What is the hardest thing you've had to endure?

[minidancer]

How did you cope, and do you feel you are a better person because of it?

Or if you don't want to share something so personal, what is the best advice for someone going through a hard time?

 

[Nyc2chigal]

I've had a few periods like this so far in my life. I can't say which is worse.

But as cliche and dumb it sounds, time helped a little.
Time does heal, in that it helps you forget some of the more painful parts.

That, and huge support from loved ones.

 

[monarch64]

My first marriage. Divorce. Labor (as in labor/delivery). I think anything that causes stress builds strength. Just like muscles.

If you are going through a tough time, I suggest reading Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now. It helped me put things in perspective several years ago.

 

[ruby59]

Trying to have children. I could get pregnant easily enough, but carrying them to term was a different story. I had at least 7 confirmed miscarriages and none of the doctors knew why? I would hold my breath everyime I went to the bathroom, wondering if this is the day I would start to bleed. It certainly did make me appreciate my role as a mother. And when my 3rd came along as a happy surprise, even though I was told I would have to lay on my side for months and it would significantly increase my chances of getting diabetes, I did not care. What I went through made me appreciate her even more.

 

[momhappy]

I would never share my personal hardships on an online forum, but my advice would be to let it go and move on. The worst thing you can do in your life is to carry around negativity like a chip on your shoulder. Your can choose to be happy.
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology that you never got."
-R. Brault

 

[Maisie]

I was pregnant with twins and one died during the pregnancy. It was extremely distressing as I had to give birth to both babies when I went into labour. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. Happy to have one living baby while grieving for the other one.

My daughter had a miscarriage at 11 weeks pregnant in January. She came here and I cared for her for a week till she felt able to go home. (She lives 180 miles away). It was devastating to see her suffer so much. She miscarried again a few weeks ago and was alone in the house. I was on FaceTime trying to support her. It was the worst thing I've had to deal with. She was in agony and I was too far away to help her.

My loss helped me to understand her sadness but because I didn't miscarry I had no idea how bad it is. I hope I was of some use to her but I felt completely helpless.

 

[kalomeli]

Finding one of my best friends dead this February. He died at the age of 26 of natural causes and totally unexpectedly. We just got there a few moments too late. I think that the only thing that will help is time.

 

[kenny]

Too painful and personal to post about.

 

[random_thought]

Secondary infertility. I've had a child and was pregnant within 7 months of trying with no intervention. Now it has been almost 3 years since I have started trying

I've had a surgery to remove stage 3 endometriosis and keep going between diagnosis of having pcos and not having it. On the plus side my dh is completely healthy. However, I have extreme feelings of guilt and depression for not being able to give him the large family he always dreamed of. My RE has recommended that I get a hysterectomy before I turn 35 (5 years from now) because my endometriosis spreads just so fast and hard. My son keeps asking when there will be a baby in mommy's tummy which is also extremely hard.

Our last resort will be iui procedures which do not have the highest success rate. We will not be pursuing IVF as we do not have the funds to do so. Currently I am on a steroid called Dexamethasone that will lower my testosterone and increase my egg quality. 4 weeks from now I will have more bloodwork done to see if it has helped. I also will have a procedure called a HSG which basically means they shoot saline up your fallopian tubes and watch it on an ultrasound to check if your tubes are open or not. If they are open, I will begin taking a medication called clomid which will cause my ovulation to be stronger and produce multiple eggs for fertilization. We then will try to get pregnant with that help the traditional way at home. We will try that a few times and if that does not work we will move forward with IUI. If my tubes are not open, that is the end. The only option at that point would be IVF and like I said we cannot afford it.

I also have issues seeing people who have murdered their children or abused them in the news. The rage I feel is unbelievable that these people can have children and I cannot. I can get so angry and upset when I see someone announce a pregnancy online that was a total surprise! Well freaking pin a rose on your nose.

I try not to have these feelings but as anyone who has been through infertility knows, it is practically impossible. Some things I do to cope are that I lead an infertility bible study on Facebook (my faith has been rocked in unpredictable ways through this whole process). I also participate in an endometriosis pen pal exchange where we send envelopes in the mail with endometriosis facts on them to raise awareness. I raise money for resolve.org by doing 5ks with my son.

I do all these things and yet, I am forced to just keep waiting.

This. is the hardest thing I have EVER been through.

Sorry for the novel, thanks for reading...

 

[iLander]

Not really sure anything I say could top what my MIL went through.

She had her arm and part of her trunk removed due to cancer.

We were there for her (we always were, throughout the years), but her courage amazed me.

She lived for about 14 months after the operation, and still managed to smile.

Then not one of her 5 siblings "managed" to get to her memorial. That was super hard for DH.

 

[iLander]

Too painful and personal to post about.

I remember some of your past posts. Hugs to you, Kenny.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

My divorce and the trauma that led up to it. Therapy, pharmaceuticals, and my son got me through it.

