getting lost in stupid stuff

[recordaras]

I have to agree with antiquesparkler about the dress not being my top priority. I honestly don't believe in the whole "The Dress" hype - there are always so many options that will look great on a bride, and your close ones will cry no matter what!
Also, don't forget to factor in alterations, which normally run around $300-400.

One way of keeping the cost down is going the preowned/sample route. I got my Alfred Angelo dress preowned through the Brides Across America program (so it was my favorite price point - free! ), and it honestly took me several weeks to find signs that the dress had been worn at all - at first I was sure somebody had had it tailored to fit and then chose to wear something else, that's how great it looked after the dry cleaning! I realize preowned isn't for everyone, but samples are also a great option and can be 30-40% cheaper than buying new.

But I'm a very practical person. And I really just can't justify spending that much money on something I will wear for 5-6 hours!

 

[pandabee]

I agree with you ladies. 2k seems like a reasonable, pretty healthy budget. I also don't wish to spend that much on a dress, especially if not that many people will see it IRL. There are a few styles I really like that I have seen for less than 1k on preowned wedding dresses but I haven't tried them on yet. Will be going in a few weeks with my mom though so hopefully one of them fits the bill and I can get it preloved!

 

[wakingdreams53]

AntiqueSparkler, *virtual hug back!* Thanks for your reply, I really am going crazy... well, not so much crazy, but rather, sad. I sat down with FI yesterday, drew everything out and came to the same conclusion-- eloping simply makes the most sense. Then he, naturally creative, started having ideas of having a pop-up wedding everywhere with everyone... one wedding at a time! please! I'll definitely check out Mori Lee

Mico, you don't have to share the price, but I'd love to see what you choose! I'd definitely resell. If a dress won't be reworn, I can't justify it hanging in my already-packed closet.

Recordras, I feel the same exact way! But my thinking expands to the entire wedding too! I want to go the pre-owned route, but each time I find a dress I like, it's discontinued and I can't try it in real life.. which seems super risky for me. When you're enjoying the free route, it's less of a risk. I found a "cheap" $350 dress, but can't justify not being able to try it on. FI joked that we should go to Niagra Falls to try it on...

Pandabee, 100% agree. You better post pics when you go try I'm going to David's Bridal tomorrow with EVERYONE (FI, Mom, and thanks to MLK, my sister) hopefully FI will have a chance to talk to my mom while I'm trying on dresses.

 

[pandabee]

AntiqueSparkler, *virtual hug back!* Thanks for your reply, I really am going crazy... well, not so much crazy, but rather, sad. I sat down with FI yesterday, drew everything out and came to the same conclusion-- eloping simply makes the most sense. Then he, naturally creative, started having ideas of having a pop-up wedding everywhere with everyone... one wedding at a time! please! I'll definitely check out Mori Lee

Mico, you don't have to share the price, but I'd love to see what you choose! I'd definitely resell. If a dress won't be reworn, I can't justify it hanging in my already-packed closet.

Recordras, I feel the same exact way! But my thinking expands to the entire wedding too! I want to go the pre-owned route, but each time I find a dress I like, it's discontinued and I can't try it in real life.. which seems super risky for me. When you're enjoying the free route, it's less of a risk. I found a "cheap" $350 dress, but can't justify not being able to try it on. FI joked that we should go to Niagra Falls to try it on...

Pandabee, 100% agree. You better post pics when you go try I'm going to David's Bridal tomorrow with EVERYONE (FI, Mom, and thanks to MLK, my sister) hopefully FI will have a chance to talk to my mom while I'm trying on dresses.

Mico has an amaaaaazing Lazaro!! Too lazy to post the actual pic, but she links it in her thread here [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/5-10-14.195003/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/5-10-14.195003/[/URL]

 

[maple2012]

Hi Ladies! I've been out in California on a mini-vacation and wedding planning meeting with vendors. I am happy to report I got a new quote from another florist for half the cost of the first one (4k versus 8k). This includes all florals for wedding party, ceremony decor, and reception decor (tall centerpieces, drapes, some lightning), etc. Going to see if I can cut some more florals out and bring this down to 3k. I also booked my officiant and DJ on this trip.

Other than this, I am a tad sad to be honest and having a regret moment. Slowly but surely the costs are adding up and as much as I try to cut down my budget I am looking to spend 40k on this wedding. I have done my best to cut down the guest list and extras.

A bit frustrated because family who had originally stated they were going to help with 10-15k have backed out. FI and I were originally going to do a 50 person wedding on a Sunday for about 20k but my mom really pushed me to have a Saturday wedding and to invite more family. I passed up the all inclusive package with my venue because of this which is why the cost has now skyrocketed and it's too late to go back.

