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What do you get someone who gives you a bad gift?

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 8, 2011
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1,304
So I started talking about this in another topic, but figured I may get more responses here.

This can be for any occasion. I'm personally struggling with a gift for the couple who's wedding I'm in. They gave me a cheap-y $10 picture frame (the cost wasn't the issue...the frame was just NOT my style..one of those 'live, laugh, love things) and now I'm IN their wedding, spending all kinds of money on stuff and now I have to buy a bridal shower gift (the bride did not come to my shower or give a gift) AND a wedding present. What should I get these people!? Aviastar suggested I re-gift their frame back to them lmao

What do you get for someone who gives you crappy gifts!?
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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29,757
Why did you accept the invite to be in the wedding party? You could have declined and just come as a guest since you are obviously not close to the couple. Am I misunderstanding the situation?
 

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
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I'm actually pretty close with the groom, but not so much with the bride. This is the first time I've ever been in a wedding based on my relationship with the groom. It's...weird. Since I'm not close with her, I feel a little out of the loop. I accepted because he asked and he is like a brother to me. Although I don't really feel 'needed'. They're having 8 bridesmaids, 7 groomsmen :roll: (I found that out at our first bridal meeting) and 100 people at the wedding. The wedding party will be 20% of the guests!!

As for the groom to be, he is a cheapo! I kind of expected a crappy gift from him :lol: I just don't know what to give them back!
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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IDK, if someone is "cheap" with me I am not going to go overboard and be generous with them. But that's me and I am sure many others will disagree. I like equality in a relationship (as much as there can be that is) and I understand why you wanted to accept to be in the wedding party but cannot understand why he was so cheap with your gift when he has a close relationship with you.

Moving on to answer your question as to what to give. I would buy something inexpensive from their registry and be done with it. Whatever you feel OK about spending. Obviously that is a very personal decision but for me, I would spend as little as possible since the groom did the same for your wedding. Not everyone does tit for tat and you won't be doing that either as you are already spending lots more than he did being in the wedding party and all but I would not spend very much more than what it is already costing you. My thoughts.
 

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 8, 2011
Messages
1,304
I tend to agree, Missy! It's not that I wouldn't have originally gotten them something decent (despite him being a cheap giver with things), but since I'm required to pay for the dress, shoes, make-up, hair, hotel room to stay with the bride the night before the wedding, mani/pedi AND THEN get to the wedding expenses like gifts for both the bridal shower (which as a member of the wedding party, I feel obligated to attend) and a wedding gift, I'm starting to get resentful.

I think I'm going to make her a wreath for their front door (I have all the craft supplies, so it's inexpensive for me) and who cares if they use it or like it...they didn't get me something I use and/or like lmao! This way she has a personalized bridal shower gift and I'll just take your advice and grab something small off of the registry for the wedding gift.

I think that guys don't think about wedding gifts and it's normally up to the lady to pick out or buy something. I know this is how DH is when we have a wedding to attend! So I think maybe the bride picked me gift? Who knows.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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FancyPantsSparkles|1367865730|3441410 said:
I tend to agree, Missy! It's not that I wouldn't have originally gotten them something decent (despite him being a cheap giver with things), but since I'm required to pay for the dress, shoes, make-up, hair, hotel room to stay with the bride the night before the wedding, mani/pedi AND THEN get to the wedding expenses like gifts for both the bridal shower (which as a member of the wedding party, I feel obligated to attend) and a wedding gift, I'm starting to get resentful.

I think I'm going to make her a wreath for their front door (I have all the craft supplies, so it's inexpensive for me) and who cares if they use it or like it...they didn't get me something I use and/or like lmao! This way she has a personalized bridal shower gift and I'll just take your advice and grab something small off of the registry for the wedding gift.

I think that guys don't think about wedding gifts and it's normally up to the lady to pick out or buy something. I know this is how DH is when we have a wedding to attend! So I think maybe the bride picked me gift? Who knows.
Yanno, that excuse doesn't fly with me. He's the one you have the close relationship with and he's the one that should have had a say in a meaningful gift for you. In any case their gift to you was abysmal and inexcusable (IMO) and it pisses me off and I'm not even part of this scenario lol. It sort of sucks that he didn't put more effort into your day (especially when you are doing so much for them).
 

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
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missy|1367865936|3441414 said:
FancyPantsSparkles|1367865730|3441410 said:
I tend to agree, Missy! It's not that I wouldn't have originally gotten them something decent (despite him being a cheap giver with things), but since I'm required to pay for the dress, shoes, make-up, hair, hotel room to stay with the bride the night before the wedding, mani/pedi AND THEN get to the wedding expenses like gifts for both the bridal shower (which as a member of the wedding party, I feel obligated to attend) and a wedding gift, I'm starting to get resentful.

I think I'm going to make her a wreath for their front door (I have all the craft supplies, so it's inexpensive for me) and who cares if they use it or like it...they didn't get me something I use and/or like lmao! This way she has a personalized bridal shower gift and I'll just take your advice and grab something small off of the registry for the wedding gift.

I think that guys don't think about wedding gifts and it's normally up to the lady to pick out or buy something. I know this is how DH is when we have a wedding to attend! So I think maybe the bride picked me gift? Who knows.
Yanno, that excuse doesn't fly with me. He's the one you have the close relationship with and he's the one that should have had a say in a meaningful gift for you. In any case their gift to you was abysmal and inexcusable (IMO) and it pisses me off and I'm not even part of this scenario lol. It sort of sucks that he didn't put more effort into your day (especially when you are doing so much for them).
Missy, I cannot help but agree! And THANK YOU for saying that! I love the guy (or I wouldn't be in this dang wedding), but I feel a little miffed at the situation myself. I think I vent on here because I'm not really sure how to deal with it...wedding stress was nuts, so that is one thing i don't want to bring to them. I'm just sort of going with it.

