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Would you want your dh to remarry if you were gone?

missy

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jun 8, 2008
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54,668
OK sort of a morbid question (sorry) but this topic has been on my mind. If you were not around anymore would you want your dh or SO to remarry/find someone else?

I know that this answer may vary depending on if there are children in the picture because if we had children I would be much more concerned with who he would find to spend the rest of his life with due to the childrens best interest. We all have heard the stepmother/stepfather nightmare stories. Though there are amazing stepparents out there and probably outnumber the not so amazing ones.

Personally I would want my dh to find love again and be happy if I were gone because I love him with all my heart and would not want him to be resigned to a life alone without a partner. Though I would not want him to forget about me I would want him to go on and enjoy his life. I selfishly hope he would still think of me as the love of his life though while finding happiness and love with someone else. I know that is selfish but those are my true feelings.

It makes me sad to even think about this but I cannot always control where my mind goes and now I am curious as to other PSers thoughts about this dark topic. Anyone willing to share their thoughts?
 
I wouldn't mind if he did, but I suspect that he wouldn't. He is extremely quiet and reserved and sometimes borders on socially awkward.

He has often said that if we didn't meet the way we had (online) and if I hadn't been quite as uhm, aggressive :lol: in my pursuit of him, we would not have had what we do now. Yay me for being aggressive, I guess. :)

Missy, you have mentioned recently that you have some health issues. Is everything ok? Or rather, as ok as things can be while experiencing health issues? Feel free not to answer or to answer as vaguely as you prefer. I'm sure I'm not the only one in PSland who wonders how you are and hopes that you are ok.
 
We are soulmates so we cannot imagine being with anyone other than each other. There is family help in raising the children if something was to happen to one of us--we are lucky in that aspect! But we do hope to grow old together for many more years to come...

I know this is weighing heavily on your mind but please think positively, Missy! Hugs to you again!!!
 
I would want DH to be open to the possibility of love and a significant relationship - it wouldn't have to be marriage although I would be fine with his remarriage - I tell him it would be a compliment to me/us if he gave love a chance again if I should die before him - but as lovely and essential as we find being married to each other, we both do recognize the work and compromises that it takes, and we both have expressed doubts that either one of us would choose marriage again knowing what it entails - but we each have reassured each other that we would wish love for the other and marriage too if it came to that.
 
I know married couples who actually have an "If I die you can't remarry" rule.

When I die, I will be dead. The end. I will cease to exist, and anything that happens after me won't matter anymore. I would be so sad to think of my sweet guy alone forever in the event of my untimely demise. I want him to be happy, even if that is without me.
 
I would want my husband to be happy and if that meant finding another love than that would be fine by me. I do hope, however, that he wouldn't consider remarriage as that would change my children's future financial situation and I want all that we have worked for together to pass directly to them and their children.
 
Yes, he needs to remarry. He'd be terrible all alone, very broody and sad. Even with me around (and I'm hilarious! :) ) he's pretty quiet. He's a Cancer and needs family around.

But he's got pretty high standards, so it could take a while. :bigsmile:
 
Sure, he can definitely marry again! I personally don't think I would but I'm sure I would see people in his absence.
 
I'm having a health issue at the minute and we had this conversation the other day. I asked my DH if he would want to remarry and he said no. He would rather just focus on bringing the kids up and isn't bothered about finding someone else. I wonder if I've put him off :lol:
 
When our daughter was young I would have fiercely hoped that whoever he found was someone that loved her as much as she loved him. That's hard for me to fathom because I have never had the experience of loving a child not mine as if it was my own.

Now that our daughter is grown, I would hope that whoever he ends up with has a good relationship with our daughter, if not necessarily a loving one.

I am absolutely certain that if DH outlives me he will find someone else to share his life with. We've never discussed it, I just know. My guy is simply not not the type to forgo sex and was never much into casual sex. I guess I'll have to hope that his new female companion isn't allergic to whatever cats we have around when I kick off!
 
Yes definitely would want him to remarry.

I would take it as a compliment. That he enjoyed married life so much, he wanted to do it all over again :cheeky:

But seriously, he would be so lost alone. I want his happiness above all.

I know he wouldn't forget me. The man has a looooooong memory.

Hope things are ok with you missy! xx
 
Honestly? No.

I'd expect at the very least for a suitable mourning time (a year or longer) before he so much as had coffee with a woman alone.

Of course this may be a bit of a touchy subject for me as I watched my grandfather dating within days of my grandmother's death...
I thought that was beyond tacky. (engaged within a month or so.... then she died. Took just a couple of weeks before he was engaged to another woman...)


I'd want DH to be happy, but I'd want him to miss me for awhile first and learn to live on his own again before even considering finding someone. The person you end up with while in the deepest part of loss is very often not a good fit for you.
 
I would want him to be happy should anything happen, whether it were because our relationship ended (I sure hope not!) or because I passed. I want him to be happy, and have someone to support him, and care for him, and appreciate him as much as I do. If we were no longer together for whatever reason, his life would be his to lead, and he has great taste, and high standards.
 
no.
 
ericad|1396800644|3648391 said:
Lol, some days I want him to remarry while I'm still here! :lol:
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:lol: :lol: Got such a good laugh out of this, right up my alley. Maybe we have the same husband!

