Finalizing the guest list, etc.

[zoebartlett]

When did you (or are planning on) finalizing the guest list? I just looked at the knot''s checklist and according to them, this needs to be done within the next couple of weeks. We''re not ready to finalize anything yet -- like flowers, suits or tuxes for my FI and his best man, etc. If I follow their schedule, we should also decide on the food soon too. We''re no where near ready to do that. I like being able to check things off that list but every time I go to that site and see what actually needs to get done, I get a nervous, anxious feeling. I knew there was a reason I wanted a simple affair. What happened?

 

[Independent Gal]

When's your wedding again?

I don't see why you have to finalize the guest list until just before you send out the invitations (or order them if you're unsure about numbers). And I don't see why you have to finalize the food until the caterer says 'Dude! Dudette! I need a clue here!'

But then again, I've never planned a wedding before.

Sometimes I wonder if the knot etc. just feed into a certain hysteria. OMG! We need to do XYZ RIGHT NOW! Or... what? The sky will fall? I think you're A-OK unless you can think of an actual reason that this needs to be done now.

E.g.: my florist said she'll need a month or so to make sure she can get the flowers in that I want. So, that's the REAL deadline there.

 

[zoebartlett]

Good morning! Our wedding isn''t until July 12th. I shouldn''t have looked at the Knot. My stomach''s in knots right now. This is silly -- I KNOW I have plenty of time but when I see something that has a specific timeline to it and I haven''t done it yet, I kind of freak out. Oh, I wish I was a more "go with the flow" type of girl.

 

[Sabine]

Zoe: As your date buddy I think I should tell you in the nicest possible way...take a few deep breaths, stop going to the knot, and Relax!

It sounds to me like you have been moving ahead with plans and not just blowing things off, and that you at least have a lot of ideas together of what you want/don''t want, even if you haven''t made any final decisions yet. I don''t remember right now, but do you have your ceremony/reception sites officially booked yet? That is something I would say needs to be done ASAP if not, but I agree with IG that the vendors will ususally give you their own specific deadlines...I know my reception vendor doesn''t actually need our menu choices till we give them our exact count, but of course we need to pick our menu items before that so we can send out choices in the invites since we are doing a sit down dinner. The knot seems to be good at giving a list of things to be working on, but if you don''t meet their deadlines, please don''t beat yourself up. As long as you aren''t saving everything till the last month or two, you''ll be in good shape!

 

[Independent Gal]

July 12th?!!? Ours is months ahead of that (March 29 / April 13) and we haven''t done any of that stuff.

If it makes you feel better, the timeline I have from ''Modern Bride'' magazine suggests that stuff be done, like, 3 months before. As in, next April or something for you. The Knot is an hysteria-generating machine aimed at making us feel crazy and inadequate.

You''re in good shape Sweety! Plenty o'' time.

 

[sumbride]

I''ve actually never SEEN a final guest list for my wedding... my mom just kept adding people and since she sent out the invites, well, I''m at her mercy. I did tell my sister to let me know if she began xeroxing them since I know how many I had printed.

Seriously though, things happen... people die, people move, you meet new people... I''d say you need to have it finalized when you begin addressing them, but not really before. Don''t go send a bunch of STDs to people you''re unsure about though. Those should only go to definites if you''re sending them.

And the knot makes me crazy too. Apparently I''m about a MONTH behind on my FINAL hair cut before the wedding.... but I''m about three weeks out! How does that make sense??? Ignore the knot. It''s evil.

 

[San Diego Bride]

finalize your guest list 10 MONTHS in advance?! are they NUTS?!

i didn''t even start planning until about 6 months in advance. our guest list was finalized when the rsvp''s came back. i think that was a month in advance. i''m sure i didn''t do anything "on schedule" and yet i wouldn''t change anything about the wedding.

don''t worry. you can definitely still have a simple affair. just stop looking at that section of the knot. every wedding and therefore every timeline will be different. just take things one step at a time.

 

[Independent Gal]

I wasn''t even engaged 10 months in advance.

 

[jas]

Girl, if it makes you feel better, I got engaged and married in 4 months.

It''s 11 months later, and according to the Knot, I still have 27 things left on my to-do before wedding day list.

It all comes together. I think we "finalized" the guest list 3 days out...for the caterer. And honestly, I don''t think he cared too much either.

 

[zoebartlett]

Thanks for putting things into perspective ladies! I know it was silly to feel nervous about all the stuff that "has" to be done right away (according to the evil empire), but I couldn''t help myself. The Knot makes me more neurotic than I can become all on my own.

Sabine, yes, the reception and ceremony site have been booked. Most of the big things have been taken care of and I think all that''s left is to meet with a few florists and then decide who we want to go with.

Our save the dates arrived yesterday -- they look great!

 

[Sabine]

Date: 9/16/2007 2:16:59 PM
Author: zoebartlett
Thanks for putting things into perspective ladies! I know it was silly to feel nervous about all the stuff that ''has'' to be done right away (according to the evil empire), but I couldn''t help myself. The Knot makes me more neurotic than I can become all on my own.

Sabine, yes, the reception and ceremony site have been booked. Most of the big things have been taken care of and I think all that''s left is to meet with a few florists and then decide who we want to go with.

Our save the dates arrived yesterday -- they look great!

Oh yay! Are you going to post pics?

 

[zoebartlett]

Sabine, ask and you shall receive. Hopefully this will work:

 

[zoebartlett]

It looks much better in person, but it doesn''t look quite right after uploading it.

 

[labbielove]

Back away from the knot checklist!!!
we are using it, but at our own pace.

in terms of guest list, we finalized ours about 6 months away from the wedding date because we sent save the dates.
the menu we finalized 2 months out.
we are doing our program right now, and it''s 5 days away!

bottom line is, it''s an excellent guide as to WHAT needs to be done, but
depending on your venue and where you live,etc. certain things don''t need to be done as far out as they say.

 

[basil]

Zoe, your save the date looks great!

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Date: 9/16/2007 12:54:44 PM
Author: jas
Girl, if it makes you feel better, I got engaged and married in 4 months.

It''s 11 months later, and according to the Knot, I still have 27 things left on my to-do before wedding day list.

It all comes together. I think we ''finalized'' the guest list 3 days out...for the caterer. And honestly, I don''t think he cared too much either.

Hahaha... that''s funny!

I agree with everyone! 10 months ahead to finalize the guest list?! That''s just siilly!