What's Your Experience of Multi-Millionaires?

[Jambalaya]

I have friends across the entire socio-economic sprectrum, from people who left school at 15 and don't have much money to very wealthy people. This includes three people who are amazingly wealthy. All three have multi-millions, including one who is worth approx. $50m.

All three of the super-wealthy friends seem to have very little sense of humor, and I would say are actually quite dull compared to my "normal" friends. As in, they have virtually no witty repartee, they don't laugh much, and are just quite serious.

I'm wondering if they only sparkle in front of other multimillionaires!

My dad had a friend who was worth multimillions, and HE was full of sparkle!

It's true that three people isn't exactly a huge sample size, but I was wondering what your experience is of VERY wealthy people.

And if you ARE one of those people, do you only come to life in front of those who are on your financial level??

Background: One person is a doctor, one is a partner in a huge law firm, and one inherited all his money from his wife. The doctor also inherited a lot from her husband, although she also makes 500k a year, and the third one also makes around $500k but also has a very wealthy wife.

 

[strawrose]

It really depends. Some people have zero hard money to their name but like to spend big until the stock market crashes. Others pinch every penny and shop at Goodwill while hoarding millions with a stable portfolio. Then, there’s people who have money and spend big.

 

[Matata]

I know 4 multi millionaires. Two are still working and their arseholes are tightly puckered from owning their own businesses and working with high profile uber rich clients. They are always "on" when we're out together because they never know when they'll run into others in their elite group. They are very guarded about what they say in public and dinner out with them is challenging as they are well known and people would love to hear gossip about their famous clients.
They've said they have to keep up appearances (designer everything) otherwise their clients won't have faith that they can properly manage their bucketloads of money and earn them even more bucketloads of money. They aren't shy about spending money and make no attempt at frugality.

The 3rd was this way until he retired and he's quite relaxed and fun to be around now. The 4th pinched every penny until it shouted for mercy and gets his kicks from finding bargains even though his very stable assets are upwards of $50 million. He recently retired and is now an even bigger scrooge. Getting the best deal on something will always be the thing that brings him the most joy. Two weeks ago he regaled me with a very very very long tale about saving a dime -- yes, ten cents -- on something he purchased. His cheeks and eyes were aglow and his demeanor was akin to a 5 yr old discovering buried treasure.

All 4 are nice people but I like spending regular time only with one.

 

[Bron357]

Decades ago I worked in a local bank and we had a nice but fairly modest house in this very expensive suburb. We had plenty of really rich customers wearing masses of jewellery and getting thousands of dollars in Travellers Checks for their frequent overseas holidays (this was long before credit cards and ATMS). Many were “in your face” about how wealthy they were! And very demanding and not very polite!
One lady used to come in every month and get a $50 or so international bank draft to buy books from the U.K on subscription. Lovely elderly lady. No jewellery, no fancy clothes just very ordinary. She had had a fall apparently and was unable to make it up to the bank. She needed to pay her subscription so the Bank manager sent me off to her house to get signatures (I was the International clerk!) and this was the “olden days” and this sort of extra service wasn’t unusual btw!
OMG. OMG.
She lived in the massive, like totally amazing full waterfront property with views of Sydney Harbor. The private nurse let me inside and I gawped at the original paintings worth millions on the walls and antique furniture and a ton of amazing stuff. It was like an Art Gallery and fine Museum in one.
I got her signature and the address so I could send off her bank draft for her as well (the post office wasn’t too far away).
A few weeks later she came up to the bank with hot scones, home made jam and fresh cream for our morning tea break as a thank you.
She was all class.

 

[stracci2000]

I used to live in a modest brick 3 bedroom ranch-style home.
The elderly couple next door also lived in a modest brick 3 bedroom ranch style home.
Then we found out that this couple owned half the real estate in town, and the guy was a multi-millionaire. And he was notoriously cheap. They drove an old woody station wagon, and he would hit golf balls across his back yard into the woods, then go out and find them all in the high weeds.

