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Mandarine

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I didn''t want to threadjack Court''s thread so I thought I would start a new one.

Just for some background. I''m expecting twins sometime in Oct-Nov (praying they don''t come early!)
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I have an AWESOME boss that I love. I seriously love him which makes me like my job....in addition to that I do like my job. I work for a great company, great benefits and it''s SUPER flexible. Right now I work form home (pretty much every day with the exception of maybe two days a month).

I''ve started having discussions with my boss and he will allow me to come back PART TIME (YAYYYY!!!
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) keeping my same position (DIrector) and working from home. I think if I said no to that I would just be silly!. My job is not super stressful and I''m comfortable with what I do...while it''s still challenguing at times (which I enjoy).

I see how difficult it has been for my sister to get back in the workforce. She''s not even trying actually, because she''s scared since she''s been out for so long (like 6 years). I also see how tough it was for a good friend after taking time off (like 2-3 years)....she went back and basically had to start from scratch at a not so great company...even though she had a good position and was very high up before she left. While I know they don''t regret staying home, they have told me how they do think it would have benefited them to stay somewhat connected to their careers.

Anyway, my questions for you guys are:

- How much time did you take off after the birth of your LO before returning to work?
- Did you return part time or full time? Office or from home?
- Nanny or daycare?. Any pros/cons?. We''re definitely thinking of a nanny...specially since I''m home so I''m only a few steps away if the babies need me (or if they do one of the "first" I can have the nnay call me!).
- Do you regret going back?
- What do you love most about being a working mom?

Any advice or suggestions?

Thanks in advance
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Courtneylub

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That is so wonderful that you have the opportunity to work part time and from home! How great!

If you decide to go the Nanny route, I wonder how difficult it will be for you not to run in the other room when you hear the baby cry. LOL I know I would have a hard time with that.
 

TravelingGal

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Date: 7/28/2009 3:17:26 PM
Author:Mandarine
I didn''t want to threadjack Court''s thread so I thought I would start a new one.

Just for some background. I''m expecting twins sometime in Oct-Nov (praying they don''t come early!)
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I have an AWESOME boss that I love. I seriously love him which makes me like my job....in addition to that I do like my job. I work for a great company, great benefits and it''s SUPER flexible. Right now I work form home (pretty much every day with the exception of maybe two days a month).

I''ve started having discussions with my boss and he will allow me to come back PART TIME (YAYYYY!!!
36.gif
) keeping my same position (DIrector) and working from home. I think if I said no to that I would just be silly!. My job is not super stressful and I''m comfortable with what I do...while it''s still challenguing at times (which I enjoy).

I see how difficult it has been for my sister to get back in the workforce. She''s not even trying actually, because she''s scared since she''s been out for so long (like 6 years). I also see how tough it was for a good friend after taking time off (like 2-3 years)....she went back and basically had to start from scratch at a not so great company...even though she had a good position and was very high up before she left. While I know they don''t regret staying home, they have told me how they do think it would have benefited them to stay somewhat connected to their careers.

Anyway, my questions for you guys are:

- How much time did you take off after the birth of your LO before returning to work?
- Did you return part time or full time? Office or from home?
- Nanny or daycare?. Any pros/cons?. We''re definitely thinking of a nanny...specially since I''m home so I''m only a few steps away if the babies need me (or if they do one of the ''first'' I can have the nnay call me!).
- Do you regret going back?
- What do you love most about being a working mom?

Any advice or suggestions?

Thanks in advance
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Mandarine, yes you would be crazy not to go back to work under those provisions. That is excellent.

I took 4.5 months off - pretty good compared to most companies.

I returned full time...in fact, the first week back I had to fly to WI for a meeting. That was stressful and heartbreaking, but in hindsight a great way to get back to work because it made me realize all was going to be fine. I work from a home office.

I have a nanny. Only con I can think of is that I think daycare would be cool with all the fun things to do and exposure to other kids. We do playdates with friends'' kids but not the same. I LOVE having a nanny. Worth it. And I think it was key in learning how to manage my child. Those early months are impressionable and they learn a lot. She hasn''t learned any bad habits...I am sure that will come later! You can control sleep easier, continue to condition them, and deal with a lot of things. I also have an independent child (always has been) so that helps. I think perhaps non daycare children might be more clingy? Just a theory - no scientific proof to back that one out.

