TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
So from all the recent discussions, how do think your parents did overall?
Would you say your parents did an overall good job of raising you?
- Thread starter TravelingGal
- Start date
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
My dad gets a D- (although I do know he loved me). My mom gets an A- because no one is perfect. The minus is because she gave me apple juice in a bottle and let me nurse it at bedtime. I''m sure I have f''d up teeth because of it.
That, and she was a bit overprotective and could have not freaked out as much as she did when she caught me having a make out session when I was 12ish. And could have done a better job teaching me about credit and fiscal responsibility. But I think those are my only complaints.
My dad - well, it''s easier to list what he did right. He taught me to have a good work ethic...I guess.
That, and she was a bit overprotective and could have not freaked out as much as she did when she caught me having a make out session when I was 12ish. And could have done a better job teaching me about credit and fiscal responsibility. But I think those are my only complaints.
My dad - well, it''s easier to list what he did right. He taught me to have a good work ethic...I guess.
Mrs Mitchell
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2006
- Messages
- 2,071
Do you really want me to answer?!
I had to go into aversion therapy after I''d moved out, to deal with the homesickness...
I had to go into aversion therapy after I''d moved out, to deal with the homesickness...
elrohwen
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 20, 2008
- Messages
- 5,542
I think my parents did a fantastic job. My dad got kind of quiet into my teen years, but he was always around to spend time with me and we've done a few long bike trips that I think he enjoyed even more than me. I have some issues with how my dad behaves as a husband but it never affected his parenting.
And my mom is just fabulous! When I have a kid I will be calling her constantly for advice. She could go on tv as Supernanny
And my mom is just fabulous! When I have a kid I will be calling her constantly for advice. She could go on tv as Supernanny
ChinaCat
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2007
- Messages
- 1,829
Ditto. Great parents all around. Bit lacking in the financial responsibility part (but understandable on their end to me). Now if you''d asked me as a teen-ager, I am sure I would have had a different answer.
Now that I''m the mom, oh wow do I recognize how lucky I was/am. Sometimes I feel badly that O had me instead of my mother.
Now that I''m the mom, oh wow do I recognize how lucky I was/am. Sometimes I feel badly that O had me instead of my mother.
Mrs Mitchell
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2006
- Messages
- 2,071
Actually, the saddest thing about my upbringing is that my parents did pretty much everything else right. They gave me every material item I could need, they would have supported my studies if I''d let them, they gave me birthday parties, lavish gifts at Christmas, taught me about finance, work ethic, manners etc. Took me to the Brownies, indulged my hobbies and interests, gave me a generous allowance and so on. None of it counted for anything, because they paired it with both casual and pre-meditated violence (as I saw it).
Oh, and my mother worked so hard at giving me an eating disorder, or a body image issue at the very least, so she has to get extra points off for that, I suppose. Reconcile the following statements (to an 8 year old):
"We''ve noticed that you''re getting really fat"
and
"Oooh, there''s a carton of cream in the fridge. Let me pour you a dish of that to eat with a spoon."
Hahahahaha. Who was it that said "they f*ck you up, your mum and dad..."
Oh, and my mother worked so hard at giving me an eating disorder, or a body image issue at the very least, so she has to get extra points off for that, I suppose. Reconcile the following statements (to an 8 year old):
"We''ve noticed that you''re getting really fat"
and
"Oooh, there''s a carton of cream in the fridge. Let me pour you a dish of that to eat with a spoon."
Hahahahaha. Who was it that said "they f*ck you up, your mum and dad..."
vespergirl
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2007
- Messages
- 5,497
I voted one yes, one no. I think my dad was a pretty great parent, but my mom was crap.
Hudson_Hawk
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2006
- Messages
- 10,541
For a single mother raising 3 kids,I think she did a fantastic job. Two of us are college and grad school graduates with successful careers and happy families and the third is a straight A high school student who''s going to captain his football team next year and gets scouting letters from colleges on a weekly basis.
brazen_irish_hussy
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2006
- Messages
- 2,044
My parents were good, which is amazing considering theirs weren''t.
My mom''s father had questionable intentions to her and her mother was jealous because he wanted her more (nothing happened because he was a drunk, but still).
My father''s family were mainly poor drunks except his mother, who was buried on his 12th birthday. Her sister took him and his brother in, but that was it.
Somehow, they made it work and this month marked their 26th wedding anniversary.
They were great parents for the most part. My mom worked a lot until I was ten, when she retired, and at times emotionally distant, but she loved me dearly and we are extremely close.
