found something.





Point 3 - This comes to our different in how we think about things. Me and my FI feel it is very important to have our own lives and maintain our friendships. We are actually going to have a joint account, and than 2 personal accounts. If I want to be a BM, it comes from my personal account (i.e. less jewelry for me). Now I realize they are probably not in the position to do that, but the point is that if you don''t make your friends a priority, you might not have any.





I like making all the ''petty'' comments on here, this is going to keep me out of trouble.

I have to call BS on that... the dress and shoes she picked had price tags on them when she picked them. She arranged your cookie cutter hair style and makeup session. She negotiated the hotel block rate, and even if she did not, she knows a hotel room and plane ride aren''t free... I think she just has selective memory. That being said, it was your right to choose whether or not you could accept the costs, and it''s her right now to assess he situation and decide that she can''t afford to be a bridesmaid when she has two children and a SAHD to support. I totally understand life changing and her not being able to afford it. I cannot excuse her TACKY behavior though and her assertion that you just can''t understand now since you don''t have a family and her implication that your choices are extravagant or above the normal cost of being a bridesmaid, considering what she wanted you to spend for her.

Ditto this.

you each had/have the choice to participate or not in each others wedding, and for me what you spent on hers is inependent of her choice today. You are being considerate, more than she maybe was, but...again it is a new situation. She can choose to not participate for what reasons fit for her.

what was not cool was her comments about you being unaware of costs, her group email criticizing your dress choices, and her comments about your own commitment.

Honestly, she sounds like an unhappy woman projecting her *stuff* on you. Do not allow her toxicity get to you. She is not someone I would continue to associate with if this is her attitude!

 

[zipzapgirl]

I can totally understand your feelings of resentment. She absolutely should have known what she was getting into, she agreed to it, and her way of getting out of the situation was tactless at best, especially the email to the other bridesmaids.

BUT, you also felt pretty hamstrung being a bridesmaid and felt like she was spending money you didn''t have for her purposes, not yours. At the time, you valued her friendship and sucked it up, maybe a little bit out of the naivety of youth, and maybe because it caught you so unaware. Now she is rebelling against this same feeling and saying that this is eating into her other priorities--her husband and kids. You have to respect that. How she went about it was sh!tty, but she''s got to do what is best for her family. Period. If they have a baby, one on the way, he''s not working and she''s doing grad school, I doubt they have *any* extra money that isn''t being funded by debt and maybe the husband said to her--hey, honey, we really can''t afford all of this when we''re eating ramen noodles, living in this little apt, and have a baby coming. Pampers and maternity bills from the hospital can be pricey.

I just think you should probably chalk this up to different priorities at different times of life and let it go. Don''t kill the friendship. Just let her know you are sad she won''t be there in the wedding party and put a little more distance if you need to. It won''t do you any good to try to justify your actions, even though you bent over backwards, so don''t even try.

 

[princesss]

Right or not, I''d be miffed. There''s a certain amount of reciprocity expected in friendships, and you went above and beyond for her, so you were hoping she''d at least be willing to stretch a bit for you. I think if she had left out the tacky e-mail criticizing the dresses, and hadn''t thrown in that bit about "You''ll understand someday...", it''d be a different situation. If she''d just called you quietly and said, "We''re in over our heads, I''m sorry, we just can''t make this work like we thought we could," your reaction wouldn''t have been what it was (which, btw, I think it totally understandable). But it sounds like everything has to be her way and she always has to be right, and that doesn''t really help maintain relationships that require give and take.

I''m sorry your friend is disappointing you. That''s never easy to deal with. *hug*

 

[princessplease]

Your feelings are completely justified, and I''d be hurt. Unfortunately, I''ve learned that more often than not, people''s true colors show during wedding planning time. Easier said than done of course but I''d rather have a BM drop out who didn''t want to be there rather than stand up there out of mere obligation. ::HUGS::

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Wow, what a b****.

Good.

Honestly, having someone in the wedding who doesn''t want to be there is nothing but bad for YOU. Considering this a blessing and let it go. You''ll have a fantastic day surrounded by friends and love, and while you may miss her being "around"...you''re going to be so incredibly busy and joyful, you won''t mourn her absence.

