What ever happened to civility?

[angel_nieves]

Ok I try never come on here to rant about things but this was too much and I don’t understand what I did to tick this person off so much.

Ok over the weekend a family friend called me to get trying to reach of my sister in law. They are in the process of moving and where selling a treadmill they had just purchased 4 months before. While talking to me about my sil wanting the treadmill I made the statement that I would buy it if she did not, and left it at that (I did not say anything about my sil monetary keepings). I knew they would not be able to pay for the treadmill the reasoning behind I would buy it was I was going to give it to them as a belated Christmas gift.

My sil has not worked in year and a half, she was fired due to her lack of commitment to the job and she would call out when ever she felt like it. She has not looked for a job because she simply does not want to work. They are constantly asking for money for odds and ends and normally barley able to pay the house bill. She stays up all night and sleeps in the day, hence our family friends calling me to reach her. I woke up my sil and gave her the message about the treadmill (at 1pm still sleeping).

I went to my family friends home to see if they had any other goodies to sell (I am a sucker for a good deal) when my sil drove up. I stayed outside talking to the wife as her husband led my sil in to look at the treadmill and for her to pay for it. After 5 min my sil came out rather red and said she was not able to pay for it. Our friends said it was ok and that I had stated I would buy it if she could not. She flew into a rage, I rather not type the things she actually said but they very ugly! She drove off and I paid for the treadmill.

I went to her home to talk to husband and tell him that I was intending to give her the treadmill as a gift, he told me to talk to her. Well as I entered the room to talk to her she told me to get the f**k out so I left

. When I got home my husband saw that I was very upset and asked what had happened so I told him everything. The moment I told him what had took place his sister called and asked if I was going to give her the treadmill to just have it delivered for her my husband said her behavior was inexcusable and that we would not be giving her the treadmill and she was not welcome in our home till she apologized for her behavior.

The question I have now is should I keep the treadmill or should I sell it?
It is a nice exercise piece that has the speakers and TV built in my friends paid $2000.00 for it and I only paid $300.00 due to the fact she did not want to have to move it across the U.S. Here is the pic of the model I bought.

 

[arjunajane]

Whoa, Macie, where to start?

I am so sorry you were treated like this, it is inexcusable. I am going to use the word deadbeat to describe what I'm thinking of your SIL, as I can't use the real words!
There are obviously a number of issues at work here, namely her self esteem, likely jealousy, who knows what else.

As to your question, is the treadmill something that you would like/need? If the item is going to remind you of this drama, I would sell. But if you think you'll be over it soon, it sounds like a good deal and likely a keeper.

I'm glad to hear your DH stood up and did the right thing, but he should not be put between you in the first place, and that is all on her.
Sounds like someone needs to do some growing up - may I ask what SIL's age is?

Again, I'm sorry (hugs).

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Your SIL sounds like a selfish little brat...pouting over being unable to afford a luxury item when she refuses to work towards being able to afford it. She wants to get in shape through walking? Sidewalks are free. You cannot throw a pitty party because you are broke when you refuse to work, thats absurd.

She was completely out of line, no matter how disappointed she was, and her childish behavior speaks volumes about her as a person, and how she walks through her life with a sense of entitlement. Shame on her.

Personally, I'd chop the things up into little pieces before I'd give it to her. You were coming from a place of love and kindness...although she didn't know that at the time...and she showed you exactly what type of person she is. Why would you go forward and *reward* that type of behavior? I say keep it, enjoy it. A nice treadmill is always a good thing to have around.

You were trying to do the right thing--and although she was probably upset by not being able to afford it, and then doubly upset when you could afford it and went forward to actually bought something she wanted--that simply doesn't give her carte blanche to act like a b****. Sorry.

P.S: She is a deadbeat, for sure.

 

[KimberlyH]

Macie, first I''m sorry, how awful of your SIL.

As for your question, do you want the treadmill? If so, keep it, if not sell it. Don''t give it to your SIL even if she does apologize. When people are always bailed out, or given what they wany, they have no reason to stand on their own two feet. Perhaps it''s time your SIL learns that she is responsible for herself and this might be a good place to start.

 

[angel_nieves]

Jane-She is 25, and is use to getting her way. I would like to sell it or give it away to our local church but my hubby is now saying he might use it. I think the ability of watching espn while using it has won him over.
My sil defiantly has self-esteem issues but refuses to address them. She is currently 300 pounds and does nothing to change the way she eats, my husband has been on a diet and is down to 250 at 6ft2 that’s not bad. When he tried to get her on the same food plan and she says no and goes right back to eating take out.I feel I am at my wits end with her.

