WWYD if your BF''s flatmate...

[JulieN]

I walked into my BF''s room to get my purse, and Bf''s flatmate was in the room putting something away. I bend over to get my purse, and as he walks out, he playfully, lightly grabs my butt. My anger response doesn''t kick in until after he''s left the room.

Now I feel mad at myself for not taking up the case with him right then.

 

[MoonWater]

Report it to your boyfriend. Seriously. I''m usually one to snap before the person has the chance to walk away but I always think the boyfriend should put their friends in check.

 

[nebe]

My boyfriend would kick anyone's ass if they touched me. His brother and I joke that we have "date night" when he goes out occassionally (his brother doesn't go out, so we watch movies together) and he gets all bent out of shape about that!!!

I'm the same way though, I don't get mad about things instantly, so it's usually too late when it clicks. If you're comfortable enough, ask the guy if it was a mistake. If not I would definitely tell your BF. Absolutely. If you don't and it wasn't a mistake, the friend might grab more than your butt next time.

 

[FireGoddess]

He may have been playing around, but uh, that''s not normally how someone plays around. I might ask him directly about it first, seeing as if you report it to your BF, he might go postal on his roommate. Not that he shouldn''t, but there could be significant fallout that might not be necessary if you put this guy in ''check'' yourself...?

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/24/2007 7:35:21 PM
Author: FireGoddess

He may have been playing around, but uh, that's not normally how someone plays around. I might ask him directly about it first, seeing as if you report it to your BF, he might go postal on his roommate. Not that he shouldn't, but there could be significant fallout that might not be necessary if you put this guy in 'check' yourself...?

I would talk to this guy first like FG says and if that doesn't solve things then tell your boyfriend. I am sorry Julie.

I too would be shocked and not know how to react.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I am sure you were just shocked. I probably wouldn''t have reacted either. Are they good friends or just roommates? Has he done something like this before? I wouldn''t ignore the issue. If you feel comfortable to talk to him I would otherwise talk to your BF.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I''d trust your gut. It might be that he doesn''t really know how to interact with women (my BIL was like that when he was younger -- flirted with all of his female friends, so he didn''t know how to interact any other way with his brothers'' girlfriends) and he was just being friendly the only way he knows how. It might be that he was flirting. It might be that he gets a rise out of making others uncomfortable.

I hate it when things like that happen and I''m too shocked to object. Something happened to me yesterday where a coworker acted completely rudely and inappropriately. It was so shocking that I just said ok and left. I should have said, "Excuse me? That''s why everyone thinks you''re totally crazy! I can''t believe you just said that! No you d''int!" Now, to go back and say something would be to give her the upper hand, I think, because it would indicate that I''ve been thinking about her and that she has the power to upset me (and she''s crazy, after all).

But I would probably tell your boyfriend. He can gauge if this was a misunderstanding, stupid instinct, whatever, or actually an affront on you or him. He''ll probably just say, "Dude, don''t pinch my girlfriend''s butt" and that will be that.

 

[JulieN]

Roommate is a competitive kickboxer. BF is a big guy, but he''s physically outmatched here. But roommate knows he''s wrong to do that to me, so ..yeah, I think I''ll tell BF.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

good luck!

 

[diamondfan]

Is this type of thing more typical for him, meaning is he a bit like that and so would not think twice or think it inappropriate? What is your overall relationship like? I would tread lightly. Of course you should definitely tell him it made you uncomfortable or upset, but I would not make this a huge issue til you say something to him. You can always involve your guy later, but you cannot always go back in time if things get really nutty. Intent and overall personality are important factors here.

 

[JulieN]

Date: 10/24/2007 9:52:53 PM
Author: diamondfan
Is this type of thing more typical for him, meaning is he a bit like that and so would not think twice or think it inappropriate? What is your overall relationship like? I would tread lightly. Of course you should definitely tell him it made you uncomfortable or upset, but I would not make this a huge issue til you say something to him. You can always involve your guy later, but you cannot always go back in time if things get really nutty. Intent and overall personality are important factors here.

Flatmate is definitely a bit like that. But I also know that Flatmate knows this is wrong.

He and I have a pretty good relationship. Lots of levity and a bit of teasing, so I can see where this is coming from, and I know he didn''t mean anything, like a come on. I could just tell him I want him to apologize, and I know he will.

 

[Kay]

Date: 10/24/2007 9:56:57 PM
Author: JulieN

Date: 10/24/2007 9:52:53 PM
Author: diamondfan
Is this type of thing more typical for him, meaning is he a bit like that and so would not think twice or think it inappropriate? What is your overall relationship like? I would tread lightly. Of course you should definitely tell him it made you uncomfortable or upset, but I would not make this a huge issue til you say something to him. You can always involve your guy later, but you cannot always go back in time if things get really nutty. Intent and overall personality are important factors here.

Flatmate is definitely a bit like that. But I also know that Flatmate knows this is wrong.

He and I have a pretty good relationship. Lots of levity and a bit of teasing, so I can see where this is coming from, and I know he didn''t mean anything, like a come on. I could just tell him I want him to apologize, and I know he will.

Honestly, at this point I would probably just let it go and not make a big deal out of it. (Talking to flatmate or BF after the fact definitely makes a bigger deal out of the incident than if you had said "Excuse me" or "WTF" when he did it.) If he ever does it again, I would make it very clear to him *immediately* that that is not acceptable behaviour. If you have a good relationship with flatmate and feel you just can''t ignore it, I would pull him aside and say something like "I don''t want to make a big deal out of this, but it shocked me when you grabbed my *ss the other day and I would appreciate it if you don''t do that again."

 

[diamondfan]

You could just tease a bit back and say, Hey, no butt grabbing please!. If he acts dumb or whatnot, or does it again, then you get FIRM and say, KNOCK THAT OFF. If your relationship is a bit jokey like that, I think he likely meant it to be funny or whatever. If you know it was not a come on, I would keep it light. But you do say he knows it was wrong, so that puts a bit of a different spin on it. Again, certainly make it clear it caught you off guard and you did not like it and to not do it anymore, but keep it more neutral unless you feel it will continue to be an issue.

 

[anchor31]

I dunno, I wouldn''t just let it go. I did that once with a guy I had a similar relationship with, and it turned into something much uglier. Tell him it made you uncomfortable and ask him to not do it again. Tell you BF. Whatever, just do something.

 

[luckystar112]

Ditto what Kay said. It wasn''t cool what he did, and you should definitely confront him if he does it again, but I wouldn''t confront him on it now.