Will Everything Change?

[CNYHopeful]

Hey all,

First, I love my SO with all my heart and I''ve never once doubted our future together. With every fiber of my being I wish to marry him!

Bless him for putting up with me and all of the "I want to marry you" comments ...like a gazillion times

Patience has been a terribly difficult lesson to learn over the past year or so...and I must admit that I have tremendous admiration for those LIW''s who have practiced it much more gracefully and longer.

While all of the hints and clues are there that SO is working on a proposal, I have no clue if it will be very soon or several months from now (guy soon). And he''s doing a REALLY great job of keeping me on my toes. Any hint of "it''s going to happen sooner than you think" is followed by a "or it could still be another several months away". UGH!

Despite anticipating what marriage prep, wedding planning, and engagement will be like, I''m starting to feel as though I really have no clue. Any of you feel that way before? I guess I''m starting to sense my nerves for the first time... Not about our relationship or our future, rather about the actualization of a new chapter in life. When I was graduating from high school and college, I knew the exact date it was going to happen. Now, a new chapter in life might happen (any day now...or ...not for several weeks/months/etc.), and although I''m anticipating it sometime, it will be different when it actually happens. After almost forcing myself to relax and be patient, will I really be able to fathom/understand/process the significance, importance, and sheer joy of the question proposed and the answer given? My only hope and prayer is that if he''s feeling nervous, that he knows he''s not alone and we''ll go through the emotional rollercoaster together

So I guess my question is, any of you ladies feel extra nervous knowing it''s coming, but not knowing when?

 

[that_someone_special]

Nervous- yes.
But then I remind myself he''ll be my husband MUCH longer than my BF so I cherish it -- or try until my LIW problem rears it''s ugly head!

 

[trillionaire]

I was pretty nervous when I first discovered that he was shopping for rings. Like, basically mortified. Not that it was unexpected, but I was just caught completely off guard. This made me very on edge for a long time. Once I figured out that he HAD the ring, I became really calm. I''m not anxious, or expecting it any time soon. Now that I know that he HAS the ring, it seems far less important than it used to... I think in my mind I was comforted by his certainly, his sacrifice and commitment. That, to me, is very symbolic. Ironically, before the ring was in the picture, I was very much a proponent of "no ring, no engagement." Now, I know that I could get married tomorrow, with or without a ring.

I don''t know if that answers your question. I got nervous but they I got over it. I am not anxious about ''when'', since it will happen sometime. I''m pretty content, I guess, though my preference would be before June 25, when his brother is expecting his first child. I want to be an aunt

 

[4ever]

I guess I feel kind of the same. My SO has let slip he''s planning to pop the question between May and Christmas this year. As I am a total control freak and like to know when and how and what is happening, I''m finding it abit nerve racking, even though it''s a way off yet.

Now faced with the reality of it all rather then the fantasy, I have realised I have no clue how to plan a wedding or what I would want for any of it. I don''t even know what people expect and how weddings are suposted to go having only been to two weddings, both of wich was the brides second wedding and they both were well over 40.

So yes, I totally relate to feeling nervous about the when it will happen......also about how he''s going to do it and how on earth, having almost zero wedding knowlege bar what I''ve seen on TV and in movies, I''m going to plan such a massive event!

 

[stephbolt]

Count me in among those who definitely feels some extra nerves about knowing it''s coming, but not knowing the timeline. My FF always responds the same when whenever I ask him in any way when it will be: "Oh, it''s hard to say." So frustrating.

I''m really trying to let go and just enjoy these last few? months as boyfriend and girlfriend before moving onto the wedding planning thing, but seeing a few friends who are engaged struggle with all the details of planning sets me off again wanting to figure everything out! I think it''s my control freak side taking charge.