Italiahaircolor- She can be a brat but mostly she is good. I recently bought a new Furla bag and she went on and on how she wanted to buy several Coach Bags. Yes I have nice things I have worked for want I have. I think it burns her up that I am currently not working and still can afford what I want (I have a family member that is in kidney failure and want to be able to fly out and be with them should anything arise).
Kimberly- I would not give it to her even if she did apologize, she needs to learn to think before she speaks. If I don’t keep it I will most likely donate it to my church if they want it.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/15/2009 9:31:23 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Macie, first I''m sorry, how awful of your SIL.


As for your question, do you want the treadmill? If so, keep it, if not sell it. Don''t give it to your SIL even if she does apologize. When people are always bailed out, or given what they wany, they have no reason to stand on their own two feet. Perhaps it''s time your SIL learns that she is responsible for herself and this might be a good place to start.

Kimberly always has such great advice! Ditto.

 

[tlh]

IMHO, I think if you keep the treadmill, when your SIL sees it, it will just fuel the fire.
Lets say your hubby begins to use it, LOVES IT, and makes it a part of his routine. (You said he is losing weight...) What happens when she comes over and DOES apologise, would you give it to her then?

It is an awkward situation when someone knows that you are using an intended gift. However, they didnt get it because of inexcusable behavior. A person who is used to getting their way, is often a good manipulator... That said... it is a SMOKING hot deal.

I personally say, even if she DOES apologise DONT give it to her. I am sorry she has put herself into a difficult situation... but being atrocious (sp?) is NOT COOL. I say, if she does apologise, it is only to GET SOMETHING FROM YOU... ie THE TREADMILL. If she does apologise, I would accept her apology and say she can come over and use it whenever she would like.

The fact that she called you to tell you where to deliver this item is ridiculous. NOT EVEN A THANK YOU? HOW COMPLETELY UNGRATEFUL!!!!

Handouts never help anyone, that is not willing to push themselves up for a helping hand.

Your thoughts were very kind, and generous. But it is a careful road... this may be an item that she covets, that you have and it may form a huge wedge... a donation isn''t a bad idea....

Only YOU know - what the best road is to take... Best wishes to you in this difficult situation. At least you can take comfort in the fact that your husband fully supports you in the wrath path of his sister.

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/15/2009 10:24:18 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/15/2009 9:31:23 AM

Author: KimberlyH

Macie, first I''m sorry, how awful of your SIL.

As for your question, do you want the treadmill? If so, keep it, if not sell it. Don''t give it to your SIL even if she does apologize. When people are always bailed out, or given what they wany, they have no reason to stand on their own two feet. Perhaps it''s time your SIL learns that she is responsible for herself and this might be a good place to start.

Kimberly always has such great advice! Ditto.

Ditto! I''m with Italia also-I would chop it up in little pieces before I would give it to her.

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 1/15/2009 9:49:52 AM
Author: Macie

Kimberly- I would not give it to her even if she did apologize, she needs to learn to think before she speaks. If I don’t keep it I will most likely donate it to my church if they want it.

Macie, I''m so glad to hear you say that. She also needs to learn that one must work for the things they want, hopefull that''s a lesson she''ll learn sooner rather than later.

Neat, thanks for the compliment.

 

[CrookedRock]

I hope you don''t take this the wrong way, but I giggled at the end of your post... You SIL''s behavior is absurd and childish, but I thought it was so funny that all you wanted to know was whether or not to keep the darn treadmill!
Yes keep it! It looks nice! She clearly doesn''t deserve it...
Again, sorry if that was the wrong response, but I think you know what to do about the SIL.

 

[monarch64]

Wow, Macie, that is a crazy story! I would definitely keep the treadmill!!!

 

[angel_nieves]

Crooked- I didn’t take your comment bad

when it comes to my sil I let my husband deal with her. I don not want to get in between that. Also my hubby has my back totally and says the best revenge is “It’s not what I going to do to you, but what I am not going to do for you”. Saying that my sil just called and said her power was cut off due to non-payment

. My hubby looked up said he was sorry but couldn’t help and hung up.

 

[Bia]

What a brat. Kid sister, I can see it.

Keep the treadmill and use it. If you don''t use it...give it away to the church you speak of. Whatever you do, don''t give it to her!

 

[Circe]

Date: 1/15/2009 9:17:55 AM
Author:Macie
his sister called and asked if I was going to give her the treadmill to just have it delivered for her

No, no, no. First off, she owes you a huge apology: she jumped to an erroneous conclusion and she acted like a child. Then, when you tried to be the bigger person and to explain to her, she compounded the error.

I wouldn''t give her the treadmill: I''d donate it to a women''s shelter, your church, or keep it. That said, if she does apologize and *still* doesn''t get the toy she wants, there''s a chance that it could cause more trouble ... but since she doesn''t seem entirely rational, is that kind of unpredictability really something you want to work around?

 

[steph72276]

Date: 1/15/2009 9:31:23 AM
Author: KimberlyH
Macie, first I''m sorry, how awful of your SIL.


