Who To Walk down the Aisle With?

[whenharrymetsally]

Hello everybody....i have a bit of a dilemma. I''ve posted this before in the LIW board, but I need some opinions/advice.

My parents are recently seperated (approx 1 year) and they are absolutely not on any speaking terms. In fact, things are quite ugly and my father and his side of the family will not be coming to the wedding. Unfortunately it has come to this but I''m getting married next year in September and am wondering who should walk me down the aisle? My little brother (he''s 24, not soo little anymore i guess) or my mother or both? Originally I had wanted my little brother to walk me down the aisle, but upon further thought, i was wondering if this should be my mother? Technically she''s the one who raised me and nurtured me and she is the one ''handing'' me over to my future husband?

Any thoughts?

Thanks!!!

 

[whatmeworry]

go with your mother. It''s more meaningful. My wife''s father passed away, so her mom walked her down the aisle.

 

[Independent Gal]

Ditto.

 

[SeattleSparkle]

I have a different, but similiar situation. My parents divorced when I was young, before I was 5. My mom was definitely the one who raised me while my dad was in and out of my life. Not to mention that my parents still really hate each other. However, I have a younger brother (he''s 23 and I''ll turn 25 in less than a week) who has been through EVERYTHING with me .... through remarriages and more divorces ... my brother has always been the constant.

I also don''t really look at walking down the aisle as being "given away." I''m not some sort of possesion my parents are handing over to my future husband. With that said, my brother will be the one to escort me down the aisle. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, it is a position of honor and I think he is the most appropriate so that my parents don''t get upset that the other one had the honor.

I can then give my mom and dad hugs when I get up to the front of the church ... in 46 days!!!

Best of luck with the decision. It was not an easy one for me. I hope it''s easier for you!

 

[ladyciel]

I think you should go with whatever feels most fitting/natural for YOU. How would you describe your relationships with your brother and mom? Are you particularly close with one or the other? I have a friend who was recently walked down the aisle by her older brother. Their father passed away a few years ago (he was sick for a while, nothing sudden), and though I wasn''t behind the scenes I''m pretty sure their dad requested her brother look after her and their mom when he was gone. Growing up he was always there to watch out for her, to be dad''s extra pair of eyes. I don''t think anyone who knew them as a family would think twice about who was going to walk her down the aisle - the ONLY answer was her brother. But that was them, and this is you.

Why did you originally want your brother? Is considering your mom instead due more to feeling like you should, or because that''s what you want?

 

[rainbowtrout]

It's a tough decision, honestly. I can only tell you my strategy: use tradition as an excuse. Mothers generally love tradition, especially. So you can say "well, this is what the ceremony dictates, it isn't necessarily *my* choice, just the ceremony"

I'm using this to get both my parents to walk me down the aisle in our Jewish ceremony. They may not WANT to, but their respect for traditions is strong enough they will put up with it, and then you don't get the "but you love him more than me" crap...because you see it's the *tradition* that dictated choices, not your feelings, etc, etc. Slightly manipulative but I feel us divorced kids have been manipulated so much along the way a little payback is fair game!

So, if you really want your brother, you could always say, "Well, mom, I just want to have my brother walk me down the aisle because he's this wonderful male figure in my life," or something of that nature. Make up something about how you want her to have the place of honor as the mother of the bride, who knows. Be creative

 

[rainwood]

Are you thinking of having your brother walk you down the aisle because you think it''s supposed to be done by a man? If that''s the main reason, I''d recommend you pick your mother. She''s the one who raised and nurtured you and frankly she''s earned the privilege.

One other possibility is to skip the whole notion of having someone walk you down the aisle to be "given away." A wedding is performed to unite a couple. I wasn''t comfortable with the idea that the groom comes in from the side like an afterthought while the bride walks down the center aisle like some big prize. It struck me as unequal and old-fashioned. My fiance and I walked in together, engaged, and walked out the same way, married. That felt right to me. Do what feels right to you.

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Date: 8/7/2007 2:15:09 PM
Author: rainwood
Are you thinking of having your brother walk you down the aisle because you think it''s supposed to be done by a man? If that''s the main reason, I''d recommend you pick your mother. She''s the one who raised and nurtured you and frankly she''s earned the privilege.

One other possibility is to skip the whole notion of having someone walk you down the aisle to be ''given away.'' A wedding is performed to unite a couple. I wasn''t comfortable with the idea that the groom comes in from the side like an afterthought while the bride walks down the center aisle like some big prize. It struck me as unequal and old-fashioned. My fiance and I walked in together, engaged, and walked out the same way, married. That felt right to me. Do what feels right to you.

Rainwood, i think you hit the nail on the head! My little brother originally popped up in my head as 1) I do have a very close relationship with him 2) he was the first male figure that came to mind outside of my dad. I was sitting there thinking the other day that my mother has gone through soo much in life to raise me and has sacrificed so much, I wanted her to be by my side and walk me down the aisle!! I mentioned it to her and i think she thought it was wierd. She said she has never seen this done before but i told her i wanted her to be the one. Hopefully she will get used to the idea and know how much it means to me.

Thank you everybody for your comments!!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think that either your brother or your mother would be delighted to walk you down the aisle. It''s such a personal choice.

I have a friend who was not on speaking terms with her parents and she and the groom walked down the aisle together. She said that he''d always been by her side and that she didn''t want anybody else walking down the aisle with her. It was very touching, I think everybody cried when they walked down the aisle together. The ceremony really touched on the point that they''d started this journey together many years ago and that while their wedding day was a milestone in their relationship, it was neither the beginning nor the end.

I realize that you still have a good relationship with your mother, so it''s not nearly the same case, but I just thought I''d throw out another option

 

[Kit]

Just a suggestion: you can skip out on the whole thing and walk yourself down the aisle. That''s what I''m doing!

 

[oshinbreez]

When my daughter got married, her little brother walked her down the aisle. Their dad hasn''t been in and out (mostly out) of their lives since they were 3 and 5. I was so happy to see my son walk her down the aisle, but I cried the whole time. I kept thinking "my little girl is getting married and my little boy will be following in a few years". I wouldn''t have been able to walk her down the aisle.