 

[Winks_Elf]

I was, until I stopped and thought about all that is going to transpire in our lives this year. My lease is up in June, we''re talking about getting married in October, so it''s just a matter of time til he proposes. I''ve already told him that if he proposes too late in the season and we can''t get a venue, then he''s SOL and will have to wait to get married. The problem with that is I do not want to move in together until the wedding is just a few months off. I''m not going to live with him without being his wife because of my children.

I realized that the proposal is the one thing he has complete control over. After he proposes, his sister and I will be planning everything but the music, and I pretty much will be in control of the house hunting because I''m concerned about the schools and I refuse to have us spend more than a certain amount per month for rent or a mortgage. Let him do it at his own pace, and the way he wants to. I''m not worried about it anymore.

 

[Bia]

I completely understand. My FI and I discussed getting married (well engaged) around this time last year. After those few conversations, he stopped talking engagements completely...he wouldn't give me anyyyyyything. Then around early summer he said I could show him rings that I liked. I was thrilled...but that only lasted a day because afterwards he dropped the subject like we'd never even spoken of it. I was nervous, at times thinking maybe he was having doubts about proposing. But as it turned out, he was being sneaky and wanted to keep me out of the loop so I'd be surprised, which I was...and it was perfect. Now I am engaged to the love of my life and its an amazing feeling.

I guess to answer your question, I was nervous that he was nervous or having doubts (meaning that maybe he wasn't exactly ready). But when it happened it was so sweet and unexpected that there was only feelings of sheer joy and love (and laughter). *Don't worry about it. You know him better than anyone, so trust that he's knows you just as well. When the times comes, it will be exactly as you'd hoped--I think that's the greatest lesson I learned during my entire LIW journey

 

[sammyj]

Date: 1/13/2009 12:08:24 AM
Author:CNYHopeful
Hey all,

First, I love my SO with all my heart and I''ve never once doubted our future together. With every fiber of my being I wish to marry him!

Bless him for putting up with me and all of the ''I want to marry you'' comments ...like a gazillion times

Patience has been a terribly difficult lesson to learn over the past year or so...and I must admit that I have tremendous admiration for those LIW''s who have practiced it much more gracefully and longer.

While all of the hints and clues are there that SO is working on a proposal, I have no clue if it will be very soon or several months from now (guy soon). And he''s doing a REALLY great job of keeping me on my toes. Any hint of ''it''s going to happen sooner than you think'' is followed by a ''or it could still be another several months away''. UGH!

Despite anticipating what marriage prep, wedding planning, and engagement will be like, I''m starting to feel as though I really have no clue. Any of you feel that way before? I guess I''m starting to sense my nerves for the first time... Not about our relationship or our future, rather about the actualization of a new chapter in life. When I was graduating from high school and college, I knew the exact date it was going to happen. Now, a new chapter in life might happen (any day now...or ...not for several weeks/months/etc.), and although I''m anticipating it sometime, it will be different when it actually happens. After almost forcing myself to relax and be patient, will I really be able to fathom/understand/process the significance, importance, and sheer joy of the question proposed and the answer given? My only hope and prayer is that if he''s feeling nervous, that he knows he''s not alone and we''ll go through the emotional rollercoaster together

So I guess my question is, any of you ladies feel extra nervous knowing it''s coming, but not knowing when?

First, with the highlighted part above, I completely agree and I feel the exact same way!!! You worded it perfectly.

Second, my BF has given me the timeline of ''anytime between now and my birthday (May 21st).'' I wouldn''t say that I''m nervous about the upcoming proposal, but I''m definitely anxious. And not crazy, pestering, jittery anxious, but excited, butterflies-in-my-stomach anxious.

We discussed the other day whether or not we''re nervous about taking the next step and we both said no. We''ve lived together for 2 years and ''we''re practically married.'' (his words) We are both VERY nervous however, about having to plan a wedding and a reception...we''re determined to throw the best celebration party ever!!

