Worry, worry, worry.

[meresal]

I'm 7 weeks pregnant, and I find myself constantly worrying that I'm going to lose the baby.

We heard the heartbeat at 5.5 weeks, and it was strong. I haven't had many symptoms yet (no morning sickness and my fatigue has been gone for about 2 weeks now), which I think may be contributing to my anxiety. It also got worse since we decided to tell our friends on Labor Day. Now I think about all the people we'll have to tell if something goes wrong...

What can I do to ease my mind until our next appointment in 3 weeks?? I don't know how to think things are going great, since I've never been here before. DH is so elated with everything, it isn't even a blip on his radar that we aren't "out of the clear" yet. I wish I could figure out how to get there.

uhhhh... sorry.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/10/2009 10:40:12 PM
Author:meresal
I'm 7 weeks pregnant, and I find myself constantly worrying that I'm going to lose the baby.

We heard the heartbeat at 5.5 weeks, and it was strong. I haven't had many symptoms yet (no morning sickness and my fatigue has been gone for about 2 weeks now), which I think may be contributing to my anxiety. It also got worse since we decided to tell our friends on Labor Day. Now I think about all the people we'll have to tell if something goes wrong...

What can I do to ease my mind until our next appointment in 3 weeks?? I don't know how to think things are going great, since I've never been here before. DH is so elated with everything, it isn't even a blip on his radar that we aren't 'out of the clear' yet. I wish I could figure out how to get there.

uhhhh... sorry.

Don't be sorry mersal. What you are feeling is very normal. I know when I got pregnant with my DD (who is now 21 ) I was worried about just about everything. My Mom had 6 miscarriages before she had me, so I felt I was doomed to go down the same path.

Talk to your Doc. I am sure he will reassure you. But what you are feeling?? We have all been there....

I send you a gentle hug, Ribs are still healing. LOL!!!

 

[fieryred33143]

Oh Mer I wish there was something I can say to ease your mind but the truth is that pregnancy is full of worries. You go through 1st tri worrying that you don''t have any symptoms, then wishing the symptoms would go away, and if they do you worry that they''re gone. Then you worry in second tri that you haven''t felt any movements and when you finally do you spend all day making sure its enough movement. Then you spend the 1st half of 3rd tri worrying that cramps mean early labor and the 2nd half of 3rd tri worrying that no cramps means you''ll be overdue. And the funny thing is that thinking about all of this makes these 40 weeks feel soooo long but once the pregnancy is over it all becomes a blur.

All I can tell you right now is that the absence of symptoms can be an awesome thing. I didn''t have any symptoms at all throughout the pregnancy and never had any morning sickness at all. I actually felt pretty great. Just keep reminding yourself that its all normal! In the meantime try joining pregnancy forums. Sometimes hearing others going through the same can help ease your mind. And only 3 weeks left! Can''t wait for you to see how big your baby will be then! Its amazing the way they grow in 1st tri!

 

[taovandel]

All that worrying means you are becoming a mommy!

I agree that the only thing that helped me was joining pregnancy boards (babyzone for me and the November Due Date Club) and hearing from people going through the exact same things as me at the same time.

 

[heb1976]

Hi Meresal, I think every pregnant woman worries that she is going to lose her baby. Until you hold your baby in your arms you worry about every little thing. Then the real worry begins!

Motherhood is the most wonderful thing you can experience but with that responsibility comes the care and worry for this human being that you love a love so amazing and strong that you didn''t even knew existed. Try to relax and know that you have reached 7 weeks and most women would have had miscarriages by this point if something was wrong. Once you see/hear the heartbeat that was reassuring for me and once you feel the little one start moving then that really helps with the worry. I always poked and nudged our babies once I was far enough along when I was worried so I could feel them move. There are also ways to buy or rent dopplers so you can hear your baby''s heartbeat whenever you choose which might help alleviate some of your fear. Maybe baby shopping when you feel overwhelmed will help you feel better, that was one way I kept upbeat and positive and didn''t dwell on the worry! Keep a positive outlook and have faith!

Holly

 

[neatfreak]

It''s so so normal-and believe it or not the worry only increases once you become a mom! All new things to worry about then!

Just take care of yourself and try to stay calm. Breathe. And after maybe 10 weeks some people like to rent a doppler to hear the heartbeat at home. But for some it only increases the worry (sometimes you might not be able to find it and you might freak).

 

[gailrmv]

I think it''s normal to feel that way, but worrying will not help anything. There will always be something to worry about, later in your pregnancy or after you have the baby! So if you can, just focus on the things you CAN control and try not to worry about the things that you can''t. That skill will serve you down the line as well.