She only spanked/hit, etc me once. When I was 3, I hit her with a belt. Without thinking, she hit me back with it. I only vaguely remember it, but she says it was one of the worst experiences of her life. She didn''t like to do things like go to the zoo, but dad and other relatives did. She was always there if you needed her though. When I was sick, had a total breakdown at 10, etc, she was the biggest advocate you could ever want.
My mom''s father had questionable intentions to her and her mother was jealous because he wanted her more (nothing happened because he was a drunk, but still).
My father''s family were mainly poor drunks except his mother, who was buried on his 12th birthday. Her sister took him and his brother in, but that was it.
I was also an accident baby to 2 people who did not want kids or to get married again.
Somehow, they made it work and this month marked their 26th wedding anniversary.
They were great parents for the most part. My mom worked a lot until I was ten, when she retired, and at times emotionally distant, but she loved me dearly and we are extremely close.
She only spanked/hit, etc me once. When I was 3, I hit her with a belt. Without thinking, she hit me back with it. I only vaguely remember it, but she says it was one of the worst experiences of her life. She didn''t like to do things like go to the zoo, but dad and other relatives did. She was always there if you needed her though. When I was sick, had a total breakdown at 10, etc, she was the biggest advocate you could ever want.
My dad is the kindest, most even tempered person in the world. He is not the one you go to when you want something done, but he loves unconditionally and every likes him. He always took us to do the fun things.
I was a great teen but a difficult child and only the one time did they ever raise a hand to me. I am very attached to them and still talk to them at least twice a week. They did teach me fiscal responsibility. Overall, mom gets and A and dad gets an A+
charbie
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2008
- Messages
- 2,512
My mom is fantastic. She was always there for us, did everything she could for us, and I think I''ve turned out pretty darn good. My sisters are a bit nutso, but I think personality has something to do with that.
My dad. Hmm. He worked a lot to provide for us the best he could. He made great money to support his family as a pharmacist and then regional manager, but he also quietly took the prescription meds he was filling and so I''m not quite sure when he was sober and when he was messed up. Heck, for him to pull that off, maybe he did do a better job than I give him credit for. Looking back, I probably can figure out when he was clean and when he wasn''t, because when my dad was "on"- he was a wnderful father. Now I try focusing on the good times we alwasys had, moved past the past, and have a way better relationship with him. He has instilled great values in a backwards kind of way.
My dad. Hmm. He worked a lot to provide for us the best he could. He made great money to support his family as a pharmacist and then regional manager, but he also quietly took the prescription meds he was filling and so I''m not quite sure when he was sober and when he was messed up. Heck, for him to pull that off, maybe he did do a better job than I give him credit for. Looking back, I probably can figure out when he was clean and when he wasn''t, because when my dad was "on"- he was a wnderful father. Now I try focusing on the good times we alwasys had, moved past the past, and have a way better relationship with him. He has instilled great values in a backwards kind of way.
softly softly
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2007
- Messages
- 605
Date: 4/26/2010 6:09:42 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Hahahahaha. Who was it that said ''they f*ck you up, your mum and dad...''
That was Philip Larkin, not a man know for his happy disposition or positive out look. That particular poem ends thus:
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don''t have any kids yourself
And I don''t find that really helpful at all!
To answer Tgal''s question I would say that my parents did the very best they possibly could. Sure they made mistakes, and I can remember being quite resentful of some of those mistakes, but overall I always felt loved and nurtured. Now that I am a parent myself I find it far easier to give them a pass for any of those mistakes.
LtlFirecracker
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2008
- Messages
- 4,837
My Dad was not perfect, but he did a great job
My Mom....wonderful when I was little, um...got a little....selfish when I was a teenager. Me and my sister have had to work though lots of problems as adults as a result of her actions. She did a lot for us, and I know we should be grateful, but there were some issues.
My Mom....wonderful when I was little, um...got a little....selfish when I was a teenager. Me and my sister have had to work though lots of problems as adults as a result of her actions. She did a lot for us, and I know we should be grateful, but there were some issues.
PumpkinPie
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2010
- Messages
- 2,841
They did their best and it was really pretty great - especially given some major health problems experienced by my dad. Being a therapist really drives that point home - you really begin to understand how great a job your parents did 
Allison D.
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2008
- Messages
- 2,282
My parents did an exceptional job, and I'm beyond fortunate to have them.
I think many of us make mistakes as young adults because they're just part of learning for ourselves what is/isn't important. For example, despite arduous efforts by my parents to teach me fiscal responsiblity/management, it took years of making less than stellar choices in my early 20s to finally get it down pat. I guess some learning just has to come from self-experience.
