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What is the best age to have kids?

4ever

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This has been discussed by some in the "do you regret having kids" thread. It seems that while most posters don't regret having kids, there are some regrets about when they had kids.

So, in your opinion, what is the best age to have kids, and why?
 

chrono

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I think it would depend on the couple's financial situation, mental maturity, support network and other factors. That best age will vary from couple to couple.
 

missy

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Yes, I agree with Chrono. There is no "best" age. It is what the best age is for each couple which depends on the stability of their finances, relationship, health and future goals.
 

ponder

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DH and I married young, 21 and 26 years old. We were married 8 years before having kids. In that time we finished school and established careers. We are more than financially and emotionally stable. We are having the time of our lives with our little ones, without the strain of being newly married or financially struggling. I don't necessarily think there is a "right age" but more of a "right time".

Personally, as the mother of 3 toddlers, I don't think I would be as happy as a mom if I would have had my kids younger. Alot of life experiences have given me perspective on life and about my role as a mother and my relationship with my kids and my DH. I probably would have put more pressure on myself to live up to someone else standards.
Parenthood has also put the first palpable stress on what was an effortless relationship for over a decade. DH and I now have to be cognizant of our need to put time and effort into our relationship. It's something that we work on everyday
 

monarch64

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There's a saying about when's the best time to prune trees/shrubbery: "When your motivation is high and your tools are sharp."

I think it totally applies. :lol:
 

momhappy

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There is no answer to your question IMO. Even for any particular couple, there could be various stages of life when it would be good to have kids. Some people think having kids young is better, while others would argue that waiting until you are older is best. I had kids when I was in my 30's, but I could have had them earlier and been just fine.
 

msop04

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missy|1405969284|3717737 said:
Yes, I agree with Chrono. There is no "best" age. It is what the best age is for each couple which depends on the stability of their finances, relationship, health and future goals.

+1
 

baby monster

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Have them when you want them and can afford them.
 

kenny

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For the healthiest baby biologically, probably right after puberty.
Financially, and in terms of the wisdom and life-skills of the parents, in your 50s, but that's risky biologically for the offspring, if your reproductive system even still works at all.
For keeping up with the kids probably in your teens or 20s.

As a compromise, between all things considered, maybe in your 30s.
 

amc80

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Assuming all else being equal (in terms of money, housing, etc.), I think late 20s is the best time. DS was born when we were both 32. Baby #2 will be born when we are 34. I'm already so much more tired this round than I was before. I remember how much energy I had in my 20s and it would be nice to have some of that right now.
 

missy

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amc80|1405977101|3717841 said:
Assuming all else being equal (in terms of money, housing, etc.), I think late 20s is the best time. DS was born when we were both 32. Baby #2 will be born when we are 34. I'm already so much more tired this round than I was before. I remember how much energy I had in my 20s and it would be nice to have some of that right now.

If all things are equal in that you are in a stable and happy loving and emotionally mature relationship, you have stable finances and enough money in the bank, a safe home and a shared outlook on your future then yes I agree. The twenties are the time to have kids for all the above reasons. You have the maximum energy levels usually in that decade and you can be an active parent and then enjoy your middle age in relative peace with your partner and even perhaps get to be young grandparents and enjoy your grandchildren to the fullest.

These days though how many people have all that in their 20's? And there are no guarantees older parents will have all that either. Sometimes (most times?) the best time to have kids is just when you have them in that you make the best of it and enjoy a loving family no matter when that is. What's that saying- we make plans and g-d laughs. That sums up my feelings these days lol.


monarch64 said:
There's a saying about when's the best time to prune trees/shrubbery: "When your motivation is high and your tools are sharp."