Congrats by the way!

 

[packrat]

Congratulations!

It''s totally normal, Mommy!

I think I worried more w/the 2nd one.

Once you become pregnant, the worry starts..and I truly don''t think it *ever* ends. I fret about my kids at night, being too hot or too cold, is the fan blowing too much air on them. JD sees me shutting the door to Trapper''s room at night and he''ll say "Is he still breathing?" But jeez-they breathe so quietly, I have to make sure.

Moms worry about their kids-all just part of being a mommy!

My morning sickness didn''t start right away with either of the kids. It was about 8-12 weeks in, it started.

 

[Pandora II]

I''m sorry Mer - it''s just one of the joys of pregnancy.

I was lucky in that I just believed things would be okay. I suppose my morning sickness was so bad - I had hyperemesis - that I was feeling too ill and miserable to worry about other things with the pregnancy.

IMO the worry really kicks in AFTER the birth. I wake up in terror sometimes thinking that something awful might happen one day - I''ve given DH an evergrowing list of things that she is never doing: no motorbikes, in fact no bikes, never going out until she''s 21 etc

I also now appreciate why my mother hated me going climbing and caving and wasn''t happy when I moved to Belfast at the height of the Troubles. Your babies are just so precious and you hate the idea of them ever being hurt or unhappy...

 

[purrfectpear]

It never even crossed my mind that I might lose the baby, but I did spend most of 8 months worrying about whether he''d have all his toes & fingers, etc.

I suppose the whole PG thing is fraught with one worry or another. Just remember that whether you worry or not, it won''t change a thing, so why put yourself through it?

Are you showing yet?

Wait until you look down in about 6 months and realize that you can see the INSIDE of your belly button

 

[Mandarine]

It''s completely normal...
It gets better (I though so anyway) once the babies started moving.
I had no morning sickness AT ALL (not even one strong dizzy spell). This sort of freaked me out because I kept reading that with twins morning sickness was usually twice as bad!.
It helped me to visualize my babies growing strong and to talk about my fears. It also really helped me to set mini goals in my head...like "getting to 12 weeks" or things like that.
Hang in there
M~

 

[elrohwen]

What?! I had no idea you were pregnant! Congrats sweetie!!

I really don''t know how to help your fears since I''ve never been pregnant myself, but I would just talk with DH and tell him about what you''re feeling. He might not totally understand, being a guy, but I have a feeling just knowing he''s there with you and supporting you will make you feel better. And just try to remain calm and remember that your body is ready for this and will do the right thing. Sure, sometimes the "right thing" isn''t what we want and it''s hard, but your body is taking care of you and the baby and will do what it needs to do. That''s all I can really offer except for hugs.

 

[steph72276]

I just wanted to agree with everyone here that it is normal to feel that worry. But, the good news is that you saw that heartbeat going strong, so that is great! Just focus on that. Some people don''t feel much morning sickness, so count yourself lucky if that is true. I actually didn''t have it bad with my first son at all. I know it''s hard to do, but just try not to worry!

Also, I don''t think I got a chance to tell you in the other thread but congrats to your sis too! I hope you both have healthy pregnancies!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Normal, normal, normal!

I worried way more when I was preggo than I do now that she is actually here. Ultimately being a mom means extra worry. You become a mom with your first BFP. Our bodies are amazing. Things WILL work out how they are suppose to. Try not to be worried over something you have no control over!

 

[atroop711]

first off..CONGRATULATIONS! I'm a mom of 3 and with each pregnancy I had the same worries. It's so normal to fear this esp. before the 12 wk mark. I think we get it in our heads about the 12 wk mark that we get ourselves worked up. What you can do is just think positive!

BTW I had NO symptoms with my first 2 pg...YAY. So no symptoms is very normal..not everyone gets sick.

 

[drk]

Well, you''re normal. Luckily you''re younger than me, no PCOS, no previous losses. Chances of you losing the baby after seeing the heartbeat are probably less than 5% - very good odds for you. I''ve had two previous losses (8.5 and 4.5 weeks), struggled for 9 months to 21 months to get pregnant with each (with medical help), and have also been very anxious through this pregnancy.
The only thing that gets rid of the anxiety for me is when I have a good scan and see a good heartbeat and know the baby''s growing on track. 3 of those so far, and they only help for a day or two. The occasional doppler reassurance helps as well, though I didn''t start sneaking in to use one until nearly 13 weeks. I think I''ll feel better in a few weeks when I can feel the baby''s movements now and again. An online infertility friend has a doppler her Mom bought her off ebay for $100 that she has been using to hear the heartbeat since about 7.5 weeks, even though they say that you can''t expect to hear anything until after 10-12 weeks.
I''ve been trying to distract myself, pray for the best, and just keep hoping things are going ok. I''ve had minimal symptoms - apart from being more tired than usual, I haven''t had any morning sickness to speak of. And now I''m starting to get fatter.
Will you have another doctor''s appointment around 10 weeks when they might be able to hear something? Everyone feels the same way in pregnancy, and without an ultrasound available 24/7 for spot checks in times of panic, there''s not much you can really do about it till you''re far enough along to use a doppler.
It''ll get better!

