When people won't shut up...

[amc80]

And now, a vent.

My bf and I are going on a cruise late next month. We will be part of a group of 9, made up of my family. People (friends, family members) keep asking me if the bf is going to propose on the trip. I KNOW he's not- the money for the ring just isn't there yet, and he isn't the type to do a temp ring or no ring. Even when I say that, I get a response like "it doesn't matter, I still think he will." I mean I know there's a chance, but if I were to realistically put the odds on it happening, it would be less than 5%. I'm not anticipating it at all.

So what can I say when people bring it up? I want to make it clear that I honestly don't think it will happen, and I'm not just saying it to be coy or whatever. It would be one thing if people would stop the line of questioning after I tell them it won't happen...but it just goes on and on and on. And I really don't want the endless questions to make me think it might happen and set myself up for disappointment...because logically, this isn't the time for it.

 

[Loverlover85]

My coworker's are the same way. Theyre guys, I'm a girl. I know I'm getting engaged by January but I keep it private from them. They think every little thing means he'll propose.
I don't know why they do it. Maybe just for conversation? Or maybe to make you feel pressured? It doesn't sound like you ask for their reassurance but they sound like they're giving it! I think just brush it off, just say to them what I say "no thanks." It kind of works, they won't keep digging for a reaction if you make them think you really don't care.

 

[sillyberry]

That totally happened to me on a trip I took in summer '09 with then-boyfriend. I didn't think he would propose, but everyone said he would and it totally got my hopes up and then I ended up having a total crazy meltdown at my best friend's wedding (talking about that was actually one of my very first LIW posts...). It was less than charming and I'm surprised he didn't dump me right then.

I would smile, tell them he's not proposing, and if they keep at you, just look at them and ask "why are you badgering me about this? If it happens, amazing, but if not, do you want me disappointed after getting my hopes up?" It's a pretty shaming response to someone who is supposed to care about your well-being.

 

[maebelle]

I have a co-worker who does the same thing! Any little thing makes her automatically jump to "He's Proposing!!>!1!" It's annoying, since I know he isn't, but she did the same thing when she was waiting for her own proposal, so I think she is just easily excited.

People just love engagements (I mean, look at us here!) and when you are at a certain time in your life it's all you talk about. Just let them babble on and maybe they'll get bored

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

Just tell them you really don't think it'll happen because he doesn't have the money yet. Then after they say they think it'll still happen just say well, I'd like to keep my mind off of it because if for some reason it did happen I would really like it to be a surprise. If I think about it too much and am reminded about it too much I feel like it won't be as special. They'll probably quit mentioning it after that. Hope it works!

 

[blacksand]

It's tough, but I think you have to take it as a kind of a compliment. These people think you're in a great relationship, they believe you'll have a great future together, and they are excitedly waiting for a proposal, just like you. Nobody is trying to badger you or purposely setting you up for disappointment, of course. I think it's wonderful that so many people support your relationship. I love when people ask me when he's going to propose. I guess I just like thinking that these people are/will be happy for us. And I just tell them "we're working on it," and then let it go. I don't let it go to my head or get my hopes up because of it. I know, for example, that we’re going on vacation next week, several people have asked if he’s going to propose then, but I know he won’t. Just like yours, my boyfriend won’t propose without a ring, and we don’t have a ring yet. So that’s that. I know what the situation is so I don’t get my hopes up based on what other people (outside of our relationship) are saying. I just take it as a sign of support for our relationship, smile, and then carry on doing exactly what I would be doing anyway. He’s going to propose soon enough, so I just don’t let stuff like that get to me.

 

[kagordo4]

I hope you have a fun and relaxing cruise : ) Whatever happens, happens, right?

Where are you guys going?

 

[amc80]

I hope you have a fun and relaxing cruise : ) Whatever happens, happens, right?

Where are you guys going?

Mexican Riviera. I'm so excited. It's right after Thanksgiving which results in a long time away from work. Yay for that!

We are both looking forward to it. It will be our first real vacation together (more than a weekend).

