Why does MOST EVERYONE know their man has a ring? Also Timeline discussion

[MermaidKelly]

Ok... I don''t want this post to seem mean, but I''ve been noticing that so many LIWs KNOW they are getting a ring SOON!

I wish I was one of the lucky ones. Unfortunately, the only thing I know is a basic timeline (aprox. within 2 years).. and now even that is screwy. BF told me not to ''expect anything'' till my next birthday, and the punchline is, my birthday JUST passed in January! It''s almost like he shortened our timeline by a year!
The other night I asked him about it and told him it hurt me, and he said "It might not be true...I don''t know why I even said that"

Do you guys think he just said that to shut me up? Or do you think he may actually want to propose by the end of the year?

 

[luckynumber]

MK, you''re gonna drive yourself crazy with all this worrying!

it''s a lot of pressure on your BF too.

just try and relax, he may be trying to mislead you so it will be a surprise, but he may also just not be ready yet.

my BF doesn''t have a ring, but i must admit it is because we are still looking for a stone

but i have no idea when the proposal is coming either, we just have to stop obsessing about it and find other distractions!!

easier said than done, but it''''s the only way!

chin up girl, it will come in its own sweet time

 

[princesss]

I think you need to calm down. Take a break. Relax. Focus on something else for a while.

He didn''t "shorten" your timeline - he''s well within it. You''re stressing yourself out for no reason. Relax and trust him.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Ditto what everyone else said. You are focusing a lot on getting engaged. Just enjoy being with him now. If you already know that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together, then don''t rush him! You have forever to be married to him. I think this part of the relationship is fun, exciting, and suspenseful!

 

[RaiKai]

Ditto the others.

Relax. Life is not meant to be lived by timelines and you cannot force the pace without some nasty side effects! Just enjoy the ride in the meantime.

Many know their partner has a ring as they have talked about it together a lot, shopped together and are both ready for that step. Your partner does not sound ready yet and that is fine - it is still very early in your relationship don''t pressure him into something he is not ready for (see note about forcing things above!). Enjoy learning about one another rather than seeing your relationship as a series of boxes to be ticked (ie first date, first kiss, engaged, married...).

 

[jewelz617]

There is so much more to life than getting engaged. Try enjoying it for awhile and take a break. You''re only going to drive you and him crazy!

 

[trillionaire]

I knew that my FI got a ring because we had been talking bling (not totally unusual), which was then followed by a series of strange actions. Very minor details, but the types of things that a GF of 5 years picks up on... so yeah, he didn''t tell me, but I knew.

And he kept that baby for a year! A YEAR!

 

[HopeDream]

Hey Mermaid, I have a long wait too - we can be waiting buddies!

Money can be a huge barrier - rings are e.x.p.e.n.s.i.v.e. and can take a long time to save up for - at least a year.

I bet your boyfriend would order a ring tomorrow if he had the cash.

Don''t worry it will happen when the time is right.

 

[iota15]

I have a question - What is it about getting engaged or married that you want? I understand you haven't taken that next physical step in the relationship and if that's what it comes down to, I totally understand. You're human afterall.

I don't know you or your relationship with your bf. I'm just another girl who's taken a quick scan at your posting topics.

This is a journey and yes, there are certain steps most of us follow. Aside from the sparkly, your relationship with him is as strong (or weak) as it was the day Before your engagement, as it is the day After. An engagement does not necessarily make him more committed - some bf's do it to buy themselves time or to shut their gf up. Let this progress naturally.

If your boyfriend is truly committed, you will know. If he is not fully ready yet, you will also know... and no amount of timelines and engagement talks and subtle hints will change that. He will be ready on his own time. When that happens, the engagement will happen quick (providing he has sufficient funds for the ring). Any timelines he gives you prior to being ready are meaningless.

I knew a proposal or potential engagement was coming before I started Ps'ing. The LIW's you describe KNOW, because they just know in their heart their Bf's are ready - whether it's spoken or unspoken.

Find your ground with your boyfriend first. Establish that security and give him time. He either decides to commit to you or he doesn't. No amount of subtle pushing, or timelines will produce a good result if he is not ready (See Catlady's example: https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/a-word-of-warning.137985/). So relax, enjoy your relationship and let him see what he'd be missing - with a clear head and no looming deadline to worry about.