I think it totally applies. :lol:

LOL I love this Monnie. :D
 

Dancing Fire

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IMO in your mid 20's. Babies aren't expensive wait till they become a teenage driver and then come college tuitions...
faintthud.gif
 

jaysonsmom

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Based on personal experience I'd say late 20's, early 30's for all the reasons I mentioned in the other thread.
Dh and I married at 28 and 27 respectively. We both had a few years in our respective careers, I'd finished my master's degree, and we had purchased our first house by 29. That is when baby #1 came along. We were both 31 with baby #2 and still energetic enough, but definitely feeling more tired. I'm 41 with a 12 year old and a 10 year old AND my husband and I are still advancing in our careers. By the time we are 50, both of our kids will be off to college (God-willing), and we'll still be young enough to enjoy traveling the world together.
 

arkieb1

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I was laughing (in a kind way) at some people's definitions of "old age" or late in life parents in the other thread. I am in my mid 40s and my husband is 55 and we have a 6 year old so we are true much older parents. We were married for 8 years and traveled the world several times over before he came along. I've met a few couples that are older than we are with kids as well....

I don't think there is ever a "right age" to have children, it all balances out in the end.
 

makemepretty

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20's. That way you get to spend most of your life with them.
 

Laila619

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makemepretty|1406001393|3718064 said:
20's. That way you get to spend most of your life with them.

I agree.

Also, more energy to play with them, you generally bounce back from pregnancy quicker, lower odds for the baby to have Down syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities, etc.
 

kenny

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The best age to have kids is 9 months after ... well .. you know what ... :naughty:

9 months is the best baking time in the oven.
 

gregchang35

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msop04|1405970485|3717753 said:
missy|1405969284|3717737 said:
Yes, I agree with Chrono. There is no "best" age. It is what the best age is for each couple which depends on the stability of their finances, relationship, health and future goals.

+1

+1

We are now 43 and 38. We have 3.5yo and 1yo... We are doing well... but i think we are done....i doubt that we (well, me really as i am getting on a bit) could cope with another child at this time. Ask me in 12 months and it could be a different story. If it happens, great... but we have to restructure our current situation (finances/r/ship/ work/ day care/ schooling etc) to make sure that we can cope.

As Chrono/missy/msop04 stated, it really depends on your situation. It has to come from BOTH of you to feel it is right to start.
 

NewEnglandLady

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Ideally, I would have had:
1. Tons of energy (late teens/early twenties)
2. Ability for body to bounce back into shape (late teens/early twenties)
3. Complete financial security (I would guess that my 40's or even 50's will be the peak of my financial security--no mortgage!)
4. Established career that is already balanced (battling career growth with family growth is HARD--is there an age for this?). If you'll be a SAHM, then this probably isn't a consideration.
5. Late enough in life to do ALL the pre-baby travelling I would have liked (late 30's? Maybe 40's)
6. The patience and wisdom that age brings (the older, the better)

So you can't have it all. I had my kids at 30 and 32. Because I felt it was the best balance of all of those things (for me). But, like everybody has said, there is no ideal time. There are just tradeoffs.

ETA: another consideration for us was when we wanted to be empty nesters. That was a tough one for me--didn't want to be too young, but not so old I could enjoy some empty-nester trips!
 

aljdewey

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I don't have children, but one of the many reasons we decided not to was being older.

I was almost 37 when I met hub and nearly 39 when we married. If we had decided to have kids and were fortunate enough to get pregnant fairly quickly, we'd have been facing college tuition expenses just as we are trying to maximize the end stretch toward retirement.

My parents were super-young (21/22) when they me, and I'm certain that shaped my thinking, too. They had all the energy in the world to keep up with us, and that would have been terribly important to me as well.
 

qtiekiki

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I had my kids at 28 and 30, and I think that's pretty good timing. We had stable jobs, a few years to ourselves, and a house. We still have enough energy to keep up with them for now (they are almost 6 and 4). We will also be young enough when they are finished with their undergrad education, so we can retire and still travel.
 

iLander

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There's never a "good" time.

There just isn't.

I waited for a "good" time to have our second one, and ten years passed. So I stopped waiting and just did it.

I don't understand the penchant for having a bunch at once though. I'm glad mine were spread apart, in the end. I'm not strong enough to handle two small kids at once. Too hard for me. :shock:
 

TravelingGal

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amc80|1405977101|3717841 said:
Assuming all else being equal (in terms of money, housing, etc.), I think late 20s is the best time. DS was born when we were both 32. Baby #2 will be born when we are 34. I'm already so much more tired this round than I was before. I remember how much energy I had in my 20s and it would be nice to have some of that right now.

