When to upgrade

[DiamondDD]

Hi all Im very new to this site and thought maybe an outsider can help! Iv always been facinated with Diamonds-large ones especially. Me and My husband have been married for 4 yrs with a baby boy. We got engagened about 6 yrs ago and at the time I was also obssed with cushion cut diamonds- We came across some extra money and we've decided on upgrading my ring. I had a cushion cut 2 carat and becuase of the depth and cut it looked more like a 1.5. Im very excited but feel a little embarassed by my decison to upgrade to a 4 carat. All my friends have 2.5 and less carats and I just feel that I will be judged. Any INPUT AND OPINIONS are welcommed! I also was thinking of not wearing it until its a big holiday and/or event-not sure! thoughts????

 

[Rhea]

Im very excited but feel a little embarassed by my decison to upgrade to a 4 carat. All my friends have 2.5 and less carats and I just feel that I will be judged. Any INPUT AND OPINIONS are welcommed! I also was thinking of not wearing it until its a big holiday and/or event-not sure! thoughts????

Other people will notice your jewelery less than you do - unless they are jewelery lovers like you are. It matters less to them, they are the centre of their own worlds, not you. If you are flat out judged by friends, get some new ones.

Upgrade when you can afford it and find a great stone in your budget. Wear it when you want to, holidays or not. If you like it it's going to be hard to resist wearing it when it arrives anyhow.

 

[DiamondDD]

Thanks! Totally agree and understand! I love in Jersey :/ where everyone is judged on what they can afford and cant afford! SAD and Im not like this at all.. People will notice, and even ask me "did you get a NEW ring" as if its something I did terrible wrong!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

Find a size that you feel comfortable wearing every day. If you want a 4 carat, then go for it. I do think it'd make more sense to pick a size that would be an every day ring, not just one for holidays!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, I guess in your case, the plus in it being a cushion is that it won't be as large as a 4 ct. round! Most people won't notice and if they do, you really don't have to tell them that it is 4 cts. Have you checked prices lately? Unfortunately prices are significantly higher than they were 6 years ago. It may not be a wise move to trade in your current diamond at the price you paid for it.

Oh, and I'd call it a 5th anniversary gift even if it is early.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks! Totally agree and understand! I love in Jersey :/ where everyone is judged on what they can afford and cant afford! SAD and Im not like this at all.. People will notice, and even ask me "did you get a NEW ring" as if its something I did terrible wrong!

You will never be able to make everyone happy. At some point, you have to go for what YOU like and want!

 

[sakari_8]

I think 4ct stone would be great only if you are comfortable with it, your friends would see and rejoice/judge for few days/weeks but you
would rejoice always, I think if you are comfortable with big rock than go for it without thinking much about friends.

 

[DiamondDD]

Ahhh my number 1 problem-so my husband says- "i care about what everyone else thinks" just my nature! Comfortable notso much because I know eveyone will have something to say! but would I LOVE to ROCK a 4carat-ABSOLUTLEY YES!!!!!!!

 

[sakari_8]

I am sure some friends would love to see big rock on you and some otherwise, even if you go for 3ct, your friends would still talk about it

 

[hmr_mama]

Hi all Im very new to this site and thought maybe an outsider can help! Iv always been facinated with Diamonds-large ones especially. Me and My husband have been married for 4 yrs with a baby boy. We got engagened about 6 yrs ago and at the time I was also obssed with cushion cut diamonds- We came across some extra money and we've decided on upgrading my ring. I had a cushion cut 2 carat and becuase of the depth and cut it looked more like a 1.5. Im very excited but feel a little embarassed by my decison to upgrade to a 4 carat. All my friends have 2.5 and less carats and I just feel that I will be judged. Any INPUT AND OPINIONS are welcommed! I also was thinking of not wearing it until its a big holiday and/or event-not sure! thoughts????

When to upgrade?
When you want and can afford to. Check. Check.

