what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip?

[partgypsy]

I am in the discussing stage to plan a 2 week trip abroad. My husband and I have a 9 year old and 5 year old. Normally we would bring them along, but it would be very expensive, plus the focus of the trip is my elderly father, so bringing the kids I'm not sure would be a good idea. My husband feels we cannot both go (he would stay) go because they have never been away from both parents for that amount of time.
So I guess I have two questions.
Do you think it is cruel to be away from one's kids for that length at those ages?
And how much time would you feel comfortable asking the grandparents to watch? (They are retired and live close to us). I know we need to ask them, but just to get some feedback is two weeks way too long to ask a set of grandparents? Or if we need to start looking for a babysitter we trust for that long.
I and my 3 siblings would stay with our grandparents in the summer for that amount of time, but it doesn't seem the be the norm now.

 

[lliang_chi]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

Gypsy, first sorry to hear about your father's health. I'm hoping things get better for him. But to answer your question, perhaps you can ask your ILs what they are comfortable with. If they feel OK about watching the grand-kids for 2 weeks, then I'd say no worries. If they're a little hesitant, then maybe your DH can fly out a little later than you and come back earlier.

Growing up, we didn't have family near by at your kid's age, so I never had an extended stay away from my parents until I was a little older. Maybe 12-13 yrs old. And I went to a 3 wk nerd camp in another state. As far as the kids' comfort level go, It's not too bad. Just keep them busy, and let them call you often. I think it's more the parents worry and the guardians' comfort level.

~LC

 

[iheartscience]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

I have no kids, but when I was growing up my parents went on several trips abroad and my siblings and I got farmed out to different places.

The first time I remember them going abroad was when they went to Italy when my twin sister and I were 4 or 5. They went on trips every few years, though, so I was in high school the last time they went. When I was young my three older siblings stayed with different friends of theirs (my parents were also good friends with their friends' parents), and my twin sister and I stayed with my mom's best friend, who had a daughter our age as well. We were never upset by it, and it didn't happen that often. I do remember missing them, but I definitely wasn't distraught. And when I got older it was kind of fun to not have my parents around for a couple of weeks.

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

It depends what the grandparents are comfortable with, and how comfortable you are with them taking care of the kids that long.

My girl is almost 4, and we've taken lots of trips away from her. It's good for her and us! This year will be the longest I am away from her in a stretch...15 days. I am going on a trip to Spain with a girlfriend first for almost a week then flying to Scotland to meet TGuy for a little over a week. My mom won't have her the entire trip, since TGuy will be home, but she'll have him for awhile.

So no, I definitely don't think it's cruel. In fact, my mom asked us to go on as many trips as we can while she is able bodied because in the not too distant future, we will have to take Amelia will us on all trips, unless my brother offers.

 

[ponder]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

Is it possible to break up their stay with different relatives/friends instead of the whole 2 weeks with the grandparents? I have two small children (2.5 and 1) and another one on the way, so we don't take long vacations but try to do several long weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun) getaways a year. My parents take the majority of the responsibility (the kids sleep there), but we try and set up daytime activities with their other grandparents or my brothers family to give my parents a few hours off so that they are not overwhelmed. Maybe the kids can stay with the grandparents during the week and other family/friends on the weekend.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

It may be possible, either a friend of ours who has 2 girls the same we do, who I know would offer, and it's possible my Mom might be able to fly down and stay at our house for a week (depends when we go, and whether she is working/spring break). So yes, that might be possible.

 

[Puppmom]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

In a perfect world, I would have MIL stay at our house with our little guy (but he's young - 18 mos). He's the most comfortable with Grandma and I think it would easier at our house than hers. Whatever you decide, your kiddies will be FINE. Heck, they might even like it!