I do not regret going back to work at ALL. Mandarine, most mothers WISH they could have our situation. For the most part we are stay at home. Yes, we might miss a few things because we are working (I missed Amelia''s first steps yesterday), but working from home means we can run out of our offices and NOT miss a lot of things! We bring in money so that there is less financial stress on the family and still can see our kiddies whenever we want. The only issue I see sometimes is that because we work from home, people expect us to be super moms! We work, deal with the kids, get dinner started, clean up the mess at the end of the day, and have time with our husbands. You also end up doing a lot of the maintenance stuff around the house like calling the plumber!

The best thing I love about being a working mom is that I''m working. And a mom.
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janinegirly

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Hi Mandarine, I'm sure you saw my posts on Courtney's thread, so I'll try not to be too repetitive. I'm glad you saw what your sister/friend went through, because I think it allows a sense of how it really is. And congrats on already being approved for part time--really that is a huge win, especially since you love your job/boss. That is very hard to come by and especially a boss who is understanding of a working mom's challenges! Will you take a paycut?

To answer your ques:

- How much time did you take off after the birth of your LO before returning to work?
4 months.
- Did you return part time or full time? Office or from home?
Full time office plus commute for 4 months (brutal). Now 4 days in office for trial period of 2 months. Move to 2 days at home in September if all goes well. Time in office is 8hrs (9-5), but 2 hours commuting total (to and fro). So ultimately I'll be away from baby 8-6pm 3 days a week.
- Nanny or daycare?. Any pros/cons?. We're definitely thinking of a nanny...specially since I'm home so I'm only a few steps away if the babies need me (or if they do one of the "first" I can have the nnay call me!).
My mother watches the baby while I'm at work. Will continue to 1year old. I am currently debating daycare vs. nanny, and leaning towards daycare, but either way it would be 2 days maximum with me home 2 days and either myself, DH or MIL/my mom watching the baby on that extra day (ie close family if not me).
- Do you regret going back? No. I'm thankful I did and stuck it out even during some tough moments (when I was full time in office during cold winter).
- What do you love most about being a working mom? I love that I can have balance in my life (exposure to fast paced job in the City) without sacrificing all my time with the baby. I think if I worked in the office 5 days, it'd be harder b/c I'd feel less balance. I love feeling I can get the best of both worlds. I appreciate the extra income which allows me the ability to do things I might otherwise feel guilty about (splurge on baby, family vacations, save up for college more). I love that I get a break from mommy-hood once in awhile to connect with outside world so I do not feel lost in my own bubble. And I love that I still have CHOICE. Choice to leave the working world whenever it gets too much. I feel like if I had quit impulsively, choices would have been taken away. Meaning what if I changed my mind, or what if I realized I should have waited and quit when I had fewer options,etc. I just like the fact that I have some control and independence right now and going forward--in addition to being a mommy the majority of the time.
 

Mandarine

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Thank you guys!!

TGal...you hit the nail on the head with one of the problems about working from home. I get that a lot now. people think just because I''m home, I have all these "free" time. Sure, I have flexibility...I do laundry while I''m on conference calls...but I''m still working!.

I think it''s important you brought that up because it will be specially important for me to set expectations (speacilly with DH and close family) about how things will be.

I think I can manage to take 4.5 months off (again because my boss is the best!). I wish it could be just a tad longer, but I realize this is probably the best he can do...and I don''t want to abuse and then mess up how nicely he''s been about working with me around time off and flexibility for coming back. The main reason I wish it was more, is in case the babies come earlier (since their adjusted age would make them younger than they actually are).

This is good...you make me feel good about this
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Mandarine

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Thank you Janine!!

It sounds like you definitely had a tougher road...so good for you for sticking through it!. I am sure it was not easy for you to make that decision.

That''s wonderful your mom can be home with the DD...I am sure that gives you peace of mind!

I think what you say about choice and sense of self are the main reasons why I want to stay connected. I know everyone is different, so for some people that''s not an issue. I think I''m like you, and that''s important to me.

I will actually have to take a pay cut...but I''m ok with that, I will still be making pretty decent money. Although for me it''s really not so much about the money...more about what I mentioned above. I don''t actually *need* to work (from a $ perspective)...but obviously the extra income is nice for the family!.

