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What three questions would you ask to understand who a person truly is?

missy

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Let's say you can ask someone you want to get to know 3 questions. 3 questions that would really get to the heart of who that person is. What 3 questions would you ask?

calvinandhobbesquestioning.jpg

calvinandhobbessunnyfield.jpg
 

missy

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This is tough. To narrow it down to just 3 questions.

1. What are your most important values?

2. What do you do to make others lives better?

3. Are you living the life of your dreams, please explain.

I have lots more questions and narrowing it down was hard for me. As some of you can imagine I ask lots of questions IRL but if I had to narrow it down I guess the above 3 would be the questions I would ask. Though a close runner up would be

4. What makes you feel most alive and happy? But that relates to question 3 so I will leave it at that.
 

sarahb

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Great questions Missy. I suppose in my mind one of the biggies for me to understand a persons outlook on life would have to be centered around family background type questions. Where did they grow up, type of environment, for example: rural vs metro. Influences such as that can be quite defining of a person's personality traits. I'd have to think for all of us, our upbringing has a tremendous impact on who we are today. Then of course, the questions you posted would add in additional context.
 

House Cat

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I wouldn’t ask a person a single thing. I would observe how they treat their spouse, how they treat their children, and how they treat the waiter/janitor/bartender.
 

missy

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I wouldn’t ask a person a single thing. I would observe how they treat their spouse, how they treat their children, and how they treat the waiter/janitor/bartender.
This is so true. You can see who is someone is by how they treat people. From all different backgrounds.
 

missy

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Great questions Missy. I suppose in my mind one of the biggies for me to understand a persons outlook on life would have to be centered around family background type questions. Where did they grow up, type of environment, for example: rural vs metro. Influences such as that can be quite defining of a person's personality traits. I'd have to think for all of us, our upbringing has a tremendous impact on who we are today. Then of course, the questions you posted would add in additional context.
Yes that is true. Our childhood influences so much of our current situation. To a large degree we are a product of how we were raised. For better or worse.
 

Madam Bijoux

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I don’t ask questions- I let people reveal themselves bit by bit. But I always watch for these 3 things:
.The way they treat animals when they think nobody is watching
.The way they treat people who could never help them advance socially, professionally, or be of any other use to them
. The way they treat races and ethnicities other than their own when they think they are with like-minded people.
 

KristyDarling

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- I'd look at what their relationship with their parents is like - are they close? Loving? Mutually respectful? How you were raised is so formative to your worldview.
- I'd look at their circle of friends, because people tend to surround themselves with people who are similar to them in terms of values, interests, intellect, etc.
- I'd look at how they treat everyone around them, wait staff, colleagues, strangers in public, those less fortunate, those more fortunate, etc.
 

missy

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I don’t ask questions- I let people reveal themselves bit by bit. But I always watch for these 3 things:
.The way they treat animals when they think nobody is watching
.The way they treat people who could never help them advance socially, professionally, or be of any other use to them
. The way they treat races and ethnicities other than their own when they think they are with like-minded people.
I do this too. All the time when I meet people. I was just curious as to what questions you would ask that you think would reveal who people are. But if we were to choose I agree actions always speak louder than words. Every single time. I learned this lesson many times over most recently with a fake friend. Who talked a good game but over time reveled who she really was through her actions. So yes I wholeheartedly agree with you especially on the above 3 situations. 100% in agreement.
 

kipari

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Hmm, didn't read any answers yet on purpose...

People talk a lot, but you'll only know who they really are by their actions.
Been living there through this with several people recently.

All the nice talk about values and doing the right thing is oftentimes unfortunately worth nothing,when the own pocket / bank account is concerned.
 

kipari

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Having read @Madam Bijoux comment: This , basically.

Fun story
Shortest date ever for me: the well mannered guy who unleashed the very old world (and old school)charms of his noble upbringing on me. He elegantly (and slightly theatralically) held all doors open for me,but let the door slam shut quite nastily in front of a cleaning lady (she had her arms full of equipment). I pointed it out. He responded "one is not supposed to even acknowledge servants".I just said that our values don't match at all and called a cab. Buh -bye!!
 

missy

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Having read @Madam Bijoux comment: This , basically.

Fun story
Shortest date ever for me: the well mannered guy who unleashed the very old world (and old school)charms of his noble upbringing on me. He elegantly (and slightly theatralically) held all doors open for me,but let the door slam shut quite nastily in front of a cleaning lady (she had her arms full of equipment). I pointed it out. He responded "one is not supposed to even acknowledge servants".I just said that our values don't match at all and called a cab. Buh -bye!!
It's hard to believe there are people like this in the world. Mind boggling. :blackeye:
 

missy

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I have come across quite a few like this... truly appalling...

(Not to derail this thread ,but your current no.45 seems like EXACTLY that kind of person ,too)
Oh yes I completely agree. I am not a psychiatrist but I feel he must have some form of NPD.
 

moneymeister

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To know someone is to see how they react to life over a long period of time.
I have never made friends easily. Natural introvert who has made peace with the fact I am eternally awkward around new people.

