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X-mas present dilemma

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Yimmers

Brilliant_Rock
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Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
1,144
Well, DH's family always has a big extended family GTG on X-mas eve. Then, the immediate family gets together at midnight and opens up gifts from each other. This year, MIL surprised me with some 4-prong diamond studs. It's a really thoughtful and IMO, a luxurious gift. But...as you PS'ers know, we're pretty particular about diamonds we get. So...take a deep breath...(I think they're diamonds because the sales tag says so) the little tag says ".75 tcw diamond studs" and they're from Macy's. There is a return sticker on it. One of the backings doesn't even stay on the rod, it just falls off (coincidentally, the one with the tag). There's no certificate, but I can take an easy guess. They're completely cloudy and included. I louped it just to take a closer look, out of curiosity (heck, I enjoyed my geology classes back in college). I also took a peek through the ASET scope - just faint green at places - there's virtually no light return.

Honestly, I'm touched she'd get me fine jewelry because I don't ever expect my family members (haha, except my DH) to buy me anything of the sort. She told me they were for everyday wear. Unfortunately, I don't think I can get myself to do that...I know I'm just too picky. I also don't happen to wear lots of diamond bling other than my wedding set and on occasion, a necklace my aunt gave me. I usually wear costume jewelry on my ears, lol. Not that I didn't think about getting diamond studs, I have other priorities with my money.

I took a gander of creating diamond studs on WF or BGD (J color) near that .75 ctw. I got sticker shock. I have no idea what MIL paid, but oh man, if it's anywhere close, I'm in shock. Even if it were half the price, it's more than I'd ever expect.

Arghhhh...do I keep them as a gift, and pretty much never wear them? Or do I return them, and take store credit, since I know I can find something different at Macy's? If I get cash back somehow, do I try to "replace" them with something better? Thing is, I wasn't personally planning on saving up to buy studs anytime in the near future.
 
That is a tough one. It's a very nice and thoughtful gift from you MIL but if they aren't something you will wear then I would hate to keep them. Maybe take them in and complain about the quality and see if they have anything that is better quality. Their website has difference prices, cuts and color ranges listed for diamond studs. Even if you have to go down in ctw you'd like them better and on your ear I doubt your MIL would notice the size difference. If they don't have something you like; see about getting cash back that you could use towards another pair of earrings from somewhere else. How do they look on your ears?
 
Wow, what a generous gift.
I'd thank her profusely but I'm a diamond snob so while I would be moved by the thoughtful give there's not much chance I'd enjoy wearing cloudy blobs that do not return light.
Here at PS we've all seen the light, so to speak.
And knowing they were overpriced because of the retailer would just add to the pain.

I'd return them and get pair you'd wear, even if you had to pitch in.
You could even keep mumm about it.
I'd get identical-looking settings so she's none the wiser. - also, we know that well-cut diamonds look larger so you don't have to exactly match the carat weight.
 
What a truly thoughtful thing for her to do -- and it shows she cares about you & your interests. I'd be so touched, almost choked up.

As Kenny said, see if you can exchange them for a pair you can stand to wear at least when you plan to see her -- pretend they're costume jewelry. If you can get a cash refund & buy something better online, you might do that.

Above all, when she went out on a limb like that, I would NOT let her know they aren't quite the thing. No earrings are worth hurting her feelings when she tried so hard (& spent so much!) to please you. I sure dig how you feel, but in her, you've got something far more valuable than a pair of earrings! Lucky you.

--- Laurie
 
Well, if I were in your shoes, I would return them and use the $ to buy another, better quality pair. There is very little chance the diamonds she gave you were as expensive as WF or BGD - sorry to say. Macy's has great prices on jewelry with sales on top of sales so their prices on diamonds aren't very high. Either get another pair (bite the bullet on spending a bit of cash - with the post-holiday sales) or just put the ones she gave you in your jewelry box and wear them whenever you see her. If you get a slightly better pair at Macy's you prob won't have to spend very much.

Don't cause a ruffle by having her find out that the diamonds aren't exactly what you wanted.
 
You have a built-in reason for returning them, the bad back. She'll never know if you don't get the same ones again.
 
I'm going to say something totally different here because I think it is pretty rude to return a gift just because you don't like it. You said yourself that you would not ever buy diamond studs for yourself anyway, so what difference does it make if they are not "to your taste?" Keep them, wear them only when you are around her, and enjoy the fact that she thought enough of you to spend as much (or as little, as it were) as she did on you.
 
How sweet! I feel your pain in this very sensitive dilemma!!! If it were me, I would not want her gift to go to waste so I would return them for a higher quality pair in the same size. Maybe the next time she sees them, she will just think that you cleaned them really well? It's really up to how well you know your MIL. I don't think mine would mind so long as she knows I'm getting enjoyment out of her gift in one way or another.
 