M~
 

MustangGal

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You have a great situation to go back to! I wish my company was that flexible!

For the questions:
I took off 8.5 weeks. I had not been with my company long enough to qualify for FMLA yet, so I was only allowed to take the required 8 weeks for short term disability from the c-section. I do wish I had been able to take the normal 3 months FLMA allows.

I returned full time to an office, back to my cube. I work 7am-4:15pm M-F. DH gets off at 3pm so he picks up the little man from the sitter and has some boy time. I''ve been back over 3 months now, and only had to take off 1 day when the baby had projective vomiting issues
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We use a sitter that does it from her home, which is down the block from us. For us, this was the best situation. She''s great with the baby, is close, and affordable. For you working from home with twins, a nanny is probably the way to go. DH''s cousin works from home also, and has a nanny watch her 2 babies. The nanny also cleans and cooks (and has been teaching her kids Spanish). And with 2 babies, the cost would probably be similar to a center. You could always switch to a center/preschool when they''re older and need playmates.

I don''t really have regrets. It wasn''t an option for me to stay home or cut hours, since I make the most money, and DH wasn''t willing to stay at home either. Even though I spend less time with my baby than a SAHM would, I make the time I do have count. My DH is very supportive and helpful, which I think makes a huge difference. He helps clean, takes the baby while I cook, and we team up on things like bathing or preping formula/food while the other occupies the baby.

What I think I get the most out of being a working mom is having my own identity other than just being a mom. I actually didn''t really care if we had kids, I never dreamed of raising babies, so completely devoting my life to it doesn''t interest me. This way DH and I each have time at work with other people, feel like we contribute to the family, and still spend all evening, all weekend, and an hour every morning being parents.

Being a SAHM is also a LOT of work!
 

janinegirly

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I did have a tougher road--but I''m in banking in NYC in a rough market. For most working moms, working from home is not an option--so getting a day or 2 is great which is why I''m grateful. When I hear about the moms who work full time from home or didn''t have to put up a battle--I''m a little envious, but I can only assume it''s totally different in different fields. Still, it''s better to ask than assume!

And glad you understand what I''m saying about choice and sense of self. I was beginning to think I was the only one!

PS I''m going to be home on vacation for 10 days (after my mini vacation to europe with DH) so I''ll get so see what it''s like on the other side! Looking forward to it, but hope DH doesn''t expect me to cook too
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Mandarine

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Mustang, tahnsk for your input! wow...I can''t imagine going back so soon!. That''s great DH is so supportive!!. I imagine that was hard for you, but it sounds like you''re happy with how things are working now so that''s positive
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Janine, most of my friends are a little jealous too so don''t feel bad. In my case it was a good fit because my boss works virtual too. My team is sort of spread out around the US (NY, Phoenix, FL, Chicago, etc)...so I''m basically on conference calls all day anyway. It doesn''t really matter where I''m at since the people I work with day-to-day are not local. If you''re interested, I work mostly managing projects for a large financial firm.

I''ve been working full time from home for the past 1.5 years...and while I love it...it''s not easy either!. You do get cabin fever and I miss the interaction with people (other than over the phone
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). Now that I''m used to it, I can''t even imagine going back to an office!. You do have to sort of draw the line though....as a matter of fact I end up working more hours!!. So it''s all about balance...and I think there are pros and cons to both.
 

Logan Sapphire

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Congrats on the twins! I'm a twin, and my sister and I are super close to each other.

We adopted, so our daughter was not a newborn when we became parents. I took off 3 months and have returned to work full-time. My husband is now in the middle of his 3 month tour of duty with her.

I work from 6.45am to 4:15pm with an hour commute on each end. I get every other Friday off, and work the other Friday in the pay period as a "short" day (8 hour day instead of the usual 9). Fortunately, the transition back to work has been made a lot easier since I'm mostly working from home these days, due to my federal agency giving out a lot of Recovery Act grants. The bad part is that I'm working a lot of extra hours, so right now my work days are 5.30am to 5.30pm, then back to work at 7.45pm to 10pm or so. Once my husband goes back to work, he will also work extra hours and take every other Fri off.

