Would you be mad if someone posted your pic online..

[moremoremore]

So I'm just curious if I'm being a real beeaaauuuttcchh...!

My bro in law was married and I didn't want to be in the party wearing that dress bc I felt very self conscious and uncomfortable in it....VERY....

So I'm on facebook and so are a lot of people I know and that my husband knows....(no pictures of me)

My bro in law (we get along just fine) posted some of his wedding shots online and I joked to him that I loved him for not posting any of me....

Then I see that there is one of me.... My hubby politely asks him to take it off (maybe I shouldn't have but the day in that dress was a NIGHTMARE for me and I don't want anyone seeing me in my state especially in that dress)....

THEN a week later he posts it bigger and tags the picture with a facebook link to all of our names under the picture...

Would you be mad? I mean I know it's his own picture...but if it makes me unconfortable...was it really that necessary to put it on facebook?
I'm really pissed off to tell you the truth....

 

[nclrgirl]

I wouldn''t necessarily be angry that he posted it in the first place, but the fact that he posted a bigger one after you asked him to remove it would upset me.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 8/10/2008 11:55:27 PM
Author: nclrgirl
I wouldn''t necessarily be angry that he posted it in the first place, but the fact that he posted a bigger one after you asked him to remove it would upset me.

Ditto. I don''t think people realize that not everyone wants pictures of themselve online, and I am sure he didn''t mean it maliciously initially. But I REALLY think it''s rude not to remove it if someone politely requests to have it taken off!

I usually only post pictures of others who post pictures if that makes sense.

 

[misspinky]

I would be upset if you asked him to take it down and he didn''t. I would definitely remove the tag (I think you can do that to any tags of yourself--I have before) and ask him again to take down the photo.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

In general, I wouldn''t be mad if someone posted my picture--esspecially if that someone was family...however, if it is a picture that makes you uncomfortable seeing, then yes...I think it''s your right to NOT have that picture posted for the world to see.

Maybe calling your BIL up would be a good approach. Sometimes, I''ve noticed, directly asking a person gets the job done. And if you don''t feel comfortable doing so, ask your DH to place the call. Find out why he refuses to pull it off the page, and explain why you would hope that he''d respect your wishes regardless.
Things like this, something as simple as a picture, can often times cause hugh riffs in a family...and you probably don''t want that to happen. So, I would be sure to always be nice about it, but clear and concise...you don''t want your picture up, you hated how you looked...and he should respect that.

 

[moremoremore]

Thanks guys...glad someone is up this late too! I can't sleep from the men's swimming relay...go US....LOL...

I probably might have even overstepped asking him to take it down...yeah, I know they are his photos...But I'm really upset and actually pretty hurt that's it's more important for him to take the time to blow it up and tag my name in it which creates a facebook feed and link to me so that my old friends, husband's friends, ex girlfriends (as silly as it is)....knowing that I didn't want it there in the first place...I'm at my heavies now and really not feeling good about those shots (it really took all that I had to not cancel being in the wedding party) and certianly don't need a facebook feed to me...I actually always thought he was a bit of a selfish bratt and now it's confirmed...

I actually just emailed him nicely and said that I know his pictures are his own and that the photos are reall great...but that if he wants to keep that picture of me up, that can he not take it one step further and tag my name under it....I'm just still really PISSED... LOL

 

[Italiahaircolor]

ETA: Do NOT worry about his ex-gf''s seeing you...no matter what you look like, or how you precieve yourself to look, you still got the man they didn''t...

You:1
Them:0

 

[moremoremore]

Yeah, it's really not about that in particular and not about my husband... it's just everyone and the fact that I don't want to be in the "public eye" right now...It's like someone took the worst shot of you anywhere in the worst outfit ever where you felt naked and put it an update for all the facebook people you and your friends know to see that I was tagged in a photo...I'm just getting more angry thinking about the fact that he did it after I actually emailed him that I didn't really want a photo of me up and then hubby nicely asked him to take it down...I've been diagnosed with a pretty good body dysmorphic disorder to put things in perspective so stuff like this REALLY bothers me...I'm irrationally ultra sensitive about it...if someone asked me to take their picture down I'd do it in a second...I guess some people are insensitive.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Furious after the second time! I hate pictures of me posted without my permission in general, but I just kindly ask them to remove the photo or I untag it. I don't usually get angry about it since generally people don't have ill intentions. But for the second time and the blow the photo up larger? Oh no he didn't..

I am sorry he is being a jerk.

ETA: I know that you asked for to be removed kindly as well..which makes it so much worse! What a meanie.

