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Weddings and the

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xiuying

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This is a bit of a weird topic... please bear with me!
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I've noticed that many traditional weddings feature the father of the bride a bit more... perhaps a lot more... than the mother of the bride. The mother gets walked in, and a pretty corsage, and a place in the program, and that's about it. The father, however, gets to walk the bride down the aisle, give her away, and also gets to take part in the very first / second dance of the evening with the bride.


I don't really have any problems with this as it is. The thing is... I'm not quite Daddy's little girl. My wonderful big sister is (and the relationship they have is very adorable! No jealousy on my end.) In fact, I actually think of myself as Mommy's girl instead. Ever since I went to college, I've been able to bond so well with her, and there are so many things that we share with each other. I tried on her wedding dress back in July, and it fit perfectly... even though I don't plan on wearing it, it was still so special to wear the dress my mother had for her big day. I don't think I'd get quite the feeling from my father's tux.
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I love my parents both very much. I couldn't honestly tell you which one I love "more." However, I do know that I feel closer to my mother, and it bothers me a bit because, well, the wedding seems to showcase my father a lot more. I wish there was some way to feature my mother a bit better as a result. My father definitely wants to be the one giving me away, though, and I think some eyebrows would be raised if I did my first dance with my mother....


Does anyone else have the same thoughts or feelings, or am I just off?
 

xiuying

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... Eep! I meant to title this thread "Weddings and the father tradition," not "Weddings and the." Blah. Sorry!
 

AceP

Shiny_Rock
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May 28, 2006
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i agree, mothers get slighted. in jewish weddings, both parents walk the bride down the aisle. you could certainly borrow that tradition. or, you could have both parents give a toast - or just your mom, if she''s the public speaking type.
 

musey

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I totally understand what you mean. Other PSers who are more expert in this area will chime in I'm sure, but I think (?) it's a leftover of the whole head-of-the-household thing, that also resulted in dowries, etc. I mean, the father is "giving away" his daughter.
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I'm undecided as to whether I'll walk the aisle alone or with both parents. I am a bit bothered by the dad-heavy traditions as well, and I'll try to equalize their featured-ness as much as possible. After all, there are no rules, besides the ones you set for yourself
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CrownJewel

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I''m planning on asking both my mom and dad to walk me down the aisle. I might omit the father daughter dance b/c I''m not at all close with my father. No ill feelings but my dad''s just a really quiet man so we never talked much.

I totally understand how you feel though.
 

Blenheim

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Feb 27, 2006
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Ditto Musey.

The Dad-heavy traditions bothered me, so I just didn''t use them. I asked both of my parents to walk me down the aisle and our ceremony had no "giving away" language. I didn''t have a father-daughter dance, although that was more me not wanting to do much dancing. All four parents toasted us, although my dad did do the (traditional) first toast.

I think that I would have walked down the aisle myself if it wouldn''t have bothered my dad. I think that he thought it was weird having them both walk me down. I tried telling him that it''s common in some traditions, but his response was that we''re Christian. I was just trying to point out that his colleagues (many of whom are Jewish) wouldn''t think it very unusual. He dealt with it though. I realized the morning-of that my mom didn''t completely understand why I wanted them both to walk me down, and was a lot more comfortable doing it once I fully explained. (They were going through a divorce, and she thought that people might think that she was trying to compete with him...) My feminist bridesmaids were really happy that I chose to do it the way I did.

I think my point is that you should just go ahead and do whatever you''re most comfortable with. People will have varying opinions, but what really matters is your own.
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Fancy605

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You know, my father was featured more in the actual wedding ceremony than my mother was, but I feel like my mother got lots of "spotlight" so to speak. First off, she looked beautiful in her gown (but I always think she''s beautiful). Secondly, at the reception, everyone wanted to talk to her basically the entire time. I feel like the MOB is often in high demand at the reception, sometimes more so than the couple themselves. (Especially large receptions that include the parents'' friends as guests)

But I am sure it does stem from that whole "head of household" thing that Musie mentioned.

Plus, also it makes sense for a guy in a boring tux to escort the bride. If the MOB and Bride walks separately, then everyone has time to take in both gorgeous gowns.
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sumbride

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Feb 17, 2006
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I had my mother do the reading in our ceremony. She was so honored and she got a minute to shine (though really she was radiant the ENTIRE day) and I''m glad I did it that way. Also, when she was escorted down the aisle by my brothers, she smiled and nodded at "her guests" as she walked. She got her own moment and wasn''t competing with me.

Ask your mom how she feels about it. She may not be comfortable doing things another way so be sure to check with her before you plan it.

Oh, when we were looking for an officiant, my mom offered to do our wedding! we decided it would be a little weird though so we declined.
 

candctroll

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Feb 9, 2007
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We had a very informal, laid back wedding with 117 guests. My mother and father walked me down the ailse and both stood with me to give me away.
 

ChargerGrrl

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DH and I honored our Mothers at the beginning of our ceremony by presenting them with a single rose. They didn''t know this was gonna happen, and were thrilled! My mama dried hers and it''s in a vase on her dresser.
 
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