My 2 cents:
People WILL notice the upgrade. Just be prepared for some snarky comments; envy can be ugly. I found the easiest way to diffuse envy in my loved ones was to establish the ring as a 'thing'. Once your friends and family know the ring is just a ring (not a symbol of HOW MUCH your husband loves you) they'll be able to appreciate it. If they think for one second that your ring is some sort of status symbol, they will have a much harder time seeing you through their green haze. And believe me, everyone will have an opinion. The majority of my reactions were positive; most of these women were happy to try on my new 'bauble'. With the negative reactions, I usually said something self deprecating (how low of a color it is, how the ring makes my un-manicured nails look even nastier, etc). I know for a fact that most PSer's just cringed with this advice, but it's more important to me to build my relationships up, and I'm happy to take one on the chin for it. Just remember, just because someone says something mean and nasty--it doesn't make them mean and nasty. If I lost a friend for every insensitive thing I said, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have any friends...and I sure as heck wouldn't have a husband.

Disclaimer: That was my 2 cents, I'm sorry it was long
just because you disagree, doesn't mean I'm wrong

 

[Haven]

I agree with previous posters--the time to upgrade comes when you a) want to upgrade, and b) can afford it. You seem to have those two down.

As for worrying about what others will think, I firmly believe this is something that goes away when people are truly content and proud of the decisions they make in life--if you believe you're making the right decisions for yourself, you don't spend any time worrying about what others will think of them.

The fact that you seem very concerned with how your upgrade will be received makes me wonder if you don't have some feelings you need to work out about upgrading before you actually do it. Those feelings are your own business, of course, but if I were you I'd take some time to think on it.

 

[junebug17]

I understand how you feel - all my life I have been concerned with what other people think, and it's hard to change feeling that way. One of the great things about getting older (I'm 52) is that you really don't care as much about what other people think, you just do what you want lol. Sounds like some of your friends are into comparing and analyzing what everyone else has, and that gets so old! I say just go ahead and get your upgrade and enjoy it - life is too short to worry about potential snarky comments others might make. And I would definitely say it's an early anniversary gift if asked - I dare anyone to be judgmental about a gift from your husband. And if they are, I might reconsider having them as friends!

 

[DiamondDD]

lol I agree... I think I was more concerned about not having a reason for the upgrade! THANKS JuneBug!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hi all Im very new to this site and thought maybe an outsider can help! Iv always been facinated with Diamonds-large ones especially. Me and My husband have been married for 4 yrs with a baby boy. We got engagened about 6 yrs ago and at the time I was also obssed with cushion cut diamonds- We came across some extra money and we've decided on upgrading my ring. I had a cushion cut 2 carat and becuase of the depth and cut it looked more like a 1.5. Im very excited but feel a little embarassed by my decison to upgrade to a 4 carat. All my friends have 2.5 and less carats and I just feel that I will be judged. Any INPUT AND OPINIONS are welcommed! I also was thinking of not wearing it until its a big holiday and/or event-not sure! thoughts????

When to upgrade?
When you want and can afford to. Check. Check.

My 2 cents:
People WILL notice the upgrade. Just be prepared for some snarky comments; envy can be ugly. I found the easiest way to diffuse envy in my loved ones was to establish the ring as a 'thing'. Once your friends and family know the ring is just a ring (not a symbol of HOW MUCH your husband loves you) they'll be able to appreciate it. If they think for one second that your ring is some sort of status symbol, they will have a much harder time seeing you through their green haze. And believe me, everyone will have an opinion. The majority of my reactions were positive; most of these women were happy to try on my new 'bauble'. With the negative reactions, I usually said something self deprecating (how low of a color it is, how the ring makes my un-manicured nails look even nastier, etc). I know for a fact that most PSer's just cringed with this advice, but it's more important to me to build my relationships up, and I'm happy to take one on the chin for it. Just remember, just because someone says something mean and nasty--it doesn't make them mean and nasty. If I lost a friend for every insensitive thing I said, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have any friends...and I sure as heck wouldn't have a husband.

Disclaimer: That was my 2 cents, I'm sorry it was long
just because you disagree, doesn't mean I'm wrong

This is interesting advice! Seeing one's diamond as a thing, not a symbol, works for me too. I don't tend to try to make others feel that way, but when *I* feel that way then I am less touchy or bothered by comments -- or lack thereof. It separates the ring from *me*, so comments dont matter very much.

If you opt for the bolded, be sure you only do it when its a nasty comment coming your way! My MIL makes deprecating remarks about her ring in response to genuine compliments, too, perhaps because she is overly sensitive and sees insult everywhere. I have noted it makes the complimenter quite uncomfortable, like its rejecing the compliment. Of course, then one has to evaluate every comment for whether the intent is good or ill to know how to respond, which can lead to its own interpersonal problems. Seems like a lot of work!

