Would you be offended?

[SarahLovesJS]

So the general consensus for us thus far has been no alcohol at the reception. And then I said well maybe a champagne toast. Well, one of my cousins is pushing for a cash bar instead since that''s the "in thing" at weddings they''ve been to recently. Before you freak I refuse to do a total cash bar as I think it''s rude to ask guests to pay; however, is it rude to provide one or two alcoholic drinks for guests and then they must purchase anything in addition to those drinks? We will have ice tea, water, sodas, and coffee provided for everyone no matter what. But if this (providing one or two alcoholic drinks and then guests purchase additional drinks) is horrendously rude as well..I am thinking we''re going back to the champagne toast or no alcohol because we''re hitting our budget limit and I don''t think we can afford an open bar to be honest.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

we''re providing beer and wine and if anyone wants hard liquor there will be a cash bar. in these times, nothing is tacky about cutting back and im sure your guests will understand. i know they are the guests but youre including them in your day, not the other way around, do what works best for you

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 1/8/2009 2:11:11 AM
Author: Smurfysmiles
we''re providing beer and wine and if anyone wants hard liquor there will be a cash bar. in these times, nothing is tacky about cutting back and im sure your guests will understand. i know they are the guests but youre including them in your day, not the other way around, do what works best for you

Well put! I think part of it depends on how you make it work...

BTW I also see nothing wrong with providing just the few drinks, or just the champaign toast, with no cash bar. I''ll admit that I usually appreciate a drink or two in social settings,

, but I don''t go to any party thinking that it''s the host''s responsibility to provide an endless supply of food or alcohol.

 

[Sparkalicious]

My friend had a wedding reception where she handed out 2 tickets to each guests as they arrived and with this tickets they could get 2 drinks. After they used these they had to use cash for additional drinks.

Like you mentioned, open bars at weddings are preferrable to me as well, however, with regards to offence, I really believe that it depends on the type of wedding you are hosting. Using my friends example, we were not "offended", per se - we just thought that it was really chintzy and a little absurd that she would do this. Not just because it was tickets but because the entire wedding was a lavishly elaborate affair where no expense was spared. It seemed innappropriate - in this setting to be handing out tokens, of sorts, to guests. If there is a more low key wedding and the complimentary drinks are handled in an elegant fashion - I see no need for offence. You''ve provided for your guests and if they would like to further indulge, they can dig into their pockets to do so.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Thanks everyone! And Spark to answer your question, it''s definitely not going to be a no expense was spared kind of wedding. I''d like it to be elegant and formal..but not black tie if that makes sense. I''m going for simple, not elaborate. The rooms the reception will be in are not overly formal. It''s not a stiff ballroom type setting if that makes sense, so it''s more laid-back. And the guests will mostly be our family with a few friends added in. Anyway, thank you!

 

[Sparkalicious]

Excellent! It sounds as though you should be able to work this in nicely! A win-win situation, right? Guests are happy and so is your budget!

 

[Deelight]

A lot of weddings in Australia only wine, beer, soft drink and juice are included if you want spirits you buy them yourself. This possibly is because we have MEGA taxes on spirits and they are expensive and it would add up way to quick and Aussies can be big drinkers LOL.

FMIL thinks I am crazy because I want full bar at the wedding, we will agree to disagree.

 

[cara]

Search for cash bar here and you will find the wide gamut of opinions. My own is that you should host what you can afford to, but also consider your guests in making your funding decisions. Having a reception with just beer/wine is fine, only hosting a cocktail hour (vs. hours and hours of available alcohol) is a reasonable compromise, but I don''t think asking people to pay for their drinks at your party is a good idea. Hosting 1-2 drinks per person and then making the guests pay for more means less people will be affected by the chintziness but it is still there at your party. I think Sparks has the right idea about how it can affect the whole feel of an event, but I guess my opinion is that the cash bar comes off as chinzy at any event not just one that is otherwise lavish. I went to a picnic in the park wedding where they served hotdogs and hosted a keg of Bud. Completely appropriate. Hosts should include drinks as a cost from the outset and choose a different venue or limit the guest list or throw an event where less alcohol would be consumed (such as brunch) to be able to fund the whole meal with beverages rather than making guests pay. (Not a comment on people who, for moral or religious reasons, choose not to serve alcohol. That''s a different ball of wax.)

 

[musey]

I can''t speak for the general population, but I can speak as a guest and tell you what we did:

As a guest, I would only be "offended" if there were no free drinks. And when I say drinks, I just mean liquid of some sort, not necessarily alcohol. I don''t think any bride has considered making her guests pay for water, though

I wouldn''t think twice about a cash bar, but I wouldn''t choose to pay for drinks. Something to keep in mind. I wouldn''t be bothered in the least by having two free drinks and the rest cash.