 

[RaiKai]

Lota15 said in much more detail what I was thinking and than I had the patience to type on my Blackberry previously...so ditto her post!

 

[Indylady]

Many of those LIW also joined the list when they knew their ring was purchased and engagement impending!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

MK, I feel like periodically you post the same threads about being frustrated and hurt because your bf hasn''t proposed to you yet. And each time, LIWs and other ladies who''ve been through it have responded sensitively with logical advice. Advice that you REFUSE to take. Have you considered that there might be other reasons why he hasn''t proposed? Such as your obsession with being engaged? You could be freaking him out! No one wants to feel like the girl they''ve grown to love is going to turn into a bunny-boiling crazy woman. And they CERTAINLY don''t want to marry someone like that. You''re ultimately shooting yourself in the foot when you b*tch and moan about not getting a ring. Not only are you upsetting yourself, but as stated previously, you''re pushing him away. He''s not ready. You are. You need to assess the situation realistically and decide if this is right for you. It''s unfair to make you wait, but for whatever reason, he''s really just not ready for a commitment like marriage.

 

[MayFlowers]

Date: 3/24/2010 8:25:37 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
MK, I feel like periodically you post the same threads about being frustrated and hurt because your bf hasn''t proposed to you yet. And each time, LIWs and other ladies who''ve been through it have responded sensitively with logical advice. Advice that you REFUSE to take. Have you considered that there might be other reasons why he hasn''t proposed? Such as your obsession with being engaged? You could be freaking him out! No one wants to feel like the girl they''ve grown to love is going to turn into a bunny-boiling crazy woman. And they CERTAINLY don''t want to marry someone like that. You''re ultimately shooting yourself in the foot when you b*tch and moan about not getting a ring. Not only are you upsetting yourself, but as stated previously, you''re pushing him away. He''s not ready. You are. You need to assess the situation realistically and decide if this is right for you. It''s unfair to make you wait, but for whatever reason, he''s really just not ready for a commitment like marriage.

Big ditto!

 

[LadyJane83]

Hi MK,

I''m sorry that you are feeling down. If it is any consoloation, I get the sense that the majority of posters here are older than you and your bf and/or have been in their relationships longer. I did a quick scan of your posts, and I gathered that your bf is 21 or 22 and you have been together just shy of two years. If that is correct, then I think you just need to give it some time. I think it is probably premature to really harp on specific "timelines" too. You don''t want to freak him out. You guys are young and should just let your relationship take its natural course.

Most guys that age are not thinking about marriage.... IMO there can be a huge psychological leap from the early 20s to the mid or late 20s. Like other posters said, I''d suggest just taking it easy and enjoy dating and having fun together. Get to know each other and yourselves. You might want to do some soul-searching and ask yourself why you are so eager to get married right away. I''m not saying it is a bad thing or that wanting to get married implies anything about you or your relationship... but I think it would be good for you to figure this out.

Just try to stay positive and remember that it will all work out.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

LadyJane, your screen name makes me think of my all time favorite series of books-Outlander by Dianna Gabaldon. One of the characters calls the main character "Lady Jane" even though her name is Claire.

 

[dinamit]

Hi Mermaid Kelly,

I am one of the LIW's that knows her proposal is nearing as there is a ring, however if it's any consolation we've been together 7 years and even have a child together, so I've been waiting a long time.

LIW is a great place for support, to make friends and hangout, but the flipside is that it can make a girl even more jittery seeing all those lovely sparklies and hearing all about great, romantic proposals.

I think some OPs have been a little harsh on you, but I share the general feeling that you need to try and relax a little. I am also inclined to think that your feelings about marriage and wanting to be engaged might be amplified by the fact that you are also waiting to take the relationship to the next lever physically - so you are needing to be patient all round, and that's not easy. Is there a compromise on the situation? Only you and your boyfriend can decide that after a little discussion.

Hang in there,

dinamit

 

[lilyfoot]

iota15 and HudsonHawk said it best.