As for your question, do you want the treadmill? If so, keep it, if not sell it. Don''t give it to your SIL even if she does apologize. When people are always bailed out, or given what they wany, they have no reason to stand on their own two feet. Perhaps it''s time your SIL learns that she is responsible for herself and this might be a good place to start.

Ditto

 

[partgypsy]

I''m not a clinical psychologist, but this sounds like more than a case of bad behavior. Is this typical for her or has her behavior changed? Has anyone talked with her what is going on with her? A number of her symptoms fit with some kind of mood disorder.

 

[HollyS]

Keep the treadmill. Keep your distance from the SIL . . . for now.

She was a turd, to be sure. Have compassion enough to look at the situation from outside: her behavior is a direct result of her feeling bad about herself. Now whether she IS the problem, and can make better choices to improve herself, isn''t really the point. She lashed out at you because you had the means and ability to do something she wanted to do. Yes, she has to pick herself up off the floor, and start shaping her own life; but you can see that it isn''t about what you did to her.

And she is sleeping at 1PM because she''s depressed.

 

[tlh]

Date: 1/15/2009 11:20:16 AM
Author: Macie
Crooked- I didn’t take your comment bad

when it comes to my sil I let my husband deal with her. I don not want to get in between that. Also my hubby has my back totally and says the best revenge is “It’s not what I going to do to you, but what I am not going to do for you”. Saying that my sil just called and said her power was cut off due to non-payment

. My hubby looked up said he was sorry but couldn’t help and hung up.

Sounds like she often expects the bailout. I know it is hard, but giving her money is not going to help her. "Give a man a fish, he''ll be hungry after a day... teach a man to fish he''ll never go hungry again." (sorry if I messed this up anyone)
He did the right thing. GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUBBY!

 

[decodelighted]

Gonna be hard to plug in that treadmill with no power *anyway*

. How ''bout this ... IF she apologizes then tell her she''s welcome to come use the treadmill at your house (if she calls first and its convenient for you.)

Blerg. No good deed goes unpunished!

 

[AmberGretchen]

I''m glad your hubby (and you!) are standing up to your SIL. It definitely sounds like she has some serious issues, and I''d do whatever you can to encourage her to get them addressed.

 

[Bia]

Date: 1/15/2009 1:09:44 PM
Author: HollyS
Keep the treadmill. Keep your distance from the SIL . . . for now.

She was a turd, to be sure. Have compassion enough to look at the situation from outside: her behavior is a direct result of her feeling bad about herself. Now whether she IS the problem, and can make better choices to improve herself, isn''t really the point. She lashed out at you because you had the means and ability to do something she wanted to do. Yes, she has to pick herself up off the floor, and start shaping her own life; but you can see that it isn''t about what you did to her.

And she is sleeping at 1PM because she''s depressed.

Yep! Classic sign.

I am dealing with a similar scenario (a family member) who, for the past year has regularly lashed out at me. This is someone who I consider a big sister and love dearly. No matter what I do, its never enough. She is hostile, moody and very defensive. I think a part of it is hormone related as she just had a baby (Im hoping she calms down now that she has her son) but it can still be very hard to take the abuse. Now that she is no longer pregnant, I will refuse to accept any more ill meaning conversations or rude/hurtful behavior. I''m done. I''m just hoping she stops on her own merit.

Your SIL sounds very unhappy. Like HollyS said, keep your distance...there''s no winning with people like that. You sound like you''re very good to her, so she''s lucky to have you, even if she can''t see it right now.

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/15/2009 1:28:34 PM
Author: decodelighted
Gonna be hard to plug in that treadmill with no power *anyway*

. How ''bout this ... IF she apologizes then tell her she''s welcome to come use the treadmill at your house (if she calls first and its convenient for you.)

Blerg. No good deed goes unpunished!

Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[movie zombie]

you bought it. hubby wants it. what the problem? hubby get to have it and use it. SIL isn''t welcome at the house untiil she apologizes. if hubby want to let her use it if she ever visits again, fine. but no way ever let her have that machine! donate it first to a group that needs it and is trying to help others.

movie zombie

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 1/15/2009 1:28:34 PM
Author: decodelighted
Gonna be hard to plug in that treadmill with no power *anyway*

. How ''bout this ... IF she apologizes then tell her she''s welcome to come use the treadmill at your house (if she calls first and its convenient for you.)

Blerg. No good deed goes unpunished!

OMGosh, ROFLMAO Deco!


macie, everyone else has said what I''m thinking. She needs to stand on her own two feet. I''m the same age, and wouldn''t dream of pulling that BS.
If she can''t work due to health or emotional issues, then only she can fix that. It sounds like your DH has tried.
I mean, sleeping in til after noon and dreaming of buying Coach - not gonna happen!

If DH wants it, keep it I reckon.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I love great deals like that!

I agree with the others in thinking she has mental problems. That is no excuse for her behavior and I would totally not cater to her in any way. But it sounds like she needs some help.