 

[swimmer]

Mer, I feel ya. I''m at 6 weeks and had an m/c at a bit beyond this a few months ago. It is rather terrifying. I''m getting an u/s on the 19th, so looking forward to that, but yes, in the meantime...just don''t google m/c statistics. I felt ill for hours afterward. I''m really getting into yoga and more swimming instead of high impact exercise, wanting to get an exercise routine of things that are do-able for the full pregnancy so as to stay sane. Like you I have no symptoms, just sort of tired from the start of the school year. I kind of want some symptoms so as to know that something is going on in there. Please don''t anyone tell me that a person shouldn''t wish for m/s or whatever, just wanting a sign of something is totally normal, esp after trying to get pregnant for well over a year... I''ve been having some twinges and bloating, but like you Mer, nothing really... You are brave, I''m not telling even my mom yet...it would just hurt too many people if my body once again fails. Hopefully all is going well and we will soon be feeling changes.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 9/11/2009 10:02:56 AM
Author: swimmer
Mer, I feel ya. I''m at 6 weeks

Congratulations swimmer! Tons of sticky vibes for your baby!

 

[meresal]

Thank you eveyone for your replies. All of your posts have helped ease my mind, especially to know that almost everyone else has gone thru the same thing at some point.

Kaleigh- I think it has alot to do with being pregnant at the same time as two girls that have had 4 miscarriages combined. I was worried I would never get preggo, due to my sister's poblems, so this would just be the next rung on the ladder. Thank you for your input!! (**gentle hug**)

Fiery- Thank you. Lots of worry, yup... that sounds about how it's going to go!! I will look into some preg forums, a few girls referenced some below, so I'll check them out. I think it will be good for me to see that there are other girls going thru the same thing. Everytime I google "no morning sickess", another article about miscarriage comes up. Not very reassuring.

As for the growth, I wish I had an ultrasound machine at home, I would be hooked up to it at ALL times. I couldn't believe how much it grew just from 5 weeks to 7 weeks! Our NP said she looked at hers almost daily... I'm so jealous.

tao- I'll check those boards out! Thank you!

heb- Holly, thank you for your post. I can't wait to become a mom and to add another B to our rapidly growing family. Your words are very reassuring. As for shopping, my mom and I went into a few baby stores, but it seems that the long-time concept of "uni-sex" has since passed. You walk in and there is a lynolium aisle that runs the length of the store and it's blue/brown/forest green to the left and pink/red/purple to the right. I REALLY feel for all the parents that are waiting to be surprised! How do they do it?!

Neat- You can rent the doppler?? I think that is something that DH might want more than I will! Did you get it from your hospital or doctor's office? I know many people are comfortable not knowing, but I feel like we want to experience everything we can. You know?

Tandogmom- Thank you! The one thing that comes to mind... I can still control my hunger, somewhat, so I'll focus on not eating everything that smells delicious!

packrat- Thanks!! I have 2 nieces and a nephew and I always went in and checked to see if they were still breathing! That and I LOVE the sighs that they make every couple minutes while sleeping. Almost as heart warming as a baby's laugh

Pandora- There seems to be a new "joy" everyday.

One of my sisters had hypermesis. She lived in Vegas at the time, and my mom (in Tx) had to live with her a week out of every month and then just lived with her the entire last month of the pregnancy. I can see how it wold be hard for your mom to be so far away. I was so horrible for her, and she eventually wasn't even leaving the house. Of what she could eat, the baby would take what it needed and then her body would reject the rest. By her 38th week, she had lost 20 lbs! Is hypermesis the same for everyone?
As far as bikes... just attach a rope to the bike and the other end to a tether ball pole, and she won't be going far

. You could even add some hills for excitement!!

PP- Mine is a mixture of the both. I sometimes worry about loosing it, and other ties worry about them being healthy. "Why worry, since it won't change anything?" For the rational, which I usually am, this would be the logical concept. I'll have to try that one

I'm not showing yet (actually, I'm enjoying a few "non-bloated" feeling days

)... but WOW, the INSIDE of my belly button? That will be interesting! LOL! Thanks!!