 

[nala]

My father and mother in law are the only multi millionaires that I personally know. Mother in law is down to earth, father in law is very detached. Not just to me. The whole family says that. They know other multi millionaires but since they are all elderly, we don’t really get invited out to mingle with them. In laws raised a very humble son, my hubby. He is very giving and rarely treats himself. And no, hubby doesn’t bank on inheriting wealth. He says he has no expectations Bc it’s their money. Not that we’ve discussed it more than a couple of times. In laws are very generous every xmas. I joke with hubby that All my mom gets me is a tamale while he gets a big fat check. They also love to treat the family to vacations. This will be the first year that I take them up on it and it makes me very uncomfortable. I’m only accepting Bc they are getting up there in age and hubby won’t go without me. They refuse to let us pay anything. I’m not going to insist Bc they picked the time and place without consulting us. Lol. I will add that sis in law is very spoiled.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Growing up my aunt had a friend (let's call her "Amy") who we would see all the time, and she was the NICEST person. I knew she lived in NYC and I knew her husband had kind of an important job but I never really understood the scope of her wealth until we visited her when I was looking at colleges.

She lived in a penthouse, had a car and driver, her closet looked like a Neiman Marcus and had a chandelier in it

She was really nice. I remember she had a collection of goody bags in her closet from events and she was like "Take them with you, I'll never use them!" I got a full sized bottle of Clinique Happy and that yellow Clinique moisturizer in one of them, which was like winning the 17 year old girl lottery back then.

What a great memory! I haven't seen her in many years but she was fun and outgoing. I don't think she came from money, her husband did and was also successful in his own right. She was very pretty and outgoing, funny, energetic. He was kind of a "square" (but very nice as well) while she was social and kept their calendar full.

 

[redwood66]

My grandfather was a multi-millionaire but when he passed there was strife in the family and much of it was squandered by siblings and lawyers. He never lived like one though and you wouldn't know it by looking at him. I worked at a stock brokerage firm when I was young and the richest clients were always the least obvious.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I've seen a few, mostly old money. Mostly I find what jambalaya said in her op true and couldn't say it any better than matata

Two are still working and their arseholes are tightly puckered from owning their own businesses

lol.
The three wealthiest individuals I know are very quiet and guarded, having been brought up with the (very noble) sentiment "noblesse oblige" but also with the constant reminder that people MIGHT not be really honest with them, just wanting their money. Bit sad, actually. And didn't stop the billionaire heir to fall for an obnoxious gold digger... In spite of being a class act himself ...



On the other hand I was loose friends with an actual footballer's wife, who was super nice, natural, down to earth, , fun and a loving mom. All around lovely family, including the sweet daughters in spite of the tens of millions of new money. So it's a mix of character and education, I guess.

 

[jordyonbass]

I've come to know quite a lot of multi-millionaires but I especially knew them in my teen years - that was when I did most of my game fishing. You know that the guys who own the big boats are worth a lot more coin if that's their weekend toys considering some of the club boats are worth up to $3 million.

Most of the people I knew were great people, literally started off with nothing and built their empire and those people were the most down to earth. The inherited wealth types were hit and miss; some I didn't like, some were nice people.
Because of the boating/fishing scene, everyone there was pretty careless with their spending. I remember seeing one guy show up with nearly $30k in new rods and reels one season. This was 2003-2006 when times were good and while a lot still do fish, they probably don't as often.

The one exception to the rules was one guy who came into wealth via his own business but then married his wife who had a lot more money - that guy is one of the most insufferable people I've ever met. But nobody in the scene likes him so I'm not the only person who thinks he is beyond unsavoury.

I was a young fella at the time and I wonder now if they were just nice because I was young. If I were to get to know them now as a 31 year old bloke I wonder if I would think they are so nice.