MermaidKelly, as HH said, I feel like we see these types of posts from you quite often. Yes, the LIW boards are a great place to vent, share your anxious feelings, etc., but from reading your posts, you seem to just be plain desperate (sorry, there''s no better word) for your boyfriend to propose. I''m not trying to be rude, but you don''t seem to be concerned with the fact that it seems he''s just not ready.

Him not being ready (most likely) has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you, and whether or not he would like to marry you someday. Everybody takes different paths in life, everybody feels ready for this commitment at different stages in their lives.

This obsession with getting engaged could very easily end up hurting your relationship. I think what you need to ask yourself is what''s more important to you, the engagement or the man? If it''s the engagement, then break it off with your BF, and look for a partner who wants the same things you do. If it''s the man, then you need to do some serious chilling-out on the engagement talk.

A man WILL propose when he''s ready. He just may not be ready when you want him to be

 

[luckynumber]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:19:13 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
LadyJane, your screen name makes me think of my all time favorite series of books-Outlander by Dianna Gabaldon. One of the characters calls the main character ''Lady Jane'' even though her name is Claire.

eeeek!

i love those books, have been reading them since i was a teenager!!

i have wanted jamie for the longest time....sigh....

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:23:08 AM
Author: dinamit
Hi Mermaid Kelly,


I am one of the LIW''s that knows her proposal is nearing as there is a ring, however if it''s any consolation, we''ve been together 7 years and even have a child so I''ve been waiting a long time.


LIW is a great place for support, to make friends and hangout, but the flipside is that it can make a girl even more jittery seeing all those lovely sparklies and hearing all about great, romantic proposals.


I think some OPs have been a little harsh with you, but I share the general feeling that you need to try and relax a little. I am also inclined to think that your feelings about marriage and wanting to be engaged might be amplified by the fact that you are also waiting to take the relationship to the next lever physically - so you are needing to be patiend all round, and that''s not easy. Is there a compromise on the situation? Only you and your boyfriend can decide that after a little discussion.


Hang in there,


dinamit

That''s a great point, dinamit. MK, you said in another thread that you are planning to save intimacy for marriage, right?

That sounds difficult. But if your boyfriend still wants to wait, you kind of have to as well. Unless you want to propose to him instead!

 

[LadyJane83]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:19:13 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
LadyJane, your screen name makes me think of my all time favorite series of books-Outlander by Dianna Gabaldon. One of the characters calls the main character ''Lady Jane'' even though her name is Claire.

hmmm, I''ve never read those books. It''s funny b/c I really have no idea why I chose this screen name, it sorta just came to me out of nowehere... but now every time I sign on here I get that Rolling Stones song stuck in my head.

 

[luckynumber]

MK,

you are getting a bit scary now with your LIWitis

calm down.

you are very young.

if i was a bloke, i would NOT want to get married at 22, and def not to some crazy obsessed chick.

you really need to find something else to focus on and FAST.

you may be jeapordising your relationship here.

sorry hun, i''m just giving you the tough love schtick here.

 

[princesss]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:24:47 AM
Author: luckynumber

Date: 3/24/2010 9:19:13 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
LadyJane, your screen name makes me think of my all time favorite series of books-Outlander by Dianna Gabaldon. One of the characters calls the main character ''Lady Jane'' even though her name is Claire.

eeeek!

i love those books, have been reading them since i was a teenager!!

i have wanted jamie for the longest time....sigh....

Heck no! Roger all the way!!!!

 

[luckynumber]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:36:48 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 3/24/2010 9:24:47 AM
Author: luckynumber

Date: 3/24/2010 9:19:13 AM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
LadyJane, your screen name makes me think of my all time favorite series of books-Outlander by Dianna Gabaldon. One of the characters calls the main character ''Lady Jane'' even though her name is Claire.

eeeek!

i love those books, have been reading them since i was a teenager!!

i have wanted jamie for the longest time....sigh....

