Funding Advice

[snow_happy]

Hi everyone,

I have kind of a weird situation and I was hoping for some advice. I just got engaged and the wedding is set for winter 2007 (Jan/Feb/Mar). There is a wonderful location I have always dreamed of having my wedding at. It''s usually booked way in advance for the prime months but I''m not sure about winter months. It''s not a ridiculously expensive location but will still be about 15-20K for about 200+/- people (it''s all inclusive for ceremony and reception). I always thought my parents would help fund the wedding. However, when my FI told my parents ...my mom was accepting and my dad said that we should take more time to think about it. *sigh* With a long engagement I hope that they will come around and be truly happy for me. Should I bring up the funding issue if they think we should "take more time"? My FI and I are students but I think we could save up the money for the wedding in the next two years...but it will be tight. Another option is to have it in a friend''s backyard (which was beautifully decorated for another wedding). I know the wedding date is far away but I was just wondering if I should book the dream location if I''m not sure I can pay for it? Maybe a small holding fee until it gets closer to the date?

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks for the patience.. I''m a nut.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Hey snow - I have a couple of thoughts.

First of all, I think that unless you are absolutely set on a specific date, you shouldn''t book yet, but give yourself time to look around at potential alternatives. If you do have a specific date in mind, some places will take your name without a deposit and call you if anyone asks about your date and give you first dibs. If they won''t do this, ask if there is a small refundable deposit you can put down and that way you have the option to change your mind. They should be pretty accommodating, because in general its in their interest to book in advance as much as possible.

Second, I think that you deifinitely should give your parents time to think about the whole engagement thing. My FI''s parents weren''t thrilled about our engagement at first, but by the time they came to visit us a couple of weeks later, they were thrilled and FI''s mom couldn''t wait to start planning the wedding. I think that parents need time to think about the huge change that you are talking about making - this is one of the biggest things in life, and I think they need time to get used to the idea.

That said, I think it couldn''t hurt to save to do it yourself. If you end up paying for the wedding, you will have the money, and if not, you can put it in a retirement or house downpayment savings account, or use it on something else special for the two of you.

Anyway, those would be my suggestions, Hope they are helpful. Good luck!

 

[flopkins]

snow_happy-
I''m in a similar situtation, currently both of us are students (although FI will start working in the next few months) but luckily FI''s parents said they would chip in, and although my parents thought we were rushing things initially, they eventually came around (I''m an only child too, so they only get to do this once!) after a few months, and now they have decided to contribute to the wedding, and pretty much fully behind us, thank God! I just slowly mentioned things here and there every time I talked to them on the phone, and soon enough they got usedto the idea of ''their only precious daughter'' getting married... so it''s been easier.

We were concerned about this initially, and even considered putting in all our own money for the wedding, which would have been feasible but tight, but my advice to you is to try not to go into debt over the wedding, if at all possible. Usually, the month of January is pretty slow for weddings. I would call the place up, get all the details and info you need... then make a decision. Who knows, maybe they will tell you not to worry about booking a winter wedding until later this year... or you can put down a small deposit. Many places don''t even book you until one year ahead.

There was one location I always thought I wanted my wedding at, and then, after I started looking into it, and checking out other places, I realized it wasn''t exactly what I wanted, and have ended up w/a completely diff location.

I think you should discuss w/your FI what you guys are most comfortable w/in terms of a budget, look around at diff options, and set up a budget proposal. By then, you will have a much better idea of what you want and how much it will be, and then maybe you could approach your parents w/your proposal and say we would like X very much, but will will need some help w/Y and Z, can you help us? or something. Maybe this will work w/your parents, maybe not, but I feel like it helps to be prepared and know what you want the money for before you ask, so they don''t think you''re just asking for a blank check... or that you haven''t thought it through well. Plus, then it''s a much more serious level bc they will be like, Oh, she really has thought about this a lot, and this is serious!!

I don''t know if this helps at all, hehe, just my ramblings... but that''s my take on it!!

 

[snow_happy]

Thanks sooo much for your help AG and flopkins. It''s comforting to know that not everyone''s parents were thrilled at the idea at first but then eventually came around. That gives me hope! I will look into the place this summer (they have an art festival there during the summer!!) and then talk to the FI. I guess I just get panicked because all the planning guides etc. say to book super early. After hearing your awesome advice I will cool my jets, stop worrying and try to relax more!

Everything will work out in the end right?

Thanks again you guys are the BEST

 

[qtiekiki]

I am sure your parents will come around. They just need a little bit of time I bet. I think you and your FI should set a realistic budget, then have a sincere talk with the parents regarding the budget and your financial situations. It''s not fair for you to expect them to pay for the whole wedding when you two are the ones who decided to get married. But I am sure they will understand and be supportive, and contribute to the wedding. My FI and I are paying for our own wedding, and we are saving for it. And I agree that you should not go into debt for the wedding.

 

[elepri]

Congrats on getting engaged first of all. You''re having a pretty long engagement, seems to me like you''re taking more time, as your parents would like you to. You probably have at least a few months before you have to book the place, even the most popular ones don''t usually get booked up two years in advance, particularly off season. On the other hand, if you think there''s a chance your parents might not help out at all, it''s better to know sooner so you can start saving. I"d have a talk with the parents. You can tell them what budget you have in mind and ask how much they would be able to contribute. Even if they''re not ready to give you the money just yet, they should be able to tell you what you can expect.

 

[MelissaSue]

You definitely should bring up the funding issue with your parents (and FIs parents). I don''t know why, but i have just always known my parents would pay for my wedding, but FIs parents have told us since before we even got engaged that they want to split the expenses half and half with my parents. You definitely need to know who is paying for what before you get started booking things though. Its not at all too early to find this out!

I think you should try to figure out a more concrete number on how much it will all cost. $15-20K for 200 guests doesn''t seem so bad.. When my dad first started to figure out how much my reception location was going to cost he had a bit of a heart attack but he said "I''m okay with it as long as you don''t want a lot of silly extras".. so maybe you can convince him that you will try to save money in other areas (inviations, photographer, limo (you may not need one, since the ceremony and reception are in the same place) etc.. ).