Who''s paying for the wedding....

[tulipcloud]

Just out of curiousity, who will be paying for your big day?

Do the bride''s parents still pay for the wedding or have times changed and couples are paying for it themselves? Or will it be a combination of the above?

And does this make any difference of how big and how you get to plan everything?

 

[tulipcloud]

As for our big day...and it will be a HUGE day, my fiancee and I will be doing everything ourselves. We will be having a traditional vietnamese wedding...where it starts at in the morning with a huge caravan from the groom''s family coming to my family with traditional gifts, the church wedding, then a huge 500+ person reception at a chinese/vietnamese restraurant in the evening.

We would have wanted something smaller...but my parents are inviting everyone they have ever known so just have to accept it and plan for something huge.

 

[reena]

we''re paying for the whole shebang. i know my parents would love to help (and i''m sure they''ll contribute what they can) but they don''t have very much spare $$$. i don''t mind, because i know they''d help out with all the money in the world if they had it, and anyway this gives me total control. and i love control!

i think my FI''s parents will probably take care of the rehearsal dinner though, so that''s a big help.

 

[Alice in DiamondLand]

Todd and I are paying for ours too. A while back i was unemployed and my mom paid my mortage for me for about a year. The family joke was that i had a wedding that lasted for months and months. She''s giving us a bit of cash, but the vast majority is coming from Todd and some from me.

 

[abradabra]

I''m an only child and my dad wants to take (vaguely) early retirement, so they started planning for my wedding a long time ago. They are giving us a lump sum and anything we don''t spend is our nest egg/down payment. If we go over, the onus is on us. It''s been really nice because it give the fiance and I total control over how we want to plan, but we aren''t racking up credit card debt.

That being said, I think we''re having a modest wedding. There''s going to be about 100 guests and by having it in NH vs. DC, everything is SO much cheaper. The only real splurge was my dress, but that was a separate budget anyway...

 

[MelissaSue]

My parents and my fiancee''s parents are paying for our wedding. My fiancee''s parents would not let us pay for it ourselves, his mom wants us to be able to go all out. My parents are helping too.. I don''t think we''ll have to pay much ourselves.. which is good since we are pooooor.

 

[AGBF]

OK, OK, so I don''t belong in this thread. But here I am as a representative of generations of which you are not a part .

My parents paid for my wedding-and, although it was very modest by the standards I see here- had to take out a loan to pay for it. I had proposed we use the same hall used to honor my great-uncle for his service to the American Legion and VFW, but my parents (while I was in France) chose a lovely mansion instead. I knew *nothing* about planning a wedding and was doing the planning in a month...and the wedding reflected that!!!

I started to save both for my daughter''s college and for her wedding when she was born. I have to admit that the wedding account to date would probably pay only for the flowers, but darn it, college tuition keeps rising!!!

Since my parents paid for my education and my wedding, I would like to do the same for my daughter (who is younger than all you brides-to-be and recent brides).

Deborah

 

[treysar]

I am the last of my parents 4 daughters to be married - as you can imagine, if they had paid in full for all of us to get married, they would be totally broke by now. HOWEVER, they did give each of my sisters a very generous gift, which will equal about 1/3 of the wedding costs - so I consider myself SO VERY FORTUNATE for that - considering that there are 4 of us, that is WAY TOO MUCH MONEY, and I have no idea how they did it. I swear, they must have been saving since our births to offer us such a nice gift. I am so greatful to them!

 

[qtiekiki]

Date: 12/2/2004 5:41

2 PM
Author: tulipcloud
As for our big day...and it will be a HUGE day, my fiancee and I will be doing everything ourselves. We will be having a traditional vietnamese wedding...where it starts at in the morning with a huge caravan from the groom''s family coming to my family with traditional gifts, the church wedding, then a huge 500+ person reception at a chinese/vietnamese restraurant in the evening.

We would have wanted something smaller...but my parents are inviting everyone they have ever known so just have to accept it and plan for something huge.