My parents instilled excellent values. They were clear about their love for us in both words and actions. They sacrificed many comforts to afford us better education and opportunities.
I was also the child of an alcoholic (who was herself also a child of an alcoholic mom) whose disease began mildly and progressed to full-blown around the time I was 9 or 10. That said, I think that some of my strength and self-confidence, as well as my capacity to forgive, also come from being a product of that environment too. While I wouldn't choose it as the ideal situation, there are good things I learned about myself from having lived it.
My mother finally saw the light and the path to recovery when I was 25, and we've spent most of the last 20 years building an exceptional relationship. I can easily see how her disease was impacted by her childhood (fears from her mom's cancer, struggle to fit in, low self-esteem, child of an alcoholic parent herself, etc.). I am continually amazed at the great foundation she was able to set for me despite having very little solid point of reference in her own childhood. I think it makes me admire her that much more for how hard she tried to provide something better for me.
She taught me much as a child, but perhaps just as much as an adult in recovery. Through her own example, I've seen firsthand that there is always room for self-awareness and self-improvement now matter how old one is.
I think many of us make mistakes as young adults because they're just part of learning for ourselves what is/isn't important. For example, despite arduous efforts by my parents to teach me fiscal responsiblity/management, it took years of making less than stellar choices in my early 20s to finally get it down pat. I guess some learning just has to come from self-experience.
My parents instilled excellent values. They were clear about their love for us in both words and actions. They sacrificed many comforts to afford us better education and opportunities.
I was also the child of an alcoholic (who was herself also a child of an alcoholic mom) whose disease began mildly and progressed to full-blown around the time I was 9 or 10. That said, I think that some of my strength and self-confidence, as well as my capacity to forgive, also come from being a product of that environment too. While I wouldn't choose it as the ideal situation, there are good things I learned about myself from having lived it.
My mother finally saw the light and the path to recovery when I was 25, and we've spent most of the last 20 years building an exceptional relationship. I can easily see how her disease was impacted by her childhood (fears from her mom's cancer, struggle to fit in, low self-esteem, child of an alcoholic parent herself, etc.). I am continually amazed at the great foundation she was able to set for me despite having very little solid point of reference in her own childhood. I think it makes me admire her that much more for how hard she tried to provide something better for me.
She taught me much as a child, but perhaps just as much as an adult in recovery. Through her own example, I've seen firsthand that there is always room for self-awareness and self-improvement now matter how old one is.
Clio
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2007
- Messages
- 809
In general, my parents were/are great. Certainly, there are things that I would have done differently or things that make me roll my eyes sometimes, but it''s fairly minor stuff. I never doubted that I was loved and they they believed in me wholeheartedly.
We''re still very close, and I am grateful for the upbringing that I had and the relationship that we share now.
We''re still very close, and I am grateful for the upbringing that I had and the relationship that we share now.
Jas12
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- May 16, 2006
- Messages
- 2,330
I give my parents As
Interesting, i too think the one area they failed is in teaching me financial responsibility . i had to learn some lessons in my early twenties the hard way. Also, since my dad felt like he was tortured with chores as a child and missed being ''a kid'' we got off easy in that area . As a result i hate house work and struggle to keep up with anything chore related.
but overall they were amazing. Neither had great jobs, yet my sister and I travelled the world as we grew up & got to play a very expensive sport competitively . I don''t know how they afforded either of those things. Neither have education beyond high school and yet both my sister and i excelled in school and went to top universities. neither of us rebelled, neither of us had trouble with dugs, drinking, attitude etc. We grew up with virtually no rules, but we respected our parents and did little to test them. I think that is a testament to their parenting technique i hope to duplicate some of that in my own role as mom.
Interesting, i too think the one area they failed is in teaching me financial responsibility . i had to learn some lessons in my early twenties the hard way. Also, since my dad felt like he was tortured with chores as a child and missed being ''a kid'' we got off easy in that area . As a result i hate house work and struggle to keep up with anything chore related.
but overall they were amazing. Neither had great jobs, yet my sister and I travelled the world as we grew up & got to play a very expensive sport competitively . I don''t know how they afforded either of those things. Neither have education beyond high school and yet both my sister and i excelled in school and went to top universities. neither of us rebelled, neither of us had trouble with dugs, drinking, attitude etc. We grew up with virtually no rules, but we respected our parents and did little to test them. I think that is a testament to their parenting technique i hope to duplicate some of that in my own role as mom.
