I recently read the book What Made Maddy Run, and it has affected me quite deeply. I have known three people who died by suicide. Two of them I knew fairly well, and one I barely knew, but worked with.
For anyone who doesn't know, the book is about Madison Holleran, a 19-year-old UPenn track star who had no known history of mental illness but who quickly became overwhelmed with college and the demands of track and field. She attempted to give up track but was persuaded to stay, and soon after she took her own life by taking a running jump off the top of a parking garage in Philadelphia, not long after the start of her second semester in January 2014.
I understand someone having suicidal thoughts when they have depression and things are tough. It's much harder to understand how someone can summon the will to commit that final act of fatal violence against their own person. Madison posted a beautiful image of a square in Philly to Instagram less than two hours before she died, and she bumped into someone she knew and chatted with them moments before climbing to the top of the parking garage. It really defies comprehension.
Apparently there is something called cognitive constriction, where the person just doesn't see any way out, and suicide seems like the only escape.
Here's her Instagram, that her family left up. See the image of the square. In fact, the first three images, the ones across the top, were all taken in the days or hours before she died. And she looks so happy! Just incredible. What a lesson in how social media can differ from reality.
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In two of the people I knew who died by suicide, their lives were improving. One of them had found the love of her life (according to her). The other had recovered from a nervous breakdown, had visited her brother in Australia for an extended period and had come home to a great new job offer.
None of the good things seemed to make a difference at the moment when they took their own lives.
I wish I could understand.
Maddy's tale, especially, is a very cautionary tale about how easily anyone can be overwhelmed by - and die from - mental illness. Thinking about her story made me realize how important it is to look after our mental health at the first signs of distress, so that hopefully we never get to the point that Maddy did. And to be kind to ourselves.
Here's a moving trailer for "What Made Maddy Run."
For anyone who doesn't know, the book is about Madison Holleran, a 19-year-old UPenn track star who had no known history of mental illness but who quickly became overwhelmed with college and the demands of track and field. She attempted to give up track but was persuaded to stay, and soon after she took her own life by taking a running jump off the top of a parking garage in Philadelphia, not long after the start of her second semester in January 2014.
I understand someone having suicidal thoughts when they have depression and things are tough. It's much harder to understand how someone can summon the will to commit that final act of fatal violence against their own person. Madison posted a beautiful image of a square in Philly to Instagram less than two hours before she died, and she bumped into someone she knew and chatted with them moments before climbing to the top of the parking garage. It really defies comprehension.
Apparently there is something called cognitive constriction, where the person just doesn't see any way out, and suicide seems like the only escape.
Here's her Instagram, that her family left up. See the image of the square. In fact, the first three images, the ones across the top, were all taken in the days or hours before she died. And she looks so happy! Just incredible. What a lesson in how social media can differ from reality.
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In two of the people I knew who died by suicide, their lives were improving. One of them had found the love of her life (according to her). The other had recovered from a nervous breakdown, had visited her brother in Australia for an extended period and had come home to a great new job offer.
None of the good things seemed to make a difference at the moment when they took their own lives.
I wish I could understand.
Maddy's tale, especially, is a very cautionary tale about how easily anyone can be overwhelmed by - and die from - mental illness. Thinking about her story made me realize how important it is to look after our mental health at the first signs of distress, so that hopefully we never get to the point that Maddy did. And to be kind to ourselves.
Here's a moving trailer for "What Made Maddy Run."
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