 

[moremoremore]

Thanks guys....it's good to know I'm not "out there"

It wouldn't be a big deal if it was on his own site or something...but what he did automatically created a link to everyone who was in the pic and to their friends to let them know it was posted and provided a picture of it....

I emailed him a nice note today saying that his wedding photo was his own and that it was great, but that I'd appreciate he not take it one step further as to create a link/tag to my name and page...the damage is done et I removed the link....I just don't think I'll be able to forgive this...to most normal people it wouldn't be a big deal but bc I have so many issues (really, too many to name LOL), it actually made me sick to my stomach and I needed to take a happy blue pill aka xanax LOL....

So thanks and good night guys! Thanks for letting me vent....

p.s. He will sometimes ask me advice and especially now that they are thinking of getting a house and that was my field...I'm not going out of my way for him and actually don't want him and his wife to come visit in October as they plan...I just won't get over this easily...as crazy is that may sound to rational, normal people...one of which I am not LOL

 

[Independent Gal]

Yes, I would be annoyed if someone posted pics without my permission. My brother posted our wedding pictures on his page and I asked him to take them down. He did right away though.

 

[Anna0499]

I''m sorry your BIL posted your pics despite your request for him to cease and desist! I would be fuming mad in your position! I see that you have untagged yourself, but have you modified your privacy settings? As I can tell, you can adjust them so that no one can see pictures tagged of you or basically anything on your profile. You can choose certain people to be allowed to see everything as well, if you wish. You can also make it so that tagged photos don''t show up in newsfeeds. Just some suggestions so you don''t have to worry as much about people linking you to others in their photos in the future.

Good luck!

 

[movie zombie]

angry?! that would be an understatement. it was one thing to post in the first place, but another to enlarge and continue to post after being asked not to: its a matter of disrespect.

movie zombie

 

[moremoremore]

Thanks for the support guys...ya, I worked with the settings last night and hopefully prevented this kind of thing in the future...

He''s a good kid, but a little insensitive...he has apologized for the tagging...and I believe he means it....but he keeps apologizing for specifically the tagging and said he didn''t regret putting the picture up....I get that it''s his own picture...but if a family member asked me to take my picture down I''d do it since that would be more important to me than a stupid picture....and I think more pictures may be added of me....

I guess not everyone is sensitive and appreciates people''s deeper feelings as irrational as they may be....it''s like a "they''re my pictures" mentality without really caring about someone''s feelings...whatever..I guess I''m going to move on...

I told him that I thank him for his apology for the tagging and get his point that he''s not sorry his posted it and that he''s not sorry that he didn''t take it down and that I''m just going to move on since we''re not going to see eye to eye on this....

It''s just something I''m not going to forget....

Thanks again guys. Head bonks. I''m pretty depressed about the whole exchange I had with him about it (very civil since we do get along...I''m sure him and his wife are cursing me out in private LOL)....since I hate confrontation...

 

[D2B]

Well, I for one am not into sharing my photos on the www, so no photos of me or my family, so yes I would be mad.

I would explain to him that you prefer your privacy and please take it down.
good luck
d2b

 

[somethingshiny]

I wouldn''t have been mad in the first place. How long do those kind of pics stay posted anyway before being updated and replaced? And, I have a wacky sense of humor, but I''m pretty sure the second posting was meant as a joke.

 

[Elmorton]

I''ve been on FB for awhile...and while sometimes I''m embarrassed by pics that people post of me, I just untag myself and move on. I don''t think tagging a photo constitutes as malicious behavior, and it seems like BIL is just teasing because of your reaction. There''s a reason why you can untag yourself in photos - or for that matter, block people, set your profile to private, or heck, join FB at all. I think it''s really unfair to hold a grudge.

As far as posting pics without your consent...it''s an interesting dilemma that I see both sides of. Photos (undoctored) don''t represent events or images that didn''t actually occur. So if the photo is simply unflattering, then do you truly think that people who know you IRL don''t know what you look like? We all stumble into bad lighting, have bad angles, wear clothes that we later regret. I can''t imagine that the dress was THAT horrible. There''s a really great thread in BWW where we all posted unattractive photos from our wedding day - turns out, none of us are really that unattractive - just real. If a person was doing things in the photo that they don''t want seen in public...well...I have mother''s advice for that, too. On the other hand, the BIL should respect your wishes to not have the photo on the internet (for instance, when I''ve posted photos of my bridal party here, I''ve blurred faces so they''re not recognizable). But to me, it''s just an etiquette issue, and if I''d posted a photo of my entire bridal party, I probably wouldn''t want to take it down, either.