My fiance and I are having the Chinese tea ceremony and those traditional gifts thing too. No church wedding but probably a wedding in his backyard and two receptions of about 500 guests total (my family is in the bay area and my fiance''s is in LA). WE have to print two sets of invitations, two photographers, two cakes, two of a lot of other things. We are paying for everything ourselves. We are trying to find bargain whenever possible, and planning for both receptions is so stressing me out.

 

[Mara]

we paid for everything ourselves, it was a busy year for us, but we pulled it off and have exceptional memories to boot which is one of the most important things. getting finances back up to par is just part of the new marriage fun.

though paying for it ourselves definitely kept me on the budget track, though of course in the end we were still a few thousand over budget which i guess is not SO unusual from what i have heard. at the time it's so easy to say 'oh we'll get that' and then later you are like...'whyyyyy did we buy dinner for our entire families at a 5 star restaurant?!'

we are both a bit older and we also did a destination wedding so we didn't want anyone to have to fork over any $$ other than to get themselves there and take care of themselves. if we did it locally, my parents would have paid for some of it, but i am really glad we went this route in the end.

it seems like weddings paid for by family are not AS prevalent as people start to get married closer to 30, and in their 30s, than when marriages were happening by age 25. possibly geography has something to do with it since i know alot of people around here in the bayarea tend to get married later. for us, it wasn't even a question of who would pay...i knew we could do it ourselves so that was just how it went!

 

[tulipcloud]

I''m sure my parents will end up helping us with a nice huge gift, but imagine with 5 girls...they would be broke if they had to pay for our weddings.

I also seem to notice now that as brides are getting older, getting closer to 30 and over, the couples tend to finance the wedding themselves. I guess because they become more financially stable versus couples that are less than 25. I had dreamed of getting married at 25, but finding the right person didn''t happen til after 30.

I''m hoping that I can be like Deborah and start saving for my kids futures so they can have the wedding of their dreams.

 

[qtiekiki]

I think whether the family or the couple pays for the wedding greatly depend on the financial status of the family and not necessarily by the age of the couple. I had seen 30-something couples whose parents paid for everything. The reason why older couples tend to pay for their own wedding is because they have a more realistic idea of their finance and design their weddings to fit their budget (more of a maturity thing than a financial thing).

 

[genie]

My husband I were married on Sept 4, 2004! We ended up paying for about half of our wedding. Each of our parents helped out some. It did dictate how many we could invite because we picked a pretty pricey place and wanted to keep it small. We have no regrets though! I think more and more people are paying for their own weddings if they can afford it. It''s nice if your parents can afford to help, but I don''t think it''s standard anymore. For my friiends that have been married lately, I would say that most parents footed the bill, but we have friends that payed for the whole thing themselves.

 

[chantal990]

My FI and I will be paying for it ourselves. We will be getting married overseas with an open invite to whoever wishes to come and just having a party when we get back.

We orginaly thought to get married near where we live however I have a nutcase mother and future mother in law that have the attitude that if contribute then things will be done their way.

Slight problem though I come from a very oker Aussie family and Peter my FI although he was born here his parents are Chinese so naturally both sets of parents want to contribute something and both mothers have VERY different ideas on how the wedding will be and they differ from what Peter and I have agreed that we want so we are haeding off to a beach in Fiji (which has always been a fantasy wedding of ours anyway) and paying for it ourselves and hopefully it will be beautiful and stress free

 

[ivanadiamond]

my dad is paying for 90% of our wedding. My fi and I want to pay for a few things ourselves, for example we don't want our friends drinking and driving so we are renting party trolly's for our guests, that will pick people up from two locations...and my mom wants to do a few things here and there that my dad would deem as frivolous...I have to admit it is hard asking for so much from them. My fi's family is paying for our rehearsal dinner and honeymoon...

just out of curiousity, what is the rough price you are spending on your wedding? I thought it would be a lot less expensive than what things are costing...

 

[qtiekiki]

How much are everyone spending on their weddings???

 

[gingerBcookie]

Date: 12/9/2004 12:40:16 AM
Author: Emeraldgirl
My FI and I will be paying for it ourselves. We will be getting married overseas with an open invite to whoever wishes to come and just having a party when we get back.