Seriously, I would want him to be happy & if that meant re-marrying, do it. Just as I have no lock on his past, I have none on his future after me.

My parents were both married previously & both their spouses died. Mom was 26 when her 1st husband was killed in France in WWII, Dad around 30 when his wife died in childbirth. How awful if neither had felt free to get married again. (Besides, that would've robbed the world of ME. :saint: )

--- Laurie
 
Dead is dead.
I won't care much.

Him living to make a dead person happy is irrational.
 
We have had this discussion many times. It comes with the territory of being a miltary couple. We have mourned when friends have passed away and then been there again to celebrate when and if their widowed spouse remarries. I'm not a believer in soulmates and personally think the notion is some disney inspired fantasy and pretty much why most people divorce. Being in a relationship is work- HARD work, and it requires those involved to be selfish and selfless at the the same time. Selfish because you should want your SO to be everything and more to you. Selfless because you should want to give up everything and anything for that other person as well. I don't believe there is only 1 person in this entire world who you could do this with. I love my husband, he is my everything! But if I should die I would not want him going through life solo. I also wouldn't want him to remarry someone just for the sake of remarrying. I would want him to fall in love with someone who would appreciate him and love him like I did. I know if he passed away I would mourn but eventually I would hope to find someone I could remarry. I'm not sure I would go actively looking but if it happened I wouldn't let my past hold be back from having a happy future.

Missy you ok??? Seems lots of your posts lately are on or around this topic. Hugs honey...we all have our moments. This too will past. I wish I could say something to put your mind at rest and give you some peace on this.
 
I would definitely want him to remarry but I would be surprised if he did. He is somewhat of a loner and can be quite content
Hanging with himself or playing golf with his buddies. We do have younger kids so that would be an issue. I'm not sure if he
could be a good only parent (with work and all) . I would hope he would hire lots of help to take care of the house /yard so that he
Could concentrate on helping the kids grow up. Or maybe he could just buy a condo on the beach and skip the yard work!
 
missy|1396788022|3648318 said:
Personally I would want my dh to find love again and be happy if I were gone because I love him with all my heart and would not want him to be resigned to a life alone without a partner. Though I would not want him to forget about me I would want him to go on and enjoy his life. I selfishly hope he would still think of me as the love of his life though while finding happiness and love with someone else. I know that is selfish but those are my true feelings.
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I feel the same as you.Missy are you OK? HUGS
 
Are you okay, Missy??? {{{hugs}}}

My answer is that we have been married for so long that it would be almost unthinkable to me to start over, and the same for him. As someone else said, I would also be concerned about our kids' inheritance going to a new spouse instead of them. I know there are trusts and that kind of thing, but still. So I am going to say no, I hope that neither of us would remarry and just enjoy grandchildren and have good memories of our years together.
 
I would want him to live a happy life after I am gone, so yes.

DK :))
 
Yes, as long as she were good to our kids. But step parenting can be a tricky thing.
 
My only desire would be for him to find someone who would be good to my kids.
As far as what he would do with his love life? Don't care.
 
Ha. I can't get DH to do lots of things while I'm alive :cheeky:

On a more serious note, gotta let go at some point so it wouldn't make a difference to me either way.
 
Yes. I think he wouldn't want me to though if the roles were reversed.

Im like SB- I've lost so many friends due to the war. Cried with sorrow with their wives/ husband's and tears of happiness when they moved on. Gone but never ever forgotten and I think finding another person to. Love and cherish is a form of remembering the happiness of the past.



I am also worried. Are you okay Missy??
 
:appl:
kenny|1396810723|3648470 said:
Dead is dead.
I won't care much.

Him living to make a dead person happy is irrational.
Click to expand...


Kenny, make a quick grab for your SO's Octavia!! Make sure it's off before rigour mortis sets in.

Yikes, that's cold!! You won't care much because you're dead??? True, but a tad harsh.

Today is our 51st anniversary and if DH wants to re-marry after my passing, I won't care because I won't know. :mrgreen:

If he can find someone silly enough to marry him, bring on the champagne and party favours. :appl: :appl:
 
Happily married people are much more likely to remarry sooner than unhappily married. I know my DH would, for several reasons. One of which is he doesn't like to be alone. I'm not dumb enough to believe that he could never love anyone else. Everyone has multiple people they could be compatible with. I do not believe in "soul mates". DH and I have been happily married for 33 years and I could see possibly remarrying, but it wouldn't be something I'd be out searching for. I always tell DH that I married the first time for love and the second time would be for money. :twirl:
 
I would want my DH to be happy with whatever he would want to do. He told he that he would never remarry and I told him that he can't answer that until he is in that situation. I have known DH over 35 years and feel that I would never remarry. That does not mean I would not want a companion, I just would not want another husband, because a husband to me means more than a companion. It is a relationship that has been nurtured over the past 35 years. It is difficult to put into words.
 
I would want him to be happy. Besides he wouldn't want to wear all my jewelry, someone would have to do it.
 
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