 

[kenny]

Just do whatever you want.

Remember that wonderful saying, "What others think of me is none of my business."

If you can't escape this living for what others think, then don't upgrade.
You want their approval more than the diamond.

Whichever you chose (the upgrade or their approval) you win because you are getting what you wanted more.

 

[chrono]

My MIL makes deprecating remarks about her ring in response to genuine compliments, too, perhaps because she is overly sensitive and sees insult everywhere. I have noted it makes the complimenter quite uncomfortable, like its rejecing the compliment. Of course, then one has to evaluate every comment for whether the intent is good or ill to know how to respond, which can lead to its own interpersonal problems. Seems like a lot of work!

Dreamer,
Just a different perspective from the Asian culture, even though you aren't, but the same concept applies. The way your MIL is reacting to compliments is a humble way of accepting them so as not to appear to be bragging about her jewellery.

 

[DiamondDD]

Im just concerned with what people will think. My previous ring was by no means small. I do not have an underlying regret of the upgrade itself. Its just that I feel that people are always looking at me and judging me by what I have-Iv heard comments pass in the past about "my parents being rich and her daddy probably bought that for her etc. Its just something iv been insecure about. Yes I was brought up in a upper middle class enviroment and when I married my husband who was a blu collar worker with blu collar - friends theyve always looked at me different. Little do they know my parents whom were immigrants who worked extrmeley hard to get where we all are today. Were a young group of friends still-were all just getting engaged, married or just having babies. Maybe this will clarify my standing a tad bit.

Again-iv always been fascinated with diamonds its just something I love to look at-so when i was presented with the opportunity to upgrade- I figured WHY NOT! but then slowly became regretting it by the thought of "what will I say to everyone when they notice and what will they think of me"... I am very proud at the fact that we can- but its that first reaction by everyone I wish I could avoid.

 

[kenny]

Im just concerned with what people will think. My previous ring was by no means small. I do not have an underlying regret of the upgrade itself. Its just that I feel that people are always looking at me and judging me by what I have-Iv heard comments pass in the past about "my parents being rich and her daddy probably bought that for her etc. Its just something iv been insecure about. Yes I was brought up in a upper middle class enviroment and when I married my husband who was a blu collar worker with blu collar - friends theyve always looked at me different. Little do they know my parents whom were immigrants who worked extrmeley hard to get where we all are today. Were a young group of friends still-were all just getting engaged, married or just having babies. Maybe this will clarify my standing a tad bit.

Again-iv always been fascinated with diamonds its just something I love to look at-so when i was presented with the opportunity to upgrade- I figured WHY NOT! but then slowly became regretting it by the thought of "what will I say to everyone when they notice and what will they think of me"... I am very proud at the fact that we can- but its that first reaction by everyone I wish I could avoid.

Don't upgrade.
Approval from others is more important to you.

 

[Niel]

Ive you are worried about what people will think but want another diamond maybe consider an alternative route. Diamond Earrings, Diamond necklace, RHR...

I mean you could spread it out over a few different items, and then it doesnt necessarily have the same connotations as one large rock does. Especially sense it sounds like you might be uncomfortable wearing that large of a stone all the time, sense you said you might only consider wearing it on special occasions.

 

[junebug17]

Hmm, I'm starting to think maybe you should hold off on the upgrade for a bit...only because I think your self-consciousness about it is going to keep you from enjoying it! It sounds like you're going to be stressed out worrying about other people's reactions, and that's no fun. Maybe if you wait a few years you won't care as much.

But honestly, the ball is in your court! I wouldn't even say anything to anybody about the upgrade, and if someone comments just say it's an early anniversary present. If you don't make a big deal out of it, there's a good chance nobody else will. Who knows - you're assuming people are going to make a big deal about it, but they might not. But again, if you're going to be nervous about people's reactions, maybe it's better to hold off until you reach a point in your life where you don't care as much about what other people think.

 

[Dreamer_D]

My MIL makes deprecating remarks about her ring in response to genuine compliments, too, perhaps because she is overly sensitive and sees insult everywhere. I have noted it makes the complimenter quite uncomfortable, like its rejecing the compliment. Of course, then one has to evaluate every comment for whether the intent is good or ill to know how to respond, which can lead to its own interpersonal problems. Seems like a lot of work!

