Who chooses men's wedding ring and pays?
- Thread starter Imdanny
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vc10um
Ideal_Rock
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I fall into the one option that doesn't occur in the poll: he chose, we both paid. We each chose our own wedding band and then split the total cost 50/50, since we wouldn't be combining finances until after the wedding, but wanted our wedding bands to be jointly purchased.
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We went together to the jewelery store to chose both of our wedding bands a few months before the wedding. Mine was custom so I told the jeweler exactly what I wanted and then we looked at his selection of men's bands and couldn't find exactly what we wanted so my dh's was a custom order as well. I don't remember if a down payment was left since we knew the jeweler and it is quite possible none was required. And then my dh (FI at the time) picked the rings up a few weeks later when they were finished. So I guess he paid for both of the bands but all our money was joint anyway at that point or becoming joint so it really was semantics. I would have wanted to pay for his wedding band but because he picked them up he ended up paying. But it was our money anyway so I didn't think it was a big deal at that point.
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He chose. I paid.
Black Jade
Brilliant_Rock
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We both chose because we wanted them to match, but if push had come to shove, I would have let him choose, he has to wear it.
I paid and I think the bride should pay for this normally--of course if she doesn't have any money or job this wouldn't be the case. I know several girls who live at home with their parents and don't have jobs because this is their lifestyle and beliefs and they can't pay for the guys ring when they get engaged because they don't have any money at all. In my day, this was the custom with much of my extended family (girl may or may not go to college, but not away; girls live at home until married; girls don't have jobs outside the home, except jobs like babysitting or teaching piano with people the family know) and although my family did that because they are foreign, I know some Americans who have taken up these customs. In that case, the guy would pay for everything.
I was an exception--my Dad let me go to college away and and I got a grad degree and after that returned home and had 'real' jobs but I did live at home until I was married and was married out of my house. So I suppose we mixed both customs. I didn't have a lot of money when I married but did have enough to save for his wedding ring and for my own trousseau and for bridesmaids presents. Those were the things I expected to pay for and that's all I did pay for; father and hubby took care of the rest.
(Though my mom was actually the person in the family with money at that time. She was a millionaire at that point, but later lost most of this through bad investments. My dad wouldn't touch her money which was just for her as he expected to be the sole family earner as a matter of pride. She grew up much more strictly guarded than I was and was barely allowed to leave the house alone before she married. This did not make her less financially capable, obviously).
I paid and I think the bride should pay for this normally--of course if she doesn't have any money or job this wouldn't be the case. I know several girls who live at home with their parents and don't have jobs because this is their lifestyle and beliefs and they can't pay for the guys ring when they get engaged because they don't have any money at all. In my day, this was the custom with much of my extended family (girl may or may not go to college, but not away; girls live at home until married; girls don't have jobs outside the home, except jobs like babysitting or teaching piano with people the family know) and although my family did that because they are foreign, I know some Americans who have taken up these customs. In that case, the guy would pay for everything.
I was an exception--my Dad let me go to college away and and I got a grad degree and after that returned home and had 'real' jobs but I did live at home until I was married and was married out of my house. So I suppose we mixed both customs. I didn't have a lot of money when I married but did have enough to save for his wedding ring and for my own trousseau and for bridesmaids presents. Those were the things I expected to pay for and that's all I did pay for; father and hubby took care of the rest.
(Though my mom was actually the person in the family with money at that time. She was a millionaire at that point, but later lost most of this through bad investments. My dad wouldn't touch her money which was just for her as he expected to be the sole family earner as a matter of pride. She grew up much more strictly guarded than I was and was barely allowed to leave the house alone before she married. This did not make her less financially capable, obviously).
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I think he should chose or they should be chosen together. I don't think the other person should buy the wedding ring without an input from the person wearing it.
He chose it, I paid. I paid for most wedding related stuff, he took care of the honeymoon and visas - it ended up about an even split and was easier because we were both able to take care of the things in our countries and in our own currencies.
He chose it, I paid. I paid for most wedding related stuff, he took care of the honeymoon and visas - it ended up about an even split and was easier because we were both able to take care of the things in our countries and in our own currencies.
JuneRose
Brilliant_Rock
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We both chose and I will probably be buying them soon but I voted for "both chose-both paid" because the only reason I am buying them is because he just paid for our catering deposit. I see the rings as part of the wedding "budget" which we are sharing equally so in the end we are both paying for the rings.
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As Amy says in the bar-scene in "Chasing Amy" ... I got that beat. All of it.
My husband loved the braided silver engagement band that I made for him so much that he requested I make a bigger one for him to wear for his wedding band, in red and white gold. The thing is, working with heavy gauge wire is a bitch. And In rose gold? Fuggedaboutit. I made something like a dozen models, all of which were gently noted to have one imperfection or another. I finally threw my hands up, told him that my pro guy who custom made all my pieces to my specifications would be making his ring to my specifications, too, and called it a day.
He does love it.
But by that point, our finances were pretty much immutably joined, so while I may have sunk a lot of blood, sweat, tears, etc., into it, it was definitely a joint purchase, as was my band.