Mandarine- Thanks for the ideas. I will try those!

el- Thank you! I think I first postd about it, at the 4.5 week mark. So we have knows for about a month now. I would talk with DH, except his positiveness is REALLY good for me. Since my worry is completely unnecessary, I don't want to bring him down!! ha He knows that I'm worrying too much, so he tries to keep me positive! It's great!

steph- Thank you for replying! I hope you are doing well!

 

[Mara]

meresal...you are not alone at all. i have worried since i saw that line on the test....and getting past the first 12 weeks was one thing, whew you feel like you should be out of the woods right? but now i still worry just as much even though i am just about 20 weeks. i think i will worry up until birth and then it''s a diff type of worry after the baby is here.

i def agree you should get a doppler, you can rent them online (i think storkradio.com is highly recomended) but most of them require that you get a faxed approval from your dr (which shouldn''t be an issue), it''s not expensive so def do it. it will make you feel better, but i think that you can''t hear the heartbeat until about 12-13 weeks with the doppler even, just FYI. i want to do the doppler, just haven''t gotten around to it.

but you aren''t alone...just know that. and i think well when the baby moves more i will feel better about knowing he''s ok. but then i hear later that gals who have a lot of movement kind of worry when the baby DOESNT move as much from one day to the next. so again, it seems nervewracking regardless of what stage. it''s mentally hard to just relax and think things will be ok or that nature takes its course. just try to stay positive because stress is not very good for either of you and the baby does feel that. good luck!!

 

[meresal]

tacori- Thank you! The worry goes away when I don''t have lots of time alone with my thoughts.

atroop- Thanks for the cngrats and for the reassurance! I''m usually a very positive thinker, but it''s harder when you''ve never actually been "successful" at something before. I''m trying tough!

drk- Thank you for sharing your story. We had a u/s on the 2nd (that was about 5.5 weeks) and they found the heart beat, which was strong. I just hate not being able to check on our lil bud whenever I have worries, like you said. Our 10 week appt on the 29th is when they will do the NT scan, so we will actually get a very long u/s and I''m very excited to see the baby again! I''m hoping after that visit it will get better!

swimmer- Congaulations! I''m trying to find workouts I enjoy as well, and don''t involve lots of impact. I read a good article that said, just to stic to things you could still hold a conversation doing. That has been real helpful to me. I slow dow when I feel my breath getting short, whereas before I would just push thru.
Swimmer, since we have never been thru a m/c before, it was easier to tell people, but we did wait until after we heard the heartbeat. However, my sister who is about 9 weeks now, she just told our mom and dad on Monday, but isn''t telling extended family members/friends/or grandparents yet, because of the previous issues.
I don''t think I want m/s, lol, but it would be nice if there was a less painful/disgusting way of knowing things are progressing well.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

You gotta stop that "stinking thinking!" I know it is tough but again there is nothing you can do *if* there is a problem. Luckily the odds are on your side. Congrats on your pregnancy. Being a mommy is a tough job but it does have the best benefits. Enjoy these last few months b/c your world is about to change forever.

 

[musey]

Mere, I didn''t know you were expecting!! Congratulations!

Obviously I have no words of wisdom, but you''ve gotten quite a bit already. I hope you''re able to rest a little easier as the pregnancy progresses

 

[natalina]

Mer- totally know how you feel. I remember going to a doc appt in the beginning and having a total breakdown and crying and asking her if the baby was really still "in there" and okay. I had no bleeding, cramping, or anything but for some reason I was *sure* the baby was gone. I am not usually very emotional, so the breakdown was really embarassing for me. She just reassured me that what I was feeling was completely normal, as was the breakdown. For me, I think it has a lot to do with being a need-to-know, control freak kind of person. As the pregnancy has progressed, my worries have just shifted to other things: will she be healthy, mostly, but also has she moved much lately, how will I cope with labor, how will we handle caring for her, should I go back to work, and on and on...

