would it bother you if...

[CJ2008]

...you sent Christmas gifts to someone''s home and they thanked you through your DH, rather than call you/let you know personally?

 

[Elmorton]

Nope. I prefer a thank-you note in all cases, but I understand that my etiquette is not the same as everyone else''s. If something is said to my DH, it might as well be said to me.

 

[LaraOnline]

No, not usually... unless it was a particular friend of me, not my husband, I guess

 

[2Artists]

Many of those (family members I give/send gifts to never respond at all),so I am pretty used to it. It is not out of meanness I don''t think-I just don''t think thank yous are big with many people in this day and age I guess. If I hear even a second-hand thanks I am really touched and suprised.

I think that the best thing I have learned to take from it is that saying thank you and being gracious are truly so important. I actually really love writing thank you''s and saying thank you because I feel really honored if someone ever thinks of me.

Being a gracious person makes your life so much happier. I actually feel sad for people who are not into gratitude as an emotion because their lives must be a lot worse off for it. When you feel gratitude you are focusing on the positive and for all you have to feel grateful for.

So I guess I try to take that feeling and see what I can be more thankful and grateful for in my own life. But yeah no fun.

That was my mature, big girl answer but honestly it is really sucky when you pick out something that you are excited to give to the person then it''s complete silence (crickets chirping).

Mrs.2Artists

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 1/10/2009 2:06:54 AM
Author: 2Artists
Many of those (family members I give/send gifts to never respond at all),so I am pretty used to it. It is not out of meanness I don''t think-I just don''t think thank yous are big with many people in this day and age I guess. If I hear even a second-hand thanks I am really touched and suprised.

I think that the best thing I have learned to take from it is that saying thank you and being gracious are truly so important. I actually really love writing thank you''s and saying thank you because I feel really honored if someone ever thinks of me.

Being a gracious person makes your life so much happier. I actually feel sad for people who are not into gratitude as an emotion because their lives must be a lot worse off for it. When you feel gratitude you are focusing on the positive and for all you have to feel grateful for.

So I guess I try to take that feeling and see what I can be more thankful and grateful for in my own life. But yeah no fun.

That was my mature, big girl answer but honestly it is really sucky when you pick out something that you are excited to give to the person then it''s complete silence (crickets chirping).

Mrs.2Artists

That was going to be one of my next questions...

- would it make a difference if ithe presents were for your in-laws
- would it make a difference if one of the gifts was something really thoughtful

I know how I feel about it...part of me is a little annoyed that they would just call him and tell him to say thank you to me because we sent gifts for everyone in the house, and one of them in particular was something for them from our wedding...part of me is like who cares...one less phone call you have to endure! haha

but I''m just curious what others out there would feel...I always call them both when we get something from them (although I am always tempted to do the "tell her I said thank you, too" because it''s easier, and I hate the phone...so I know it''s not personal or anything like that...more like laziness on their part)

 

[Tuckins1]

Not really, but I guess it depends on just who it is. Some of my friends- I might get offended if they didn''t thank me...

 

[steph72276]

Wouldn''t bother me....I almost always send a hand-written thank you unless it came from my mom and dad or in-laws. I used to send the in-laws one until they told me to stop because it was unnecessary.

 

[Porridge]

If it was like a gift basket or something then no. If it was something you obviously took care to pick out yourself...then yes, I would be briefly miffed but I know I would be being silly

 

[ckrickett]

It would depend on the gift. If it was a collective gift from the both of us it wouldn''t bother me as much, as say it was a gift just from me, then that''s being alittle rude IMHO.
I do prefer thank you cards, or even a quick call (hey even a text message, something) But if he didn''t have anything to do with it then it seems like a kinda copout to have him get the thank you and not myself.

 

[meresal]

It depends... did you send the gift "From: CJ & DH", or just "From: CJ"? If just from you, then yes, I think if I spent hours looking for the perfect gift, and then got no response directly, I would be upset. If it was just a quick purchase, then it really wouldn''t b other me. However I am of the group that LOVES to see people open the gifts I''ve given them, so this could be a factor in my comment.

Also, I have a sister that never says thank you for anything she receives for her, her DH, or the kids. Half the time she never even aknowledges that she received the gifts. I''m sure everyone in my family would appreciate any thank you we could get.