Gotta say, this topic confuses me a little - are there really dudes out there who just shrug and say "Eh, whatever" about something they'll be wearing for the rest of their lives? I can't decide if I find that restful or alien ...
My husband loved the braided silver engagement band that I made for him so much that he requested I make a bigger one for him to wear for his wedding band, in red and white gold. The thing is, working with heavy gauge wire is a bitch. And In rose gold? Fuggedaboutit. I made something like a dozen models, all of which were gently noted to have one imperfection or another. I finally threw my hands up, told him that my pro guy who custom made all my pieces to my specifications would be making his ring to my specifications, too, and called it a day.
He does love it.
But by that point, our finances were pretty much immutably joined, so while I may have sunk a lot of blood, sweat, tears, etc., into it, it was definitely a joint purchase, as was my band.
Gotta say, this topic confuses me a little - are there really dudes out there who just shrug and say "Eh, whatever" about something they'll be wearing for the rest of their lives? I can't decide if I find that restful or alien ...
daintyG
Brilliant_Rock
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Circe|1321287261|3061393 said:As Amy says in the bar-scene in "Chasing Amy" ... I got that beat. All of it.
My husband loved the braided silver engagement band that I made for him so much that he requested I make a bigger one for him to wear for his wedding band, in red and white gold. The thing is, working with heavy gauge wire is a bitch. And In rose gold? Fuggedaboutit. I made something like a dozen models, all of which were gently noted to have one imperfection or another. I finally threw my hands up, told him that my pro guy who custom made all my pieces to my specifications would be making his ring to my specifications, too, and called it a day.
He does love it.
But by that point, our finances were pretty much immutably joined, so while I may have sunk a lot of blood, sweat, tears, etc., into it, it was definitely a joint purchase, as was my band.
Gotta say, this topic confuses me a little - are there really dudes out there who just shrug and say "Eh, whatever" about something they'll be wearing for the rest of their lives? I can't decide if I find that restful or alien ...
My husband is almost that way. We talked about it a little bit and he only expressed that he wanted something plain. I did a little bit of shopping, but we had a quick engagement, so I bought it for him without him there or trying it on. We were living in different parts of the state. It was fine with him.
It really needs rhodium plating as the white, shiny look went away quickly, but he insists on leaving it alone. He could care less about his WB.
Autumnovember
Ideal_Rock
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He chose, he paid.
Mainly because I'm a broke student still and couldn't pay for it myself otherwise I would have paid for it in a heartbeat.
Mainly because I'm a broke student still and couldn't pay for it myself otherwise I would have paid for it in a heartbeat.
iLander
Ideal_Rock
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Oh, lord, I never thought of this!What kind of non-liberated throwback am I?
In our situation, we picked the cheapest bands and he paid, because I had exactly zero dollars to my name. I think his band was about $67, yellow gold, and mine was $38, 2 mm yellow gold. I used to wear my tiny band, even after I got my big anniversary rings, just to remind myself of where we came from. But then my fingers got a bit larger, I should really have it sized and wear it again . . .
The irony does not escape me that it will cost more to size than it did to purchase.
I did replace his band for our 25th anniversary with a heavy platinum band that I picked and paid for, so I guess that counts.
SweetAsscher
Shiny_Rock
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- Sep 11, 2011
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I chose I paid.
I don't think this was an option on the poll?
I don't think this was an option on the poll?
zoebartlett
Super_Ideal_Rock
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We got my husband's rings at Boone Rings. He has two because he ended up not liking the first one we ordered. We chose both of his rings together but I paid for them out of my individual acct. I figured that since he had paid for my rings on his own, I could do the same.
jstarfireb
Ideal_Rock
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- Mar 24, 2007
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He chose and I paid. Luckily it was a whole lot less expensive than mine!
iheartscience
Super_Ideal_Rock
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jstarfireb|1321314539|3061731 said:
Ditto! I think I paid for part of my wedding band, too, actually. I figured it was the least I could do after he shelled out for my e-ring!
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He gave me parameters, I went shopping for one, and ended up getting it as a gift from one of PS's fairy godmothers
JSM
Brilliant_Rock
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- Mar 17, 2008
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Similar to MIssStepcut, he told me in generalities what he wanted and said, "just find one that you think I'd like". He hates shopping. Loves his ring, though. We got bands of tungsten (his 8mm, mine 2mm) online and they were paid for by me. Though we had mostly combined finances at the time anyway...
We got bands of tungsten (his 8mm, mine 2mm) online and they were paid for by me. Though we had mostly combined finances at the time anyway...
maplefemme
Brilliant_Rock
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He has chosen his ring and I'm paying for it, I'm happy with that and he's getting to choose exactly what he wants. Only fair considering he let me choose everything with my E-ring.
I wish he'd like to wear diamonds, I really wanted to get him a great asscher in his wedding band, alas, he doesn't like to wear any type of stone.
I wish he'd like to wear diamonds, I really wanted to get him a great asscher in his wedding band, alas, he doesn't like to wear any type of stone.