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" translated to PS lingo: Don't look a gift stone in the loupe. Sorry if I sound harsh at all, but your MIL got you a pretty stinkin' sweeeeet gift, even if it's not the quality you would personally pick out yourself. I'd keep them (although with the post issue, I'd see if they could fix that), and I'd make it a point to wear them around her so that she'd know how much I appreciate her thoughtfulness. As much of a pain in the buns as most MILs are, don't risk hurting the feelings of a MIL who buys you diamonds, ya know? What does your DH think about it?
 
My first thoughts after reading your post was that you should keep the earrings and wear them when you see your mil. I don't think it would be nice to exchange them. It just feels wrong to me. It doesn't seem right to return or exchange because they don't meet your standards.
 
my husband surprised me with some diamond studs (.5ctw) 11 years ago, I wanted some but was completely blown away that he got them and surprised me with them. He's NOT a diamond guy. This was way before I found pricescope. They weren't great quality and I know that now, but I really have little desire to change them. Diamond performance is nice and all, but it's not the only factor with which to judge a gift. Thoughtfulness and generosity more than make up for the less than stellar aset IMO.
 
I agree - keep them. It is a very generous gift. Wear them - it's the thought that counts. :)
 
Oh I would keep them. My future in laws have bought me quite a lot of diamond jewellery: earrings, bracelets, even a tennis necklace. All bought very expensively from B&M stores.

They look very sparkly but I'm sure they aren't ideal cut. I've resisted louping or pulling my ASET scope out on any of them. It was hard, but I didn't think there would be any point coz I was keeping them no matter what.

They are a gift, and this is the type of behaviour you want to encourage from in laws! I'm sure her heart was in the right place.
 
What a sweet thing for your MIL to do. I wonder if they were the ones that Macy's advertised on tv. If they were, they were not a
big cash investment. I remember seeing the commercial and thinking that they were surely frozen spit at that price. The reason
I mention the price is-if you realize they are not expensive, would you feel less bad about keeping them? I would feel horrible keeping
a very expensive gift that I knew I wouldn't wear, but an inexpensive one, I could easily just keep in the box and wear when I saw
the giver.
 
I agree with the folks who suggested that you keep them. Wear them when you're going to be seeing your MIL. As you said, it was so sweet of her to get them for you, it would be awful if somehow she realized that you'd returned/exchanged them. I'd go to Macy's and exchange them for an identical pair with an undamaged post.
 
One of the backings doesn't even stay on the rod, it just falls off (coincidentally, the one with the tag).

And there is your reason for needing to return them ;)) You can tell her what a thoughtful gift they were but that sadly they were damaged and so you had to return them. Macy's has some decent (yet way overpriced) colored stone so maybe pick up one of those instead?

eta: I was always brought up with the idea that a gift belongs to the person it was given to. Not the giver. If that person decided to sell, return, regift etc the gift then that is their choice and they are under no obligation to keep an unwanted item just to please the gift giver.
 
I mentioned before the .5ctw diamond earrings my DHs grandmother gave me a few years ago. Were they quality? Not at all. They also were from a large chain department store. She probably wouldn't have cared at all if I wanted to return them for a better quality, but it was the thought and care that went into the gift that to this day warms my heart when looking at the earrings. As you said, you probably wouldn't buy a pair for yourself, so enjoy these for now and maybe one day down the road, you will change your mind and get a pair for yourself. You never know...the sentiment may catch up with you, and they may grow on you. Mine sure have.
 
MonkeyPie|1293326485|2806014 said:
I'm going to say something totally different here because I think it is pretty rude to return a gift just because you don't like it. You said yourself that you would not ever buy diamond studs for yourself anyway, so what difference does it make if they are not "to your taste?" Keep them, wear them only when you are around her, and enjoy the fact that she thought enough of you to spend as much (or as little, as it were) as she did on you.
Click to expand...


I don't get it. Why is returning a gift rude? Why woukd you keep something you don't want and won't wear? I woukd not be offended AT ALL if someone returned somehing I got them. I think that's the reason we give gift reviepts. I also got diamond earrings for Christmas. I had lost mine. Bought myself some new from Ebay and then got some for Christmas. I'm returning the present and listing he eBay ones for sale since they're too late to return. I'm not explaining my reason for return to the giver none give. To me I'm free to do with them as I please!!
 
I would do one of two things:

1) keep them and wear them around her a couple of times and then let them disappear in a drawer never to be seen again

or

2) exchange them for higher quality studs in the same or a very similar setting and make her believe they're her gift. This may be difficult at Macy's, I don't know.
 
Return them and get some similarly sized CZs. If they look a little different, you can explain that you had to exchange them due to the broken back and they didn't have the exact same thing. Then you can wear them just when she's around.