Heck no! Roger all the way!!!!

roger???

no way jose!!!

jamie is ALL MAN.

yum yum

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:38:50 AM
Author: luckynumber

Date: 3/24/2010 9:36:48 AM

Author: princesss

Date: 3/24/2010 9:24:47 AM

Author: luckynumber

Date: 3/24/2010 9:19:13 AM

Author: Hudson_Hawk

LadyJane, your screen name makes me think of my all time favorite series of books-Outlander by Dianna Gabaldon. One of the characters calls the main character ''Lady Jane'' even though her name is Claire.

eeeek!


i love those books, have been reading them since i was a teenager!!


i have wanted jamie for the longest time....sigh....

Heck no! Roger all the way!!!!

roger???


no way jose!!!


jamie is ALL MAN.


yum yum

I''ll take either, they''re both hot, burly Scottsmen!

 

[babycush]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:28:19 AM
Author: luckynumber
MK,


you are getting a bit scary now with your LIWitis


calm down.


you are very young.


if i was a bloke, i would NOT want to get married at 22, and def not to some crazy obsessed chick.


you really need to find something else to focus on and FAST.


you may be jeapordising your relationship here.


sorry hun, i''m just giving you the tough love schtick here.

I 100% agree (unfortunately). It sounds like it''s time for you to re-assess what you want from your current relationship and a partner in general.

 

[purselover]

Honestly I do think he''s using the timeline of sometime in 2 years to shut you up. What is this timeline based on? What''s going to happen between now and then that will make him want to get married? It sounds like he made an arbitrary guess about when a good time to get married is.

I know you must hate hearing this but you''re so young, what''s the rush? If you guys are serious about marriage then forever has already started for you too and a piece of paper won''t really change that. Honestly signing a license didn''t make DH and I any more committed to the idea of forever - we had already done that years ago!

Maybe it''s not the marriage you want so much as it is intimacy with your bf and living together, if that''s the case then just discuss that openly with him. You shouldn''t get married just to have those two things. (I''m not saying you are - just hypothesizing over here about what the rush is)

btw - I knew DH had the ring because he used my mom''s and he''s just not that smooth and told me he asked for it!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 3/24/2010 9:24:15 AM
Author: lilyfoot
iota15 and HudsonHawk said it best.


MermaidKelly, as HH said, I feel like we see these types of posts from you quite often. Yes, the LIW boards are a great place to vent, share your anxious feelings, etc., but from reading your posts, you seem to just be plain desperate (sorry, there''s no better word) for your boyfriend to propose. I''m not trying to be rude, but you don''t seem to be concerned with the fact that it seems he''s just not ready.


Him not being ready (most likely) has nothing to do with whether or not he loves you, and whether or not he would like to marry you someday. Everybody takes different paths in life, everybody feels ready for this commitment at different stages in their lives.


This obsession with getting engaged could very easily end up hurting your relationship. I think what you need to ask yourself is what''s more important to you, the engagement or the man? If it''s the engagement, then break it off with your BF, and look for a partner who wants the same things you do. If it''s the man, then you need to do some serious chilling-out on the engagement talk.


A man WILL propose when he''s ready. He just may not be ready when you want him to be

Ditto. Including the dittoing of iota and HH. And ESPECIALLY the bolded parts.

 

[Parsley]

Hey MK,

I wonder if being on this board is doing more harm than good for you at the moment? I understand that, I made myself leave it alone, took myself off the list and forgot about wanting to be engaged. I have god knows how many years ahead of me waiting, and many obstacles in those years. I learnt I just had to give it up for the time being, and I think you may need to too.

I know how hard that can be to imagine also, I joined this board because I felt so relieved that there were other people like me, and thought "Wow, people that can help!" Suddenly losing that support cause it''s hurting you isn''t a nice thing to have to go through, but sometimes it''s just the thing that has to be done.

Does it work?! By god does it work. I can now enjoy having a mooch around on the boards without feeling the jealousy rise up inside. I can be genuinely through-and-through happy for people when I read their stories and see their rings and dresses and whatnot. Sure, I still want it, and am SO looking forward to when it happens for me, but taking that break to re-evaluate what was important in the here and now made it something I can just think of lightly. It doesn''t hurt anymore to see the happiness. I can be proud to say I have a BOYFRIEND, and I am a GIRLFRIEND, and we are young and happy and we are going to enjoy that. I firmly believe we have the rest of our lives together, why rush into the next stage? We have forever! Enjoy having the time when you don''t have to discuss with someone before you may a decision, enjoy thinking "I want that dress...I can afford that dress...I''m going to buy that dress" not "I want that dress...can we afford that dress? What if he needs xyz fixed next week?" You know?