Imdanny
Ideal_Rock
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The wedding bands in my family-
Grandmother- kept it her whole life, loved jewelry, the person I inherited it from
Grandfather- had it for 50 years, and then lost it!
Dad- works with his hands, not safe to wear it, sits in parents' bedroom
Mom- works with her hands, doesn't like wearing jewelry other than earrings except when dressing up, sits in their room
Mom- 1st marriage band (my actual father's) sits in their room too. 3 mm, milgrain, could be why I don't like 3 mm, milgrain, who knows
My guidance other than not to have one like my father's was I'm sad to say not to have one like my grandfather's. It was maybe 6 mm, between 4 and 6 and thin. It fit very tight on his finger when he got older and I didn't like the way it looked. I am sorry that he lost it though. He lost it in his house after my grandmother died.
I don't now who paid for what.
I've chosen a 2.5 mm band. It's the right size for me. The one I've chosen reminds me of wedding bands in the late 1800's and early 1900's, except updated maybe sometime in the 1940's or 1950's.
Yes, I'm excited about it.
Our state's civil union law starts in January so this seems like as good a time as any.
I think wedding bands are important for men because it's the one piece of jewelry we get to wear without any 'controversy' and you all know I don't mean this in a judgmental way, I mean other people judge sometimes.
Oh, I forgot my brother's. He had a gold band with four little diamonds across it diagonally. He let me try it on. I didn't want to take it off. He lost it and his wife bought him a plain gold band. Unfortunately, it might become a memento of a failed marriage, but this is a story for a different day.
Thank you everyone for voting in my poll and for your comments. I didn't know very much about this but it seems that it might be somewhat traditional for the woman to pay. All of these customs are very interesting. Thank you again.
Grandmother- kept it her whole life, loved jewelry, the person I inherited it from
Grandfather- had it for 50 years, and then lost it!
Dad- works with his hands, not safe to wear it, sits in parents' bedroom
Mom- works with her hands, doesn't like wearing jewelry other than earrings except when dressing up, sits in their room
Mom- 1st marriage band (my actual father's) sits in their room too. 3 mm, milgrain, could be why I don't like 3 mm, milgrain, who knows
My guidance other than not to have one like my father's was I'm sad to say not to have one like my grandfather's. It was maybe 6 mm, between 4 and 6 and thin. It fit very tight on his finger when he got older and I didn't like the way it looked. I am sorry that he lost it though. He lost it in his house after my grandmother died.
I don't now who paid for what.
I've chosen a 2.5 mm band. It's the right size for me. The one I've chosen reminds me of wedding bands in the late 1800's and early 1900's, except updated maybe sometime in the 1940's or 1950's.
Yes, I'm excited about it.
Our state's civil union law starts in January so this seems like as good a time as any.
I think wedding bands are important for men because it's the one piece of jewelry we get to wear without any 'controversy' and you all know I don't mean this in a judgmental way, I mean other people judge sometimes.
Oh, I forgot my brother's. He had a gold band with four little diamonds across it diagonally. He let me try it on. I didn't want to take it off.
He lost it and his wife bought him a plain gold band. Unfortunately, it might become a memento of a failed marriage, but this is a story for a different day.Thank you everyone for voting in my poll and for your comments. I didn't know very much about this but it seems that it might be somewhat traditional for the woman to pay. All of these customs are very interesting. Thank you again.
Imdanny
Ideal_Rock
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Circe|1321287261|3061393 said:As Amy says in the bar-scene in "Chasing Amy" ... I got that beat. All of it.
My husband loved the braided silver engagement band that I made for him so much that he requested I make a bigger one for him to wear for his wedding band, in red and white gold. The thing is, working with heavy gauge wire is a bitch. And In rose gold? Fuggedaboutit. I made something like a dozen models, all of which were gently noted to have one imperfection or another. I finally threw my hands up, told him that my pro guy who custom made all my pieces to my specifications would be making his ring to my specifications, too, and called it a day.
He does love it.
But by that point, our finances were pretty much immutably joined, so while I may have sunk a lot of blood, sweat, tears, etc., into it, it was definitely a joint purchase, as was my band.
Gotta say, this topic confuses me a little - are there really dudes out there who just shrug and say "Eh, whatever" about something they'll be wearing for the rest of their lives? I can't decide if I find that restful or alien ...
I didn't know you were a jeweler. Wow!
That's a beautiful picture! Thank you!
jewelerman
Ideal_Rock
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the guy gets to pick and shes gets to pay for it as he did for hers.
One grip Ive always had about this topic i would like to share.
Many time a couple will come in to pick out the guys wedding ring and he will pick something out and she will look at the poor guy and say...that's ugly or you don't have very good taste or something to that effect. the worst is when she says men don't have taste and women do, so i will pick your ring out! i want to respond by saying that your guy has good taste in rings ,but not in women!
One grip Ive always had about this topic i would like to share.
Many time a couple will come in to pick out the guys wedding ring and he will pick something out and she will look at the poor guy and say...that's ugly or you don't have very good taste or something to that effect. the worst is when she says men don't have taste and women do, so i will pick your ring out! i want to respond by saying that your guy has good taste in rings ,but not in women!
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