Our venue offered us different bar choices for different costs to us, and we chose to serve Beer/Wine/Champagne only (no liquor, cash or otherwise). We figured that most people wouldn''t miss cocktails, though I''m sure some did. I felt better providing something since I know many people do not like cash bars at weddings.

 

[PrincessMiaPuff]

I would not feel offended. But would it make you feel better if you could somehow buy a certain amount of Kegs? This is what we are doing instead of bottled beers (saves money) also offering wine & spiked punch. Hope it all works out!

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 1/8/2009 3:35:21 PM
Author: PrincessMiaPuff
I would not feel offended. But would it make you feel better if you could somehow buy a certain amount of Kegs? This is what we are doing instead of bottled beers (saves money) also offering wine & spiked punch. Hope it all works out!

That''s a good idea. Truth be told? I probably wouldn''t notice if there wasn''t a hard liquor/mixed drink type bar, because I don''t have a taste for hard liquor. Wine/beer/spiked punch sounds good.

Another thing I''ve seen done (which also looks super-cool) is a "signature cocktail" instead of a full on open bar.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I don''t think its rude at all. Its your wedding! I don''t think I will do alcohol at my wedding. Only because its expensive, and I dont want drunk people at my wedding making fools of themselves on MY day. (I know, I''ll be a bridezilla) I would either do a champagne toast or nothing at all. I''ve seen it done this way before....

 

[bee*]

I wouldn''t be offended at all, I think that''s fine to do. I''m doing what''s standard in Ireland and am providing wine, champagne, punch and beer until after dinner and then after dinner there''s a cash bar serving everything.

 

[havernell]

Date: 1/8/2009 1:57:44 AM
Author:SarahLovesJS
So the general consensus for us thus far has been no alcohol at the reception. And then I said well maybe a champagne toast. Well, one of my cousins is pushing for a cash bar instead since that's the 'in thing' at weddings they've been to recently.

however, is it rude to provide one or two alcoholic drinks for guests and then they must purchase anything in addition to those drinks?

I am thinking we're going back to the champagne toast or no alcohol because we're hitting our budget limit and I don't think we can afford an open bar to be honest.

I attended a wedding recently where each guest was given two free alcoholic drinks and then had to pay for the rest. Like sparkalicious' experience, the way they regulated the two-free-drinks per person rule was to give everyone two tickets (they looked like carnival ride tickets). Once your tickets were gone, you paid for any additional drinks you wanted from the bar.

In principle it seemed to work out for this bride and groom, but in reality, it made for kind of a weird situation as some people who had used up their two tickets would do anything to try to score more tickets. For example, if they saw someone leaving, they'd make a bee-line for where they had been sitting to see if the departing guests had left any unused tickets behind. A few brazen ones would come up and outright ask others if they were going to use all of their tickets. I wouldn't be surprised if some people who had just gone to the dance floor for a few songs came back to find that someone had swiped a ticket. All in all, it was just a bit uncomfortable to have a handful of people vulture-ing around for drink tickets all night. Again, only a *very small* number of people were actually doing this (not most guests), but still, I noticed. So, long story short, I wasn't offended that the bride and groom used drink tickets, but I was put off by the behavior that strategy elicited in others.

It sounds to me like you were fully committed to just doing the champagne toast or no alcohol at all until this one cousin mentioned that s/he wanted to drink at your reception. Don't rearrange your plans around the off-handed comment of one person. Your cousin can drink after your reception, or the next day, or every day for the next week... There's no reason she (or others) NEED to drink during the four hour span of your reception. I say stick with your original plan and save your money for something more important.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/8/2009 11:58:03 AM
Author: cara
Search for cash bar here and you will find the wide gamut of opinions. My own is that you should host what you can afford to, but also consider your guests in making your funding decisions. Having a reception with just beer/wine is fine, only hosting a cocktail hour (vs. hours and hours of available alcohol) is a reasonable compromise, but I don''t think asking people to pay for their drinks at your party is a good idea. Hosting 1-2 drinks per person and then making the guests pay for more means less people will be affected by the chintziness but it is still there at your party. I think Sparks has the right idea about how it can affect the whole feel of an event, but I guess my opinion is that the cash bar comes off as chinzy at any event not just one that is otherwise lavish. I went to a picnic in the park wedding where they served hotdogs and hosted a keg of Bud. Completely appropriate. Hosts should include drinks as a cost from the outset and choose a different venue or limit the guest list or throw an event where less alcohol would be consumed (such as brunch) to be able to fund the whole meal with beverages rather than making guests pay. (Not a comment on people who, for moral or religious reasons, choose not to serve alcohol. That''s a different ball of wax.)