Dreamer,
Just a different perspective from the Asian culture, even though you aren't, but the same concept applies. The way your MIL is reacting to compliments is a humble way of accepting them so as not to appear to be bragging about her jewellery.

Yes, now that you mention it, Chrono, I have read about that cultural norm in East Asian cultures. It is fairly counter-normative in Western culture to respond that way though! I am now curious if it is normative for people of her cultural background, which is Western but not typical "majority" Canadian/US Western. I am going to look into it! Its interesting from a psychological perspective and cultural perspective.

 

[distracts]

Im just concerned with what people will think. My previous ring was by no means small. I do not have an underlying regret of the upgrade itself. Its just that I feel that people are always looking at me and judging me by what I have-Iv heard comments pass in the past about "my parents being rich and her daddy probably bought that for her etc. Its just something iv been insecure about. Yes I was brought up in a upper middle class enviroment and when I married my husband who was a blu collar worker with blu collar - friends theyve always looked at me different. Little do they know my parents whom were immigrants who worked extrmeley hard to get where we all are today. Were a young group of friends still-were all just getting engaged, married or just having babies. Maybe this will clarify my standing a tad bit.

Again-iv always been fascinated with diamonds its just something I love to look at-so when i was presented with the opportunity to upgrade- I figured WHY NOT! but then slowly became regretting it by the thought of "what will I say to everyone when they notice and what will they think of me"... I am very proud at the fact that we can- but its that first reaction by everyone I wish I could avoid.

I am an upper-middle class girl with friends of all different social standings, and no one comments negatively or weirdly about the fact that I am more financially privileged than they are. All they comment is that I'm lucky to be in that position, which is true and which I'm grateful for. I really believe that if your "friends" are making NEGATIVE comments, they are not really your friends. Seriously. Anyone who actually resents your family's success and you and your husband's success isn't a friend. Or even an acquaintance you should be voluntarily spending time with. Everyone knows people who are better off than they are. Only a few choose to be petty about it. And if your husband's friends are the ones saying these things, he needs to be shutting them up, whether by telling them those comments are unacceptable or by explaining that you guys worked hard to get what you have and you are going to enjoy it however you see fit, including buying large sparkly things with it.

 

[nj12345]

My MIL makes deprecating remarks about her ring in response to genuine compliments, too, perhaps because she is overly sensitive and sees insult everywhere. I have noted it makes the complimenter quite uncomfortable, like its rejecing the compliment. Of course, then one has to evaluate every comment for whether the intent is good or ill to know how to respond, which can lead to its own interpersonal problems. Seems like a lot of work!

Dreamer,
Just a different perspective from the Asian culture, even though you aren't, but the same concept applies. The way your MIL is reacting to compliments is a humble way of accepting them so as not to appear to be bragging about her jewellery.

***
This is definitely interesting, as I am Asian myself (and currently in the process of creating a 4 ct asscher ering with my bf too!). While I definitely understand our culture's way of "humbly" accepting something through deprecating remarks, other peoples' opinions and potential snarky comments on a ring of this size/upgrade hasn't even occured to me. Not once! To me, the ering is a symbol of love and something special for you and your future husband to enjoy. If you enjoy the ct size your upgrade will be, and you are fortunate enough to have a loving partner who can make that dream ring come true, I think you should wear it with pride! And by wearing with pride, I mean appreciating that special creation you and your hubby have made, which can be different from blatantly rubbing it in other peoples' faces (although I don't mind when my newly engaged friends do that, either... we should be happy for each other! but that's just me.) If I got any snarky comments, I would stay positive and say "there are so many different types of rings out there, but I just fell in love with this one " or "well, we had a wonderful time putting this one together!". I mean erings these days are so expensive, why put yours down?!

Overall I wouldn't worry about other peoples' thoughts or snarkiness. The right people in your life will be happy for you no matter what, and if this upgrade makes you and your partner happy, I think you should show it. Best of luck!!

 

[DiamondDD]

Thank you all for your advise! I sincerely appreciate all your inputs, they were all great and I'm glad to have joined such a great group of new friends we will see what the ring looks like on Tuesday. I'll try and post pics!