To know someone better through three questions:
When you were a child, what was your favorite hobby?
What was the worst moment of your life (it would be informing, but maybe a little intense for a new friendship)
When did you meet your oldest friend and how did it happen?
 

missy

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To know someone is to see how they react to life over a long period of time.
I have never made friends easily. Natural introvert who has made peace with the fact I am eternally awkward around new people.

To know someone better through three questions:
When you were a child, what was your favorite hobby?
What was the worst moment of your life (it would be informing, but maybe a little intense for a new friendship)
When did you meet your oldest friend and how did it happen?
Love your questions. I am going to answer them if I may.

1. Writing. I loved writing and wrote many "books" as a child. My favorite one titled "Miss Day" about a school teacher. LOL I wonder where that "book" is now.

2. Losing my grandma who was relatively young. It was traumatic and sudden and horrific. I miss her so much 27 years later. My darling grandma. :(

3. In graduate school. We were seated next to each other because my last name begins with a W and so does his. We became fast friends and will be forever friends. Almost 35 years now and counting. He is my best buddy and a true friend.
OK just re read your question lol my reading comprehension sucks. My oldest friend would be my friend from second grade and we are still friends and communicate every single week. We have been friends for 47 years now and counting lol how is that possible. I am not that old. Oops I guess I am. :lol:

@moneymeister would you be willing to answer your questions? I would love to hear your answers.
 

moneymeister

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Missy, you are so sweet to answer mine. I had a giant "awwweeeee" moment. I will answer them after work. I'll also answer yours <3
 

missy

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Missy, you are so sweet to answer mine. I had a giant "awwweeeee" moment. I will answer them after work. I'll also answer yours <3
Thanks @moneymeister and I am looking forward to you sharing your answers.

After I replied to your 3 questions and as I was vacuuming it occurred to me that my oldest friend would be my sister. We are very close and always have been and she was born 2 years after I was born so that makes us friends for 52 years. Definitely my longest time friend.
 

missy

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moneymeister

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1. What are your most important values?

This is a great question. After thought I wondered if it was the values I hold most dear, or the values I bring to others. One is probably much more self-indulgent than the other. For the world, I bring support for causes that resonate in my heart and at home my family. For my husband, fierce loyalty. And truth. I love truth when I can find it. That is ridiculously broad, but it applies in so many ways. When I have the truth, even when it's ugly, I feel safer.

2. What do you do to make others lives better?
My day job: I support homeless programs and initiatives in the local government. I occasionally support people going through homelessness in a more personal way. I'm not a saint though...I went through homelessness in 2000 due to domestic violence.

After healing from that, I realized I could give back and use the experience for good. Part of me rejected a self-label of loser, homeless uneducated woman and I wanted to rewrite the book and be a hero in it (self serving), so maybe a point of pride. I went to school at night and tried to do better, and pick better people to be in my life. Part of me wants to go back and erase this and just say "It's a big fat secret, but I do stuff" so I don't lose the karma points for talking about it.

3. Are you living the life of your dreams, please explain.
Yes...I have a great and fulfilling job now, a super loving and supportive husband, a beautiful home. The normal boxes are all checked. I have come a long way. At one point so poor I taped the glass closed in my windows. Sometimes I watch the neighbours walking down the street. The mommys in cute track suits with adorable baby buggies, and the dogs. Lord, the dogs are KINDS of dogs. Not just mutts. I smile at the differences. In my old neighbourhood, we all had pitbulls. It's not better than, only different. I feel a little uneasy in both places now.

Ha, I kinda wrote a book here...on to my 3
 

moneymeister

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Missy, I have always just liked you. I love your answers and can see a busy little girl writing away. Look, and here you are, still writing. I wonder if the natural inclinations we had as a child are always our most natural selves.

I am so sorry to hear about how terrible the loss of your grandmother was to you. I like to think that the people lost to us are still with us and check in from time to time. In my view (or my hope) they guide us sometimes. Grandmothers are so wonderful.

It's so wonderful you still have those long friendships! Also extremely lucky to have a close friendship with your sister.

I appreciate you taking the time to answer the questions. I am honored you did.
I promised my answers:

When you were a child, what was your favorite hobby?
Drawing...I would draw for hours. Princesses, dragons, dressed and jewelry. I am really happy when I draw and paint and need to do more of it as therapy to offset the job stress.

What was the worst moment of your life (it would be informing, but maybe a little intense for a new friendship). Losing my father. He was my harbor in a highly dysfunctional relationship with my mom, who has some undiagnosed disorder of some type. As the years have gone on, that has healed somewhat, but he was an angel and kept me on keel.

When did you meet your oldest friend and how did it happen?
A co-worker that was about my age in my 20's. We still see each other sometimes. When I wrote this question I thought about my husband, who is one of the best people I know and has maintained 30 and 40 year friendships with a few people that are still really close. I have always admired longevity in a relationship and am jealous of the long ones of close friendships.
 

missy

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@moneymeister thank you and I feel the same way about you. It is so lovely getting to know more about you. Thank you for answering and thank you for allowing me a glimpse into your life. (((Hugs))).
 
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