Use the money you saved to buy her a nice gift at the next appropriate time
 
MC|1293311329|2805968 said:
Well, if I were in your shoes, I would return them and use the $ to buy another, better quality pair. There is very little chance the diamonds she gave you were as expensive as WF or BGD - sorry to say. Macy's has great prices on jewelry with sales on top of sales so their prices on diamonds aren't very high. Either get another pair (bite the bullet on spending a bit of cash - with the post-holiday sales) or just put the ones she gave you in your jewelry box and wear them whenever you see her. If you get a slightly better pair at Macy's you prob won't have to spend very much.

Don't cause a ruffle by having her find out that the diamonds aren't exactly what you wanted.
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I agree. She'll never know whether you are wearing the ones she picked out or not. Some gifts are more about the thought and her thought was "diamond studs", a lovely gift. But if you really don't think you can wear them and they are defective (which means you'll lose one anyway) you should take them back to Macy's and see if they can be returned for anything decent or get the cash and repurchase. Macy's has had some really discounted sales and you might find that you only get a teeny tiny bit of cash back in which case you'll be better off taking your loupe and finding a replacement pair from Macy's.
 
doodle|1293329750|2806036 said:
"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" translated to PS lingo: Don't look a gift stone in the loupe. Sorry if I sound harsh at all, but your MIL got you a pretty stinkin' sweeeeet gift, even if it's not the quality you would personally pick out yourself. I'd keep them (although with the post issue, I'd see if they could fix that), and I'd make it a point to wear them around her so that she'd know how much I appreciate her thoughtfulness. As much of a pain in the buns as most MILs are, don't risk hurting the feelings of a MIL who buys you diamonds, ya know? What does your DH think about it?
Click to expand...


DH is worried that if I were to return them, she may ask about them. And I see his point. If we lived in another state, I'd probably have an easier time returning them and buying some CZs. But she lives about 30 mins away, so we see her fairly often.

I looked at some CZs at the mall today, and noticed they sparkled a lot. DH agreed with me that MIL may think they got switched out, even if I claimed I cleaned them. Honestly, they are what people here would refer to as "frozen balls of spit" since they are completely cloudy. But, they're a nice size on my ear - not too overwhelming for everyday wear.

I think I'll probably buy a pair of CZs anyway just to wear regardless whether I'm visiting her or not, and see if I can fix the bad back. DH thinks MIL really thinks a lot of me, so I'll keep them as a reminder of her affection. If I have a daughter in the future, I'll pass them to her and I think that will make MIL happy as well.

It is interesting to see two camps - the returns, and not returns! Pointing out talking to DH
 
luv2sparkle|1293374547|2806209 said:
What a sweet thing for your MIL to do. I wonder if they were the ones that Macy's advertised on tv. If they were, they were not a
big cash investment. I remember seeing the commercial and thinking that they were surely frozen spit at that price. The reason
I mention the price is-if you realize they are not expensive, would you feel less bad about keeping them? I would feel horrible keeping
a very expensive gift that I knew I wouldn't wear, but an inexpensive one, I could easily just keep in the box and wear when I saw
the giver.
Click to expand...


This is true, DH and I talked about it, and DH doesn't think she would have spent insane gobs of money on it (not because she's a cheap person, she's just a total bargain hunter and finding a deal is what gets her going), because then I'd feel real bad at that point.

And yes, I'd never in a minute mention that I expected a certain quality of diamond; not that it's my place to expect it from her, and I think that would earn me the grudge of a lifetime! :o
 
I think so too. If a person has the idea that it's none of the giver's business what they do, well, that doesn't mean the giver won't get their feelings hurt or get offended.
 
What an incredibly sweet and thoughtful gift from your MIL...clearly she adores you.

I think that you should go back to Macy's and return the studs due ONLY to the fact that the post isn't working properly. I would get another pair...bring your loupe if that'll make you feel better. Wear them when your MIL is around and enjoy them for what they are...a thoughtful gift from a loving MIL.

You're a lucky girl.
 
Italiahaircolor|1293463146|2806929 said:
What an incredibly sweet and thoughtful gift from your MIL...clearly she adores you.

I think that you should go back to Macy's and return the studs due ONLY to the fact that the post isn't working properly. I would get another pair...bring your loupe if that'll make you feel better. Wear them when your MIL is around and enjoy them for what they are...a thoughtful gift from a loving MIL.

You're a lucky girl.
Click to expand...

I agree. You certainly want them to be secure when you wear them.

Wear them often (especially around your MIL!) and enjoy that you are loved.


One thing to consider -- if you switched them out for CZs or nice quality diamonds, your MIL may notice the extra sparkle and decide to buy another pair as a nice gift for another woman (or herself) and be disappointed when she can't get them to look like yours.
 
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