 

[moremoremore]

thanks for the responses guys...I appreciate it...I just want to stress the issues that I have so that I can't just be cool with something like this....and no, it wasn't a joke somethingshiny- check out the orig thread ... It's not even about privacy..it's me at my worst point on the worst day ever (having the suck it up and gather the nerve to wear that dress and have that attention and feel like a big fat turd..and I really do look like that Elmorton LOL...and I don't need people I haven't seen in 10 years seeing it either).....and then you share it after I've asked you not to post it...actually, I asked him not to post pictures of me to start with- even before he posted it at all....did I have the right to ask that? maybe not..but if you asked ME, I'd never ever post it..there are plenty of other ways for you to share the photos than to be in my group of friends and have it very close to my circle...

I've moved on but will surely remember this...

I guess here is my biggest thing- I know one thing for sure...If a family member said to me, ya know, (that picture that you will later essentially "email" to all of my friends) makes me very unconfortable (actually, HORRIFIES me), I would have taken it off in a minute. That's more important to me than wanting to show off my right to post whatever I want....I guess I'm just more sensitive to people's feelings than him and his bride...irrational as it may be, if someone says that i'm horrifying them LOL, I'll fix it bc that's more important to me...For me, the # one thing I think of on a daily basis is people's feelings...I'm accutely aware of them and go out of my way to never make anyone feel badly...I'm ultrasensitive in that respect I think which doesn't help this situation LOL...

Anyhoo, it's done...thanks again to all!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/11/2008 12:05:54 PM
Author: movie zombie
angry?! that would be an understatement. it was one thing to post in the first place, but another to enlarge and continue to post after being asked not to: its a matter of disrespect.

movie zombie

Yahhhh! Ditto! I''d be double effing pissed! I''m glad he at least took the link down, but, still. Gah, whatever his name is, it''s spelled INSENSITIVE

!!! Sorry about all of this hun.

 

[moremoremore]

thanks mama....actually, I took the link down lol...I''ll go drown my sorrow''s in light fixtures ... I posted that fan in my lighting thread btw!

 

[VegasAngel]

I would be angry if they didnt take it off or at least blurred my face if I asked for it.

 

[moremoremore]

Can they just blur my body LMAO!!!!

I wasn't really THAT annoyed when they put it up..I was a little ticked but not a federal case...when they didn't take it down I was a little more ticked and then when they blew the pix up and made the link my head exploded....

I'd like to be a headless blurred body in the pic

 

[VegasAngel]

Ha, you probably dont look as bad you think you did. Post the pic

j/k

 

[diamondfan]

I think initially he would not know that you did not like the dress or that you did not want it posted. However once you said it, he was a jackass to make it bigger and be in your face about it.

 

[moremoremore]

Actually, after they initially posted a few pix I emailed him and was like WheW! Thanks so much for not posting any of me...then he posted it....

Yeah, here it is Vegas...that's me in the picture...I'm so fat!

My hair does that horrible thing where it looks like there's wind blowing through it all the time..horrible LMAO...take that dress and put an oak tree it in and there's me LOL

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/11/2008 8:32:51 PM
Author: moremoremore
thanks mama....actually, I took the link down lol...I''ll go drown my sorrow''s in light fixtures ... I posted that fan in my lighting thread btw!

Oh, YOU took the link down??? He didn''t even do it! Oh the words my vulgar mind is thinking...That''s crap!

Yes, yes, go hit the light fixture sites. It''ll get your mind off of what ails ya.

Yeah, what''s up with your bad hair in that pic? HAHA j/k!

 

[pennquaker09]

If the person knew I objected to having my mug plastered on the net, yes I think I would be angry.

 

[princesss]

You know, if somebody asked me to take down a picture, I might not get it, but I would do it. It''s just the right thing to do.

Personally, there are some terrible pictures of me on FB...but I hope if I ever asked for one to be taken down, it would be removed ASAP.

I''m sorry this person is being so disrespectful of your feelings.

 

[LaraOnline]

Not into Facebook.
Not into having my photos up for all to see.
A workmate googled herself, and through her school children''s sporting connections, found an absolute bunch of stuff about her entire family, complete with photos of them all.
Super uncool

 

[iheartscience]

Ah, the unwanted Facebook picture...I understand to a degree, because my twin sister posts pictures of me a lot, which I don''t mind because I never post new pictures of myself-I''m too lazy. Every now and then I''ll tell her to take one down because it''s ugly and she always does.

But every now and then she still wants to keep one up because it''s us with other people or whatever, and I usually just leave it alone, because you can''t look like a supermodel in every picture, you know?

It was his wedding and I''m sure he just wanted to share his happiness with his friends. So I do think you''re overreacting, even though I understand your feelings. So I hope you can let this one go and keep your good relationship with your BIL going!