All vegetarian wedding? No alcohol?

[rockzilla]

My boyfriend and I have discussed this a few times, but I''d like to get the opinions of some regular folks out there.

We are both vegetarians who don''t drink (I know, what are the odds!) If we got married, would it be rude of us to serve only vegetarian food at the wedding? Should we provide alcohol for the guests even though we don''t personally drink? Which would you care more about? I''ve heard people say that non-open bar weddings aren''t as fun, etc...

Neither of us is so vehemently opposed to meat/drinking that we would absolutely NOT consider it...but it is something that is a part of who we are. If you were a guest, would either or both of these bother you?

Appreciate all your responses in advance! Also, if you could put in there what your geographic location is, that would help. We are a bi-coastal couple, so it would be either a california or new england wedding...if that makes a difference!

 

[E B]

Date: 6/12/2007 11:59:27 PM
Author:rockzilla

We are both vegetarians who don't drink (I know, what are the odds!) If we got married, would it be rude of us to serve only vegetarian food at the wedding? Should we provide alcohol for the guests even though we don't personally drink?

I wouldn't be offended in the slightest if all the food was vegetarian. I bet that if you had substantial choices, no one would even notice!

Date: 6/12/2007 11:59:27 PM
Author:rockzilla

Which would you care more about? I've heard people say that non-open bar weddings aren't as fun, etc...

To be completely honest, I'd care more about no alcohol than veg food (as I see myself going veg in the next few years), but I wouldn't be upset if it wasn't served. Remember, you can always serve a little something. A local brew, or wine that compliments your dinner. But if you don't want to serve any alcohol at all, no biggie.

 

[TravelingGal]

Cali girl here...

End of the day, it''s the bride and groom''s prerogative to throw whatever kind of party they choose. And it''s my prerogative to decide whether I thought it was a good party or not.

I honestly wouldn''t care if it''s all veg. If the bride and groom weren''t opposed to booze, I think it would be nice to have wine and beer. Most people associate "drinks" with a party. Not steak.

So there''s two cents from a Californian carnivorous boozer.

 

[neatfreak]

Hey Rockzilla,

We're not FROM CA (well FI is originally) but we ARE getting married in San Francisco.

FI and my MOH are vegetarians and I might as well be as I rarely eat meat myself.

We're having a vegetarian wedding at a fantastic restaurant called greens (Greens Restaurant if you're interested) in San Francisco. It's a completely veggie restaurant, but it is sooooo yummy even for meat eaters and the view is incredible.

The catering manager there told me people do it all the time and everyone always has a blast, very rarely is someone upset about it.

BUT he did suggest that we make certain one entree is a meat eater friendly option, so something like a heavy pasta or risotto with portabellas, etc. He said that having one dish be very substantial usually satisfied everyone.

If you have any more questions on that please let me know, we waffled back and forth about it for awhile before deciding.

 

[basil]

I wouldn't mind going to a vegetarian wedding at all. But I eat veg about 75% of the time anyway, so it's no biggie. I wouldn't plan on serving a ton of tofu, tempeh, and fake meats, though, cause I think non-veggies can get turned off by that (though personally I love them). I would stick to veggie lasagna, cheese ravioli, eggplant parm, etc. You can do a lot of cool appetizers/hors d'ouevres with veggies too.

That said, I can see a lot of my more traditional relatives gossiping "Do you believe she's not serving any meat? How outrageous!" It would be up to you whether you think your families will feel that way, and if so whether that will bother you or not.

I would be less psyched about no alcohol. Not that I go to weddings for free booze, but usually for me (and my family) a "nice" meal includes a cocktail beforehand and a glass of wine with dinner. It just feels sort of cheap to drink diet coke with a fancy dinner, you know?

ETA: I grew up in the northeast. Italian family. Hence tolerance for eggplant parm, but no tolerance for lack of wine with meal

 

[surfgirl]

I think it''s totally fine (FI is vegan and I rarely eat some shellfish only) and it''s your call. It''s YOUR wedding. Do what you want and let it reflect your beliefs. No alcohol is fine too. Why should people get blitzed just because it''s a wedding? And that way you dont have to worry about anyone driving drunk, right? Bonus!

 

[VRBeauty]

Knowing that you''re both vegetarians, I wouldn''t expect you to serve meat at your wedding reception! And I wouldn''t mind either, just as long as you don''t try to serve me seitan or tofurkey...