 

[amc80]

It's tough, but I think you have to take it as a kind of a compliment. These people think you're in a great relationship, they believe you'll have a great future together, and they are excitedly waiting for a proposal, just like you. Nobody is trying to badger you or purposely setting you up for disappointment, of course. I think it's wonderful that so many people support your relationship. I love when people ask me when he's going to propose. I guess I just like thinking that these people are/will be happy for us. And I just tell them "we're working on it," and then let it go. I don't let it go to my head or get my hopes up because of it. I know, for example, that we’re going on vacation next week, several people have asked if he’s going to propose then, but I know he won’t. Just like yours, my boyfriend won’t propose without a ring, and we don’t have a ring yet. So that’s that. I know what the situation is so I don’t get my hopes up based on what other people (outside of our relationship) are saying. I just take it as a sign of support for our relationship, smile, and then carry on doing exactly what I would be doing anyway. He’s going to propose soon enough, so I just don’t let stuff like that get to me.

I see your point. And, honestly, I would much rather have people hoping he's going to propose than not!

But, I'm really not looking forward to coming back to work and having people ask me if I'm engaged. And I know they will. I think I'll take the suggestion of another post I read on here- if I get asked if I'm engaged, I'll just say "why would I buy the cow when I'm getting the milk for free?"

 

[blacksand]

Well, there you go!

See, I think it's cute of people to ask "so when are you going to get engaged?" but I agree that it's rude for your coworkers to ask "so, did he propose this weekend?" or the like and for you to then have to say no. That's inconsiderate of them, and they really should wait until you tell them if something happened. Still, I think the best course of action is to assume they mean well, even if they're being a bit rude about it, and don't let it get to you. You're going on a fabulous cruise, you're going to have a great time, and you're going to be engaged very soon. Really, is there a downside here?

 

[PrincessNatalie]

And now, a vent.

My bf and I are going on a cruise late next month. We will be part of a group of 9, made up of my family. People (friends, family members) keep asking me if the bf is going to propose on the trip. I KNOW he's not- the money for the ring just isn't there yet, and he isn't the type to do a temp ring or no ring. Even when I say that, I get a response like "it doesn't matter, I still think he will." I mean I know there's a chance, but if I were to realistically put the odds on it happening, it would be less than 5%. I'm not anticipating it at all.

So what can I say when people bring it up? I want to make it clear that I honestly don't think it will happen, and I'm not just saying it to be coy or whatever. It would be one thing if people would stop the line of questioning after I tell them it won't happen...but it just goes on and on and on. And I really don't want the endless questions to make me think it might happen and set myself up for disappointment...because logically, this isn't the time for it.

Say this

 

[lovetorenovate]

Yes, I'd consider it a compliment... that's a really good point (and I need to remind myself of this). People are constantly asking me the same thing - or telling me that they are "sure he will this weekend" type stuff. You know who's the worst at it - my ex husband. He suggested when I told him we were going to the beach with the kids for a week in June that my bf was going to propose there.

When I was SO sure my proposal was coming over the weekend I told a few friends... I told two of them that it didn't happen, the other couple are surely just waiting until they see me next to pounce on my new ring - which I don't have yet and really have no clue when I'll get.

 

[zipzapgirl]

It's a tough time when everyone is really excited and expectant, but the ups and downs start playing with your head.

For the people on the cruise: I think you need to find two or three people you can level with--choose the people you are closest with or who are closest to the people who might make the most comments --and have a serious conversation. No joking, just "Hey, I want to level with you and let you know the situation and I need your help in keeping the comments down from everyone". I think if you get a couple of people on your side who understand and can help you steer the conversation away and make it clear that speculation on the engagement will not be a form of entertainment for the vacation, then you'll be a lot better off.

For other people: I'd go with the alternately vague or witty comeback responses. No use in setting these people straight because there are too many of them and their curiousity is meant to be benign interest and excitement in your life. Just let it roll off your back.

Have fun on the cruise!!