I am very excited to marry FI but I am also a tad upset that I allowed myself to listen to others and increase the guest count / change the day of the week I was getting married on. I know it will all work out but I just needed to vent.

If I could give advice to myself 6 months ago: plan the wedding of MY dreams and don't talk to my family (aka mom) until it was all booked.

Okay venting done....

 

[recordaras]

So sorry you are going through this, Maple. Hopefully you will find some ways to cut the budget even more.

 

[wakingdreams53]

Thanks Pandabee! Mico's dress is so elegantly gorgeous!

Aww, Maple, that sucks... but perhaps that family that isn't contributing right now will give you a nice monetary gift?? That's the only balance I see w/ bigger weddings-- more people that will give cash as a gift.

Didn't go dress shopping today, SUPER bummed. Our car was in the shop, my mom had to stay home and wait for the cable guy, and FI decided this was a good night to stay up & sleep in. I'm going w/ just my mom on Friday, fingers crossed that it'll work out!

This morning I finally re-decided to elope to Key West & told FI. His response was, "Just us? Are you sure that's what you want?" And now his resounding question is driving a hole in my head!! I DON'T KNOW! F***ing hell, I am so sick of this. His mom is insisting on his brother be his best man... we're not having a wedding party. She's really the only one "fighting" for this wedding, but she doesn't know about all of this flip-flopping. Idk, my family doesn't want to be there, 8/14 people have to travel if it's in FL, I don't want to think about this anymore. It's in 9.5 months and I'd like to have something solid by now.

 

[Mico]

Maple, the costs keep growing, I'm with you on that one. We are roughly 10k over budget right now and climbing... Kill me

My ideas for my wedding keep changing. Usually when I share what I like with family who have other ideas. I've learned to share my ideas prior to making a decision - that seems to help the most. I don't like making a decision and having people try to talk me out if it.

In other news, if you didn't want to click the link to my marathon thread about my wedding, here's my dress (someone else in the Internet wearing it of course)

 

[Mico]

Why do invites cost so much! Argh!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Why do invites cost so much! Argh!

I know, its just fancy paper!!!! Have you looked on Etsy at all? I found some on there that are "reasonable"... What are you thinking for invites?

 

[Mico]

Why do invites cost so much! Argh!

I know, its just fancy paper!!!! Have you looked on Etsy at all? I found some on there that are "reasonable"... What are you thinking for invites?

I like these 2! They're between 2.50 - 2.75 per invitation

 

[Stephny691]

Mico- those invites are gorgeous! You could go for either and it would look great, I'm drawn to the second one just because I like the look of titled writing.

Well, I ended up going around a venue with my FMIL and her bridemaid while we were on her hen-do! We went to stay in the beautiful Jacobean manor/hotel and it's stunning. Told my OH the price and he went off on a rant about how expensive it is to get married for one day and I ended up agreeing with him.
I realised our wedding will look exactly like his mothers- just with a different colour scheme and in a different venue, but essentially the same! Also- the guests would all be the same people. I knew this is what would happen when they got engaged before us. ANYWHO!

We're now thinking of kind-of eloping, but with his parents and grandmother, my parents, and maybe his step-brother and best friend. Those are the only people we care about being there really. And then throwing a party for everyone when we get back. But his step-brother will want to bring his bloody girlfriend and I would really like one of my FMIL friends there, who I'm really quite close to. And the numbers have gone to 11 people. And we're talking about renting cottages somewhere and getting married there, but then it's just a registry office wedding (which can be beautiful, I'm not casting aspersions).

And I'm torn between a family only wedding, which I'm feeling wouldn't be as cheap as we want it be and we could potentially do something nicer with the money and invite more of our friends. Or throwing a 'traditional' wedding which will just feel like FMIL wedding 2.0 and be really expensive. Stuff in the UK is HORRENDOUS! Sigh.

I just don't want to feel like I compromised on my wedding to save some money. And yes that money can be better spent; on a house for example. But I don't want to look back and wish I'd done it differently or that I hadn't cheaped out.

Help?

 

[Mico]

Ugh, I wish I could help you. I know many people on this board felt the same way as you and chose elopement and are so pleased with their choice. I went for the big wedding - and was so overwhelmed at first. Now that the big decisions are done, I'm actually pleased I went this route - but there were some headaches along the way. I would take a second and look really hard at what will make you happy. Don't worry about the money - just think of who you would want to be there, from just 2 to 25 to 150 to 600. Don't worry about the cost right now, just picture your dream wedding

 

[wakingdreams53]

Stephny, I think you'd regret it more if you spent all that money and didn't have the wedding you wanted.
Could you do the small wedding without having a colossal drama arise w/ your FMIL?
I think it's perfectly fair to throw a small wedding with your nearest and dearest and I hope everyone else can understand!

