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Witnessed child abuse and can't get it out of my mind

A

asscherisme

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 6, 2006
Messages
2,950
Tonight my teenage daughter and I witnessed child abuse when out shopping.

We were had just gotten into my car to leave the store and the parking lot was fairly empty. There was a mother and child in the same store as us in front of us was the mother and she was giving the employee a hard time. She was ignoring her child who was wandering around near the registers. The girl was about 6 or 7.

I remember thinking that the woman in front of me looked drugged out.

When my daughter and I got back in my car, we witnessed this mother get into her car and the child standing by the back passenger side trying to open the door which must have been locked. Then the car started and my daughter says "oh my gosh she is driving off without her child" I thought wow, she does not know her child is in the car. Then the car slowed, the child reaches for the door, and as she is reaching for the still locked door, the car moves a few feet. the child runs after the car, same thing happens, and its obvious the mother is taunting the child. I tell my daughter to get my cell phone and take a pic of the license plate so I can call the police in case I need to.

Then, the young girl is banging on the door crying and the car takes off and leave the girl standing there crying! Well it looked like it. And just as it gets to the edge of the parking lot, and the girl is running to catch up (running through a dark parking lot, she could have gotten hit by a car), she catches up to her mom, bangs and cries and finally the mom unlock the door to let her in and the car takes off.

This is clearly abusive behavior and as a survivor myself of childhood abuse, I told my daughter if that mother is doing that in public I can only imagine what's going on the in the home.

I was going to call and report it anonymously using the license plate number. But he pic my daughter took was too blurry to read the number on.

My daughter is very shaken up after witnessing this and she feels like its her fault I can't report it. I did my best to tell my daughter she did her best and to not blame herself. But I can't get it out of my head. And there is nothing I can do.

I was afraid if I confronted the mother I would have put myself and my daughter in danger. Again, my mother was that drunk out of control mother and I was that poor child abused so I was afraid to approach. How do I know she did not have a gun or was violent? That woman in the store looked very scary but I was unprepared for what I would see in the parking lot.

I figured the license idea was a good one but my daughter was so nervous her hand was shaking taking the pic so its blurry.

I know the terror of a parent abuse and I keep thinking of that poor little girl and I'm sure that's not the first time or worst she has seen.

What would you have done? Its kind of haunting me tonight and I can't sleep.
 
I'm sorry both you and your daughter had to witness this and deal with the stress of knowing something bad had happened and there was nothing you could do to fix the situation. I don't know if having the plate numbers would have helped so just keep in mind, you could have had ALL the info and the mother still could have gotten away. Recently, a parent ran a red light and cut off traffic to a group of us parents and she the sped past the school zone sign and literally dumped her son off w/out following any of the school rules (which are both posted at the school and sent to us via email) and I was so horrified, I called the police with her vehicle description, license plate...and her name (which I found out b/c my kids knew the kid who was dropped out of the vehicle without the mom following the basic rules), and nothing was done about it. The next day a sheriff came and watched the scene, but it really seems unless a police officer sees something happen, that these random events cannot be rectified by us calling in. There are just too many crimes these days.
 
Oh my God! Is there anything you could do? Maybe the police might be able to make out the license plate from a blurry picture even though you can't.
 
Most store parking lots have security cameras, I would check if they do and report it. It is crazy what some people do to their children.
 
if it was recent could you go back to the store and see if she paid by a card with her name on it? it sounds like they might remember which transaction was hers if she was abusing staff and appeared drunk. they might not want to give it to you but you could ask them to note it down as you will be contacting the police and telling them the store as her credit/bank details
 
I would call the police (non-emergency) and explain the situation. They may have some suggestions. You could also call a social services/child services in your area and ask if anything can be done with the information you have.
 
As a social worker, I'm a mandated reporter, so I would call CPS, and email them a copy of the picture, even though it's blurry. They might be able to discern the license plate number or the make/model of the car, along with the security camera from the store. You should report this to CPS immediately! Even with what little information you have, enough of a description could help them help that little girl. There's a good chance that she already has a case with them, so a description of the woman, child, and car may be all they need. Please please please call CPS immediately!
 
