Worried - What if my parents don''t like my bf?

[early_bird]

I''m certain that P will be the man I marry. We''ve been dating around 10 months and he hasn''t met my parents yet. We tried in August when they were in town but schedules didn''t match and so we''re hoping to try again in January.

My parents have hinted from the start that they don''t like the sound of him - being 8 years old (I''m 27), of a different culture (I''m oriental, he''s not) and worried that an "older" man not married = something''s wrong with him.

On top of that, P doesn''t have a brownser type attitude and doesn''t care if people don''t like him. He''s fine with the small group of friends he has and doesn''t feel the need to please anyone.

I''ve repeatedly asked him to ensure he''s nice to my parents when he meets them and he assured me he''ll be civil. He knows that they''re not fond of what they''ve heard and he dislikes that. It''s my fault for telling him my parents'' thoughts and I know now to shut my mouth.

I''m worried what I''ll do if they end up HATING each other. I''m very close to my family - we''re heading off to Mexico for our holidays and I love them to pieces. I''ve grown up with the only purpose of making them happy - sad but it''s true. I need to ensure that they''re ok with P just as I need to ensure that P is ok with them.

How do you guys handle it if you''re in a boat where your SO is not a favourite of your family?

Note: in the end, I know my parents will come around and accept him as my husband. I''m just worried about the interim.

 

[fieryred33143]

Hi

Honestly, I would cross that bridge when you get there. Right now you are worrying so much about it that your FF is going to expect them not to like him and there will be pre-tension/dislike before even meeting them.

 

[allycat0303]

Early_bird:

I am asian and fiance is white. There was hell to pay in the beginning and only 7 years into the relationship did they accept him.

Honestly, your boyfriend is going to have to make some adjustments to your culture and your parents. If he loves you and wants to marry you, he''ll have no choice. Vice versa is also true, you''ll have to make concessions for his family. I believe that *within reason* for an interracial relationship to work, both sides have to be REALLY accommodating. If your boyfriend comes in with the attitude "I don''t care if your parents like me" knowing how close you are to them, I think that says A LOT about how much he values you. A guy who wants to marry a girl will always try to impress her parents (race issues aside here).

 

[AllieGator]

I can understand what you are going through...although mine is not a race issue, mine''s religion. My parents are very, very conservative christians, and although I am somewhat religious, I am very liberal. My boyfriend was raised jewish, and although he doesn''t really practice, still treasures his heritage. My parents were very upset at first that I was dating someone of a different religion, and they disliked the idea of him greatly.

So a month and a half ago when we visited for Columbus day weekend, I was really worried. But you know what? It turned out to be nothing. Although my parents were a little cold at first, they warmed up once they talked to him and saw what a great guy he is. My mom admitted to me that she can see why I love him, and my father likes him just as much. Although they are still concerned that he is jewish, they like him immensely.

I guess what I am saying is that...you can worry about something like this, but you really can''t control it, and at least in my case, it turned out fine. I hope the same happens for you!

 

[tabu]

Hey Early Bird, I agree with FieryRed. You should stop worrying (I know it''s hard) and cross that bridge when and if it happens. They might ending up loving him! You never know. But either way, they should be happy for you if you are happy with him.

 

[ams0124]

Hi Early Bird! Welcome!

You said something that gave me a red flag and I wanted to point it out and see if that''s what you meant or if I''m taking it wrong...

"I''ve repeatedly asked him to ensure he''s nice to my parents when he meets them and he assured me he''ll be civil."

I''m sorry and correct me if I''m wrong but for him to just be "civil" towards your parents IMO is borderline disrespectful...When I use the phrase "ok I''ll be civil"....I mean I''m not going to make too much of an effort, I''ll go ahead and put on a fake little smile...and hopefully I won''t have to be in this situation for longer then my sanity can take....Not saying that''s what your BF means but I would hope that he would be more then just "civil" to the parents of the woman he plans to marry...especially meeting them for the first time. If they already have a negative impression of him....being "civil" isn''t going to help his cause....

If I''m wrong then I''m going to go ahead and agree with most who posted already and say cross that bridge when you get there...I would make certain however that your BF knows what you expect from him when the meeting takes place...I would hope that he would treat your parents the same way he would expect you to treat his....With respect and admiration for raising the person that you love....

Anyway...just my $.02