Mico, those invites are gorgeous!!

 

[recordaras]

I think I have wedding planning burn out. I took a hiatus for the holidays, and now I just can't force myself to do anything other than the very basics - reply to emails from vendors I contacted before the holidays, send out deposits etc. Has anyone experienced something like this? And if so, did you get your second wind at some point? I'd hate to spend the next 7 months dragging things out and not enjoying planning.

 

[Mico]

I think I have wedding planning burn out. I took a hiatus for the holidays, and now I just can't force myself to do anything other than the very basics - reply to emails from vendors I contacted before the holidays, send out deposits etc. Has anyone experienced something like this? And if so, did you get your second wind at some point? I'd hate to spend the next 7 months dragging things out and not enjoying planning.

Me, and now ok late on sending out invites and finding hair/make up vendors

 

[wakingdreams53]

Aww, Recordaras, I can definitely understand burn out. Perhaps get FI to take interest? If he's interested you'll have something to keep you excited about it.

 

[maple2012]

I think I have wedding planning burn out. I took a hiatus for the holidays, and now I just can't force myself to do anything other than the very basics - reply to emails from vendors I contacted before the holidays, send out deposits etc. Has anyone experienced something like this? And if so, did you get your second wind at some point? I'd hate to spend the next 7 months dragging things out and not enjoying planning.

Yep! Right here. I am over wedding planning honestly. My wedding planner suggested on taking a break from everything that is stressful (aka: guest list) and focus on the fun stuff like looking at pictures of dresses online. This has helped a bit. Hah. I also ordered the Hunger Games book series and plan to start reading that to keep myself occupied on non-wedding stuff at night.

Speaking of dresses, I have decided on three dresses I want to try on. Two are from David's Bridal and the third is Maggie Sottero. Photos below. These are ones I found online (not me of course).

 

[maple2012]

Three more pics! The first two are Maggie Sottero's Mirabella dress. The third photo is David Bridal's A Line Tulle dress (the champagne one I posted above, but in ivory/white). What do you gals think of the dresses? I love the champagne color but my mom was mean and told me that it wouldn't look pretty because it's not white. Blah! I honestly need to stop talking to my mother about my wedding.

 

[Stephny691]

Maple I absolutely LOVE the David's Bridal Lace Dress. It is absolutely stunning. The Sottero ones are nice but they don't have as nice shape as the lace one. I really like the way it ruches (sp?) up at the side.

Thank you for all the advice, I just really sick of hearing "After my wedding. Sure you can- after my wedding. Oh well, you can sort that our after my wedding" from FMIL, knowing that if the tables were turned she would going ahead and sorting out her wedding. What's worse is, I know it won't just be after her wedding, then it'll have to be after her honeymoon, and then she'll want a grace period where she get's to be a newly-wed and not have any attention diverted.

Interjection to say: I really do love this woman, but it's like hitting my head against a brick wall.

I'm fairly certain I've mentioned the honeymoon thing before and I'm trying so hard to just let go but she won't stop talking about it and all I can think in my head is "That's MY honeymoon! You're going on MY honeymoon because YOUR OH has never has on original romantic thought in his life, he just steals them all from my OH and passes them off as his own!" It's not done maliciously, her OH would never do anything to hurt us on purpose it's just sheer lack of thought on his part. But I'm working on letting it go.
I really don't know what to do about the wedding and FI just doesn't want to talk about it. I just want to be excited about it and instead I feel exactly like I did before we got engaged.

I'm having a bad day- off to go find chocolate.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend!

 

[recordaras]

Thanks so much for the support, ladies! We're in a pretty good place in that most of the important stuff has been decided on, so now it's just the details that are left, but it's kind of ridiculous that I can't even force myself to send out two remaining save the dates... I think I'll give myself another week or two and then slowly start easing back in. And maybe the "fun stuff" will really make a difference? Plus my first dress fitting is in February, maybe that will also put me back in the mood.

Our officiant sent us a questionnaire to start the first draft of our ceremony, but I think I should wait till I'm a little more enthusiastic about the whole process to start working on that.

And my fiance is keeping busy planning our honeymoon (we decided to go to Japan! ), so he has been super excited recently! I should try to feed off of that energy too.

All in all I really hope that this is temporary, and I wish that all of us will get back to enjoying things pretty soon.

 

[recordaras]

Maple, I love the DB Lace and the MS Mirabella! I can't wait to hear about your dress shopping experience - for me it was a little exhausting, but generally lots of fun.

Stephny, I sure hope you are feeling better today! Chocolate typically works wonders for those down days.