Phew, I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees it as crappy!
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Yeah, I agree that it was pretty lousy for them to give you such a cheap gift...but it's water under the bridge, and no good is going to come from letting it bug you, so I'd try to let it go if you can. I would give them a fairly inexpensive, but nice, gift if it was me.
 

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
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Dec 8, 2011
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junebug17|1367872940|3441518 said:
Yeah, I agree that it was pretty lousy for them to give you such a cheap gift...but it's water under the bridge, and no good is going to come from letting it bug you, so I'd try to let it go if you can. I would give them a fairly inexpensive, but nice, gift if it was me.
Thanks, Junebug! I really need to let the resentment go. I'll find something small and go from there :)
 

sonnyjane

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What are they registered for? Just pick a smallish thing off their registry. Being in the bridal party doesn't mean you have to give a big gift. In fact most of my friends for whom I have stood in their wedding have specifically told me "don't worry about getting me anything since you're spending so much". I think I still end up getting them a $30-$50 gift but I wouldn't worry about it being personal or meaningful or anything like that.
 

junebug17

Super_Ideal_Rock
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FancyPantsSparkles|1367931954|3441891 said:
junebug17|1367872940|3441518 said:
Yeah, I agree that it was pretty lousy for them to give you such a cheap gift...but it's water under the bridge, and no good is going to come from letting it bug you, so I'd try to let it go if you can. I would give them a fairly inexpensive, but nice, gift if it was me.
Thanks, Junebug! I really need to let the resentment go. I'll find something small and go from there :)
I re-read my post and I sound kind of preachy :oops: , so I'm glad you understood what I was trying to say! Believe me, I know it's easier said than done sometimes -I still have residual resentment over something my sister said to me several years ago! :roll:
 

StacylikesSparkles

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Dec 8, 2011
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junebug17|1367986735|3442503 said:
FancyPantsSparkles|1367931954|3441891 said:
junebug17|1367872940|3441518 said:
Yeah, I agree that it was pretty lousy for them to give you such a cheap gift...but it's water under the bridge, and no good is going to come from letting it bug you, so I'd try to let it go if you can. I would give them a fairly inexpensive, but nice, gift if it was me.
Thanks, Junebug! I really need to let the resentment go. I'll find something small and go from there :)
I re-read my post and I sound kind of preachy :oops: , so I'm glad you understood what I was trying to say! Believe me, I know it's easier said than done sometimes -I still have residual resentment over something my sister said to me several years ago! :roll:
Lol, no I totally understood what you meant! I'm still mad at how MIL was in the weeks leading up to our wedding, so I am working on that whole letting go thing with that situation. I think I'm less annoyed today than I was yesterday about this cheap friend situation though. Ya know, I may just be cheap and give them a card for the wedding. This way I'm not resentful about spending all this money on the wedding AND a gift. Being cheap, sure, but I'll be less mad about everything which i think is a win. Plus, I will get her something for the shower. Does this make me a bad person if I just want to forgo a gift and give a card instead for the actual wedding?
 

aviastar

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 5, 2010
Messages
1,190
Why two gifts? It has been my understanding that you bring your gift to the couple at the shower so they don't have to deal with managing gifts when they leave their wedding.

So, one gift- not a 'wedding' and a 'shower' gift- given when it is most convenient for you and them.

There, just saved you ten bucks :bigsmile:
 

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 8, 2011
Messages
1,304
aviastar|1368130843|3443550 said:
Why two gifts? It has been my understanding that you bring your gift to the couple at the shower so they don't have to deal with managing gifts when they leave their wedding.

So, one gift- not a 'wedding' and a 'shower' gift- given when it is most convenient for you and them.

There, just saved you ten bucks :bigsmile:
Have I been doing this wrong the whole time? I've always gotten two! Scheesh! Well thank you, my dear! I appreciate that extra $10! ;-)
 

aviastar

Brilliant_Rock
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No, not wrong- I think it's common to do it both ways. But I am not overly wealthy and I believe current (and past) etiquette says that gifts are a) OPTIONAL and b) one per happy occasion is plenty.

If I am close with the bride and I want to do something special just for her at the shower, I generally go with a little something from Victoria Secret and then get something small for the couple together to give at the wedding. But that's for besties and you don't sound super close to this bride. I'm sure your best friend the groom would appreciate a nice matching bra and pantie set, if you are so inclined :Up_to_something:
 

StacylikesSparkles

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Messages
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aviastar|1368218259|3444437 said:
No, not wrong- I think it's common to do it both ways. But I am not overly wealthy and I believe current (and past) etiquette says that gifts are a) OPTIONAL and b) one per happy occasion is plenty.

If I am close with the bride and I want to do something special just for her at the shower, I generally go with a little something from Victoria Secret and then get something small for the couple together to give at the wedding. But that's for besties and you don't sound super close to this bride. I'm sure your best friend the groom would appreciate a nice matching bra and pantie set, if you are so inclined :Up_to_something:

Bahaah! I love this! Yeah, I would definitely be high on the Christmas list this year! ;))
 
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