Yes, emphatic ditto, here.

If you cannot afford it, don''t have it at your wedding. Cara''s suggestion to explore a different venue or other such changes is excellent.

Would you invite guests to your house for a dinner party and offer two options--1) a chicken entree, on the house, and 2) a lobster entree, $65? Of course not. Please don''t throw taste out the window because you *want* to throw a wedding beyond your means.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Honestly, don''t hate me, but I think cash bars are *always* tacky. I''d do just the champagne toast, or at most, beer and wine, and nothing else, but not a cash bar.

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/8/2009 9:19:35 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Honestly, don''t hate me, but I think cash bars are *always* tacky. I''d do just the champagne toast, or at most, beer and wine, and nothing else, but not a cash bar.

If it makes you feel any better, I completely agree, AG.

 

[supergirl10]

I don''t think that it is rude, to plan your wedding you need to make some finacial sacrifices and I think people will understand.

We are doing something similar: we are providing soft drink, juice and non alcholic wine etc but no alchohol except for the toast. It is not so much a budgetary constraint so much as a personal choice and religious beliefs.FI and I rarely drink anyway. I hate drunk people at the best of times and personally cannot stand drinking for the sake of it, let a lone drunk people at OUR wedding who take advantage of the open bar (as so many do in australia).

Both my parents do not drink or smoke and never have and I was brought up to believe that being drunk wasn''t right. My FMIL and her husband do not drink either but my FFIL and his wife are big wine drinkers and are kind of unhappy with the decision and have offered to foot the bar tab. I put my foot down and said no. IMO if people are paying they will think twice about drinking a lot and mission accomplished. It may sound a little strange but it is something i feel very very strongly about. In all honesty if there were peopple drunk and acting really stupid at our wedding I think i would get very very upset.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks again everyone! Also wanted to clarify..a new venue/caterer is not an option. We''ve signed a contract and paid so we''re definitely committed. It looks like opinions are split. And havernell I had not even considered that happening with the ticket thing. Our family and friends don''t drink a lot; however, I could see at least one or two trying that and that would be horribly embarrassing. I mean when it comes down to it I guess we theoretically could push the budget up past what we want to spend and pay for an open bar; however, I just don''t want to and I agree that we shouldn''t. So I guess it''s looking like we''re back to a champagne toast or just meal beverages. I am not a huge drinker myself; however, I do like to have a glass of champagne when celebrating or a mixed drink. But there''s no reason why I couldn''t do that later since the wedding is ending pretty early. Anyway I am rambling so thank you all!

 

[Haven]

Honey, if you don''t want to spend the money, don''t! There is nothing wrong with only offering non-alcohol or limited alcoholic beverage options.

 

[bootsiekin]

Hi Sarah,

I don''t know if this is an option for you, but what we did was have the bar open during certain times of the night. We had an open bar during the cocktails, and then it was open for an hour after dinner. It was cash bar after that..of course we did that due to budget issues! My SIL did something similar for her wedding as well. Anyway, I wouldn''t be offended!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 1/8/2009 11:11:01 PM
Author: Haven
Honey, if you don''t want to spend the money, don''t! There is nothing wrong with only offering non-alcohol or limited alcoholic beverage options.

Ditto - I have no problem with non-alcoholic or limited alcohol weddings at all, didn''t mean to imply that at all. I just think that having things at your actual wedding that guests have to pay for is fundamentally tacky - so either have it any pay for it or don''t have it at all, either is a legitimate choice, IMO.

 

[Elmorton]

I think it really depends on what''s the norm for your area/guests. Put it this way, where I live, you never know whether the bar is open, cash, open for an hour, etc, because all is accepted. I have friends from more metro areas that find it horribly tacky if there is no free booze of some sort (which I have to agree with Musey - if you''re providing anything edible plus a liquid, there should be no complaints!).

A friend of mine did drink tickets for a destination wedding (eh - but in that case, people had flown and spent thousands of dollars to be there, and again, it was a no-expense spared affair, so it did seem out of place. I think at my casual wedding drink tickets would have been fine). We did open bar for beer and wine only, and I had friends that complained because our first friend to get married had a full open bar. When it comes to the bar, you won''t please everyone, so I think it''s important to do whatever you''re happy with and whatever fits your budget.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to say thanks again all and I think we''re going to stick with our meal beverages and sodas idea. I talked to FI and he is very ambivalent toward having any alcohol there (I don''t drink a lot, and he drinks even less than me if that makes sense) and he told me the family members he''s told that there will be no alcohol actually seemed excited.

Anyway, thanks again!