LOL, I've said this to a few people, but it's not your AGE that makes you less energetic...it's the fact that you are a mom already!

I know people who had kids in their 20's that say they are less energetic afterward. And I know people in their 30's who had PLENTY of energy until they had their kids. :cheeky:

And I think the answer is 33. :bigsmile:
 

missy

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iLander|1406059817|3718453 said:
There's never a "good" time.

There just isn't.

I waited for a "good" time to have our second one, and ten years passed. So I stopped waiting and just did it.

I don't understand the penchant for having a bunch at once though. I'm glad mine were spread apart, in the end. I'm not strong enough to handle two small kids at once. Too hard for me. :shock:




I think an advantage of having 2 children who are close in age is that they might become best/close friends or at least playmates being close to each other in chronological years. And then there's the getting it over advantage and dealing with similar issues at similar times though not having kids myself I cannot speak to this.

My sister and I are 2 years apart and I like that we grew up not as just siblings but as friends and we are still close now. I have friends who have sisters and brothers who are many years apart and they are just not as close. Of course this is a generalization and even if they are far apart in years and not able to be playmates and such growing up there is no reason they cannot become closer as adults. Just giving my perspective on why some couples might want to have children close together chronologically. Personally, I think 2-3 years is good spacing.
 

iLander

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missy|1406060349|3718459 said:
iLander|1406059817|3718453 said:
There's never a "good" time.

There just isn't.

I waited for a "good" time to have our second one, and ten years passed. So I stopped waiting and just did it.

I don't understand the penchant for having a bunch at once though. I'm glad mine were spread apart, in the end. I'm not strong enough to handle two small kids at once. Too hard for me. :shock:

I think an advantage of having 2 children who are close in age is that they might become best/close friends or at least playmates being close to each other in chronological years. And then there's the getting it over advantage and dealing with similar issues at similar times though not having kids myself I cannot speak to this.

My sister and I are 2 years apart and I like that we grew up not as just siblings but as friends and we are still close now. I have friends who have sisters and brothers who are many years apart and they are just not as close. Of course this is a generalization and even if they are far apart in years and not able to be playmates and such growing up there is no reason they cannot become closer as adults. Just giving my perspective on why some couples might want to have children close together chronologically. Personally, I think 2-3 years is good spacing.

I can see that, get it all done at once. But I had friends growing up that were close in age with their siblings, and they fought like cats and dogs. And other friends like you and your sister. I can understand that both ways.

I do think it was easier for me to continue working with only one kid "at home" at a time. If there were two or more, I would probably have quit working for a while. Not sure that would have worked well for us.

Glad there's plenty of options for people! :appl:
 

asscherisme

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I had my first baby at 27 and my 4th child at 34. I felt it was the perfect age and am happy I had my kids when I did.
 

alene

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For me, the best time was when we were financially and emotionally ready while still at a relatively low risk category for birth defects and other complications. That was early 30s (me) and mid-30s (him). It also helped that most of our friends were in the same stage in life.
 

ericad

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It will be different for every person, but I had DD at 28 and felt it was the perfect age. I'll only be 46 when she goes off to college, which is pretty awesome. Now, at 37, I can't imagine resetting the clock with a baby, so it was the right choice for me to have her in my 20's. But I know plenty of people having their first babies at my age, and yet others who are my age and have teenagers. And 28 didn't feel young because I had already been married for 7+ years (DH is 10 years older than me), done plenty of traveling, finished my schooling, had a good job, etc. Now DD is old enough to enjoy traveling with us, and DH and I are still young enough to have the energy to traipse the globe as we see fit. Worked out perfectly for all of us. :)
 

Nyc2chigal

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Having one now, and I'm 28.

So so glad to see a lot of folks talking about financial security.

I am part of a birth board where half of the women on there think it's OK to have as many kids as possible, without have the means to take care of them, which the thought that the gov't will help them.

It's really disturbing.
 

Lulie

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When you can afford them. :whistle:
 
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