I hope you can take what I''m trying to say from this, I''m not trying to be mean or harsh at all, I just see a lot of me in you and I know what has worked for me, and I am SO much happier for doing what I did.

P
xxx

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 3/24/2010 10:12:07 AM
Author: Parsley
Hey MK,

I wonder if being on this board is doing more harm than good for you at the moment? I understand that, I made myself leave it alone, took myself off the list and forgot about wanting to be engaged. I have god knows how many years ahead of me waiting, and many obstacles in those years. I learnt I just had to give it up for the time being, and I think you may need to too.

I know how hard that can be to imagine also, I joined this board because I felt so relieved that there were other people like me, and thought ''Wow, people that can help!'' Suddenly losing that support cause it''s hurting you isn''t a nice thing to have to go through, but sometimes it''s just the thing that has to be done.

Does it work?! By god does it work. I can now enjoy having a mooch around on the boards without feeling the jealousy rise up inside. I can be genuinely through-and-through happy for people when I read their stories and see their rings and dresses and whatnot. Sure, I still want it, and am SO looking forward to when it happens for me, but taking that break to re-evaluate what was important in the here and now made it something I can just think of lightly. It doesn''t hurt anymore to see the happiness. I can be proud to say I have a BOYFRIEND, and I am a GIRLFRIEND, and we are young and happy and we are going to enjoy that. I firmly believe we have the rest of our lives together, why rush into the next stage? We have forever! Enjoy having the time when you don''t have to discuss with someone before you may a decision, enjoy thinking ''I want that dress...I can afford that dress...I''m going to buy that dress'' not ''I want that dress...can we afford that dress? What if he needs xyz fixed next week?'' You know?

I hope you can take what I''m trying to say from this, I''m not trying to be mean or harsh at all, I just see a lot of me in you and I know what has worked for me, and I am SO much happier for doing what I did.

P
xxx

This entire post is such good, solid advice, especially the highlighted part. MK, from reading your posts, I''ve always thought you have a good heart, but I also think you don''t see what you''re doing to your BF and your relationship. Hopefully Parsley''s post helps you out!

 

[princesss]

Date: 3/24/2010 10:12:07 AM
Author: Parsley
Hey MK,

I wonder if being on this board is doing more harm than good for you at the moment? I understand that, I made myself leave it alone, took myself off the list and forgot about wanting to be engaged. I have god knows how many years ahead of me waiting, and many obstacles in those years. I learnt I just had to give it up for the time being, and I think you may need to too.

I know how hard that can be to imagine also, I joined this board because I felt so relieved that there were other people like me, and thought ''Wow, people that can help!'' Suddenly losing that support cause it''s hurting you isn''t a nice thing to have to go through, but sometimes it''s just the thing that has to be done.

Does it work?! By god does it work. I can now enjoy having a mooch around on the boards without feeling the jealousy rise up inside. I can be genuinely through-and-through happy for people when I read their stories and see their rings and dresses and whatnot. Sure, I still want it, and am SO looking forward to when it happens for me, but taking that break to re-evaluate what was important in the here and now made it something I can just think of lightly. It doesn''t hurt anymore to see the happiness. I can be proud to say I have a BOYFRIEND, and I am a GIRLFRIEND, and we are young and happy and we are going to enjoy that. I firmly believe we have the rest of our lives together, why rush into the next stage? We have forever! Enjoy having the time when you don''t have to discuss with someone before you may a decision, enjoy thinking ''I want that dress...I can afford that dress...I''m going to buy that dress'' not ''I want that dress...can we afford that dress? What if he needs xyz fixed next week?'' You know?

I hope you can take what I''m trying to say from this, I''m not trying to be mean or harsh at all, I just see a lot of me in you and I know what has worked for me, and I am SO much happier for doing what I did.

P
xxx

Fantastic post!