Guilty Planning...

[lilmissrugger]

Has anyone else ever had this issue?

I''m very close with FI''s family, and both his dad and sister are getting married this summer. I''m not getting married until next summer, but I''m having difficulty planning my wedding because I feel guilty! I wouldn''t feel as guilty if I weren''t as close with his family (including sister and future stepmom) except that they''ve both asked for my help with their weddings. I like to get a head start on things, and since I have less than 18 months left, I realllly want to rev my engines and get going with the planning! FI and I are both making/paying for almost everything ourselves, so we need the time to really prepare.

So I guess what I''m asking is how do I get past the guilt of planning my own wedding when I have two other weddings to help plan? (and I know, I put myself in this situation by saying ''yes'' to helping them, but I LOVE weddings!!! Plus, future MIL is pretty clueless and VERY stressed out about planning the wedding...)

advice?

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Can you do both at once? I mean, maybe helping them plan theirs will cut down on the research and leg work you have to do when it gets closer to your wedding. While you''re helping them with tasks, you can keep your own wedding in mind too in terms of what you would and wouldn''t want, so you''d still be making good use of your time helping them. Helping them may very well help you have a better idea of what you want for your wedding too.

And honestly, at over a year away, there isn''t so much you HAVE to do asap except book a venue and photog (since they can only be booked by one wedding per day, unlike florists and bakers etc). And you''ll have a whole year after their summer weddings to plan yours.

 

[meresal]

You are 18 months away... you have PLENTY of time to plan.

To be honest, like PP said, the only things that you can do at this point is book venues and possibly your main vendors. I'm not sure what other planning is pertinent at a year and a half away.

Why do you feel guilty? Are you missing parts of their planning because of things involving your own wedding planning?

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 2/24/2010 3:08:42 PM
Author: meresal
You are 18 months away... you have PLENTY of time to plan.

To be honest, like PP said, the only things that you can do at this point is book venues and possibly your main vendors. I''m not sure what other planning is pertinent at a year and a half away.

Why do you feel guilty? Are you missing parts of their planning because of things involving your own wedding planning?

I agree with Meresal and MTG. 18 months out you don''t need to do too much. The details will come to you a bit closer to your day. My friend had just over a year to plan her wedding and didn''t need to make decisions about flowers, decor, etc. until 5-6 months out. Once you get your photographer, venue, church/ceremony site, officiant, and caterer booked you can sit tight for a little bit.

I helped my friend plan a lot of her wedding. At first she was considering a wedding in the same town I ended up getting married in so when I went to plan my own day I already had a head start. I don''t know if there is any overlap in where their weddings are and where yours will be but perhaps you can use some of the info you dig up for them for your own purposes. Also, another perk of helping them plan is that you can see the tough spots they end up in or the missteps they take and avoid the same situation for your own day, if that makes sense.

 

[princessplease]

Coming from a bride who was engaged 16 months before the wedding (which is this July, almost 5 months away!), the only things that can be done are what other posters said, the big stuff. I had my photog, DJ, and venue booked in May (14 months out), and other vendors (florist, baker) told me they simply didn''t have their books for next year yet, so I had no choice but to wait. I know it''s exciting and you''re eager to plan, but 17 months is a TON of time, and even if you start in the fall after the other weddings you are in, you''ll still have plenty of time.

If you''re eager, I''d book your photog and venue, as they tend to book up the earliest.

 

[lilmissrugger]

Planning at the same time is a helpful idea-- I'll have to try and keep that in mind! One of them is looking for cheap alternatives and different types of favors, so I do have a leg up on knowing what I can buy from where and for how much.

The reason I'm getting started early is because I'm making ALL of the centerpieces/favors for the wedding in addition to preeeeetty much everything else. I'm designing the wedding table by table, with a unifying theme, instead of having everything exactly the same, that way I can purchase a few centerpieces/favors each paycheck, so by the time my wedding rolls around, I'll have enough. I'd wait until closer to, but I'm buying vases from goodwill to save money for the centerpieces, and I can buy one each paycheck. My parents won't be able to contribute much (we're talking MAAAAYBE 1000 dollars), but luckily they have a lot of barn space (and boxes!) for me to store the stuff I'm purchasing. Buying things as I go along, I've calculated from what I've seen from looking at wholesale websites for the stuff I'm buying a head of time, will save me several hundred dollars- one of the downsides is that it means I have to have stuff planned out in advance- now, I don't mind the planning, and I have flexibility with everything I'm doing, but it's hard to be happy planning when I know that I should be helping them.

At least, I feel I should be helping them. Also, one has asked me to keep my eyes open for centerpieces, and all of those little details, so even going into goodwill, I feel like I should be looking for her, instead of for myself.

I know the planning 18 months out seems crazy (and I know, it is

) but it's the only way FI and I will be able to make sure we have everything we need by the time that we need it. I've thought about postponing the wedding until a later date when we either a) have more money to contribute, or b)my parents have more money, but my grandmother has recently fallen ill and although she probably has a few more years, we'd like to make sure she can be there. We've cut down the guest list from what it was, so that definitely helps! I've already started grabbing vases, and I already have the raw materials for 4 of our tables. It really is a great way to get what you want for your wedding on a tight budget, but it just takes time.

Whew!
Sorry, that was a lot of writing.

Thank you ladies for reading my crazy neurotic post and responding Sometimes this wedding stuff can get into your head and it just seems like there's so much that still needs to be done! Reading your responses is helping me to realize that, even though I have a lot to do, I still have a lot of time- so I should take a deep breath and just relax.

You guys are the best!!!

 

[lilmissrugger]

Ok, I have to share this with you all-- I just got off of the phone with my future MIL and FI''s future stepmom-

She''s getting married June 26th of this year, and she''s anticipating having about 350 people at her wedding.
This is a list of what she has done:
Dress picked out and bought (but not delivered) and no alterations have been made-- of any kind-- yet
Wedding party picked
Ideas for favors
Ceremony booked
reception picnic area booked

She was planning on sending out invitations 6 weeks beforehand...with 350 guests...

She''s a total sweetheart, but really bogged down with schoolwork right now (she''s going back to school for a degree) and isn''t planning on doing any more planning until her spring break, and after that, until she''s out of school for summer (May).

I think my plans can wait