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[Dreamgirl]

I'm incredibly nervous. Same type of situation (sort of.) We've had discussions and I don't think it's going to happen for a long while but you never really know. While I want for it to happen so badly, I also am nervous because as you said...it starts a whole new chapter in my life. I'm not HUGE on change. It's something that I always have a problem with. It's crazy though because I want for it to happen.......I'm trying to 'prepare' myself if you will- for the change. I'm enjoying every moment of our time together now and trying not to obsess so much over the future.

I'm not worried about planning the wedding or being married to him. I'm more just nervous about the change....

 

[tarepanda]

Date: 1/13/2009 12:08:24 AM
Author:CNYHopeful

While all of the hints and clues are there that SO is working on a proposal, I have no clue if it will be very soon or several months from now (guy soon). And he''s doing a REALLY great job of keeping me on my toes. Any hint of ''it''s going to happen sooner than you think'' is followed by a ''or it could still be another several months away''. UGH!

CNYHopeful, this totally made me smile when I read this as I feel like I''m in the exact same boat! SO is really great about completely hiding when he is thinking of proposing and he definitely keeps me on my toes about it. I have my fingers crossed that it will happen sooner rather than later, but every time I think about it I do get really nervous as well, although it''s more like an excited nervousness. On another note, every time I mention a friend''s proposal or some proposal that I''ve heard about to him, he makes some comment like his plans are going to blow them all out of the water. We''ll see, I guess! That makes me nervous as well.

I am also a control freak, so I completely understand what everyone else is saying when they post about the anxiety surrounding not knowing exactly "when"

 

[CNYHopeful]

Thank you all for sharing, ladies!

It''s so good to know I''m not the only feeling similarly.

Sweedish Bean: So true! A coworker mentioned how hard it is for her to enjoy a girly movie when her husband is home because they have one main tv and he is Sci Fi guy, so it''s hard for them to watch a movie together. It''s just one of those things I sorta take for granted now and can really enjoy watching my chick flicks anytime I want right now

Trill: I think you hit the nail on the head. Ever since SO told me that he went ring shopping with his sister after Christmas, it''s been like a snowball affect. Yesterday it got to the point I could hardly contain my excitement. Don''t know if he has the ring yet, but the anticipation has me all sorts of

!

4ever: You put it so well. Facing the reality of it versus the fantasy really changes the sentiment of the whole moment. It''s so emotional and tangible even while waiting, just knowing that it''s coming. As for planning, that''s going to be an interesting process. Thank goodness there''s the BWW forum! There will be so many great discussions and things to learn then!

stephbolt- truly these LIW days are special. Great perspective to try and enjoy this period as best you can before the craziness of planning. Keep us posted!

Winks_Elf - It''s so great to hear your perspective! The proposal truly is the man''s turn to shine, so he''s prolly experiencing so much more anxiety over it than I am. Knowing the ball''s in his court does help relieve some of the nerves. On a side note, I noticed in another thread you''re looking for smaller venues in NJ. I grew up in the Morris/Union county area and am familiar with several places in South Jersey (where a couple of my brothers live). Which counties are you looking in?

Bia - Thank you so much for sharing! How beautiful. It''s so refreshing to hear your story and to know that when it happens, it''ll just be so special no matter how/when the moment arrives. How is wedding planning??

SammyJ - Thank you! Great distinction between "crazy anxious" and excited anxious. It''s definitely an excited, butterflies-in-my-stomach anxious

Dreamgirl- You''re right. It''s totally about the change! I have sooo much admiration for you and your SO. Your story kind of reminds me of my brother and his wife. They were sophomores in high school when they met, and stuck together through college, jobsearches, gradschool, etc. It was a good 10+ years of dating when he proposed and he totally surprised her. She thought it would be another long while until they started working and had college loans to pay back, she didn''t think they''d be able to afford a wedding/e-ring but he somehow managed. I''m sure they''d be just as happy if he wasn''t able to do it that early. Now they''re 10 years married/20+ years together- and just as in love as they were back then.

Tarepanda - How sweet! I''m sure he''s going to put so much love and energy into the proposal. So excited for you! Keep us posted