We chose daycare for Casey, mostly because nannies seemed to be pretty expensive around the DC area. We could nanny-share, but friends have run into problems with the other families "stealing" the nannies away. Casey will start daycare in Sept, when she is 16 months old. Both my husband and I will change our schedules when she starts, so that she'll be in daycare the least amt of time possible during the day. We'll alternate our Fridays off, so she'll only be in daycare 4 days a week. Sometimes I worry my husband and I will never see each other, but we've resolved to meet for lunch at least once a week, since we work somewhat close to each other. And supposedly this fall, my office is switching to 1 or 2 days of telecommuting per week, which will help with being closer to home and daycare.

I wish I had the temperament and money to stay home with her! But I have neither, and I think being honest about it helps. I think she's a social little girl and will really enjoy daycare. She's fascinated with other kids. One of our social workers told us that she thinks Casey will really enjoy daycare, being with other kids, and getting to do new things. That made me feel much better. I think staying with one of us is boring to her.

Although I'm a new working mom, the thing I like best is the feeling of having my identity not being tied to solely being a mom. Like MustangGal said, I also never dreamed of being a mom. I like that I have a career and get to do interesting things.
 

Burk

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I am a part-time teacher. I think I have it pretty good since during the school year I work part-time hours and I have summers off. I went back to work full-time (so 8-3) when T was 10 weeks old but had a friend who''s a SAHM watch her because we weren''t sure what we were going to do the following school year. I only had to teach 8 weeks then it was my summer break so I was back home with her. When I returned to work in August I went back part time (9-2) and T started daycare. This year when I go back to work in August, my hours will be 11-3 which isn''t exactly ideal, as I was hoping for a morning schedule, but will still be part-time hours which is what counts.

For me, I like the balance of working part-time. I like my job (most days...I teach middle school so I have my days
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). I also like the people I work with and feel my job is important. Add to that I still get plenty of quality time with Tayva and she absolutely LOVES her daycare. She is a social butterfly and just loves playing with all her friends at "school," as she calls it. Her daycare also transitions into a preschool which is a nice bonus.
 

curlygirl

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Mandarine, I agree that it would be silly for you to say no--sounds like a great situation for you!!
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In my case, I went back to work after 12 weeks with my first baby and 14 weeks with my 2nd (it just worked out that way because she was born at the end of September and since my company is closed between Christmas and New Year, I got to have a little extra time off!)

I returned full time to my office outside of the home. I love being able to leave the house every day. And it makes it easier to get everyone on a schedule. Nobody is hanging out all day in pjs!

My children are both in daycare. First one started at 12 weeks and 2nd one at 14 weeks, obviously! Absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE daycare. Can''t say enough good things about it. I have nothing against nannies and especially in cases like TGal''s and yours, it probably makes sense to have someone around if you''re going to be working from home. That would be the only way to get anything accomplished! For me, we live in an apartment in NYC and I just didn''t feel comfortable having someone in there all day that wasn''t me or a family member. And with 2 kids in such a small space, I think everyone would go crazy if they were at home the whole time. My company is not very keen on having anyone work from home so I didn''t even have that choice. So for us, daycare is wonderful. The girls love it and have their friends now and we also have made friends with many of the parents. They are exposed to a heck of a lot more stimulation and activity than they would if they were at home all day with me. But again, everyone''s circumstances are different and I think a nanny makes sense for you.

I have absolutely ZERO regrets about going back to work. Not a single one. None. Nope, no regrets! I think it has helped me immensely in terms of maintaining my sanity, not to mention I really appreciate the adult interaction, the challenges and social aspects of my job, and of course the money and benefits! Unlike many others, I don''t feel like I''m missing out on anything with my children. They are thriving at daycare and I still spend plenty of time with them. I''m the opposite of many mothers because I feel like these early years are much easier to leave them in someone else''s care. I''m more concerned about what will happen when they are in school--I don''t want them to come home to an empty house and I want to make sure that I am available for all their extracurricular activities as they get older. So for me, I don''t mind working my butt off now if it means that somewhere down the road I''ll be able to reap the rewards by either working part time or not at all.