Agree with every word LM just wrote, and DO NOT blame yourself for not having done more: having had some variable caregivers in my life, I can tell you casual outside interference can do more harm than good if an angry abuser feels like they need to displace discipline (i.e., they got called out, and now they're defensive and even more pissed, so they take it out on the best available target ... the kid). On the other hand, legal, consistent, and enforced oversight? THAT can make a huge difference.

You did the right thing, inasmuch as was possible ... now let the authorities get in on the action, and maximize the evidence which you're providing.
 
lknvrb4|1371033374|3464049 said:
Most store parking lots have security cameras, I would check if they do and report it. It is crazy what some people do to their children.
Click to expand...


I would still contact CPS and tell them exactly what I saw and give them the picture. There are systems the police can use to un-blur the picture and make the License plate clear. That or they can contact the store to get the film of what happened in the parking lot. I would do this immediately as security cameras typically record over the orginal footage every few days unless stopped.

I'm so sorry you and your daughter had to witness this and how upsetting it was for you both- especially with you being a survivor! I'm sending virtuals hugs to you. As a mother I can't even imagine doing this to my daughter who I cherish more then life its self. Tell your daughter that she did the right thing. Even if the picture is blury- she at least did something....how many others would have stood bye and watched :blackeye:
 
Lil Misfit|1371037540|3464064 said:
As a social worker, I'm a mandated reporter, so I would call CPS, and email them a copy of the picture, even though it's blurry. They might be able to discern the license plate number or the make/model of the car, along with the security camera from the store. You should report this to CPS immediately! Even with what little information you have, enough of a description could help them help that little girl. There's a good chance that she already has a case with them, so a description of the woman, child, and car may be all they need. Please please please call CPS immediately!
Click to expand...

That's what I was thinking... may already be an open case. You can tell them the exact time you witnessed this in the parking lot and when you were in the store, and that there may be security footage. One thought is that the store/mall may not save security footage for more than a few days, so you may want to call and ask how long they save their footage and ask them to save it as you have reported a potential crime for that date. Edited to add: you don't need to tell them what kind of crime, you could make it seem like a bike theft or something if revealing more info. makes you uncomfortable.
 
SB621|1371041824|3464097 said:
lknvrb4|1371033374|3464049 said:
Most store parking lots have security cameras, I would check if they do and report it. It is crazy what some people do to their children.
Click to expand...


I would still contact CPS and tell them exactly what I saw and give them the picture. There are systems the police can use to un-blur the picture and make the License plate clear. That or they can contact the store to get the film of what happened in the parking lot. I would do this immediately as security cameras typically record over the orginal footage every few days unless stopped.

I'm so sorry you and your daughter had to witness this and how upsetting it was for you both- especially with you being a survivor! I'm sending virtuals hugs to you. As a mother I can't even imagine doing this to my daughter who I cherish more then life its self. Tell your daughter that she did the right thing. Even if the picture is blury- she at least did something....how many others would have stood bye and watched :blackeye:
Click to expand...

Exactly this. Hopefully the store's security cameras have a much clearer picture showing the license plate AND video of the abuse!

You did great thinking to help while protecting yourself and your daughter. Don't blame yourself (and tell your daughter not to blame herself!) that the picture was less than perfect. You both tried. So many people would have just ignored the whole thing. It is easy to look back and wonder why you didn't do something different but you can't change the past. Stressful situations are not easy to deal with. It sounds like you did VERY well because you did think to get the license plate number and you did remember to take care of yourself. Now you're doing even more by still trying to get the girl help!

Sitting at my nice quiet desk with plenty of time to think about stuff is NOT the same as being there. I just spent 15 minutes thinking and wondering what more could have been done. You didn't have that kind of time!
The only thing I can think of that you might do if you ever find yourself in such a situation again is to use your cell phone (or computer or whatever is handy) to take video of the thing. That means more chances for a license plate shot AND video to show CPS and the police.
 
Lil Misfit|1371037540|3464064 said:
As a social worker, I'm a mandated reporter, so I would call CPS, and email them a copy of the picture, even though it's blurry. They might be able to discern the license plate

GREAT advice. Thanks for all the suggestions. I can't let this go without doing something.