 

[Mico]

Just had my first freak out moment. Found horrible reviews on our cake baker right before we signed!!!

my wedding planner is great and helped call around to get more tastings and etc... but man was that a stressful couple of hours

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

I think I have wedding planning burn out. I took a hiatus for the holidays, and now I just can't force myself to do anything other than the very basics - reply to emails from vendors I contacted before the holidays, send out deposits etc. Has anyone experienced something like this? And if so, did you get your second wind at some point? I'd hate to spend the next 7 months dragging things out and not enjoying planning.

Yep! Right here. I am over wedding planning honestly. My wedding planner suggested on taking a break from everything that is stressful (aka: guest list) and focus on the fun stuff like looking at pictures of dresses online. This has helped a bit. Hah. I also ordered the Hunger Games book series and plan to start reading that to keep myself occupied on non-wedding stuff at night.

Speaking of dresses, I have decided on three dresses I want to try on. Two are from David's Bridal and the third is Maggie Sottero. Photos below. These are ones I found online (not me of course).

lovely dresses maple! i tried on the second DB dress you posted, and it's also star sparkle's wedding gown! it's a lovely dress, and the lace is so pretty.

I agree with everyone - if you feel exhausted or burned out from wedding planning, take a break from it and get back into it when you're ready. nothing is worse than an impending bridezilla moment.

I am embarrassed to admit that the stupid thing I am getting lost in the most is myself. I thought this whole process would be so stressful and awful, that I played it up to be so much worse than it actually is.

I'm so lucky to be in the position where nobody is pushing me to make decisions that aren't what I want, or pressuring me to include this or that. I feel like I had been acting to self-centeredly around the whole wedding, making it a bigger deal than it actually is, and stressing about stuff that really doesn't matter in the grander scheme of things. FI and I have been blessed in so many ways for our wedding and reading this thread has helped me snap back into reality and keep things in perspective. So I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the amazing perspective and at this point I wish I could help all of you with your wedding planning and help take a load off of you since you're all working so hard and keeping up such wonderful attitudes!

 

[maple2012]

Sweatpea, how was the dress in person?! I am excited to go try it on in a few weeks. I think I will go in March once I have more $$$. If only money grew on trees.

Oh and I just realized I didn't post a pic of the centerpieces I was wanting from the florist. They are candelabras with flowers! I also did a really awful job of the final "look" I want... haha! You get the idea - no photoshop skills obviously. In this photo the dress I cropped in is a champagne/ivory one to get a feel for the look. Colors will be: whites, ivory, gold, lightest blue and lightest blush.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Gorgeous Maple! I love them!

 

[Mico]

Beautiful!

 

[pandabee]

Yep! Right here. I am over wedding planning honestly. My wedding planner suggested on taking a break from everything that is stressful (aka: guest list) and focus on the fun stuff like looking at pictures of dresses online. This has helped a bit. Hah. I also ordered the Hunger Games book series and plan to start reading that to keep myself occupied on non-wedding stuff at night.

Speaking of dresses, I have decided on three dresses I want to try on. Two are from David's Bridal and the third is Maggie Sottero. Photos below. These are ones I found online (not me of course).

Unfortunately I can't help with the burnout since I'm still new at planning, but I think if you work back on little tasks a little at a time that might help get you on the ball again.

I tried on that first David's bridal dress (the lace one) and I liked it! I was surprised that I liked the champagne color so much.

Here's a sideish view. Sorry my hair is in the way.

And straight on (I have no idea why the bridal consultant chose this obnoxious flower belt that competes with the dress haha so ignore that)

 

[wakingdreams53]

Wow, Maple, it's going to be so gorgeous!!!

Hey ladies, guess what? Everything (almost) has changed... AGAIN! This time it's okay though. My mom and I went to DB to try on a bunch of Vera Wang dresses and en route she said she'd wanna come. BAM, no more elopement, which honestly feels a lot better. So now planning is underway.

In Process of figuring out:
Dress
Officiant
Photographer
Ceremony venue
Accommodations
Sunset Dinner location

Do I need?:
STDs/Invitations
Ceremony musician
Cake

It'll be only immediate family, so about 10 people. 12 total including us. Do we need full-on invitations? It's family, you know? But because it's so small, I don't mind because the cost is so inconsequential for 5 invites. Would just Save The Dates suffice? w/ a request to let us know that they could make it.

So the plan now is still Key West, the ceremony will most likely be at the gardens on the beach then we'll all board a Sunset Dinner Cruise (which is becoming a pain to find) or a nice dinner somewhere.

 

[maple2012]

Pandabee, that's the champagne version? It looks so much different than the one on their website! I loveeee it so much better actually! Ahhhh - I love the dress so much! I cannot wait to go see it in person and try it on. Thank you for sharing!!! It looks so great on you!