We orginaly thought to get married near where we live however I have a nutcase mother and future mother in law that have the attitude that if contribute then things will be done their way.

Slight problem though I come from a very oker Aussie family and Peter my FI although he was born here his parents are Chinese so naturally both sets of parents want to contribute something and both mothers have VERY different ideas on how the wedding will be and they differ from what Peter and I have agreed that we want so we are haeding off to a beach in Fiji (which has always been a fantasy wedding of ours anyway) and paying for it ourselves and hopefully it will be beautiful and stress free

wow...your strch sounds very similar to mine...i''m viet and my FTB is hispanic and we are nervous enough about the friction the culture clash will probably cause that we are leaning away from our old dream wedding (large with lots of family) to a quiet, intimate, tropical destination wedding sans snotty family comments on our wedding day. the most important thing for me on my wedding day is to be happy, stress free, and completely enjoy what''s happening around me.

 

[gingerBcookie]

Date: 12/2/2004 5:41

2 PM
Author: tulipcloud
As for our big day...and it will be a HUGE day, my fiancee and I will be doing everything ourselves. We will be having a traditional vietnamese wedding...where it starts at in the morning with a huge caravan from the groom''s family coming to my family with traditional gifts, the church wedding, then a huge 500+ person reception at a chinese/vietnamese restraurant in the evening.

We would have wanted something smaller...but my parents are inviting everyone they have ever known so just have to accept it and plan for something huge.

are you viet?! this is almost exactly the original wedding i envisioned, since it can incorporate the buddhist veit wedding traditions as well as the the hispanic catholic wedding traditions! are you a catholic viet? i''m still a little sad that i might not get this wedding, since i am very close to my family and my FTB is very close to his, but the way each of our respective families feel about the mixing of cultures, it may not be feasible to have this and for me to be happy and stress free and enjoy my wedding day. oh well, that''s reality i guess.

 

[laney]

We are paying for the wedding. My parents have offered to contribute- but we are not counting on anything - and if they do - it will be very grateful, if not, no worries.

We are doing a small wedding at a destination, Key west. Although we are having a smaller amount of people - we are doing more events - chartering a boat for scuba/snorkeling, haveing a welcome dinner instead of a "rehersal dinner" for everyone attending - and then the wedding. So the cost is about a normal wedding - but less people.

We too are older ( I guess... it''s all realative) and didn''t really have any family traditions to follow (both parents never had a "wedding") so we are doing it our own way!

 

[Nicrez]

We are...

And as such every little details pains us, because sadly, we are not millionaires...

My family may help out in the form of a gift on that day, but I expect nothing, and count on nothing but our own savings and hoarding to pay for what WE WANT... that''s the perk of paying for it yourself.

 

[JCJD]

Our families are going the traditional route - my parents paying for a majority, his family paying for rehearsal dinner and other groom's family stuff. But I'm paying for my dress, his ring, and a few other little things, and he's paying for my rings and some other stuff by himself too. We're trying to keep things as cost-effective as possible so we can use at least a little of our parents' contributions to pay for our honeymoon and still be able to afford our own place without taking out a loan.

Deb - My dad's parents made this deal with him, and he made the same deal with me and my sibs - My dad agreed to pay for all of my college expenses (tuition and fees, not late-night pizzas!) provided I pay for all of my childrens' college expenses when it's time for them. Just thought I'd share cause it's similar to your situation with your daughter, and I am eternally grateful to my dad for agreeing to this!

ETA- My parents decided to just give us a flat sum each (they're divorced) that we can use as we see fit, so we still get full reign over the plans. They decided that was a better option than saying "we'll pay for the flowers and catering" and having to pay for a 7 course meal and imported orchids when they were expecting a buffet and carnations.

 

[gingerBcookie]

two of my friends who are getting married in Spring 2005, I liked how they handled the finances. Each set of parents contirbuted a flat amount. The couple has full reign over the budget, if they go over the amount they received, they pay for it themselves.