Everyone says you just have to have faith and trust that all will be okay. It''s just easier said than done, I think. At least for some. But you are certainly NOT alone!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 9/11/2009 10:02:56 AM
Author: swimmer
Mer, I feel ya. I''m at 6 weeks and had an m/c at a bit beyond this a few months ago. It is rather terrifying. I''m getting an u/s on the 19th, so looking forward to that, but yes, in the meantime...just don''t google m/c statistics. I felt ill for hours afterward. I''m really getting into yoga and more swimming instead of high impact exercise, wanting to get an exercise routine of things that are do-able for the full pregnancy so as to stay sane. Like you I have no symptoms, just sort of tired from the start of the school year. I kind of want some symptoms so as to know that something is going on in there. Please don''t anyone tell me that a person shouldn''t wish for m/s or whatever, just wanting a sign of something is totally normal, esp after trying to get pregnant for well over a year... I''ve been having some twinges and bloating, but like you Mer, nothing really... You are brave, I''m not telling even my mom yet...it would just hurt too many people if my body once again fails. Hopefully all is going well and we will soon be feeling changes.

Not to threadjack, but WHOOO HOOOO Swimmer!

****STICKY DUST**** x 1,000,000!

 

[Allisonfaye]

Do your breasts feel different? Did they feel fuller or sore when you found out you were pregnant? Do they still feel that way?
I had only a little bit of queasiness ever and I have two little girls sitting in front of me right now watching Dora. DO NOT worry about lack of MS. In fact, most MS doesn''t even start until 6-9 weeks, as I recall.

Babybeat.com is the site for renting monitors. I HIGHLY recommend it but I don''t think you can get a HB off them until around 11 weeks.

Wishing you lots of babydust.

Congratulations to you, too, Mara!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

stop it, stop it, stop it! and breathe, breathe, breathe!

And, I know how you feel - I felt the same way - and everything turned out to be fine. DD is 21 now.

What you are feeling is normal. I'm sure all will be well! Best wishes!

 

[taovandel]

Just wanted to add, the worry doesn''t stop after you hit the "magic" 12 week mark. Like others have said, then you worry about when you should start feeling the baby move, then you worry about when your husband/partner will feel the baby move, etc.

I''m 31 weeks and I had a doctor''s appointment just last week and before he put the doppler on my belly I always hold my breath in fear that they can''t find the heartbeat---I do this everytime, even if Evan is kicking the crap out of me like 2 seconds before!

 

[Dreamer_D]

I worried a lot about miscarriage in the first 12 weeks. So much that I basically just tried not to think about it too much and didn''t really talk about the pregnancy a huge amount, even with hubby. I just found that easier. We didn''t got shopping or anything else, because honestly, planning that way made me think about the possibility of loss more and so it was easier for me just to truck along like things were pretty normal.

I felt a lot better when I hit 10-12 weeks, and the worry gradually got less until I hit probably 16-18 weeks, and then I can honestly say I didn''t worry about miscarriage anymore. Somehow it just felt more normal and right and I just didn''t worry anymore.

I think you will find that whether it goes away completely, or just decreases, the worry will get less and less and the weeks go by. You will worry about other things, sure, but perhaps not miscarriage.

I have always found distraction and focus on something else to be a good way of dealing with irrational worries -- and worrying about miscarriage is irrational in the sense that there is sadly *nothing* we can to about it. Either it happens or it wont. The same with many other aspects of pregnancy and parenting, we just have no control.

Learing how to live in a perpetual state of lacking control is one of the big lessons of parenthood in my opinion. Its a toughie, but a goodie me thinks.

 

[meresal]

Mara- Thanks for you post. A friend of my DH has a doppler at his house, and she is going to let me borrow it, since they aren;t expecting again anytime soon. I know you can''t hear much for a couple more weeks, so I won;t even put myself thru "not" hearing anything just yet.

Tacori- Change forever? lol, thanks!

Musey- Yup! We are! Thank you!

Natalina- Thank you for sharing. I''m sorry that you had to go thru that. I am definitely a "need-to-know" type, when it comes to things that durectly effect me. I just have to deal with the fact that I can''t know all the time anymore. Glad to know I''m not alone thought. Thanks

Allison- Yes, they are bigger and more sore, but noting horrible, just to the touch. But it is ineed different that what they are normally. I guess i need to focus on the symptoms I DO have, as opposed to worrying about the ones I don''t. Thank you!

Diamante- I am trying very hard! Thanks!

tao- Fiery said the same things above. I''m guessing it is just something I will have to deal with for a long time now...

dreamer- i think what you did is where I am now. I''m trying to not get "too" excited because of the "what if". For some reason the test at 10 weeks and our 12 week mark will be my big ones. I hope that my worry subsides by then.

***
I haven''t been on much the last few days, because though trying to limit my worry, I starting have some very very very light pink disharge once a day and only when wiping. I have googled and since it''s not spotting I''m not really worried. I will call my doctor tomorrow, but from what I''ve read it sounds like it could just be irritation from my uterus stretching. I''m sorry if this is TMI, but I c an''t find much info online about this. Did anyone experience this?