 

[luv2sparkle]

There have been quite a few things over the years but we had one year that went like this-my mom died, DH was exposed to TB and had to go through therapy which made him sick, some #2 was hit by a car and had two broken legs that required surgery with lots of pins and screws and him being in casts up to his hips for 3 months. Then we had a tree in front of our house that had to be removed for bark beetles at a cost of 10k, then son #1 decided he was going to take motorcycles and go live with his friends family leaving son #2 at home alone in the middle of fire season in hip casts while I was gone, (he came home after about three days) . After i got son #2 walking again with much therapy, we were evacuated from our home during a wildfire for several weeks and the night before we were going to get back in our home, son #1 was involved in a car accident that left him brain injured and in a coma for four months. It took him almost two years to get where he is now. All of that was 10 years ago now. Oh, and at the end of year one, son #2 had all the hardware removed from his legs and we had to do a lot of it again. But we survived it all I am happy to say. At least for the most part!

 

[lioness]

The sudden death of my ten-day old baby....

 

[starryeyed]

The sudden death of my ten-day old baby....

OMG lioness, I AM SO SORRY!

I can't even imagine this. I will say a prayer for you. I'm on the verge of tears just reading your post. You have my deepest sympathy!

 

[NOYFB]

There have been a few...

A breakup with a man I thought I was going to marry and spend the rest of my life with - found out he was cheating on me.

The death of my grandmother 10 days before my wedding.

The uncertainty of my current marriage 8 years ago when DH and I went through a VERY rough period (too personal to post about).

The death of EQ.

The last 2 actually had me so emotionally distraught that I literally fell onto the floor in hysterical crying on more than one occasion.

Life sucks sometimes.

Time, alcohol and pharmaceuticals are how I dealt with each one.

 

[Kaleigh]

The hardest one was losing my brother to AIDS in a time where people had no empathy. I can't tell you how hard it was saying good bye when the doctors and nurses were like get him outta here...
I was with him to say good bye and comfort him.

Came home after and lost my co worker to AIDS.

I went into shut down mode for a week. Grieving, crying numb but in such pain. My kids were little and thankfully they didn't know what was going on..

My friends were my core. They were there every step of the way. And my faith although that was tested too.

I would say this experience taught me a lot about being an advocate which helped me fight for my kids health issues. And then helping my grandfather navigate cancer and my grandmother who thankfully was with me till the age of 94...

 

[MarionC]

The "cure" for death of husband & both parents, and having to put down four dogs, all in a three year period?
Time, friends, therapy, a hospice grief group, finally an anti-depressant, more time, and a 6 month sojourn into the world of diamonds that gave a focus on truth & beauty while healing.
I've come through changed, wiser, more compassionate, sad but accepting and am now starting to have better days and feel alive again! The big thing is time. I think after trauma our brains need to physically heal.


My heart goes out to everyone currently in the thick of it.
Love to ALL.

 

[AprilBaby]

The death of my mom when I was five. I know my life is better than it would have been ( long story) but I wish I at least knew her.

 

[pregcurious]

Too painful and personal. Life is hard. I try to count present blessings. I am a different person, and am just sadder than before. My husband sees it. My kids didn't know me when I was more carefree so they think I am just like this.

This is life. My life is still good and my husband and kids are great.

 

[MarionC]

The death of my mom when I was five. I know my life is better than it would have been ( long story) but I wish I at least knew her.

Wow - what a mystery to live with your whole life. I'm glad there was an upside to it.

 

[missy]

I am so sorry for all that you guys have had to endure and some of you continue to endure. The inner strength we find during such difficult times can really be something amazing. No matter the pain and suffering so many of us find the strength to continue on and heal and thank goodness for that. That's the only good choice IMO. Otherwise we would just wither away and die.

Time helps with the loss of a loved one but you never fully heal from the hole left in your heart. The memories you are left with have to be comfort enough and making peace with the loss and living your life for you and the ones left behind. But they are always in your thoughts and have a special place in your heart that no one else can fill IMO. I find I have a great capacity to love and filling my time with doing things I enjoy and spending time with those I love and doing charitable work really helps the healing process. Support from others helps tremendously when dealing with the loss of someone you loved so dearly.

Then there are the tough times one deals with when going through a health crisis. My advice would be to soldier on and do the best you can while nurturing yourself and making your health a priority. You can only do so much of course but keeping the negative thoughts (and people) out of your life can be helpful during challenging times (and even non challenging times come to think of it). The quote "you can make a heaven out of hell and a hell out of heaven" comes to mind and that is precisely what I try to do. Because what are the other options? You have no choice.

Do the best you can, keep thinking positive thoughts and also very importantly- be thankful for all the good in your life. All the people you love and who love you. Lean on those you know are always there for you as you are for them. Think about all the blessings you have to be grateful for and all the wonderful things you do have in your life. Because no matter the particular challenge and struggle one might be dealing with focusing on the good and positive is always the way to go IMO.

The longer you live (in general) the more difficult challenges one will endure. My dad had a favorite saying when we were growing up. When we were younger and dealing with something tough my dad would say to me "Missy, no one gets out of this life alive" so make the best of it and you will get through it. Or something like that and well, those are wise words I have always kept close to my heart. No one does get out of this life alive so just deal and do what you have to and make it work as best you can for the time you do have in this world. This is the only life we have so enjoy it to the fullest and make peace with the challenges ahead as best you can. Life is hard but it is worth the challenge.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I will say that being poor for an extended number of years did a number on me. I was homeless for a while. I slept in a car for a few weeks. I sneaked into a high school after hours and would shower in the lockers. I stole food. I slept in a public bathroom.