 

[Ally T]

My ex was a self made gazillionaire. He was a complete b@stard, arrogant beyond belief, controlling & manipulative of everyone around him. I loved him, but it was only once I removed myself from the anxieties that my relationship with him brought to my life, that I saw all of this. His money made him far better than anyone else. The only time I ever saw him laugh, properly laugh & not just a fake laugh to humour the person he was with & get what he wanted, was with me. We certainly had a spark & it took me leaving for him to show his true, softer side with real hurt, real tears & emotion. If he had been like that for more than 2% of the time & wasn’t such a sh!t, then I expect we would have married. The hurt didn’t last for long though. He married someone else the following year & emailed me to ask for his jewellery gifts back. I had already sold them on eBay

My little sister however, spent 4 years living with another very rich man, who had a 5 car garage & chose the colour of his Ferrari that day depending on his clothing. He was the salt of the earth - he was AMAZING! He was hysterically funny, generous to a fault, caring & very handsome. He doted on my sister, but towards the end of their relationship she was struggling with mental health issues & depression. She became quite reclusive & didn’t want to pull him down with her, so she chose to walk away. She broke his heart & whilst I have never made contact with him, I hear through mutual friends that he has remained resolutely single & concentrates on his charity work. He never asked for the gifts back. My sister went on to marry a lovely guy who isn’t wealthy. They have a basic home, a son & another baby on the way. She is always struggling for money, but refuses to sell her Rolex or big diamonds - she never takes them off. After she had left her wealthy home for good, she boxed up & took her watch & jewellery back over to him, but he refused to take them. He told her to use them in whatever way would benefit her life, either wearing them or selling them. Honestly, this guy was a diamond.

I have several multi-millionaire friends & aquaintences & I have to say, from my personal experience, those that inherited their money are the nicer ones. The self-made people definitely look down their nose at others on occasion. For me, the friends who inherited their money were always taught the value of it & not to fritter or waste. One of my best friends is a Trust Fund Baby, who has never worked a day in her life. She would give you the shirt off her back & volunteers for anything & everything. She has her faults, but her heart is very generous & kind. After being here for her through the decision to leave her husband a few years ago & listening whilst she argued with herself about what to do, she arrived at my door with a bag of Luis Vuitton gifts. It was unnecessary, but just very much S - she is always appreciative of her friends & what we bring to her life.

 

[missy]

Hahaha you know that quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald? Most people know it as "The rich are not like you and me" but the full quote is:

“Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we
are. They are different. ”

I don't happen to completely agree with the above quote. We have very rich friends and where it counts we are similar. People can possess good qualities and bad. Whether one has money or not does not change those qualities. Good and evil exists in both rich and poor and those in between independent of their wealth.

My dh and I once stayed at a very exclusive resort where mainly the super rich go to vacation. The super rich are not like you and me. Nope. Superficially they are quite different. One offered to fly us home (a 6 hour drive) in his private plane. As an example. I mean we don't own a private plane and in fact for a 6 hour drive we are not going to even charter a private plane.

However they were all really nice (they did not realize we were "ordinary" people but I don't think they would have been less gracious or nice if they knew) and super gracious. I had just been diagnosed and dealing with a neurological health issue that caused my face to flush and burn when warm and even though it impacted everyone staying there at the time they insisted the beautiful fire in the fireplace in the dining room be extinguished for my comfort. I mean they did not even know me but wanted me to be comfortable.

So while the very rich might be very different superficially where it counts we are similar. The human existence.
Where are they different mainly? They are different because they have more money. (attributed falsely to Hemingway but it contains truth).

Poor people are not morally superior to rich people just like rich people aren't better than poor people. People are people.

Deep down we have more in common with each other than we don't. IMO.

 

[AprilBaby]

I don’t know any millionaires.