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2008
- Messages
- 5,083
My mom was a single mom - divorced when I was about 3 - and she was the best mom ever. So good in fact, I actually knew it at the time, it wasn''t something I just recognized after adulthood. I had a sweet deal and I knew it. She was respectful, kind, fun and very clear and definite in what she wanted and expected, and she never wavered and was totally implacable about getting it. She was a pied piper for kids, and I never knew a child that she couldn''t get to do exactly as she wanted, in no time flat. Kids fell all over themselves to please her. It was almost magic. Other parents were constantly asking, "How did you get (insert their kid''s name) him/her to DO that??" Most amazing thing to watch....
Mara
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2002
- Messages
- 31,003
my dad left when i was a baby, so he gets a big F!
my mom worked two jobs to support us as a single mom. she loved me and she made me feel loved and not like my life was lacking in any way sans dad, and gave me an amazing grandma in the bargain. i''d say A- as well, the minus for typical parent stuff, fiscal responsibility should have to be a course in high school or something. nix history and put that in instead hehe. we''re close today and i appreciate her so much.
my mom worked two jobs to support us as a single mom. she loved me and she made me feel loved and not like my life was lacking in any way sans dad, and gave me an amazing grandma in the bargain. i''d say A- as well, the minus for typical parent stuff, fiscal responsibility should have to be a course in high school or something. nix history and put that in instead hehe. we''re close today and i appreciate her so much.
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
Mara, my dad stayed around and I WISHED he would leave. That probably really merits an F minus!!!
And big ditto on the fiscal responsibility course!
iheartscience
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2007
- Messages
- 12,111
Yep, definitely-they''re awesome! Looking back there are definitely a few things I would have them do differently, but overall they get high marks! (They''re only humans, after all...although my mom is close to a saint!)
I''m lucky to have them both and I love them tons. They were just in Sweden for almost a month (went for 2 and a half weeks and got stuck because of the volcano) and I missed them terribly! My husband, twin sister and I hung out with them all day yesterday and we finally dragged ourselves out of there around 10:30 last night. (They live about an hour away.) We always have fun together and get along great (as long as we don''t talk about politics!
).
I''m lucky to have them both and I love them tons. They were just in Sweden for almost a month (went for 2 and a half weeks and got stuck because of the volcano) and I missed them terribly! My husband, twin sister and I hung out with them all day yesterday and we finally dragged ourselves out of there around 10:30 last night. (They live about an hour away.) We always have fun together and get along great (as long as we don''t talk about politics!
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2006
- Messages
- 6,657
I give mum and dad an A each. My brothers and I feel incredibly fortunate to have had the upbringing and parents we have had. Dad has a wicked temper, which he never used or uses towards us, but it''s irritating because he is so hard on himself over the smallest things! And mum is a hopeless driving teacher. Hence no A+
Mum was a SAHM and dad worked to support us all and pay the mortgage. So there was never heaps of money around, but they did everything in their power to give us anything and everything they could so ensure we were happy and healthy. There were never extravagant holidays or nights out for dinner, instead we''d go camping or have a twilight picnic in the back yard. Sounds a bit dinky, but my goodness it was fun. We''ve never wanted for much at all.
In all seriousness, if DH and I have our own children and can be half the parents my mum and dad have been, we''d be proud. They''ve given us (my brothers and I), and continue to give us, a wonderful and loving life. We are lucky. They love having us home, and now that we have all moved out they have a cat as their ''fifth child'', who is the most spoilt and adored thing
And they love our foxies, their ''grand-dogs''!!
Mum was a SAHM and dad worked to support us all and pay the mortgage. So there was never heaps of money around, but they did everything in their power to give us anything and everything they could so ensure we were happy and healthy. There were never extravagant holidays or nights out for dinner, instead we''d go camping or have a twilight picnic in the back yard. Sounds a bit dinky, but my goodness it was fun. We''ve never wanted for much at all.
In all seriousness, if DH and I have our own children and can be half the parents my mum and dad have been, we''d be proud. They''ve given us (my brothers and I), and continue to give us, a wonderful and loving life. We are lucky. They love having us home, and now that we have all moved out they have a cat as their ''fifth child'', who is the most spoilt and adored thing
Haven
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2007
- Messages
- 13,166
I really don''t know how to answer this question.
Judging solely on the outcome, which would be my adult life, they both get an A+. I''m an extremely happy adult, and I don''t really think I could be any more satisfied with any area of my life.
I was an extremely happy kid, too.
My parents were always loving and I always knew I was loved. However, they never disciplined us and they never liked a hassle of any kind. We never had any rules to follow, and they never really challenged us to achieve anything. They often said "We trust that you''ll make the decision that is best for you, and if you don''t, you''ll learn from it." That might work with a teenager, but they said stuff like that to me when I was as young as seven.