 

[stephbolt]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

My parents would often go away for a week at a time when we were growing up. When we were younger they would leave us with the grandparents who lived about an hour away. As we got to school age they would hire a babysitter to stay with us (it was actually my sister's former 1st grade teacher for a while, and then a friend of hers). Since they were teachers their schedule matched up with ours and we always enjoyed those weeks with a fun babysitter.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

I did not ever leave my kids for two weeks that young, but we did have to go to China to adopt our third child when the older two were 10 and 13. We had the two sets of grandparents each keep them for a week. In the situation you are speaking of, I would probably have my husband stay with the kids if my father was too ill for a visit from the whole family. But if he has not seen the children for awhile and is up to seeing them, I would certainly think it would mean a lot to him if you'd take them.

 

[swingirl]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

I don't know how old or fit the babysitting grandparents are but keep in mind school schedules, homework, regular mealtimes, bedtime, and discipline should be issues that there are easily able to handle---very different from an unscheduled summer vacation. I wouldn't worry about the kids but I would wonder about the grandparents and if they were up to it mentally and physically.

We never left our kids. But we never traveled very far either.

 

[Rhea]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

As a child when my parents went on long trips my sister and I would stay with friends and their parents. It was great because my sister and I would go stay with different friends so we'd get some time away from each other as well! We didn't grow up with family close by so they weren't an option.

As an older teenage I occasionally babysat for a few days at a time in their own homes. It kept the kids to their typical schedule and I enjoyed it, but I think more than a few days could be hard on a babysitter of that age. I was about 18-19 at the time.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

Well, the idea is to travel to Greece, with my father. It's really up in the air due to many reasons (his health and getting medical clearance, the cost, getting the time off). Basically we all want to make it happen, but may not be feasible. And no one is jumping up to offer to watch the kids (asked both set of grandparents, received from both very noncommital responses). We may be able to find a sitter, and also have friends watch for a couple days, but the cost of a sitter may be prohibitive- $10-15 an hour for 2 weeks!). I am actually get quite discouraged. Really, may end up being the only way I go, is to forget this idea and then when children get older, all go as a family, without my Dad.

 

[KimberlyH]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

My parents jump at any chance they get to be with their grandkids (we're so lucky) so we'd leave our daughter with them.

A babysitter shouldn't expect to be paid hourly for a two week job. They should be paid by the day or week and given spending money for food and entertainment. i did this frequently as a college student. If that's a possibility I'd look into negotiating a price since family doesn't seem to be an option.

 

[Rhea]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

Can the kids be passed around a bit? A couple of days with this family member, another few with friends, etc, until all the time is filled? I understand not wanting the 2 kids for an entire 2 weeks.

When I babysat it was a flat per day fee. A per hour fee doesn't make sense in this situation.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

I've never done this before so I don't know what are reasonable fees for this. Where we live, sitters are paid 10-15 dollars an hour for two kids. I guess I need to ask around what are reasonable ranges for this kind of job. Whoever we get will also have to pass muster with my husband. For example when we went to WDW as a family, I suggested a getting a Disney-approved sitter (we were stayed at a Disney resort) so we could go out to eat a as a couple one evening, he refused, saying they were strangers and we didn't know anything about them. Yes, I suppose something could have happened, but as we were only going to be away for a couple of hours and I never heard any complaints about Disney caregivers I thought it was rather remote.

A friend gave me some advice that I just need to cool out about it, and when we are closer to the date and things are more concrete family may be more receptive to the idea.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

No not cruel at all, especially at their ages. I spent weeks with my grandparents growing up, it was awesome!

We will be away from our 3 year old for 5 days next week, he is staying here at our home and my mom will be with him (our infant is coming along because he is still nursing). He will miss us and we him, but he will learn that if we go away, we always come back! That is something good for kids to know too.

