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bridesmaids?

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
I am thinking of asking FI's brother's wife to be a bridesmaid. I am not that close to her (mainly because we live on opposite sides of the country) but I really like her and I would love for her to be standing there with all of us.

However, she just had a baby. The baby will be one and a half years old at the time of the wedding. Is it fair to ask her to be a bridesmaid? I don't expect the bridesmaids to help with favors/etc/since they all live in different states, really all I want is for them to stand up with me. I just worry that she might need to attend to the baby during the ceremony, and it would be better if she was not standing up there so she could duck out if need be? Or is this generally not a problem? (obviously another family member would be watching/holding the baby during the ceremony!)
 

havernell

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 10, 2006
Messages
571
Perhaps it would be best to just straight up ask her what she would prefer. Tell her that you'd love to have her as part of your wedding party, but that you also don't want to inconvenience her with regards to the baby, and make it clear that you are perfectly fine with whatever she decides and will not be offended in the least if she thinks it best to just be a regular wedding guest. You (or we) can't really guess what she'd prefer, as each woman and each baby is different!
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
havernell that is good advice. I think that is what I will do. thank you!
 

mrscushion

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
3,309
Exactly, just ask her straight out and make it clear that she can say "no". Either way, she'll feel honored!
 

zipzapgirl

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
369
Also, they might enjoy the night out without the baby, so the baby may not be attending the wedding, or at least not all of it. 18 mos old is a tough age for crowd control because the kids can run and scream, but most can't say much or interact with other kids very much. I don't see why another relative couldn't be responsible for the child during the ceremony, so that's not really a reason to hold her back from being a bridesmaid.

Honestly, she's probably not going to know how she feels about the whole thing in reality until after she's gotten into her swing with being a mom. The more important thing is if she would like to do it (which you can ask her) and then I think the details can be worked out.
 

NovemberBride

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 26, 2006
Messages
962
My DD will be 18 months old this May when both my brother and my BIL get married (it's going to be a busy month). I am a bridesmaid in each wedding and my DH is a groomsmen. Our DD will be attending the weddings (her uncles really want her there), but my parents are coming to BIL's wedding and DH's mom is coming to my brother's wedding to be her babysitter so that DH and I can concentrate on our roles as members of the bridal party. If DD starts acting up (which is a strong possibility given her age and inability to sit quietly for long), our parents will leave with her. I am thrilled to be a part of my brother and BIL's weddings, and I would have been really sad if they didn't ask me to be part of it just because we have a young child. But, I am also super close with my brother's FI and my BIL's fiancee, so that may change things.
 

slg47

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2010
Messages
9,667
zipzapgirl|1294413982|2816681 said:
Also, they might enjoy the night out without the baby, so the baby may not be attending the wedding, or at least not all of it. 18 mos old is a tough age for crowd control because the kids can run and scream, but most can't say much or interact with other kids very much. I don't see why another relative couldn't be responsible for the child during the ceremony, so that's not really a reason to hold her back from being a bridesmaid.

Honestly, she's probably not going to know how she feels about the whole thing in reality until after she's gotten into her swing with being a mom. The more important thing is if she would like to do it (which you can ask her) and then I think the details can be worked out.

I am assuming the baby will be attending the wedding since it is out of state and I doubt they would leave her for a few days (plus I would love to see her there, but really what is most convenient for them)

I will definitely ask her and be open to whatever she decides!

also NovemberBride thanks for your input :)
 
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