My mom likes to joke that they raised us with benign neglect, and that''s pretty much true. Perhaps they''re lucky that we didn''t wind up behind bars or running from the law. I really don''t know.
Judging solely on the outcome, which would be my adult life, they both get an A+. I''m an extremely happy adult, and I don''t really think I could be any more satisfied with any area of my life.
I was an extremely happy kid, too.
My parents were always loving and I always knew I was loved. However, they never disciplined us and they never liked a hassle of any kind. We never had any rules to follow, and they never really challenged us to achieve anything. They often said "We trust that you''ll make the decision that is best for you, and if you don''t, you''ll learn from it." That might work with a teenager, but they said stuff like that to me when I was as young as seven.
My mom likes to joke that they raised us with benign neglect, and that''s pretty much true. Perhaps they''re lucky that we didn''t wind up behind bars or running from the law. I really don''t know.
ladypirate
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2007
- Messages
- 4,553
My parents did an overall great job with my sisters and I, although I think my sisters had/have an easier time getting along with my mom sometimes because they didn''t face the extraordinarily high expectations that naturally get pinned on the oldest child. Although there were some kerfluffles through the years, I was unbelievably lucky to have the parents I did. As an adult, I enjoy spending time with them and miss living close by.
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2009
- Messages
- 27,263
B+.
They did their best with me, and they couldn't love me more and want only the best for me, and those are the most important things.
That said, I think they made some mistakes. They were both born and raised in their hometowns in India, and the culture is very, very different: the father is the uncontested head of the family and decision maker, and a child should respect and (blindly) obey his/her elders. I think they became even more religiously and culturally observant when they moved to NZ when I was a baby, and I basically grew up in two different cultures: in school they taught us to question things, to voice our opinions, that everyone is equal; at home I learnt that parents always know best even if they don't explain why, and that a woman served her husband's meal before eating herself.
More than that, though, was the problem that neither of them ever accepted that I was caught in the middle of two very different cultures, and that I wasn't going to blindly accept that boys were bad news, that dances were wrong, that being vegetarian was "right" and that's just how it is. I've always been wilful, I guess... I just chose my own way and peeved a lot of people doing it. I went nuts in college. I will say that they got one thing right, though - I learnt that grades were 'the most important thing' from day one, and despite my weekend activites I still graduated with an excellent transcript - and now I'm very glad I didn't slack off!
I didn't tell them when I got together with FI. I didn't tell them FI even existed until a few weeks before he asked them for "permission" to marry me... even now they'd prefer I didn't live with him, that I moved home until marriage, and they're very vocal about that
. They love him, though, and can't wait until everything is "official" so they can celebrate it! I have a very, very difficult time saying "no" to them about anything, and they believe they still have every right to tell me what I should do and expect me to obey, and they're disappointed when I choose differently. On the other hand, I also learnt that children take care of their parents when they're unable to do so themselves, and if my parents (and FIs if that's what they want) become unable to support themselves/when they are no longer able or desire to live alone, they will live with or right next to FI and I.
Two very different cultures both played huge parts in the way I now behave and what I now believe. I sometimes wonder how different I would be had I been raised in India, without any conflicting points of view...
They did their best with me, and they couldn't love me more and want only the best for me, and those are the most important things.
That said, I think they made some mistakes. They were both born and raised in their hometowns in India, and the culture is very, very different: the father is the uncontested head of the family and decision maker, and a child should respect and (blindly) obey his/her elders. I think they became even more religiously and culturally observant when they moved to NZ when I was a baby, and I basically grew up in two different cultures: in school they taught us to question things, to voice our opinions, that everyone is equal; at home I learnt that parents always know best even if they don't explain why, and that a woman served her husband's meal before eating herself.
More than that, though, was the problem that neither of them ever accepted that I was caught in the middle of two very different cultures, and that I wasn't going to blindly accept that boys were bad news, that dances were wrong, that being vegetarian was "right" and that's just how it is. I've always been wilful, I guess... I just chose my own way and peeved a lot of people doing it. I went nuts in college. I will say that they got one thing right, though - I learnt that grades were 'the most important thing' from day one, and despite my weekend activites I still graduated with an excellent transcript - and now I'm very glad I didn't slack off!
I didn't tell them when I got together with FI. I didn't tell them FI even existed until a few weeks before he asked them for "permission" to marry me... even now they'd prefer I didn't live with him, that I moved home until marriage, and they're very vocal about that
Two very different cultures both played huge parts in the way I now behave and what I now believe. I sometimes wonder how different I would be had I been raised in India, without any conflicting points of view...
300x240.png)