 

[researcher]

Considering my parents pay for my current living expenses (I HATE being a poor student!), it was a no-brainer to figure out who would have to pay for the wedding. My fiance''s parents are giving us a very nice lump sum for the rehearsal and our honeymoon to Tahiti and Fiji, but my poor parents are covering everything else (even the bridal shower and favors because my best friends have too many student loans). It''s funny, but some people ask my parents why on earth they''d pay for my entire wedding because I''m 28. My parents response is always, "why wouldn''t we?". My parents are not old fashioned, but they''re well enough off that, while my wedding is DEFINITELY putting a dent in their pocketbook, they love being able to pay for my dream wedding. As for the planning of the wedding, I''ve done it all. My mom and I have very similar taste which helps (we have yet to disagree on a single thing for the wedding), and both my parents are very easy going. In fact, when I asked who my parents wanted to invite to the wedding they kept telling me it was MY day and they didn''t need to have their friends there. When I told them that was unacceptable, that I WANTED them to have their close friends there, they were really touched (we''re only inviting 150 people (the yacht for the reception won''t hold many more comfortably) and we both have big families so neither of us get to invite many friends). So to answer your question, yes, for me it does make a difference in how big and how amazing my wedding is (we couldn''t have done much if we''d had to pay for it ourselves), but no, I get to plan everything and just give out my parent''s credit card number for what I want without any unsolicited input! I''m extremely lucky to have such giving parents who want my wedding day to be absolutely perfect for me.

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

I am a poor student who is trying very hard NOT to think about the cost of the wedding!!!

for a RC Church wedding, approximately how much are we talking? does anyone have a ballpark figure?

 

[lindsal]

We are paying for the lions share of all of our events. His parents and my mom and dad are all each chipping in an unknown amount that we have not included in our budgets to date... so we''ll use that to pay for the extras I KNOW that we''ll add to the budget as we get closer to the date.

Me, I think it''s great that we are doing this together and working on saving, and planning and paying for things now, so that we know we''ll have a good outlook going forward when it comes to finances. We both agreed NO DEBT for the wedding.. so I we can''t save it or get it quickly from selling a few 100 stock option, we aren''t going to to have it at our wedding. Makes you really think about a) how big b) where, and c) all the other million little details that a wedding invovles. Luckily, the DF has been very helpful and more invovled then I imagined him being... it''s really been a blessing.

 

[fire&ice]

Back in the dark ages, my parents paid for our wedding. Though - they were very gun shy & did not want a lavish full service sit down dinner at a fancy place reception. They did that with my sister. By the time I was to be wed, it was clear they (my sister & brother in law) were no longer going to be. My parents gave us a set amount (less than my sister''s *affair to remember*). It was certainly enough to have a very nice wedding (through careful bargin hunting & penny watching) & a nice sum left over to start our life together.

I have talk about this issue with my friends. As of now, they say they are putting away money for both college & a wedding. Most think they will go the "gift" route & let the bride do the planning. It''s a great exercise in budgeting, bargin hunting & the give and take necessary in any relationship.

For those of you who are responsible for the checkbook, make sure you have a breakdown of the lump "quote". I received my quote for the flowers & fell out of my chair. I went back to the florist and discovered she had spec''d $100.00 orchids.

 

[sxn675]

My parents paid for our wedding. I don''t think it has to do with our ages (we were in our late 20''s and certainly able to pay for it ourselves) but my parents are very traditional. In fact, who would pay for the wedding was never even discussed!

 

[NewShiny]

My parents are paying for everything except the rings, my dress, the photographer, and gifts for the attendants. FI and I will cover those items. His parents will most likely help out with the rehersal dinner, though they''re already spending a lot by flying across the country for the big day itself. I guess you could say we''re traditionalists.

 

[Nicrez]

Would anyone like to tell me if their parents are willing to adopt me? I would galdly let them pay for MY wedding!!!

Luckily, I have a wonderful fiance who is so giving and luckily a good producer, so we can afford a nice wedding with his bonus. If it wasn''t for that I would absolutely have gone to St. Thomas and gotten married with whomever was willing to be with us, and call it a day!

Actually, it was his dream as well to have a beautiful and elegant wedding, so he fought me on the get-away to St.Thomas, versus the big New York wedding... As such, I wil be enlisting him to find the photographer, the band, etc...