I guess that answers some of the question about what I love about being a working mom!! I love being a mother but I love holding on to other aspects of myself, like being an executive at a company that I love and doing a job that I love. I have enough flexibility at work that I can run out and do errands during the day if I have to or go to the doctor or dentist or have lunch with a friend or colleague or go get a mani/pedi! I love having an identity other than mommy. I love the time by myself when I walk to and from work with my ipod on and can just tune out everything else that''s going on. I love that I can be on Pricescope and type with 2 hands while I''m in the office!

I guess it truly is all about balance and what you feel most comfortable with. In my situation, not working was never an option nor was it something I ever wanted. I can freely admit that I''m probably not cut out to be a SAHM but that doesn''t mean I''m not a great WOHM. Some of the girls on here have called me superwoman and some days I really do feel like I am. And I''m ok with it! Whatever you choose will be right for you and your family and I think you''re going to handle it all really well!
 

so cal girl

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Great thread Mandarine! I''m in a similar position as you are in that I am having my baby in September, and for financial reasons, will have to go back to work. I''m not as lucky as your are to be able to work part time, or from home, though. I''ll answer your questions with what I have planned, and hopefully everything works out.

- How much time did you take off after the birth of your LO before returning to work?
I am planning on taking off 12 weeks after the baby is born. I get 6 weeks of maternity leave (for a vag delivery, which is the plan as of now), and the state of CA gives us another 6 weeks of bonding time. None of this is fully paid (maternity is at 80%, bonding is at about 60%), but we have saved enough in advance that this shouldn''t be a major issue.

- Did you return part time or full time? Office or from home?
I will be returning full time to the office, since my position wouldn''t really work any other way. But I am lucky that, for now, I only work about 2 miles from home, so I can easily run home at lunch, or in case of emergency.

- Nanny or daycare?. Any pros/cons?.
We are using a combination of family/friends. My mom is retired, and MIL works part time, so the two of them will cover 3 days a week between the two of them. Then we have a neighbor/friend who will take the remaining two days. All of the daycares I looked into required infants to be full time, and I thought that was a waste of money since we would only be needing their services 2 days a week.

- Do you regret going back?
Can''t answer this one yet. But I can''t say that it is even a choice for us. I make more than twice what my DH makes, and we could not afford to live on his salary alone.

- What do you love most about being a working mom?
Again, I can''t answer this one yet. But I seriously can''t imagine myself not working. Even now, I take pride in the fact that I am providing for my family, and I think that feeling will only get stronger when I have children.
 

so cal girl

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Date: 7/28/2009 4:42:58 PM
Author: curlygirl

Mandarine, I agree that it would be silly for you to say no--sounds like a great situation for you!!
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In my case, I went back to work after 12 weeks with my first baby and 14 weeks with my 2nd (it just worked out that way because she was born at the end of September and since my company is closed between Christmas and New Year, I got to have a little extra time off!)

I returned full time to my office outside of the home. I love being able to leave the house every day. And it makes it easier to get everyone on a schedule. Nobody is hanging out all day in pjs!

My children are both in daycare. First one started at 12 weeks and 2nd one at 14 weeks, obviously! Absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE daycare. Can''t say enough good things about it. I have nothing against nannies and especially in cases like TGal''s and yours, it probably makes sense to have someone around if you''re going to be working from home. That would be the only way to get anything accomplished! For me, we live in an apartment in NYC and I just didn''t feel comfortable having someone in there all day that wasn''t me or a family member. And with 2 kids in such a small space, I think everyone would go crazy if they were at home the whole time. My company is not very keen on having anyone work from home so I didn''t even have that choice. So for us, daycare is wonderful. The girls love it and have their friends now and we also have made friends with many of the parents. They are exposed to a heck of a lot more stimulation and activity than they would if they were at home all day with me. But again, everyone''s circumstances are different and I think a nanny makes sense for you.

I have absolutely ZERO regrets about going back to work. Not a single one. None. Nope, no regrets! I think it has helped me immensely in terms of maintaining my sanity, not to mention I really appreciate the adult interaction, the challenges and social aspects of my job, and of course the money and benefits! Unlike many others, I don''t feel like I''m missing out on anything with my children. They are thriving at daycare and I still spend plenty of time with them. I''m the opposite of many mothers because I feel like these early years are much easier to leave them in someone else''s care. I''m more concerned about what will happen when they are in school--I don''t want them to come home to an empty house and I want to make sure that I am available for all their extracurricular activities as they get older. So for me, I don''t mind working my butt off now if it means that somewhere down the road I''ll be able to reap the rewards by either working part time or not at all.