I did not even think of security cameras both in store and parking lot. She was right in front of me so even if the employee does not remember her (which i'm sure they will, there was also a manager involved because she was giving the employee such a hard time)

I am going to call CPS this morning with the info. I just cant get the horror on the little girls face out of my mind when she thought her mom was going to drive off and leave her there. And the taunting was beyond cruel. She would slow and let the child grab the handle, then move the car! And when she actually took off across the lot making the girl run after her and bang and the door crying, It really scared me for that little girl.

Getting offline to call now....
Click to expand...
 
What a sadistic woman! That poor kid must have been terrified. I think everyone gave you good advice. The store may have all of this persons contact information. Most stores have a loyalty program now so they have customers names, addresses and phone numbers. If that is the case they can give the info to the police.
 
I am really mad now. I just called CPS and they told me THEY CAN'T HELP WITHOUT A CLEAR LICENCE PLATE PIC! When I brought up security cameras, my receipt of the store (she was right in front of me), they guy kept cutting me off and telling me without a CLEAR license plate pic there was nothing he could do.

I brought up the possibility of technology to make the pic clear, or looking at security footage just kept cutting me off and telling me there was nothing he could do.

I kept repeating security cameras, and he just kept cutting me off and telling me no, he can't access them and there is nothing he can do!
It felt like I was talking to a bureaucrat sitting at his desk who did not give a crap about kids that its his job to protect.

I told him what happened, he agreed it was abusive but just kept repeating "im sorry maam there is nothing I can do".

Now what? This was the CPS hotline number for reporting abuse and they did not care! I'm atually shaking right now I'm so upset.

Unreal, they just did not care!

I told him that as a survivor of childhood abuse myself I KNOW ABUSE WHEN I SEE IT! And not only was this abuse but the woman was CLEARLY drunk of drugged out and was driving with her child.
 
Would you all recommend calling the non emergency police line even thought CPS blew me off?
 
asscherisme|1371051077|3464196 said:
Would you all recommend calling the non emergency police line even thought CPS blew me off?
Click to expand...

I would call them. Or if there is an office you can go into, you might try going in person.

I'd also talk to the store manager and see if they can help. He/she might be able to get a clear picture of the license plate for you or maybe even actual video of the whole event.
 
Is that typical for CPS to have an "I don't care" attitude? I'm kind of horrified they did not care! I have a call in to the store manager and if I don't hear back within a few hours I'll just call the non emergency police line for the town the store is in. I want to have more backup info before I call. I don't feel I can let this rest until do my best to help that child.
 
I am SO glad you are calling. You can be one of the many angels this girl with have in her life. With a public display such as this, believe me, many will come forward.


Just like you survived your abusive mother and are raising a beautiful daughter, there is always a possibility that this girl will survive her abusive mother and go on to lead a beautiful life. Sometimes, these awful childhoods lead to incredible people.

:(sad


I wish you healing. I know what it is to be so deeply triggered. Be gentle with yourself. Talk it out with friends. Give yourself exactly what you need, don't deny yourself anything at a time like this. Allow healing. <3
 
I had a similar incident happen and it still haunts me a bit.

I was at home watching TV one afternoon when I heard shouting from across the street. I looked outside and saw my neighbor punch his wife. She started crying and went inside their house and locked the door. He kicked in the window and followed her into the house. I called 9-1-1 and stayed on the phone until the police arrived (it seemed to take forever) and then had to give a statement while they both stood and glared at me.

It gets better with time but those memories are horrible. I'm glad you took action and are reporting to as many people as possible. For your own peace of mind I think that is the thing to do and hopefully you will eventually find a legal authority to help.
 
I used to work as a counselor in a high school and was thus closely acquainted with CPS. Most of them DO care. Unfortunately, some of them become jaded by the limitations they have due to case loads, laws, etc. I would do two things.

1. Call the police non-emergency line and tell them what you saw.
2. Call CPS again and hope to get a different operator who will have a better attitude.