 

[BlueSki231]

Date: 1/10/2009 2:06:54 AM

Author: 2Artists

Many of those (family members I give/send gifts to never respond at all),so I am pretty used to it. It is not out of meanness I don't think-I just don't think thank yous are big with many people in this day and age I guess. If I hear even a second-hand thanks I am really touched and suprised.


I think that the best thing I have learned to take from it is that saying thank you and being gracious are truly so important. I actually really love writing thank you's and saying thank you because I feel really honored if someone ever thinks of me.


Being a gracious person makes your life so much happier. I actually feel sad for people who are not into gratitude as an emotion because their lives must be a lot worse off for it. When you feel gratitude you are focusing on the positive and for all you have to feel grateful for.


So I guess I try to take that feeling and see what I can be more thankful and grateful for in my own life. But yeah no fun.


That was my mature, big girl answer but honestly it is really sucky when you pick out something that you are excited to give to the person then it's complete silence (crickets chirping).

Mrs.2Artists

You at least want to know if they even RECEIVED the gift, and you end up feeling kinda funny bringing it up in some cases.

I wouldn't mind getting a thank you through the husband, at least there is an acknowledgment at all!

I tend to be more formal and actually write a thank-you note if someone mails me a gift but that's just cause that's what my mother INSISTED on me doing as I was growing up and I guess it kinda just stuck. So it's always a nice gesture when someone does the same thing, but I'm really not upset either way.

 

[CJ2008]

The gifts were from both of us...ETA - and yes, they were very thoughtful, one of them took hours to put together between DH and I.

I don't really "care" I think - although I do think it's definitely NICER if they picked up the phone and called me directly also - but really, at the end of the day, it saves me a phone call, so I'm better off. Maybe I'm just holding on to it just for the fun of being a little bitchy hehe.

I hate whe people don't acknwledge gifts though - they don't continue to get gifts if they don't - or they get less and less significant gifts every year.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 1/10/2009 9:09:45 AM
Author: steph72276
Wouldn''t bother me....I almost always send a hand-written thank you unless it came from my mom and dad or in-laws. I used to send the in-laws one until they told me to stop because it was unnecessary.

Ditto. My hubbys coworkers tell hubby to say thank you to me if I baked goods, etc. I don''t care; it is nice be thanked in general so I am not picky.

I do try hard to write thank you notes to friends; I thank family in person because they would think it was weird if I sent a thank you note to them.

 

[coatimundi_org]

Nah, wouldn''t bother me.

 

[bee*]

Wouldn''t bother me either, especially as they probably presume it''s from the two of you.

 

[CJ2008]

It's always so funny when we feel a certain way and everyone else is like huh? hahaha

Well - you have inspired me to look at the positive and be thankful I don't have to talk on the phone

So now you've got me hoping they DON'T call! ahah

I do have to say that if the shoe was on the other foot, and my family told me "oh, and tell DH thanks for the gifts too" I would feel the same way on his behalf...huh, ok, but it'd be nicer if you told him yourself! So at least I don't discriminate

Maybe it's because we always thank each other personally somehow, so it just sticks out...who knows...

 

[Elmorton]

Maybe it depends on your relationship with the ILs? I''m pretty close to mine, and DH is very close to my parents. I''ve told my parents how much DH loves his gifts, and DH has mentioned to his parents how much I love mine from them - but I don''t think anyone is offended, because it''s more about proximity than anything else - he happened to be on the phone with them when I wasn''t there and vice versa.

Now, if your relationship with your ILs tends to be one of clear avoidance, then yeah, I can see how this would be frustrating, because it would be just one more example of the ILs trying to communicate via your partner instead of you. But the act alone, not in the context of a strained relationship, doesn''t seem like cause for concern.

 

[purrfectpear]

Nope, especially if the gifts were to inlaws. They would rightfully assume that thanking through him was the same as thanking me (or through me, him also).

 

[CJ2008]

Hmmmm....it appears that I am the one that''s backwards haaha We have a WONDERFUL relationship...

Glad I posted, because based on everything you guys said, I let it go and I am now enjoying my phone-call free existance...haha