 

[lyra]

Oh, the stories I could tell but can't because of NDA's. Just generalizing, they're frugal, have no real idea how the middle class live, they think they're doing you favours when they're not and they're quite entitled. Some are downright horrible people. Now these aren't just millionaires, these are billionaires. Most are new money. The men cheat on their wives and end up divorced. The kids are a mixed bag. Some are sweet, some are very messed up. Old money is different. They are entitled, and you should be grateful to be in their employ. Their kids aren't always successful because they have different values and have grown up with wealth and privilege.

 

[Gussie]

Oh, the stories I could tell but can't because of NDA's. Just generalizing, they're frugal, have no real idea how the middle class live, they think they're doing you favours when they're not and they're quite entitled. Some are downright horrible people. Now these aren't just millionaires, these are billionaires. Most are new money. The men cheat on their wives and end up divorced. The kids are a mixed bag. Some are sweet, some are very messed up. Old money is different. They are entitled, and you should be grateful to be in their employ. Their kids aren't always successful because they have different values and have grown up with wealth and privilege.

Exact same experience for me. I can't say much on a public forum. But the uber wealthy (billionaires) are definitely different. Money is an addiction. Period.

ETA I know quite a few multimillionaires (>50). They are all pretty nice, seem normal, and down to earth.

 

[redwood66]

I would think how the wealth was gained along with an added educational and generational aspect? My grandfather did not have a pot to pee in literally. The house the family lived in early on was a company logging camp shack with an outhouse.

 

[madelise]

My experience is that rich people are just like normal people. They vary in spending habits, personalities, passions, and fears.

Every other person you meet in the SF area is a multimillionaire from tech. I cannot tell the difference between a regular person from a very rich person until much later or if I know their resume /they’re published.

I know very wealthy people who don’t show it at all. I know normal people who flaunt everything. I know poor people who fake it.

The only person I’ve ever raised an eyebrow at is my neighbor. He owns 5 cars, and they’re worth over a million together. He takes his Lamborghini out often. We don’t exactly live in the nicest, frillier neighborhood, so it just baffles me a bit that he would park one of his $200k car on the public neighborhood street.

 

[vintageloves]

The millionaires I know are all low level multi-millionaires (think more than 2 million but most likely less than 5 and definitely less than 10). The one thing they have in common is that they are over the age of 60. Older people who bought a house have been able to sit on that property and rack up double, triple or more of their original investment depending on location. The rest is savings, 401K and IRA. If you have a professional income, it's not hard to be a mulit-millionaire by retirement age, in fact many financial planners would insist on it.

 

[bludiva]

I have some relatives who built up what must be a substantial fortune by being grasping, greedy, and opportunistic. They're not good people. Other financially successful folks I've known are typically low key and work hard and are smart with their money. When you live in SF, NY, LA, etc it's possible to be a multimillionare and not feel financially secure so there's no one size fits all. I do know people (and old boss comes to mind) born i to privilege who have no idea what it's like to struggle financially and are tone deaf on socioeconomic issues.

 

[lyra]

Oh, this one bugged me. The billionaire who doesn't bother to learn your name, after 2 years, yet gives you their PIN so you can do some banking favour for them. Okay, cool.

 

[baby monster]

only person I’ve ever raised an eyebrow at is my neighbor. He owns 5 cars, and they’re worth over a million together. He takes his Lamborghini out often. We don’t exactly live in the nicest, frillier neighborhood, so it just baffles me a bit that he would park one of his $200k car on the public neighborhood street.

My neighbor parks his Ferrari California and big range rover on the street. We don't live in a millionaire neighborhood but do live where it snows a lot. So the Ferrari gets plowed in under mounds of snow and salt in the winter.

 

[Elizabeth35]

I don't think you can make any generalizations. I know lots of multi-millionaires and most are very normal. But it's true that many of them are over 60 and have had many years to work and save.
Most are not flashy at all, simply people who have worked hard and are financially disciplined. Some are professionals with high incomes, some are entrepreneurs and business owners and some also have family money.
They are all nice and enjoyable to be around (I would avoid them otherwise). So there is not one personality type for wealthy people, any more than there is for those who are poor.