 

[Amzizzle]

That''s so selfish of her! Unfortunately all I can say is take the high road.Let her actions reflect on herself.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 5/11/2010 10:19:00 AM
Author: princesss
Right or not, I''d be miffed. There''s a certain amount of reciprocity expected in friendships, and you went above and beyond for her, so you were hoping she''d at least be willing to stretch a bit for you. I think if she had left out the tacky e-mail criticizing the dresses, and hadn''t thrown in that bit about ''You''ll understand someday...'', it''d be a different situation. If she''d just called you quietly and said, ''We''re in over our heads, I''m sorry, we just can''t make this work like we thought we could,'' your reaction wouldn''t have been what it was (which, btw, I think it totally understandable). But it sounds like everything has to be her way and she always has to be right, and that doesn''t really help maintain relationships that require give and take.

I''m sorry your friend is disappointing you. That''s never easy to deal with. *hug*

So true! I really think what rubbed me the completely wrong way was the manner in which she handled the situation. If I was in that situation, I would be pissed. Not because I was losing a BM, but solely because of the way she went about the whole thing.

I''d probably be inclined to write her off for good

 

[turboflgrl]

Date: 5/11/2010 6:58:48 AM
Author: LtlFirecracker

Date: 5/11/2010 2:39:19 AM
Author: turboflgrl
I would tell her that the ''strain'' she is experiencing has also been put on you and in that case, you will be dropping her as a friend just as easy as she dropped out of being a bridesmaid. She sounds utterly self centered and pathetic. I know it''s hard to see right now but why on earth would you want to associate with someone like this? Ask yourself - what does this person bring to my life that is 100% positive now (not before when she helped you with a grade)?

She did more than help me with a grade, that is just how me met. She is self centered. That is what I have come to realize about her through all this. I think this the the first time she has been in a position where she could show her true colors.

Well then the ball is in your court as to whether you want to continue to deal with a person like this. Frankly, my trust would be at zero considering the e-mail she sent and the nasty way she likes to talk down to you.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Being in a wedding party can be expensive, so it''s understandable she might want to opt out if her family is struggling. But she could have handled it so much better. And really, she should have known it would be a problem before she agreed to be in the wedding. I guess if I were you, I would be relieved she was not going to be in the wedding if she had a bad attitude about it. Consider it a blessing.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Of course you are upset. But I look at it this was--the universe is protecting you. Given her attitude/behavior, perhaps it is better she is not there during your important day. She is on her own train; and you on yours moving forward.

cheers--Sharon

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 5/10/2010 11:51:00 PM
Author:LtlFirecracker

After realizing I was about to say something I would forever regret, I told her it is best we get off the phone now.

You have admirable self control! I would never have been able to do that.

You have every right to be angry and hurt. From what you''ve described, she seems to be consistently self-centered. I probably wouldn''t continue the friendship.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 5/11/2010 12:36:38 AM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/11/2010 12:31:14 AM

Author: 4ever

I think she sounds like a very self centered person. Your feelings are absolutely justified.

Ditto.

I''m so sorry she''s doing this. I say it''s best to just focus on your FI and your upcoming wedding, and cut this toxic person out of your life right now.

That may sound harsh, but I feel life is too short to give up your precious time to people like this.

Big hugs.

I agree. She sounds extremely selfish and self-centered and better that this happens now than for it to happen at your wedding.

My wedding was last year. All I asked of my bridesmaids was for them to pay for their dresses (which they picked themselves in the color I chose).

I am now a bridesmaid in one of their weddings. This entire process has been so unbelievably expensive, from the dress, to the shoes she needs us to wear, to the hair, to the makeup (which is 3 times the price it is normally because the wedding is on Memorial Day and I can only find ONE place open in the area who is willing to do hair or makeup that day), to the bridal shower, the engagement present, bridal shower present, wedding present. All in all it''s costing almost $1000. The girl only spent $150 on the dress for my wedding, I did not get any engagement present, bridal shower present, or wedding present from her, and her MOTHER was actually the one who paid for her dress for my wedding (her mother pays for everything for her, even now as she gets ready to get married). This girl has not said thank you once. To anyone. Not to me for anything, not to her mother (who has bought her every single thing she needs, including spending thousands of dollars on ALL her furniture and TVs and everything for their new apartment).

But I keep my mouth shut, I suck it up, and I spend the money. Because as much as she is truly getting on my nerves, and as much as I really have no desire to spend *so* much money especially for someone who doesn''t even appreciate it, she is still my friend and wedding planning is stressful and I don''t want to make things more stressful for her.

Your friend clearly doesn''t value your friendship nearly as much as you valued hers when you were in her wedding. She is so self-centered she can''t even realize that you did ALL of this for her 5 years ago! It''s sad when you realize your friends have changed or are so selfish, but in this case I think it''s better that you know now. *hugs*