Ditto for the alcohol. I wouldn''t expect it. I''ve been to alcohol-free receptions (mostly at churches) and I never missed the booze. Just keep that sparkling grape juice coming, and forget about the alcohol free wine and beer!


Having said that, I also know people who would expecty both of the above no matter what. If you''re both open to it, you might consider including some token meat dish (grilles prawns... yum!) and champagne for the toast.

 

[rockzilla]

Thanks everyone for your responses so far! I am not even a LIW yet so its a bit premature to be planning but it''s something I''ve thought about a few times... It sounds like people are saying...vegetarian food is OK as long as its "substantial" but would also be nice to include at least some alcoholic beverages.

I think I will check out that Greens place the next time I''m in SF! ( I''m an LA girl right now... Sound really yummy!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 6/13/2007 12:39:04 AM
Author: rockzilla
Thanks everyone for your responses so far! I am not even a LIW yet so its a bit premature to be planning but it''s something I''ve thought about a few times... It sounds like people are saying...vegetarian food is OK as long as its ''substantial'' but would also be nice to include at least some alcoholic beverages.


I think I will check out that Greens place the next time I''m in SF! ( I''m an LA girl right now... Sound really yummy!

Ohhhh it''s sooooooo good and the restaurant decor and view is incredible too. Can''t wait for our wedding!!!!

 

[Gypsy]

It''s all about the AMOUNT of food (lots), the size of the portions (large)... and not having ''obvious'' vegetarian dishes. Veggie Napoleons ... I''ve never met anyone who would voluntarily order one of these. Now... canaloni with four cheese and spinach stuffing in a pesto cream sauce? Sure. Four cheese lasagna with a great marinara and some toasted pine nuts. Would be fab. A nice potato leek soup to start, a great salad with fruit in it? THAT''S a vegetarian wedding I want to attend.

Quiches and, mushroom pastries and fruit kabobs and Boursin cheese thingies... lots of YUMMY appetizers. A fruit and Cheese display.

As for no alcohol. Well, I would serve alcohol. If you have nothing against it... it would cut down griping about the vegetarian thing. If you have plenty of wonderful appetizer LOTS of food, and things non-vegetarians like to eat and eat normally (again no veggie napoleons) you''ll keep the natives content, and few may not even really notice.

They''ll notice the lack of alcohol. BUT you could limit it to wine, beer and champagne (champagne cocktails like kir royal and bellini''s wouldn''t cost you much extra at that point.).

 

[Tacori E-ring]

DH doesn''t drink anymore and I only once in awhile but we did serve alcohol at our wedding. I think it is nice and loosens people up. If you are not against it religiously I would offer at least wine and or beer. However it is your wedding so you should do whatever you want. Gypsy made a good point about the food. If it is good no one will miss the meat.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Nobody is "entitled" to alcohol at a wedding. If they can't enjoy themselves without a little booze, that's their problem, not yours. Plus having no alcohol reduces the risk of people behaving badly and driving drunk. We'll probably have maybe one drink for people (mimosas) to be festive, give a toast, and that's it. (to be fair I'm having a lunch reception, it's less formal).

As for no meat, sounds great. I second what Gypsy said: things that aren't blatantly "veggie" for the main dishes. Besides, for large crowds, it is hard to make excellent meat anyway.

ETA: I changed my opinion on this after going to a few Moroccan weddings..people have a fabulous time, for much longer than your average amercian wedding, with no alcohol (3PM-2AM party usually).

I do think if its a fancy sit down dinner you may want to do, say, a signature wine, one white, one red. You can always do a fancy juice cocktail for a non-alcoholic pre-dinner drink.

 

[Love in Bloom]

Hi Rockzilla.

I am getting married on the east coast (Baltimore, Maryland) at the American Visionary Art Museum. Our reception will be there too.

While neither of us are vegetarians, fi is jewish and adheres to kosher rules as does most of his family. I don''t like meat that much anyway, thus our menu consists of dairy/pareve only. Coincidentally it is suitable for our vegetarian friends too!

Our menu consists of dinner crepes made to order at stations that travel to each table (these crepes are gigantic! and you can get as many as you want) , tons and tons of tapas (in addition to our hot hor d''oeuvres), soft cheese plate, micro greens salad, tortellini, and these really neat fresh fruit sculptures. The only thing we will be serving that previously had a beating heart (why am I always so graphic?) is a smoked fish plate (salmon and herring) after the salad/before the crepes start coming.