I'm sorry the grandparents are not more eager to help you

 

[partgypsy]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

Well update, my husband's parents agreed for 5 days, and possibly more if the time was broken up. My sister is making noises of backing out due to money issues, which would really be a shame. Dad is coming to visit next month and I'll talk to him to make sure this is something he wants to do and is up for.
For me, going to Greece would be the most meaningful trip. But if he doesn't feel up to a transatlantic trip or it is not advised I am mulling other options. I DO want to plan for a nice trip elsewhere. For example if with my Dad we could plan a different trip which wouldn't require a long plane trip. Or simply go with my husband on a trip, or wait to save the money so both husband and kids can go together to Greece. I'd want to wait a couple years until my youngest is more mature, would get more out of the experience.

 

[makemepretty]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

5 days is much more doable than 2 weeks. I just wanted to add that when I was 12 my parents had me and my siblings stay with different relatives for a week. It was one of the most traumatic things that ever happened to me. I had NEVER been away from them. People who stay with their grandparents off and on is great but realize it takes awhile to get used to being away from Mom & Dad so I just don't recommend going from zero to 5 days in one big jump.

 

[nfowife]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

I think it depends on your childrens and your relationships with your IL's. My IL's have watched my kids (the older 2) on 2 occasions for a week at a time. Once when my DH and I went on a ski trip (kids were 1 and almost 3) and once when we were in the process of moving and wanted to get our stuff moved into the house before having them home (they were 3 and 5). My IL's live out of state but we see them often and they are super close to my kids and also very energetic. The first time for the ski trip they stayed at our home and just kept the kids on their normal day to day schedule (preschool, gymboree classes, etc.). The second time we were moving from overseas to the US so I flew with the kids to their home and then after a few days left the kids with them to fly to our new home and get the move done without them. Then my IL's flew to the new home with my kids (that is love!).
I would not hesitate to leave my kids with the IL's for 2 weeks. But it is a lot to ask someone to do because as you know it's a lot of work. I think a week would be a lot easier to ask and more doable.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

Yep. Whatever we do, we won't have one set of grandparents do it for the entire haul. They were amenable to either 5 days, or maybe a little more, as long as it was broken up. Whatever we do, it will have to be comfortable for all involved. My oldest was already asking if she could do a sleepover at a family friend so she is already looking forward to it. Even if not an official babysitter we would still pay some amount to cover meal, activities. I was trying to talk my Mom into coming down, basically paying her plane ticket plus some fun money, and I believe we could schedule it when she is on break, but she can be strangely stubborn sometimes. But that would be the best of both deals, us being able to travel and the kids spending quality time with the grandparents, such as 5 days with one set, 5 days with the other, with a break with some friends for a couple days in the middle. Well, won't know more until I talk to my Dad. I don't want to get my hopes up too much.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

When I was a kid I went to stay with my grandparents for 3-4 weeks during the summer while the house was being remodeled. I had a blast! It was also pretty cool to come home and have the whole house different! Prepare them well and they'll be fine.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: what do parents do for childcare if going on a long trip

My Dad will be visiting in a few weeks so I'll get a better idea if this is actually going to happen or not, but in a discussion last night with my husband, another option was discussed, about the whole family going (me and my husband and our 2 kids). On the one hand it would alleviate my guilt from leaving my husband, kids or both at home on a kind of once in a lifetime trip, and avoid the whole babysitting question, still not resolved.
On the other hand it will be A LOT more expensive, perhaps prohibitively so. I basically will need to come up with another 3K this year. I also have reservations, in that I just don't know if my youngest is mature enough to really get a lot out of it and to make it enjoyable for us. She doesn't do transitions well, and can be needy if she doesn't feel secure. So I don't know if I'm being selfish, in that part of me does not want to bring the whole family on the trip. In my mind, I imagined it as an adults-only trip, having a lot of one on one time with my father, hopefully reminiscing about things that I could then record and meditate on, being able to participate in the Greek culture of staying up late to have conversation and wine over dinner, not having to worry if a particular walk or trail is too strenuous or dangerous for a child. So having the kids there is going to change the tenor.

I feel like I am no closer to figuring this thing out; who will go, etc. Sigh.