Years later I still have this constant mentality that everything is going to suddenly be taken away from me and a constant fear that if something happened to me no one would be able to help me, because for a long time no one could.

I deal with antidepressants, work, and cultivating meaningful relationships in my life.

 

[NTave]

It was my ending marriage, separation, and a long traumatic divorce...sometimes 5 years later it's now just watching my children and how they cope with their other parent. I ran...and ran and ran..treadmill, roads, mountains. I cleared my head everytime. That daily runners high is what gave me time to think, and cope. I messed up both knees I ran so much. But I miss it terribly..nothing else gives that good feeling and clears away the yuck at the same time. I didn't do counseling, but I relied heavily on girlfriends. At points I felt like toxic goo spilled out whenever I opened my mouth. It eventually went away.I also give this advice to people going through hard stuff..when you are at the point where you can't get out of bed: tell yourself you only need to get three things accomplished today. 1. Something for you. 2. Something for someone else. 3. Something for the place where you live. This helped me get out of bed when I was afraid I couldn't anymore..something could be taking a shower, making kids dinner, doing dishes..but it takes the daunting pressure off, and keeps you going when you feel that you can't anymore. And somedays you can do more but if not, you have accomplished three..and gotten out of bed.

 

[sarahb]

It was my ending marriage, separation, and a long traumatic divorce...sometimes 5 years later it's now just watching my children and how they cope with their other parent. I ran...and ran and ran..treadmill, roads, mountains. I cleared my head everytime. That daily runners high is what gave me time to think, and cope. I messed up both knees I ran so much. But I miss it terribly..nothing else gives that good feeling and clears away the yuck at the same time. I didn't do counseling, but I relied heavily on girlfriends. At points I felt like toxic goo spilled out whenever I opened my mouth. It eventually went away.I also give this advice to people going through hard stuff..when you are at the point where you can't get out of bed: tell yourself you only need to get three things accomplished today. 1. Something for you. 2. Something for someone else. 3. Something for the place where you live. This helped me get out of bed when I was afraid I couldn't anymore..something could be taking a shower, making kids dinner, doing dishes..but it takes the daunting pressure off, and keeps you going when you feel that you can't anymore. And somedays you can do more but if not, you have accomplished three..and gotten out of bed.

Beautiful response, love your attitude!! I hope you have found your peace!

I am a habitual optimist, cup half full type of personality. It's a habit I believe that has to be cultivated. My own issues have always been health related, (2 significant issues) but for the most part, realizing how truly blessed I am regardless of the 'issues' helps keep it all in perspective for me. It may sound crazy, but I am thankful for what 'it' is, life could always be much worse.

 

[Autumnovember]

My diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

Last March I was hospitalized for two weeks while doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I never got an official diagnosis before I was discharged but knew it was either MS or Lupus.

I got my final diagnosis last July.

It changed my entire world and subsequently my entire perspective on life. I don't look at the world with the same eyes at all.

After dealing with my own heart break from it, my husbands, and my families, I think I'm in a better place.

The biggest part of coping with it has always been to remain positive and hopeful. I am grateful for everyday that I can wake up and go to work and do my normal daily activities. Since I work with oncology patients, it keeps me very grounded and has been a good reminder that there are people out there fighting a harder battle than I am.

There are days that I allow myself to cry if I need to or feel bad for myself but I don't allow it to last for days at a time.

I have had some really good support from my family, husband and some close friends.

 

[dragonfly411]

I think for me it was realizing that my ex had been severely abusing me, and then having to figure out how to cope and recover. It was something I was highly ashamed of, and that I wasn't really ready to share with anyone, so I figured those parts out on my own. My mind ended up closing up a great many memories from a 3-4 year stretch, and I still have many blank spots that I am unwilling to approach in my mind. I am only now able to say his name without being upset, and am able to remember some pleasant parts of my late teens. I don't have much to offer in terms of coping.

I do offer hugs to everyone who has experienced so much pain, it makes mine look tiny.

 

[JewelFreak]

Amazing the pain so many live through -- emotional, mental & physical. I'm awed by you all.

Not going to write about mine, but no one lives a life without it. Several times over. How to get through it? One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute, if necessary. Breathe in, breathe out, consider that a triumph at first. Ask for help if you can't carry on alone. Most important, as soon as you can, start thinking about others & forget about yourself -- volunteer, help your family, whatever works for you.

Time does not heal all wounds but it does allow them to become scars that eventually twinge only when the wind is from a certain direction.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,


Ntave,

I very much like your recipe for coping. I have always found I must force myself to do something for others to get out of only thinking of myself and my trials. It gives my brain a rest and is soothing to me. I will remember the three things you recommended.


Annette

 

[isaku5]

Too painful and personal to post about.

Mine are too painful to bring forward again. I have done a fairly good job of hiding them so I'll leave them there