I am allergic to alcohol (well, I lack the enzyme to break it down...) and it sends me in to anaphylaxis so we probably won''t have any alcohol except maybe some champagne for a toast. If that is the case, I''ll just have some sparkling cider (hehehe maybe I''ll sit at the kiddie table too??

). Oh and we will have an espresso bar, so our guests can get buzzed off that if they want to

. Hopefully it will keep us dancing and celebrating all night long!

I don''t think it would be rude at all to go veg at your reception. In fact, I think that would be a part of your wedding day that would make the day uniquely yours (and your husband''s)

HTH,
LiB

 

[zoebartlett]

We''re in New England too. We''re getting married on the southern coast of Maine next summer. I''m not a vegetarian, and I wouldn''t mind having a vegetarian meal at a wedding. My FI would most likely prefer to have some kind of meat in his dish (he''s a meat and potatoes kind of guy). I can see it both ways: 1) the two of you are vegetarians and I''m assuming most, if not all, of your friends and family know this. I''m sure they''d respect this and not make waves over the type of dish(es) you serve. 2) it might be nice to serve some kind of meat or fish, if it''s not against a serious moral belief you and your FI have. Instead of meat, would you consider fish as one of the options for guests? That seems to please jsut about everyone. If my FI had a fish dish, like salmon, he''d be perfdectly happy.

As for drinking, neither my FI nor I drink much at all and I''d personally love to cut that out of the budget all together. I''ve been told it''s a big no-no though. A good compromise is to serve beer and wine only, and maybe a specialty mixed drink. It kind of depends on what time of day your wedding will be. An early afternoon wedding is a good excuse to not serve anything with hard alcohol, since it''s not too common for one to have a stiff drink with lunch. If your wedding is in the evening, people will be more likely to drink more. We''re getting married in the late morning with a reception immediately following. We''ll probably have an open bar for the cocktail hour only and then limit it to beer, wine, and soda after that. We haven''t gotten that far in our planning but that''s what we''re thinking right now.

 

[rainbowtrout]

Love in Bloom:
Yes! coffee will keep people partying longer than wine

Aww, I have to say the image of you in the big white dress, plunked down at the kiddies table with a bottle of cider--priceless! You should totally do it and get a photo with all the kids with their little cider-filled glasses as well! So cute.

 

[jcrow]

i think the time of the wedding may play into people''s reactions towards the alcohol. if it''s a formal night wedding, they may be expecting it, for lack of a better term. but if you don''t serve it regardless, i don''t think it''s a biggie. neither is a veggie menu.

i''m in the south, and a veggie that eats seafood. we had a veggie/seafood menu except for one pass around item and a carving station, that i was at first against, but i said whatever as the wedding was getting closer.

we had several veggie guests and vegan guests. everyone LOVED the food, and the one thing i didn''t hear anyone talk about was the meat at the carving station. we could have easily done without it!

i think as long as there''s enough food and it''s edible, guests don''t really care. maybe my opinion only, i know.

 

[ladykemma]

most poeple won''t notice there''s no meat if you go greek, italian, indian, etc. we had a "no booze" wedding as well. don''t explain and don''t apologize

 

[Fancy605]

I think a vegitarian wedding would be cool. I love to eat meat, but it is cool to do different things. I think it would be very modern of you to serve mostly vegi dishes, especially with the big health kick that is going on right now. I agree with those who thik that most people won''t even notice if you do the right dishes.

As far as alcohol goes, I''ve been to both dry receptions and receptions with open bars that were tons of fun. (and to both dry and open bar receptions that were a little blah). I think fun factor has less to do with the alcohol and more to do with the people in attendance. Fun people are going to find a way to have fun no matter what imo.
One thing to take into consideration is that alcohol can eat up a big chunk of your budget. I would say, if you have $ for it, go for it. If you don''t, then skip it without a second worry.

 

[sumbride]

I agree with everyone else that as long as the food is substantial, nobody will care if there''s no meat. As for the booze, it''s totally up to you, and it shouldn''t be a big deal either way, but a little wine and beer can go a long way in keeping people happy. If you go without though, my family''s favorite non-alcoholic punch is white grape juice mixed with gingerale. It does actually taste like champagne, it sparkles, and it''s easy to mix, one to one.