I guess that answers some of the question about what I love about being a working mom!! I love being a mother but I love holding on to other aspects of myself, like being an executive at a company that I love and doing a job that I love. I have enough flexibility at work that I can run out and do errands during the day if I have to or go to the doctor or dentist or have lunch with a friend or colleague or go get a mani/pedi! I love having an identity other than mommy. I love the time by myself when I walk to and from work with my ipod on and can just tune out everything else that''s going on. I love that I can be on Pricescope and type with 2 hands while I''m in the office!

I guess it truly is all about balance and what you feel most comfortable with. In my situation, not working was never an option nor was it something I ever wanted. I can freely admit that I''m probably not cut out to be a SAHM but that doesn''t mean I''m not a great WOHM. Some of the girls on here have called me superwoman and some days I really do feel like I am. And I''m ok with it! Whatever you choose will be right for you and your family and I think you''re going to handle it all really well!
I really like your post curlygirl. Especially the line highlighted above.
 

janinegirly

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Sep 21, 2006
Messages
3,689
love curly''s post!! And I agree with her about feeling it''s valuable to be at home when they are older,etc. My best memories of growing up with my mom at home (who was a SAHM) was getting picked up at 3pm while some other kids had to wait or find another activity since their parents worked. I always felt a bit special that I could count on my mom. I would want that for my little girl, and I guess I''d rather work now and have that option a bit later. Plus saving $ now makes SAH option a lot more likely and easiwer to swing without changing lifestyle too much,...hopefully!
 

Mandarine

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Jan 20, 2006
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Thank you guys!! This really helps and I love everyone''s responses!


You know, it''s funny because I always used to say I wanted to stay at home. Now that I''m pregnant (and have had plenty of talks with moms that have stayed home and moms who work) I have completely changed my tune.


I think, for me, it would be too hard to go back full time...specially having 2!....so this is really an ideal situation. I wish I could do it forever, since like you guys are saying I think it becomes even more important later on.

My sister, from time to time, has arguments with her husband...mainly because she stays home. I know it''s not easy to stay home...and I just know (from knowing her) she would feel better about herself if she had a little more independence. Not sure if that makes sense. I don''t even think she knows this....I think she''s too scared to get back out there. I know this is not the case for everyone that stays at home, but I feel like sometimes she gets too involved in things that don''t really matter...and she gets easily overwhelmed when trying to juggle different things at the same time. I don''t think this is her fault or that she is even aware of this, but I think it has to do with her being at home for so long.

I know the decision to stay home vs go back is a decision the "family" makes...(so between you and DH) but I feel like at the end of the day it is a decision the woman makes because it is mainly her life that will be impacted.

My friend that decided to stay home and raise her kids ended up getting a divorce. Does she regret leaving work to stay home with her kids?...yep, she does. Now she''s really struggling to provide for them (and her ex is not very eralistic in terms of what he should provide for them...the divorce isn''t final so now he gives her what "he thinks" is fair...which is nothing!). So she struggles while he was able to flourish all those years in his career and is doing wonderful. I know this is an extreme case...but I can''t help to think about all the scenarios.

Are those the reasons for me to want to go back?. No..but I don''t want to still be "me"...the successful me that''s more than "mom". I know that being a mom will always be my number one and most precious job, no doubt about that!....but I think finding a healthy balance is important not just your you...but for your kids too.

 

qtiekiki

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 14, 2004
Messages
3,880
I think you have a great situation. I would love to have the option of working from home.

- How much time did you take off after the birth of your LO before returning to work?
I took 4 months off.

- Did you return to work part time or full time? Office or from home?
I returned full time in the office. My schedule was like Sapphire, 9 hrs day (6:30am – 4pm) M-Th and 8 hrs day (6:30am – 3pm) every other Fri, when I first went back to work (that was my schedule before maternity leave). Now b/c of mandatory furloughs, my days are shorter (7:30am – 4pm) M-F, but every other Fri is a furlough day. So I still work 9 days every 2 weeks pay period, but 1 hr less each day and get pay less.