I think a lot of the negative stereotypes stem from normal human envy. I've been broke, and it's no fun seeing someone having a much easier time financially when you are struggling yourself.

 

[Tekate]

I have met and interact occassionally with a billionaire. I feel he's a good person and tries very hard to help the underprivileged BUT he's a snob, but he loves his kids tons, but he can be very mean with words... I don't live in his world (or any 100 below actually) but to me all these people seem normal but lead very very harried lives, here, there, private airplanes, SF, NYC, France etc.. but then again they seem normal. I know millionaires, but I'm not sure how many are multimillionaires which I consider 10million plus.. I do think many people have a few million in their accounts and they are just regular folks..

 

[jaysonsmom]

I work in a company where most "Chief" level executives are multi-millionaires, with a couple of billionaires in the mix. They are all hard-working, down to earth and frugal. None are flashy, and all are super friendly and personable. I ran into one of the them at a Mexican take-out in my neighborhood, and he came over and introduced himself to my husband and kids, and said "Hi, I'm John (made up name), I work with your wife". I interact with these people on a daily basis, and you'd never know they were multi-millionaires unless you had access to their bank statements.

 

[anne_h]

I know some people who started a business together and years later sold it; each one became a multi-millionaire... I'd guess $10-20M each. Most 'retired' at that point (I'd guess they were all mid-40s to mid-50s).

I knew them for many years and did not notice any changes in personality. But I did not like any of them enough to consider them friends so cannot comment from that angle.

I also know someone who once disclosed a net worth of $1M... this was a 'normal' person who had accumulated through regular saving & investing. But that person also thought they could have a second career as a day-trader, and actually ended up losing almost all of their nest egg. It's kind of a sad story actually. Especially for the spouse.

I currently live in a wealthy neighborhood. I have seen what I'd consider to be some arrogant and entitled people. But also some really nice and 'normal' ones.

Anne

 

[Jambalaya]

Very interesting replies. Thanks, everyone!

As I said above, four isn't exactly a huge sample size. But using that small sample, in MY experience, 75% of the super-wealthy people I know seem to have what a psychologist might call "flat effect". I wonder if appearing less engaged and amused in conversation is a way of asserting social dominance. Having said that, I know two "regular" folk who are masters at that.

 

[Rubymal]

I know quite a few wealthy people- having spent time in the nonprofit world and put on high-end donor events, some with even A-list celebs attending. They were all across the spectrum for me- some incredibly kind and humble, others quite arrogant.

The one that caught me off guard the most was actually my former coworker. I'm not sure about his personal wealth, but his family is one of the richest in the country. Old money. Had someone not told me, I would've had no idea. He is still to this day one of the kindest, most humble person I've ever met. He would strike up conversations with just about anyone (a frequent occurrence would be going to the vending machine together to grab a quick snack- if you didn't keep an eye on him, he'd disappear because he would find just about anyone to talk to and become friends with). He told me that growing up, his family would have him work different jobs on their estate including cleaning the stables, cleaning up the hotel rooms, etc. to teach him values. Really nice guy, I would've never expected him to come from such a prestigious background.

 

[Elizabeth35]

My experience is that wealthy people are not trying to assert any social dominance in regular conversation. It is possible that their vantage point and privilege make them behave differently. It also may be a difference in upbringing. Old money East Coast folks are different than people in CA with new money versus Midwest land money. All different, and there is old vs. new money in every region and in every social class.
And millionaire is hardly wealthy in todays economy-lol. $2M is quite different than $100M.
Billionaire--that's a different world for me, although one of our kids worked for one. They were normal but they have a level of security that millionaires do not have. That's a safety issue.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I don't know any rich people. My circle of friends are in the middle class.

 

[LittleRed]

I don't know any rich people. My circle of friends are in the middle class.

Same!