LoveinBloom-- I love that museum! Awesome venue!!! Can''t wait to see pics of that! I live in Baltimore, and if we were having the wedding here, that would definitely have been on my list!

 

[oshinbreez]

I agree with what the others have said about the food.

As far as liquor. In my experience, it seems like someone will always over indulge and end up being a jerk. If I''m drinking, I may find some of the things funny. But, the last thing I''d want is a bunch of drunks when I''m sober at my wedding. Not exactly the way I''d want to remember my big day.

 

[Love in Bloom]

Date: 6/13/2007 9:14:20 AM
Author: sumbride

LoveinBloom-- I love that museum! Awesome venue!!! Can''t wait to see pics of that! I live in Baltimore, and if we were having the wedding here, that would definitely have been on my list!

Aww I wish I still lived in Baltimore! Well, my mom lives in Annapolis and my dad lives in Baltimore...So does DF''s family. We both grew up in MD but are out in the midwest while fi attends grad school. Only two more years until he gets his PhD

. Yup the AVAM is awesome! We visited the museum on one of our first dates and L O V E D it! Plus, it is a non-denominational venue, so it was a perfect fit for us

. Fi is jewish and I''m, well, lets just say ''not jewish''

. We will have our wedding party pics taken both on that magnificent spiral staircase at the museum and at Mt. Vernon. I''m crossing my fingers for good weather; our date is 10/13/07 and you probably know how unpredictable October weather can be!

 

[Love in Bloom]

Date: 6/13/2007 6:47:08 AM
Author: rainbowtrout
Love in Bloom:
Yes! coffee will keep people partying longer than wine

Aww, I have to say the image of you in the big white dress, plunked down at the kiddies table with a bottle of cider--priceless! You should totally do it and get a photo with all the kids with their little cider-filled glasses as well! So cute.

I am the biggest kid of them all !!!

 

[Clio]

Rockzilla,
I''ll agree with everyone else and say that a vegetarian wedding should be fine. Your family and friends know you are vegetarians, so they are probably expecting it anyway. I''m sure the food will be delicious!

As for alcohol, one of the best weddings I''ve attended was a Persian wedding with not a drop of alcohol. My parents don''t drink for religious reasons, so we didn''t have any and it wasn''t a big deal. We had a luncheon reception with iced tea and punch, and nobody was fussed. (and I come from an extended family where they make martinis by the bottle!) I''m with ladykemma - don''t explain and don''t apologize.

 

[cara]

The key is to balance your personal preferences (and morals) against your role as hostess, which includes providing for your guests at a celebration.

Some people will not see it as a "real" dinner without meat/steak (I''m thinking of meat-and-potatoes midwesterners). Most will get by just fine with vegetarian food IF it is popular, hearty vegetarian as Gypsy suggested and not brussel sprouts and tofu patties. So it depends on your crowd, the quality of your vegetarian menu, and on your personal opposition to serving/purchasing meat.

As for alcohol, if it is an evening reception, I would expect it and miss it if it were not there. The earlier in the day it is, the less I would expect alcohol or miss it if it were not there.

I am a little confused by all the people who say "I don''t drink so I am not serving alcohol" as if providing for guests at your wedding is only about serving what you personally prefer. Sure, if you are morally opposed to drinking it doesn''t make sense to serve it. If you are on a budget, limit yourself to beer and/or wine, or eliminate alcohol for supertight budgets (but for me it would go after the flowers and many other things on the list.)

But if you are trying to provide for your guests at a celebration, many Americans would enjoy some form of alcohol.

Doesn''t mean they are alcoholics or would not have some enjoyment at the event if it were dry, or that people of other cultures or religions do not have any enjoyment at their alcohol-free parties.

 

[surfgirl]

Just one comment about being vegetarian...If one eats fish one is not a vegetarian, they just dont eat red meat or white meat or whatever (IIRC, one is considered a Pescatarian if they eat only fish). Vegetarians dont eat anything that was an animal. So keeping that in mind, you''d also have to consider if you want non-egg products as well. My FI and his BM & wife are lacto-veg - no meats of any kind including eggs - but he eats dairy products (I never understood why eggs are considered "dairy" since they''re not)...so we have to consider pastas that are eggless (like Angel Hair). Are your friends veg also? That''s the only consideration I''d suggest - make sure your other veg guests either all eat egg products or make sure you have eggless options for them. I''m actually surprised so many posters are pro-veg for a wedding reception, that''s totally cool!

