Another guest list vent

[Diamond Confused]

So I had mentioned in a previous email, my FI insists on inviting his entire family. Well apparently one of his cousins said she was for sure coming with her husband and her daughter. My FI told his mom that we do not want kids at our wedding but she seemed to think we will make an exception. well we don''t want to make an exceotion for one kid but not the other. He then told his mom that i will be really mad (which I am) and she now wants to talk to me about it. I told my FI that it''s his family and he should be the one putting his foot down.

I am not budging on this one - it''s bad enough that this cousin is coming but now she wants to bring her baby. By the way, when I met this cousin she was totally rude to me.

 

[cindygenit]

I am so sorry this is happening to you!

Hope it will work itself out. You are right, your FI should be putting his foot down more. Personally, i find it hard to say no to my FI''s family. So i would try to convinve your FI to see your point, agree with you, so that he can back you up when you both have a discussion with his mother.

 

[Dannielle]

That is so frustrating.. Stand your ground- if this is something that is very important to you make it clear that this issue is not negotiable.

I''d also tell you FI that he shouldn''t make you look like the ''bad guy'' to his Mom.. that is how drama starts. You are a team.. so talk to his Mother together.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I had a very similar situation, but involving my fiance''s sister. I eventually just made the exception because she was making a HUGE fuss over it and threatening to boycott the wedding along with her children. And I knew if his sister''s family wasn''t at the wedding, it would have raised more eyebrows than if I made the exception, so I did.

But if it''s not a big deal whether this cousin comes or not, then I say stick to your guns. We didn''t even invite any cousins to the wedding..

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 7/9/2009 1:02:08 AM
Author: Dannielle
That is so frustrating.. Stand your ground- if this is something that is very important to you make it clear that this issue is not negotiable.

I''d also tell you FI that he shouldn''t make you look like the ''bad guy'' to his Mom.. that is how drama starts. You are a team.. so talk to his Mother together.

Ditto, especially the highlighted part!

 

[mayachel]

Your groom may not agree with the choice, but he needs to back your opinion and present a united front. OR make a clear and compelling argument as to why he wants these kids present above all others. And because he''s a wet noodle, is not good enough.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 7/9/2009 9:42:52 AM
Author: mayachel
Your groom may not agree with the choice, but he needs to back your opinion and present a united front. OR make a clear and compelling argument as to why he wants these kids present above all others. And because he''s a wet noodle, is not good enough.

ROFL

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Oh no! Sorry that you are going through this.

We had something similar. FMIL wanted to invite FI''s stepson, who was being disrespectful and rude to me, to our DW. I said he couldn''t come and FMIL said that if he didn''t go, then she wouldn''t go. I told her very sweetly that I understood and we would miss her.

It took about two weeks of the silent treatment (which doesn''t bother me) and she never said another word about it. Just quietly booked her travel. I''ve been very nice about it and gradually increased her involvement in the planning (I ask her opinion of things that I can live with her choosing, like the BM dress color, the cake flavor, etc.)

Sometimes, you have to choose your battles and only you know where your strength and weaknesses lie as a couple. I knew that FIs stepson wasn''t coming to my wedding, even if it meant that FI and I would marry alone. That gave me piece of mind to stick it out when everyone kept calling about how I should be the bigger person. I had to explain repeatedly that I don''t like being bullied, especially by a 17 year old child, but I knew that if he was there, I wouldn''t be able to enjoy my wedding.

Even his siblings have said that they really admire that I stuck to my guns and now I have a FMIL that knows that I mean what I say and say what I mean. I have seen a HUGE change since that happened. I feel like she completely respects me independently of my FI.