Where, oh where, to do it???

[largirl]

FI and I had originally planned on doing a destination wedding in Savannah or Hilton Head, and had some GORGEOUS locations picked out as possibilities. I loved them all, and really fell in love with the idea of a romantic southern wedding with magnolias and spanish moss, etc. I even designed my wedding invite (below) around that idea.

Only now...FI isn''t as sold on the idea. A while ago before we had thought of the destination thing, I had suggested having his uncle perform the ceremony. At the time he didn''t really care one way or another, but after considering it he loves that idea. However, SC and GA don''t allow online ordained ministers to perform the ceremony, so there''s strike one. Strike two is that he''s now worried about having people travel out there and doesn''t want to put people out of their way. We WANT a small wedding, so the original idea of the destination thing was to help with that. But he''d rather not worry about it or feel responsible for getting people taken care of with hotels and flights.

I can''t find anywhere here in Omaha or the surrounding area that I love as much as I loved those places in the south. Nebraska just frankly isn''t that pretty. There are a few nice places, but rental there starts at $3,000 - for just the rental - and we just can''t afford that.

I don''t know what to do now...I''m torn. Do I try to convince FI that the destination thing is the way to go because I love the idea so much, or do I just suck it up and do it somewhere here that I don''t love?

 

[beesknees]

I''m sorry I don''t have any ideas to help you out, but I wanted to compliment you on the design of your invitations! I love it! I also looked at the locations you had picked out as possibilities and I absolutely am in love with the Sheldon Church Ruins. I think I would do everything I could to convince FI that that''s the place to do it.

 

[Stephanie]

Could you do a DW and then go home to a reception for those that couldn''t come to the actual wedding?

I''m from the south and Savannah and Charleston are two of my favorite places! Both are incredibly beautiful and rich with culture. What about Jekyll Island south of Georgia?

 

[largirl]

FI is absolutely against having a reception locally after the destination wedding; he's convinced it looks like we're just begging for presents (I even suggested putting 'no gifts, please' on the invites but he said no one listens to that). So no matter what, the reception and the ceremony will be in the same city/area.

I should also add that FI having ANY opinion about this is new and definitely welcome, since before he was just like, "Courthouse, please? Courthouse????"

 

[largirl]

P.S. Ideas to help persuade him on the destination thing would be great too!

 

[Sabine]

You could always ask the uncle to do readings at the wedding even if he''s not officially the one marrying you. And you could tell your FI to think of your wedding as a minivacation for those who are coming. Would any of your guests need to travel anyway? I''m guessing if they do, they might rather travel to somewhere pretty and warm than Nebraska (not bashing Nebraska, you just said it wasn''t as pretty).

 

[Gypsy]

First, online ordination isn't the only way to get a more personal minister. Some states will allow you to register with the county (for a fee) to preside over one wedding for a day. There are a few hoops (at least in CA) but nothing terrible. So I'd check that out.

Can you do someplace in Colorado? That's within driving distance and there are some BEAUTIFUL locals there. I wouldn't be too concerned about the travel. Arrange for some hotel room blocks. It takes all of an hour to do, and that's if you are really taking your time at it.

 

[Stephanie]

I don''t really know if this is helpful, but it has the marriage laws for SC

http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/south_carolina/index.shtmlhttp://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/georgia/index.shtml

Call Beaufort county - the number is listed on the bottom - and verify. Perhaps there is a church online based out of SC that would allow for him to be ordained in the state.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I love colorado and second Gypsy. I also know you can get ordained online for Colorado because my brother did it. I don''t know where you are in NE but I used to go to Stanton in eastern part a lot as a kid and the drive to Colorado really isn''t bad at all.

Perhaps we could help you more if you told us what you were looking for in a venue?

 

[largirl]

@Gypsy - Thanks for the heads up about churches ordaining people for a day! I''ll check into it for SC and GA. I''ll ask him about Colorado...I''m not sure if it''s outside of Omaha PERIOD that he''s against for travel reasons or just places people have to fly. So that''s a good point.

@Stephanie - I''ve called them and tried to ask them about it, but they aren''t super clear - at least I didn''t understand what they were saying, so I''ll have to do more research on that.

@Brazen (haha, LOVE your name!) - Well...ideally I''d like to find a place like this in Nebraska. Unfortunately, I can''t see that happening. Or a beach. But we don''t have much for beaches around here....so really, I''m looking for somewhere that doesn''t look like a conference center or a church basement, or a gorgeous outdoor garden. There are a few places to look into, but none that I LOVE.

 

[cara]

It''s good that your FI is forming opinions on the wedding, but now the hard work begins. You two need to discuss in detail the reasons behind your opinions and the specifics of an Omaha wedding vs. a destination wedding in the South.

You shouldn''t just "give in" and have a less than beautiful wedding in Omaha that you aren''t thrilled with, especially if you might have to do the bulk of the planning for it; nor should you just assert that the wedding will be in the South despite his concerns or preferences.

What I''m saying is that your discussion shouldn''t be with internet peanuts, it should be with your FI. Discuss in gory detail what it means to have a local wedding vs. destination in Georgia/SC. Budget, guest count, intimacy, ugliness and expense of reception hall, etc. Carefully go over your guest list and who you anticipate to attend if it is in either location, what the estimated costs would be, and the advantages and disadvantages of each location.

You don''t need to give up your vision just because your FI has had a hint of wedding planning pressures and balancing acts, but you need to clearly articulate to him your concerns and preferences, as well as try to understand what is motivating his strong preference for a local wedding and see if there is any room for compromise. He needs to make a real effort to understand your preferences as well, so that this isn''t just a Her Way/His Way argument but rather a joint decision making process.

And, if you end up tied but decide to go with his preference, I think it is very important that he take a more active planning role in some of the big areas of planning that will be difficult for you in Nebraska, such as finding a beautiful and affordable location, because if he is going to stake a claim and declare where he wants the wedding, he needs to be willing to go to bat and help make it happen. Otherwise you are just his assistant in wedding planning, not his collaborator.

 

[KirbyCarolina]

Hello! I saw your post, and can understand your dilemma. I''m from Lincoln, NE. My sister got married this last July in Lincoln. We were having the same problem trying to find somewhere that matched her vision (which is comparable to the picture you provided earlier). Have you looked at Pioneers Park in Lincoln? It has some of the components you it sounds like you''re interested in. I will try and attach some photos I found (I''m new to PS). I don''t have any photos of my sister''s wedding right now, but I''ll have her email me some, and post them asap. I hope this helps a little bit.

 

[KirbyCarolina]

I don''t know how to attach more than one pic/post, so here''s another.....

 

[largirl]

Wow, Kirby, that's gorgeous!!!!!

Actually, after all the drama, I was browsing online and found a hotel in Omaha called The Magnolia Hotel. Which...hello, perfect!!!! I can still use all my magnolia ideas. I booked them yesterday, and it's completely gorgeous!

 

[KirbyCarolina]

Well, I think you''ve hit the nail on the head! It''s so perfect, especially considering your magnolia theme!! Gorgeous dress, too! It''s absolutely stunning. Hope the rest of your planning procedes without a hitch