The reality is that they may not be able to do anything, but at least they could be compassionate about it. I'm so sorry that you and your daughter had to witness this. I recently saw one of the mother's on our baseball team shaking her 3 year old and then locking him in the car. I actually kind of froze and couldn't figure out what the best course of action was at that moment. When you come face to face with those situations, it's hard to know what to do in a split second. Please don't be too hard on yourselves. At least you are trying to do something, which is more than many others would do. Hugs to you and your daughter.
 
They care. The reality is that what you witnessed is small potatoes compared to what they deal with every day. They have few resources and don't have budget to CSI the plate. It sucks. You might feel better focussing your care and effort on the broader issue. You know that little girl is one of millions. You can volunteer time to local help agencies, or donate money. Yes, you likely can't help that particular girl. But you can still help.

ETA: And this situation is understandably triggering your emotions about your own abuse. Finding someone to talk to about your own feelings about this and the feelings and memories it raises might help.
 
So much wisdom here! Not only do the majority of CPS staffers care, so does law enforcement. But its such a rough time, with resources spread so thin that the guy on the phone (who btw, sounds like he handled it terribly) was probably speaking his reality - that without clear info, there is nothing they can do, and there are no resources available to track it down through security cameras.

A: I am so grateful that you did not confront the woman. I was afraid that I would open this thread and read that some others were berating you for not approaching her, but I know I would've done exactly what you did in that situation for the very same reasons - who knows what that woman was jacked on and who knows how she could've reacted?

Unfortunately, I agree with Dreamer_D that this incident probably just scratches the surface of what CPS deals with on a daily basis.
 
Gosh how awful. I remember my sister used to do this to me when I was a kid (obviously as a joke though) and it was quite distressing. :nono:
 
Reading the account of what happened to that poor girl brought back waves of memories.
For most of my childhood my alcoholic father did things like this, and much worse, to me, my siblings, and mom ... DAILY!
Actually nightly, after 2 AM when the bars closed.
He was angry, mentally disturbed, and drunk and we were his punching bags.

When I was around 10 my family moved from the midwest to California and my father actually DID leave my crying 15-year old brother behind, standing in a parking lot of a bowling alley.
My brother found his way to my aunt's house.
After we got to California she called and asked if we wanted my brother back.
Unfortunately for him he did rejoin the family for 3 more years of torture.
By age 25 he ended up dead in prison, murdered.
I blame my dad :angryfire: and don't subscribe to that crap, 'Oh forgive him, he did the best he could!'.

I think back in the early 60s women and children were thought of as a man's property ... to do with as he pleases.
I don't know if any states even had a CPS back then.

I hope reporting this momzilla will spare this girl another day of abuse.
 
I have no words; that is horrible, my heart goes out to the little girl. ;( I am so sorry A!

Kenny, that is awful; I am sorry.
 
Ditto, what Skippy said. My heart breaks for this little girl. Thank you, Asscherisme, for being willing to get involved. If everyone took the time to get involved maybe we would have less abuse.

Kenny, there are no words, but I am so sorry this happened to you and your brother.
 
Thanks.
It's very therapeutic to tell my story.
Silence kills.

It does not make any sense, but it cost me zillions of dollars in therapy to find out that what my dad did was not all my fault.

My heart bleeds for that little girl.
When I hear about kids going through what I went through I'm on the edge of tears.

Kids are not short adults; they don't have an adult's perspective.
She doesn't know that what is happening to her is not her fault and the woman she loves as her mommy is actually a monster who should not have had kids.

If there were a god, I'd pray for this girl.
But if there were a god, this woman would not have had a child.
 
I am a CPS social worker and I can tell you that:

A. It is not that we don't care. In fact, the frustration and horror you feel is what we experience every day on the job. CPS workers are often labeled as over zealous baby snatchers or as lazy, negligent and uncaring. Are there some workers like that? Of course there are, but most are trying to do their job within the parameters we are bound to.

B. We are not the police and do not have the ability to request things like store surveillance without a subpoena or cooperation from law enforcement. Our ability to intervene and investigate is limited by very specific legal statutes.

C. Unscrambling a blurry photo takes technology and resources that CPS does not possess.

I applaud your efforts to protect that little girl. You did everything you could, that is all you can you do.
 
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