Weird Bridal Shower???

[sunkist]

I feel totally weird about this situation and almost don''t want to have a bridal shower anymore. Tell me if you think this is weird.

So a lady that is friends with my family offered to give me a bridal shower. My mom was acting like I should maybe shouldn''t accept because she is a very controlling lady. I thought it was silly and called her back to accept the generous offer. She had me go over to her house this morning to compare calendars and talk about details. So she sits me down and tells me that she wants me to make the invitations, mail them out, collect RSVPs, list my registered stores, make a map for directions to her house, and tell her exactly what food I want at the party. I thought if someone offered to throw you a bridal shower it was a gift, they would send out a few invitations and just ask you to show up! Not that I mind helping anyone out. I''m always willing to help, especially if someone is doing something for me. But now I feel like I''m put on the spot and asking for people to come and give me gifts!!! I''m thinking of telling this lady thanks, but no thanks. Would anyone else feel awkward in this situation?

Thanks.

 

[Amanda21]

mmm Maybe all this is just her effort to make sure that you''re happy with your shower?

Do you think maybe your mom could work with this family friend, which would take you off the spot?

 

[widget]

Well, I think it sounds weird. It''s like she''s offering you her home. and to cater a party given by you for you.

I''m way out of it as far as what is done these days regarding wedding showers. I''m sure brides'' reactions to this is more valid..

But I can say timing is everything, and if you want to get out of this, the sooner the better! If you''re uncomfortable, call her QUICKLY to politely say you''ve changed your mind (politely and gratefully of course).

widget

 

[jcrow]

i agree, i am sure she just wants to throw you a party that you''ll be happy with. especially if she doesn''t know you that well, she''s just trying to figure your tastes out. i know all the showers i''m being thrown, each hostess asked me specific questions like what kind of food, decorations, themes i''d like. she''ll probably take the ball and run with it after she gets a feel for your tastes/personality.

 

[anacgarcia]

I agree with amanda, ask your mom to work with her with invitations and rsvps and stuff..

maybe your mom can get her to actually do something besides just offering her house..

 

[sunkist]

Date: 10/21/2006 1:53:44 PM
Author: widget
Well, I think it sounds weird. It's like she's offering you her home. and to cater a party given by you for you.


I'm way out of it as far as what is done these days regarding wedding showers. I'm sure brides' reactions to this is more valid..


But I can say timing is everything, and if you want to get out of this, the sooner the better! If you're uncomfortable, call her QUICKLY to politely say you've changed your mind (politely and gratefully of course).


widget

Ya, Widget, that's exactly how it is. A party for me, by me, in her house with her name as the hostess. And honestly I don't even feel comfortable having my mom take the RSVPs. I know things are done differently these days, but to me bridal shower etiquette still says that it is friends of the bride, not the bride or her family, that throw a shower. I guess I can tell her that I'm just not comfortable taking the RSVPs and ask her again if she can handle taking them.

 

[larussel03]

Maybe you can ask your mother to take care of these things so that you dont feel like you''re throwing your own party. Then the two of them can work out the details.

 

[Amanda21]

Sunkist - I understand how you don't want your mom to take over the RSVP process - especially considering her initial hesitation. I think talking to the friend about your feelings is the best thing to do.

However, if not your mother, do you have any friends that would have thrown the shower that could step in and help the family friend? Perhaps the family friend offered to throw the shower before she really thought about how much work was involved. You never know though - in her mind, this might be how she thinks things are done

I agree with Widget on the point that if you want to get out of it, do it ASAP. You're the one who is going to have to live with this situation - a wedding is stress enough to worry about.

 

[VRBeauty]

What you described feels weird to me too. Did she make the offer out of concern that no one else would be throwing a shower for you? Or maybe she''s just lonely or bored, and wants to be part of the action? Or does she do this for lots of brides? If I were in your shoes I''d look for a way to back out gracefully, or ask Mom or a close friend to assume the coordinator responsibilities on my behalf. With your wedding coming up so quickly, I''m sure you don''t need the added responsibilities of planning a shower (even if someone else is doing the cooking!)

 

[Mara]

for me personally i wouldn't want to be that involved...i'd try to suss out what her goal is...aka to pass off the work or just trying to make sure you will love it. if it's the latter i would tell her that you are comfortable with her doing it however she wants to since it's a gift from her.

when my maids threw my shower, i didn't know a thing about it, i just was told when and where to show up. i loved it that way, everything was a surprise and done quite wonderfully. i was even happily surprised to see people there i had no idea would be invited...from years ago. my mom had coordinated with my maids on anyone else they did not know who i might want to invite.

if you don't feel comfortable, tell her. she is throwing it for you but don't be guilted into doing it all now that you said yes....i agree a wedding is enough stress and you might just want to say, you know what, this is turning out to be more work than i had expected, and while i appreciate the very kind and generous offer, i'll have to decline since i am spreading myself too thin right now unfortunately. then she offer to do it all, and if not...then you have the out at least.

 

[WTNLVR]

Sounds like she wants you to organize your own shower! I'd bail as fast and politely as possible. The bride usually knows nothing about the shower. You probably have more than enough going on planning the wedding and don't have time to be that involved in shower planning and that is what I would tell her. Good luck!

 

[february2003bride]

That''s sound so strange- she wants to give you a shower but you have to do all the work? No thanks!

I''m throwing my friend a bridal shower next year (I''m MOH) and I''ll be handling everything.

 

[sunkist]

Thanks for the suggestions and agreeing that this is a weird situation. While we were talking yesterday I was telling her over and over that it didn''t need to anything big or fussy, that anything she did would be perfect. She gave me a few choices on food and I told her what I liked. I think she could plan a great shower, she just doesn''t really want to??? Anyways, I''d rather not have a bridal shower at all than feel like I''m putting on a party for myself. I''m just going to back out gracefully and hopefully that will be the end of that. I just hope she doesn''t get her feelings hurt

And if she does, se la vie!