- Nanny or daycare? Any pros/cons?
We are lucky. MIL is watching M. We plan to put M in daycare once I go back to work after maternity leave with baby #2. That’s b/c we think it might be too much for MIL to watch a toddler and a newborn. We haven’t discussed it with MIL, but we don’t want her to work too hard. I think if we ask her, she’ll want both kids to be home with her since FIL got retired now and she thinks he can help out. But we also want to put M in daycare, so she gets more interactions with kids her age and learns new things.

- Do you regret going back?
I don’t regret going back b/c I think this is the best choice for our family and career. I probably will be able to get the same job if I decided to take a few years of to be a SAHM, but I just don’t want to go through the whole process again. I also hope that I would be in a higher position (given that such a position open up) in a few years, so taking those few years could possibly set me back. I do miss her and miss some of her “first” while at work, but I am still spending a lot of time with her.

- What do you love most about being a working mom?
Taking a break from motherhood is one reason. I love being a mommy, but it can be tiring. I also feel like I still have options b/c I am a working mom. I mean I can quit any time if I wanted to be a SAHM, but I can’t necessarily get a job at any moments. Mostly it’s a sense of independence, that I am someone other than my DH’s wife and kids’ mom. My kids will be my priority, but I just don''t want them to be my whole life.

That’s the one of the other reasons that I want to keep working - the possibility of a divorce or if something happens to DH where I would have to provide for my kids. I think it would be a lot harder to go from SAHM to providing for the family.
 

steph72276

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 16, 2005
Messages
4,212
Hey, Mandarine
I went back to work as a teacher the next school year after I had mine. It was great because I only worked until 2:15 everyday (unless we had meetings, etc.) and my sister in law came to our house to watch my son. I didn't feel really guilty at all with that set up (at least after the first week or so) because I felt like I had the best of both worlds...I was home for a lot of the day with him and we had a family member watch him. Now that my husband's job has moved us so many times, it was not really viable for me to return to teaching as it wouldn't be fair to the kids to have to leave during the school year if we got moved again. So I have been home now for the past 2 years. Since I am expecting again, I am going to stay home with this baby for probably another few years, but during that time I am going to finish my Master's degree so that I can feel confident going back into the workplace.

I think you are in a great position to be able to work from home so much and to only work part time. That will give you a great work/home balance and will keep your skills current. I would go with the nanny route. Do you know any college aged people that are responsible? A lot of education majors do this while going to school. I did this while going to school for a mom that worked from a home office. It was great for her, she always came down and ate lunch with us. I think it is the perfect situation to be in!
 

DivaDiamond007

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 7, 2007
Messages
1,828
This is a great thread!

I took 6 months off when I had my son in July 2008. I had originally planned on taking 8 weeks, but I had some complications and my boss was a bit sneaky with some things so it turned into 6 months. It was great spending so much time with my little one in the early days, but stressful at the same time. I had a touch of PPD and really needed to escape sometimes.

I returned to work part-time. I work M-F 10a-4p, so 30 hours a week. This schedule is great because it gives me an extra hour with my little guy in the morning and I''m home early enough to spend some quality time with him before he''s down for the night.

For the most part my MIL and Aunt-in-law (?) watch my son. Otherwise he goes to an in-home daycare provider whom we adore. She is sooo good with the kids and my son is actually a bit attached to her! She only takes one infant at a time so I know that when he first started there he was getting the individual attention that an infant needs. Now he''s a bit over a year old and is starting to become more social with the other kids. She charges a daily rate so we are saving huge amounts of money by using her instead of center-based care.

I do not regret returning to work at all. Financially, DH and I are not in a position for one of us to stay home and still be able to save money for our first house. As a result, we live with DH''s parents and stash as much cash away as we can. In our current situation we''d be fine if one of us were laid off or lost our job, but we wouldn''t be saving anything. It was a really difficult decision to make because we''re used to being on our own, but it has worked out really well. I love my job (I''m a paralegal) and my boss has a family of his own (3 kids) so he knows how it can be sometimes.

I love being a working mom because I feel like I''m contributing to society by working and I feel like I''m more than just a mom. Even though my son is in someone else''s care while I work, I know that he sleeps nearly half of the time I''m away so that takes the sting out a bit. I also need to get out of the house and have adult interaction. It was during my 6-month maternity leave that I discovered that I am not cut out to be a SAHM!
 
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