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 6/13/2007 12:24:16 PM
Author: cara


I am a little confused by all the people who say ''I don''t drink so I am not serving alcohol'' as if providing for guests at your wedding is only about serving what you personally prefer. Sure, if you are morally opposed to drinking it doesn''t make sense to serve it. If you are on a budget, limit yourself to beer and/or wine, or eliminate alcohol for supertight budgets (but for me it would go after the flowers and many other things on the list.)

But if you are trying to provide for your guests at a celebration, many Americans would enjoy some form of alcohol.

Doesn''t mean they are alcoholics or would not have some enjoyment at the event if it were dry, or that people of other cultures or religions do not have any enjoyment at their alcohol-free parties.

I agree completely. I do not get sloshy drunk. I left that behind when I graduated from school. I rarely if ever have more than a couple of drinks... and then it''s usually in the comfort of my own home when I have guests over and we are doing a wine and cheese party.

But I do like a drink at social occasions.

Also, I do not personally like certain things to eat: Salmon (unless it is smoked or raw), turnips, over cooked meat (anything beyond medium rare), fatty lamb, fatty pork... but if it were something I felt a majority of my guests liked... I would serve it and make sure there was something else that I personally liked. So I really think that when you are hosting a party... you have to put your guests needs over your own... unless you have a strong moral objection to something.

 

[jcrow]

Date: 6/13/2007 12:25:19 PM
Author: surfgirl
Just one comment about being vegetarian...If one eats fish one is not a vegetarian, they just dont eat red meat or white meat or whatever (IIRC, one is considered a Pescatarian if they eat only fish). Vegetarians dont eat anything that was an animal. So keeping that in mind, you''d also have to consider if you want non-egg products as well. My FI and his BM & wife are lacto-veg - no meats of any kind including eggs - but he eats dairy products (I never understood why eggs are considered ''dairy'' since they''re not)...so we have to consider pastas that are eggless (like Angel Hair). Are your friends veg also? That''s the only consideration I''d suggest - make sure your other veg guests either all eat egg products or make sure you have eggless options for them. I''m actually surprised so many posters are pro-veg for a wedding reception, that''s totally cool!

if this was written b/c my comment, i apologize for my wording. in general, the people i''m around don''t distiguish the differences nor understand them. so far i just say i''m a veggie and they get the whole don''t eat meat thing.

 

[surfgirl]

jcrow, no! I wasn''t dissing you dear...Sorry...I was just making the point that it''s important to really understand what being a veg in the strictest sense IF they have serious veg''s coming to their reception. For example, if we were invited to a wedding where it said "all veg" my FI wouldn''t eat beforehand and then if they served ravioli, lasagna or any other egg-based pasta, he''d be bummed out because he''d be sitting there unable to eat anything...That''s all I meant.

 

[jcrow]

Date: 6/13/2007 1:41:08 PM
Author: surfgirl
jcrow, no! I wasn''t dissing you dear...Sorry...I was just making the point that it''s important to really understand what being a veg in the strictest sense IF they have serious veg''s coming to their reception. For example, if we were invited to a wedding where it said ''all veg'' my FI wouldn''t eat beforehand and then if they served ravioli, lasagna or any other egg-based pasta, he''d be bummed out because he''d be sitting there unable to eat anything...That''s all I meant.

ok, didn''t think so... wanted to clarify what i said too.

 

[RoseAngel04]

As for the veg meal I think that as long as you have lots of other options for your guests to chose from I don''t see it as a problem. I would take notice if there was no meat but as long as there was plenty of other food I wouldn''t think of it as a "bad" thing. Plus, I''m sure your guests know that you and FI are vegetarians and kinda expect it.

As for the no alcohol, that all depends on how ya''ll feel towards it. We aren''t serving alcohol at our early afternoon reception due to my families’ beliefs. FI and I enjoy a drink here or there on occasion but my parents wouldn''t support having alcohol at our reception, and since they''re graciously paying for the wedding we have no complaints in not serving alcohol. We''re having an earlier wedding I don''t think our guests will be expecting it as much. We''re prob going to serve sparkling cider to toast with...YUM!